There were three shelves of books in Agnes’s cottage. By witch standards, that was a giant library.

Two very small blue figures lay on the top of the books, watching the scene with interest.

Nanny Ogg backed away, waving the poker.

“It’s all right,” said Agnes. “It’s me again, Agnes Nitt, but…She’s here but…I’m sort of holding on. Yes! Yes! All right! All right, just shut up, will y—Look, it’s my body, you’re just a figment of my imagina—Okay! Okay! Perhaps it’s not quite so clear c—Let me just talk to Nanny, will you?”

“Which one are you now?” said Nanny Ogg.

“I’m still Agnes, of course.” She rolled her eyes up. “All right! I’m Agnes currently being advised by Perdita, who is also me. In a way. And I’m not too fat, thank you so very much!”

“How many of you are there in there?” said Nanny.

“What do you mean, ‘room for ten’?” shouted Agnes. “Shut up! Listen, Perdita says there were vampires at the party. The Magpyr family, she says. She can’t understand how we acted. They were putting a kind of…’fluence over everyone. Including me, which is why she was able to break thr—Yes, all right, I’m telling it, thank you!”

“Why not her, then?” said Nanny.

“Because she’s got a mind of her own! Nanny, can you remember anything they actually said?”

“Now you come to mention it, no. But they seemed nice enough people.”

“And you remember talking to Igor?”

“Who’s Igor?”

The tiny blue figures watched, fascinated, for the next half hour.

Nanny sat back at the end of it and stared at the ceiling for a while.

“Why should we believe her?” she said eventually.

“Because she’s me.”

“They do say that inside every fat girl is a thin girl and—” Nanny began.

“Yes,” said Agnes bitterly. “I’ve heard it. Yes. She’s the thin girl. I’m the lot of chocolate.”

Nanny leaned toward Agnes’s ear and raised her voice. “How’re you gettin’ on in there? Everything all right, is it? Treatin’ you all right, is she?”

“Haha, Nanny. Very funny.”

“They were saying all this stuff about drinkin’ blood and killin’ people and everyone was just noddin’ and sayin’, ‘Well, well, how very fascinatin’?”

“Yes!”

“And eatin’ garlic?”

“Yes!”

“That can’t be right, can it?”

“I don’t know, perhaps we used the wrong sort of garlic!”

Nanny rubbed her chin, torn between the vampiric revelation and prurient curiosity about Perdita.

“How does Perdita work, then?” she said.

Agnes sighed. “Look, you know the part of you that wants to do all the things you don’t dare do, and thinks the thoughts you don’t dare think?”

Nanny’s face stayed blank. Agnes floundered. “Like…maybe…rip off all your clothes and run naked in the rain?” she hazarded.

“Oh yes. Right,” said Nanny.

“Well…I suppose Perdita is that part of me.”

“Really? I’ve always been that part of me,” said Nanny. “The important thing is to remember where you left your clothes.”

Agnes remembered too late that Nanny Ogg was in many ways a very uncomplicated personality.

“Mind you, I think I know what you mean,” Nanny went on in a more thoughtful voice. “There’s times when I’ve wanted to do things and stopped meself…” She shook her head. “But…vampires…Verence wouldn’t be so stupid as to send an invitation to vampires, would he?” She paused for thought. “Yes, he would. Prob’ly think of it as offering the hand of friendship.”

She stood up. “Right, they won’t have left yet. Let’s get straight to the jelly. You get extra garlic and a few stakes, I’ll round up Shawn and Jason and the lads.”

“It won’t work, Nanny. Perdita saw what they can do. The moment you get near them, you’ll forget all about it. They do something to your mind, Nanny.”

Nanny hesitated.

“Can’t say I know that much about vampires,” she said.

“Perdita thinks they can tell what you’re thinking too.”

“Then this is Esme’s type of stuff,” said Nanny. “Messing with minds and so on. It’s meat and drink to her.”

“Nanny, they were talking about staying! We have to do something!”

“Well, where is she?” Nanny almost wailed. “Esme ought to be sortin’ this out!”

“Maybe they’ve got to her first?”

“You don’t think so, do you?” said Nanny, now looking quite panicky. “I can’t think about a vampire getting his teeth into Esme.”

“Don’t worry, dog doesn’t eat dog.” It was Perdita who blurted it out, but it was Agnes who got the blow. It wasn’t a ladylike slap of disapproval. Nanny Ogg had reared some strapping sons; the Ogg forearm was a power in its own right.

When Agnes looked up from the hearthrug Nanny was rubbing some life back into her hand. She gave Agnes a solemn look.

“We’ll say no more about that, shall we?” she commanded. “I ain’t gen’rally given to physicality of that nature but it saves a lot of arguing. Now, we’re goin’ back to the castle. We’re going to sort this out right now.”