25

 

June – July 1884

‘Sitting out here by yourself again,’ Lizzie said when she found Amy on the stump next morning. ‘At least I know where to find you now.’

Amy straightened a little from her hunched position. ‘I come out here most mornings. It’s nice and quiet.’

Lizzie was about to sit down beside her when she stopped, reached out and touched the top of the stump. ‘Amy, that’s damp where you’re sitting! It rained last night and it’s too cold today to dry things out.’

‘It’s only a tiny bit damp. It’s drier than the ground, anyway.’ Amy managed to suppress a small cough.

‘Come on, up you get. We’ll go for a little walk instead.’ Lizzie took her arm. ‘Are you shivering?’ she asked when they had walked a few steps.

‘A little bit. I feel warmer now I’m not sitting still.’ This time a cough slipped out despite her efforts, and Lizzie looked at her anxiously.

‘You should take care of yourself better. You don’t want to get ill. Have you got a flannel petticoat on?’

‘No,’ Amy admitted.

‘How many petticoats are you wearing?’

‘Just one. My dress is a bit tight if I wear more than one.’

‘Amy, you’ll freeze! You need a flannel petticoat in this weather.’

‘I know. I’ll see if I can let this dress out tonight.’

Lizzie pursed her lips. ‘So you still haven’t told Uncle Jack?’

‘Not yet. It didn’t work out this morning, he seemed busy. Maybe I’ll tell him tomorrow.’

‘I don’t think you’re going to tell him.’

‘I am, I am!’ Amy said, trying to sound confident. ‘I know I’ve got to. It has to be the right time, though. It’s got to be a day when he’s not too busy, and Susannah’s not grumpy, and when I feel…’

‘When you feel what?’

‘When I feel brave enough.’ Amy shut her eyes tightly for a moment to keep the tears at bay.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to tell him?’

‘Yes. It’s my job to.’ Amy could see from Lizzie’s face that her cousin was working herself up to a decision. ‘Lizzie, you mustn’t say anything to Pa.’

‘I think I’d better tell Ma,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’ll tell her, then she can tell Pa, and he’ll tell Uncle Jack.’

‘No! No, Lizzie, you mustn’t.’

Lizzie continued as if Amy had not spoken. ‘Yes, that’s the best way. It’d be better for your pa to hear it from a man. It’ll be easier for me to tell Ma than Uncle Jack, anyway.’

‘No, please don’t tell Aunt Edie. Please.’ Amy’s hand clutched convulsively at Lizzie’s sleeve. ‘I’ve got to tell Pa myself. I’ve got to be there to try and explain it to him. He won’t understand if someone else tells him.’ Amy could picture her uncle breaking the news to her father; she was quite sure he would be incapable of softening the blow. ‘I have to do it myself. You mustn’t. You mustn’t.’ Her lungs seemed incapable of delivering all the air she needed. She broke into a small burst of coughing as her chest heaved.

‘Well, if you think it’s better to do it yourself, maybe you’re right,’ Lizzie said doubtfully.

‘I am right. Promise me you won’t tell, Lizzie.’

‘All right then, I won’t.’

‘Promise. Promise!’ her voice was almost a scream.

‘Hey, please don’t get so upset, Amy. I promise. I promise I won’t tell anyone unless you say I can.’

Amy closed her eyes until her breathing had slowed to normal. ‘Good,’ she said at last. ‘I’ll tell him soon.’

When she felt calm enough, she spoke again. ‘How did your lunch with Frank go?’

Lizzie did not answer immediately, as if she were reluctant. ‘That’s the main reason I came over,’ she said after a moment. ‘It went really well.’ She looked away from Amy. ‘Frank’s asked me to marry him.’

‘Oh. That’s good, Lizzie, it’s really good. I’m happy for you.’ She knew her voice did not sound happy, but it was the best she could manage.

‘He hasn’t asked Pa yet, but he’s coming over again on Sunday, so he can do it then.’

‘Why hasn’t he asked Uncle Arthur?’ Amy said, suddenly alarmed.

