Swamp dragons, on the other hand, were used to eating a lot of things in the energy-poor environment of their world.

Stomachs used to transmuting the equivalent of stale cakes into usable flame took delivery of dialectric surfaces chock-full of almost pure energy. It was the food of the gods.

It was only going to be a matter of time before one of them burped.

The whole of the Disc was... well, there was the problem, from Rincewind's point of view. It was below them now. It looked below, even if it was really just over there. He couldn't get over the dreadful feeling that once the Kite was airborne it would simply drop down to those distant, fleecy clouds.

The Librarian helped him winch in the wing on his side, as Leonard made ready to depart.

"Well, I mean, I know we've got wings and everything," Rincewind said. "It's just that I'm not at home in an environment where every direction is down."

"Ook."

"I don't know what I'll say to him. "Don't blow the world up" sounds a pretty persuasive argument to me. I'd listen to it. And I don't like the idea of going anywhere near the gods. We're like toys to them, you know." And they don't realise how easily the arms and legs come off, he added to himself.

"Ook?"

"Pardon? Do you really say that?"

"Ook."

"There is a... monkey god?"

"Ook?"

"No, no, that's fine, fine. Not one of our locals ones, is he?"

"Eek."

"Oh, the Counterweight Continent. Well, they'll believe just about anything over..." He glanced out of the window and shuddered, "Down there."

There was a thud as the ratchet clicked into place.

"Thank you, gentlemen," said Leonard. "Now if you'll just take your seats we —"

The thump of an explosion rocked the Kite and knocked Rincewind off his feet.

"How curious, one of the dragons appears to have fired a little earl—"

"Behold!" said Cohen, striking a pose.

The Silver Horde looked around.

"What?" said Evil Harry.

"Behold, the citadels of the gods!" said Cohen, striking the pose again.

"Yes, well, we can see it," said Caleb. "Is there something wrong with your back?"

"Write down that I spake "Behold!"," said Cohen to the minstrel. "You don't have to write down any of this other stuff."

"You wouldn't mind saying —"

"— spaking —"

"— sorry, spoking, 'Behold the temples of the gods', would you?" said the minstrel. "It's got a better rhythm."

"Hah, this takes me back," said Truckle. "Remember, Hamish? You and me signed on with Duke Leofric the Legitimate when he invaded Nothingfjord?"

"Aye, I mind it."

"Five damn days, that battle took," said Truckle, "'cos the Duchess was doing a tapestry to commemorate it, right? We had to keep doing the fights over and over again, and there was the devil to pay when she was changing needles. There's no place for the media on the field of battle, I've always said."

"Aye, and I mind you makin' a rude sign to the ladies!" Hamish cackled. "I saw that ol' tapestry in the castle of Rosante years later and I could tell it wuz you!"

"Could we just get on with it?" said Vena.

"Y'see, there's the problem," said Cohen. "It's no good just doin' it. You got to remember your posterity."

"Hur, hur, hur," said Truckle.

"Laugh away," said Cohen. "But what about all those heroes that aren't remembered in songs and sagas, eh? You tell me about them."

"Eh? What heroes that aren't remembered in songs and sagas?"

'Exactly!'

"What's the plan?" said Evil Harry, who had been watching the shimmering light over the city of the gods.

"Plan?" said Cohen. "I thought you knew. We're going to sneak in, smash the igniter, and run like hell."

"Yes, but how do you plan to do this?" said Evil Harry. He sighed when he saw their faces. "You haven't got one, have you?" he said wearily. "You were just going to rush in, weren't you? Heroes never have a plan. It's always left up to us Dark Lords to have the plans. This is the home of the gods, lads! You think they won't notice a bunch of humans wandering around?"

"We are intendin' to have a magnificent death," said Cohen.

"Right, right. Afterwards. Oh, deary me. Look, I'd be thrown out of the secret society of evil madmen if I let you go at it mob-handed." Evil Harry shook his head. "There's hundreds of gods, right? Everyone knows that. And new gods turning up all the time, right? Well? Doesn't a plan suggest itself? Anyone?"

Truckle raised a hand. "We rush in?" he said.

"Yes, we're all real heroes here, aren't we?" said Evil Harry. "No. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Lads, it's lucky for you that you've got me..."

It was the Chair of Indefinite Studies who saw the light on the moon. He was leaning on the ship's rail at the time, having a quiet afternoon smoke.

He was not an ambitious wizard, and generally just concentrated on keeping out of trouble and not doing anything very much. The nice thing about Indefinite Studies was that no one could describe exactly what they were. This gave him quite a lot of free time.

He watched the moon's pale ghost for a while, and then went and found the Archchancellor, who was fishing.

"Mustrum, should the moon be doing that?" he said. Ridcully looked up. "Good grief! Stibbons! Where's the man got to?"

Ponder was located in the bunk where he had flopped asleep fully dressed. He was hustled up the ladder half-asleep, but he awoke quickly when he saw the sky.

"Should it be doing that?" Ridcully demanded, pointing at the moon.

"No, sir! It certainly shouldn't!"

"It's a definite problem, is it?" said the Chair, hopefully.

"It certainly is! Where's the omniscope? Has anyone tried to talk to them?"