‘I told him to wait until I’d seen you.’

‘Me? Why did you do that?’

Lizzie looked at her with her face twisted oddly, and Amy knew that her cousin was close to tears. ‘I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but me. I… I thought it would upset you.’

There was silence between them for a long moment. ‘That was kind of you, Lizzie,’ Amy said at last. ‘You’re always kind to me.’ She bit her lip to hold back a sob, then with an effort she dragged her thoughts away from her own ill-fated proposal. ‘Who knows Frank’s asked you?’

‘Just me and Frank, and now you. I don’t want to tell anyone else till he’s asked Pa, or there’ll be a fuss when Pa finds out.’

‘And he’s going to ask him on Sunday?’

‘Yes, when he comes for lunch. I just said that.’

Amy took hold of both Lizzie’s arms and looked earnestly into her face. ‘Make sure he does. Make him ask, Lizzie.’

‘He’ll ask, don’t worry.’

‘Make him. You mustn’t have a secret engagement.’

‘Of course I won’t. I’m not stupid, you know. What’s the point of a secret engagement?’

Amy dropped her hands and looked away. ‘There’s no point. You’re right, Lizzie, you’re not stupid. I’m going inside now.’ She started a little unsteadily back towards the house.

‘Amy, I’m sorry,’ Lizzie called after her. ‘I shouldn’t have said that, I wasn’t thinking. Come back.’ But Amy walked on, ignoring Lizzie’s voice.

 

*

 

‘Are you coming for lunch again today, Frank?’ Arthur asked after church that Sunday.

‘Ah, yes, Mr Leith. Is that all right with you?’

‘Humph! It doesn’t seem to matter what I think, those women arrange it between themselves,’ Arthur said, turning away in apparent disgust and leaving Frank feeling anxious.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t come today,’ he said to Lizzie as she walked with him to the horse paddock.

‘Of course you should,’ she said. ‘Don’t take any notice of Pa, he doesn’t mean it. You’ve got to come today, you’re going to ask Pa if you can marry me.’

‘Well, maybe it’s not such a good day to ask him after all. Your pa doesn’t seem in a very good mood.’

‘It’s a perfect day. You won’t have any trouble with Pa, he likes you really. You just remember those things we talked about the other day.’

‘Next week might be better,’ Frank tried. ‘He might be in a better mood.’

Lizzie’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not trying to back out of it, are you? I thought you meant it. I thought you wanted to marry me. That’s why I let you kiss me again. I trusted you. You did mean it, didn’t you?’

‘Yes, of course I meant it.’ Frank took a deep breath. ‘All right, I’ll ask him today.’

‘Oh, good. I’ll see you later, then.’ Lizzie flashed him a brilliant smile, and Frank felt braver.

He no longer felt brave when Arthur rose from the table after lunch. In fact he felt ill. But Lizzie smiled encouragingly at him across the table, and gestured towards her father with her eyes.

‘I’m going to have a walk around the cows,’ Arthur announced. ‘You coming, Bill?’

‘Be with you in a minute,’ Bill said, taking a last gulp at his cup of tea.

Lizzie nudged Frank’s leg with her foot, and he scraped his chair back. ‘I’ll,’ Frank began, and heard his voice shake disconcertingly. He cleared his throat and tried again. ‘I’ll come with you, Mr Leith—if that’s all right?’ Arthur grunted something that might have been agreement as he went out the door. Frank quickened his step to catch up.

Lizzie moved around the table to sit beside her brother, and placed a hand on his arm as he made to rise. ‘Bill,’ she said, too quietly for her mother or younger brothers to hear, ‘do you think you could give Frank a chance to talk to Pa by himself?’

Bill looked at her with affectionate amusement in his eyes. ‘So he’s going to ask, is he? Now, why should I be so keen to help Frank take my sister away?’

‘Shh!’ Lizzie hissed. ‘It’s not funny. It’s serious.’

Bill chuckled. ‘Don’t get in a flurry. I’ll take Alf and Ernie off somewhere. Are you sure Frank won’t need protecting, though? Maybe I should stay in earshot?’ Lizzie pulled a face at him, but gave his arm a grateful squeeze.

Frank trudged along beside Arthur, running through various approaches in his head. He had to talk about his farm, Lizzie had been insistent on that. He had to remind Arthur that it was almost as big as Arthur’s own. He had to say something about admiring Arthur. What else had she said? He wished Lizzie could do the asking herself, though he knew that wouldn’t be right.

‘Do you think they look all right?’ Arthur asked abruptly.

‘What?’ Frank said, startled out of his thoughts.

‘These cows we’re looking at, Frank.’ He waved the stick he was carrying in a gesture that took in most of the paddock. ‘Do you think they look all right?’

‘Ah, yes, they look good. Your stock always looks healthy.’

‘Well, when you’ve been farming as long as I have, you’ll probably have a few more clues yourself, Frank. I hope so, anyway.’

‘Aw, I don’t know if I’ll ever be as good at it as you are, Mr Leith. I’ve always admired the way you do things.’ Frank warmed to his subject. ‘I think you must be the best farmer around here—maybe the best farmer in the whole Bay of Plenty.’

Arthur looked at him sideways. ‘Don’t lay it on too thick, Frank,’ he said, frowning. Frank subsided, wondering what he had said wrong.

‘I like coming here,’ Frank tried again. ‘It’s good of you to have me around so much.’

‘I can tell you like coming, all right,’ Arthur said. ‘You seem to be here every five minutes.’

Arthur really didn’t seem in a very good mood with him. How was he going to react when Frank asked him for Lizzie? Maybe he should leave it for another day. But then he would have to tell Lizzie he hadn’t asked. He weighed up the alternatives, trying to decide which was the more unpleasant. Lizzie won.

‘It’s good that your farm’s so close to our place, isn’t it?’ That was another thing Lizzie had said he was to mention: that she wouldn’t have to move far away if her father let her marry Frank.

‘What’s so good about it?’ Arthur demanded.

‘Well, it’s really handy for visits. I mean, if I lived miles away it wouldn’t be very easy for someone at my place to come and see you.’

‘You think that would be a bad thing, do you?’

‘Well, it would mean… it’s better than if… well, you know, if someone wanted to move away from home but they didn’t want to move too far, my place isn’t very far.’

‘Frank, that’s one of the most stupid things I’ve ever heard you come out with—and that’s saying something. What the hell are you going on about?’

‘I just meant we wouldn’t be able to visit you much if I didn’t live so close.’

‘ “We”?’ Arthur repeated suspiciously. ‘Who’s “we”?’

‘It’s… I meant “I”.’

‘You’re not going to start bringing your brother as well to eat me out of house and home? I seem to be feeding you half the time lately.’

‘No, no, Ben doesn’t like visiting, even if I wanted him to. I’d miss being able to come and see you if it wasn’t so handy.’

‘But Frank,’ Arthur said, in the tone of one explaining things to a very stupid child, ‘if you didn’t live close you wouldn’t know me, would you? You would never have started hanging around my place. So you wouldn’t miss it, would you?’

‘No, that’s true. It’s lucky really, isn’t it? I learn a lot from talking to you. It’s really good.’

Arthur stopped walking for a moment. ‘Frank,’ he said, shaking his head, ‘you might think I’m old, but I’m not stupid.’

‘I don’t think you’re stupid. Ah, I don’t think you’re old, either,’ he added hastily.

‘I know I’m not the attraction, Frank. You’re after something, all right, but it’s not my advice.’ He started walking again.

Frank knew that was an opening. ‘I… I did want to ask you something,’ he plunged in, then his courage failed him.

‘What do you want to ask?’

‘I wondered if… how much hay do you feed out at this time of year?’

‘What sort of a question is that? It depends on the weather, if the grass is growing or not, not to mention how many cows I’ve got.’

‘Oh. Yes, I see. Thanks.’