"Ah, well, not my field then," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies, backing away. "Sorry. Would help if I could. Can see you're busy. Sorry."

All the dragons must have fired by now. Rincewind felt his eyeballs being pressed into the back of his head.

Leonard was unconscious in the next seat. Carrot was presumably lying in the debris that had been rammed to the other end of the cabin.

By the ominous creaking, and the smell, an orangutan was hanging on to the back of Rincewind's seat.

Oh, and when he managed to turn his head to see out of the window, one of the dragon pods was on fire. It was no wonder — the flame coming from the dragons was almost pure white.

Leonard had mentioned one of these levers... Rincewind stared at them through a red mist. "If we have to drop all the dragons," Leonard had said, "we —" What? Which lever?

Actually, at a time like this the choice was plain.

Rincewind, his vision blurred, his ears insulted by the sound of a ship in pain, pulled the only one he could reach.

I can't put this in a saga, the minstrel thought. No one will ever believe it. I mean, they just won't ever believe it...

"Trust me, right?" said Evil Harry, inspecting the Horde. "I mean, yes, obviously I am untrustworthy, point taken, but it's a matter of pride here, you understand? Trust me. This will work. I bet even the gods don't know all the gods, right?"

"I feel a right twerp with these wings," Caleb complained.

"Mrs McGarry did a very good job on'em, so don't complain," snapped Evil Harry. "You make a very good God of Love. What kind of love, I wouldn't like to say. And you are... ?"

"God of Fish, Harry," said Cohen, who had stuck scales on his skin and made himself a sort of fish-head helmet from one of their late adversaries.

Evil Harry tried to breathe. "Good, good, a very old fish god, yes. And you, Truckle, are... ?"

"The God of bloody Swearing," said Truckle the Uncivil firmly.

"Er, that could actually work," said the minstrel, as Evil Harry frowned. "After all, there are Muses of dance and song, and there's even a Muse of erotic poetry —"

"Oh, I can do that," said Truckle dismissively. "'There was a young lady from Quirm, Whose grip was — '"

"All right, all right. And you, Hamish?"

"God o' Stuff," said Hamish.

"What stuff?"

Hamish shrugged. He hadn't survived all this time by being unnecessarily imaginative.

"Just... things, y'ken," he said. "Lost things, mebbe. Things lyin' aroound?"

The Silver Horde turned to the minstrel, who nodded after some thought.

"Could work," he said, at last.

Evil Harry moved on to Boy Willie.

"Willie, why have you got a tomato on your head and a carrot in your ear?"

Boy Willie grinned proudly. "You'll love this one," he said. "God of Bein' Sick."

"It's been done," said the minstrel, before Evil Harry could reply. "Vometia. Goddess in Ankh-Morpork, thousands of years ago. 'To give an offering to Vometia' meant to —"

"So you'd better think of something else," growled Cohen.

"Oh? And what are you going to be, Harry?" said Willie.

"Me? Er... I'm going to be a Dark God," said Evil Harry. "There's a lot of them around —"

"Here, you never said we could be demonic," said Caleb. "If we can be demonic, I'm blowed if I'm gonna be a stupid cupid."

"But if I'd said we could be demons you'd all have wanted to be demons," Harry pointed out. "An' we'd have been arguing for hours. Besides, the other gods're goin" to smell a rat if a whole bunch of dark gods turn up all at once."

"Mrs McGarry hasn't done a thing," said Truckle.

"Well, I thought if I could borrow Evil Harry's helmet I could slip in as a Valkyrie maiden," said Vena.

"Good sensible thinkin'," said Evil Harry. "There's bound to be a few of them around."

"And Harry won't need it because in a minute he's going to make an excuse about his leg or his back or something and how he can't come in with us," said Cohen, in a conversational voice. "On account of him havin' betrayed us. Right, Harry?"

The game was getting more exciting. Most of the gods were watching now. Gods enjoy a good laugh, although it has to be said that their sense of humour is not subtle.

Blind Io, the elderly chief of the gods, said, "I suppose there is no harm they can do us?"

"No," said Fate, passing the dice box. "If they were very intelligent, they would not be heroes."

There was the rattle of a die, and one flew across the board and then began to spin in the air, tumbling faster and faster. Finally it vanished in a puff of ivory.

"Someone has thrown uncertainty," said Fate. He looked along the table. "Ah... my Lady..."

"My lord," said the Lady. Her name was never spoken, although everyone knew what it was; speaking her name aloud would mean that she would instantly depart. Despite the fact that she had very few actual worshippers, she was nevertheless one of the most powerful of the deities on the Disc, since in their hearts nearly everyone hoped and believed that she existed.

"And what is your move, my dear?" said Io.

"I have already made it," said the Lady. "But I've thrown the dice where you can't see them."

"Good, I like a challenge," said Io. "In that case —"

"If I may suggest a diversion, sir?" said Fate smoothly.

"And that is?"

"Well, they do want to be treated like gods," said Fate. "So I suggest we do so..."

"Are you thaying we thould take them theriouthly?" said Offler.

"Up to a point. Up to a point."

"Up to which point?" said the Lady.

"Up to the point, madam, where it ceases to amuse."