‘Do you think my cows don’t look as though I feed them enough?’ Arthur demanded.

‘No, I mean yes, of course they do. I just wondered.’

Arthur grunted. ‘If you think I don’t know what I’m doing, I’d appreciate it if you said so outright instead of dropping hints. Then I could argue about it,’ he said, fixing Frank with a steady gaze.

Frank considered again whether Lizzie’s wrath would be harder to face than her father’s. Lizzie might cry. Yes, she would cry. That would be worse. Maybe.

‘I think you know what you’re doing. I’m sure you know,’ he amended miserably. This was not going well. ‘I wanted to ask you something else,’ he said, wishing his voice would not quaver so alarmingly.

‘Some more advice, you mean.’

‘Yes. No. Yes,’ he said, giving in to his fear again. ‘About, um, fencing. Yes, that was it, fencing.’ Frank knew fencing was the wrong subject to pick as soon as he had said it.

‘I’ve already told you all I know about fencing. If you choose not to take any notice of what I say, that’s your look-out.’

‘No, I didn’t mean fencing. I meant—’

‘Don’t expect me to waste any more of my time telling you things if you don’t take any notice. You’d learn more by getting on and doing a bit of work around your farm instead of hanging around here all the time.’

‘I do—I’ve been getting a lot done lately. I just like coming here, too.’

‘I’ll have to start charging you board if you keep coming for meals.’

‘Mrs Leith said I could.’ That was the wrong thing to say, too, Frank knew.

‘So you think my wife rules me, do you? Or are you trying to make trouble between me and her? Well, you’re wrong, Frank. I run this house, even if those women think they do. Understand?’

‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just sort of thought it was all right with you, too. Is it all right?’ he added, dreading the answer.

‘Oh, you’re asking me now, are you? A bit late, isn’t it?’ Arthur knocked the top off a thistle with a vicious swing of his stick. ‘I suppose it is. Especially since my womenfolk seem to enjoy your company so much.’

Frank said nothing, and they walked on in silence for a few minutes.

‘You’ve gone very quiet all of a sudden, Frank. You had plenty to say for yourself before. Haven’t you got any more questions? No one else in your family who needs feeding up?’

‘Well… there was one more thing, Mr Leith.’ If he could only pluck up his courage to say it. He tried to ignore Arthur’s stick. It was a particularly sturdy looking stick.

‘Spit it out, then. Not another stupid question, I hope.’

Why did it have to be today? He had never seen Arthur as grumpy as he seemed to be this afternoon. Would Lizzie really be upset if he left it for another day? Yes, she would. She’d be terribly upset, and she wouldn’t trust him any more.

Frank shut his eyes for a moment and fixed in his mind the picture of Lizzie beaming at him in delight. The way she had looked when he had asked her to marry him. Before the momentary burst of courage that gave him could fail, he blurted out, ‘I want to marry Lizzie.’

‘What?’ Arthur sounded thunderstruck. Frank took a step backwards out of his range. ‘You want to marry my daughter?’

It was too late to deny it. ‘Yes,’ Frank said.

‘What can you offer her?’

Frank felt on surer ground now. ‘Well, I’ve got a half-share in the farm. Pa left it to Ben and me equally. Our farm’s four hundred acres.’

‘What did it earn last year?’

‘Eh?’

‘Your farm—what were your income and outgoings last year?’

‘Oh.’ Frank got a sinking feeling. ‘I couldn’t say, just like that. But… but there’s always plenty to eat. I could keep her all right.’

‘Keep her? I want more for my daughter than living on bread and butter. Could you provide for her properly?’

‘I… I think so.’ What was ‘properly’? he wondered.

‘What if I say Lizzie’s better off staying home? Why should I let you take her?’

‘I’m very fond of her.’ Frank wished that didn’t sound so feeble.

‘Fond? Fond!’ Arthur scoffed. ‘ “Fond” won’t give you a full belly, will it?’

‘No.’ Frank looked at his feet. ‘Lizzie wants to,’ he tried.

‘You asked her first, did you?’ Arthur pounced. ‘Before you asked me?’

‘Yes,’ Frank confessed. ‘But I’m asking you now.’ Arthur didn’t answer. ‘I guess you’re going to say no,’ Frank said resignedly, wondering how he was going to tell Lizzie. At least he had tried. At least Arthur hadn’t hit him.

‘Even if you could provide for her, she’s too young,’ Arthur said, startling Frank with his sudden shift of argument. ‘How old are you, anyway?’

‘I’m twenty-two.’

‘That’s barely old enough to know your own mind. You’re not trifling with my daughter, are you? What have you been up to with her?’

‘Trifling? No! I think a lot of Lizzie.’ He steeled himself for one last attempt, and made himself look Arthur in the face as he spoke. ‘Mr Leith, I want to marry your daughter. I want to do the best I can for her. It mightn’t be much, but I want to do it. Will you let me?’

‘Lizzie’s only seventeen. That’s too young to get married. She thinks she’s a grown woman, but she’s not.’

This seemed to Frank a much weaker argument. He thought Arthur sounded less fierce now. ‘She won’t be seventeen for ever,’ he said carefully.

‘No, she won’t,’ Arthur agreed. Frank almost thought there was the hint of a smile playing around the edges of Arthur’s mouth. ‘You can have her when she’s eighteen.’

‘I can?’ Frank stared at Arthur until he realised his mouth was hanging open. ‘I… thank you, Mr Leith, thank you!’ he said, almost breathless with relief. He grinned broadly as he shook Arthur by the hand.

‘You’d better go and tell her you didn’t make a complete hash of it,’ Arthur said. ‘Go on, she’ll want a full report.’

Frank nodded, and he turned to run up to the house.

‘Oh, Frank,’ Arthur said, stopping Frank in his tracks. Had Arthur changed his mind again so quickly?

‘Yes, Mr Leith?’

Arthur sighed and shook his head. ‘I thought you were never going to ask.’

 

*

 

Amy carried the last dish of vegetables to the table and sat down quickly, anxious to get her guilty bulge under the shelter of the overhanging tablecloth. The exertion had brought on a coughing fit, which she smothered as well as she could. She wished her seat was not so close to Susannah’s.

‘Well, I can’t get over Arthur letting Lizzie get married,’ Jack said as he helped himself to the food. ‘She’s only a child.’

‘I do wish you’d stop going on about that girl, Jack,’ said Susannah. ‘You’ve hardly talked of anything else the last three weeks. Can’t we eat our dinner in peace?’

‘I just can’t get over it, that’s all. She’s only sixteen—’

‘Seventeen, Pa. Lizzie’s seventeen,’ Amy put in. She regretted having spoken as soon as she saw the eyes of her family on her. She concentrated on her food until she sensed they had looked away.

‘Is she? I thought she was sixteen. Anyway, that’s still too young.’

‘She’s not getting married till next year,’ Susannah said. ‘Do we have to hear about it every day between now and April? What does it matter, anyway?’

‘She’s too young to know her own mind.’

Susannah pursed her lips. ‘That girl has always struck me as knowing her mind quite well. Anyway, what difference does it make to her? She’s going to move a couple of miles down this horrible valley to another draughty house. It’s not as if she knows any better life.’ She glared at her husband.

‘I’d forgotten she was that much older than you, Amy,’ Jack said. Seeing his eyes on her made Amy nervous, and she coughed again. Although she tried to muffle it with her hand, her father looked anxious. ‘You’ve got a nasty cough there, girl,’ he said, frowning.

‘It’s just a tickle in my throat.’

‘It doesn’t sound like just a tickle. It sounds like a real hacking cough. Susannah, can’t you look after her better?’

‘What am I supposed to do?’ Susannah demanded. ‘I’m not a nurse. Haven’t I got enough to do, running this house and looking after the children? She’s got a cough, it’s nothing to make a fuss about.’

‘I hate hearing that noise, like you’re struggling for breath.’

‘Amy, try and make less noise,’ Susannah said with heavy sarcasm. ‘You’re annoying your father.’

‘I’m sorry.’ She smothered the next cough.

‘Can I have some more butter?’ John asked. Amy fetched it from the bench, then hurried back to her chair and the cover of the tablecloth. Susannah was looking at her with a puzzled expression.

‘I suppose she’ll want you to be a bridesmaid, Amy,’ Jack said. Amy looked at him in alarm.

‘I don’t think so, Pa.’

‘Why not? You’ve always been like sisters.’

‘I… I don’t know. Maybe she will.’

Jack smiled affectionately at her. ‘At least I’m not going to lose you for a long time, am I? I know you’re too young to be interested in getting married.’ Amy said nothing as she struggled against both tears and another cough.

‘Stop talking like that, Jack,’ Susannah complained. ‘Really, you do talk a lot of nonsense to Amy. No wonder she’s so difficult for me to manage.’

‘I’m just saying I’m glad she won’t be rushing off getting married for years yet,’ said Jack.

Amy felt a sob rising up in her throat. It came out as a cough. ‘I… I’m not very hungry tonight,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I want any more of my dinner.’

‘Can I have yours?’ Harry said promptly.

Amy pushed her plate over to her brother, then stood up. ‘I’ll just go and do some sewing for a while, I’ll come out and do the dishes later.’ When you’ve all gone into the parlour.

‘You should eat your dinner, girl,’ Jack said. ‘You need your food, especially when you’re not well.’

‘But I’m not hungry, Pa.’ She longed to escape from the room, but she couldn’t walk away while her father was speaking to her.

‘Don’t force her to eat if she doesn’t want to,’ Susannah said. ‘It wouldn’t hurt you to cut down on your food, Amy. You’ve been putting on weight lately.’ Amy felt a stab of alarm, and her head swivelled towards Susannah.

‘Don’t say that, Susannah,’ Jack protested. ‘Amy could do with putting on a bit of flesh, she’s always been a bit too thin.’

‘She’s not thin now. She’s getting quite plump. That dress looks tight on you, Amy. Do you need a new one?’ Susannah reached out to twitch at Amy’s skirt.

‘No!’ Amy slapped at Susannah’s hand, fighting a rising tide of panic. ‘This dress is all right, you leave me alone.’ I should have told Pa before.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Susannah sounded affronted. ‘Jack, see what happens when I try to look after her?’

‘Amy, watch your tongue,’ Jack said. ‘There’s no need to talk to your ma like that.’

‘She shouldn’t say I’m fat. I can’t help it.’

‘Look at you—your dress is cutting in under your arms. You’ll have to get a new one. Why ever have you put on so much weight?’ Susannah again reached out towards Amy’s dress.

‘Leave me alone,’ Amy screamed. Her distress brought on another fit of coughing. She doubled over from the force of it.

‘Susannah, she’s really sick,’ Jack said, rising from his chair and moving towards Amy. Susannah also stood up and advanced on her. Amy looked from one to the other of them in fear.

‘I’m not sick,’ she said, taking a step backwards. ‘I’m a bit tired. I’ll have a lie-down. Leave me alone.’

‘Stop carrying on so stupidly,’ Susannah said. ‘Just because I said you’ve put on weight, there’s no need to make such a fuss. Let me look at your dress—it’s so tight, that’s probably making your cough worse.’ Two more strides brought her within inches of Amy. She took hold of Amy’s arm with a firm grip, while her other hand reached out towards Amy’s bodice.

Susannah looked down at Amy from her height advantage of eight inches, and her hand wavered. Her glance shifted lower. She flashed a look of disbelief at Amy’s face before her eyes shot back to the girl’s abdomen. Amy tried to twist out of Susannah’s grip, but her arm was being held too tightly. Susannah’s free hand snaked out and grasped the firm bulge of Amy’s belly. Her eyes grew wide.

‘Oh, God,’ she said, her voice shrill with alarm. ‘Oh, God!’