22

 

March 1884

Now that a precedent had been set, Amy took Jimmy on evening walks whenever the day was fine and the household was calm enough for Jimmy to neglect Susannah for an hour or two. They soon discovered a favourite place, in a patch of bush just over the hill from the farmhouse. It was only ten minutes’ walk from the house, but the bush was dense and trackless, offering little danger of being disturbed, with a clearing large enough for two bodies to lie entwined. The ferns pressed close around them as they spoke in whispers or cried out in shared delight.

Amy looked out her bedroom window on the first Monday in March, to be greeted by a clear blue sky. She dressed quickly, eager to see Jimmy as soon as she could. When she brushed her hair she found a few of the tiny twigs that were becoming a familiar sight.

As she turned away from her dressing table her calendar caught her eye, and she realised she had not marked off the days for several weeks. A smile crept over her face at the sight of the boldly circled ‘8’. That was the night he had asked her to marry him. Amy determined to celebrate the eighth of February for ever after. And the night they had first done that thing. She had thought it was terrible then; now she thought it was wonderful. She was quite sure it would be even more wonderful when they were married.

Amy noticed that the day numbered ‘28’ had a cross above it; she puzzled over why she had marked it. She gave up and went out to the kitchen, and it was only when she had started making breakfast that she remembered the significance of the marked date: it was when her monthly bleeding had been due to start.

So the last few times she and Jimmy had lain together had been a gift from the tardiness of her bleeding. I’m so lucky. The weather’s staying nice, and now the bleeding’s late. She knew that when it did start it would leave a yawning gap in their lives for a few days.

By Thursday the bleeding was a whole week late, and Amy was puzzled. She had been regular for almost a year now; why should things suddenly change? It occurred to her that perhaps her abrupt entry into womanhood had thrown her cycle out of balance. That seemed a good enough explanation for a few days’ delay.

On the following Monday evening she and Jimmy were about to set off for one of their walks when Susannah spoke.

‘James, I don’t feel terribly well this evening, I’ve had to do all that washing in this heat.’

Jimmy exchanged a quick glance with Amy. She could see in his face that he was resigning himself to having to sit with Susannah instead of making love with Amy. ‘You poor thing,’ he said. ‘You do look rather pale.’

‘I know. And George has taken to waking up very early in the morning lately. Do you think you could take him and Thomas with you? It might tire them out a little, then they’d sleep better.’

‘Oh. That’s a good idea,’ Jimmy said, managing to hide his lack of enthusiasm from Susannah if not from Amy.

So Amy and Jimmy found themselves with two unexpected companions that evening. Amy led Thomas by the hand and Jimmy carried George rather gingerly.

‘I hope he won’t be sick on me,’ said Jimmy.

‘I’m sure he won’t. This isn’t going to be much fun, is it?’

‘It’s not exactly what I had in mind for the evening. Does Tommy talk much?’

‘A little bit. He repeats words you say.’

‘Then I’d better be careful what I say to you, hadn’t I? I don’t want him giving away any of our secrets.’

As if on cue, Thomas said ‘Sec-rets’ quite distinctly. Amy and Jimmy looked at one another, then shared a rueful laugh.

‘I’ll just tell you about the view and the farm and things tonight, I think,’ Amy said.

They managed to tire out the two little boys successfully, but she and Jimmy returned to the house with much more energy than either of them had wished.

When her bleeding had still not started by that Thursday, Amy began to wonder if she might be ill. She felt as well as ever, but two weeks late seemed very strange. She toyed briefly with the idea of asking Susannah’s advice, but sharing such intimate details with her did not appeal. Amy decided that if the bleeding had not started in another week she would pluck up her courage to ask her Aunt Edie if anything could be wrong.

The image of her aunt struck a chord in her memory. She struggled for the elusive thought. It was something Aunt Edie had said once. Something about the bleeding; what was it? For some mysterious reason the memory that refused to be a memory gave her a vague feeling of uneasiness.

Having to take the little boys on the walk had been a minor irritation, as well as being rather funny. When she realised that Susannah had now decided this was to happen every evening, Amy was alarmed.

‘Can’t you talk her out of it?’ she asked the next night. Thomas had decided he was too tired to walk any further, so Jimmy had to carry him while Amy carried George. ‘You’re good at managing her.’

‘I’m trying to think how,’ said Jimmy. ‘The trouble is, it’s a perfectly reasonable thing for her to suggest. I mean, all we want to do is walk, isn’t it? Why not take the little boys with us? I’m already taking Jack’s “little girl” for a walk, I might as well take my own nephews as well.’

They sat down with their backs against a large tawa and looked out over the valley. The late afternoon sunlight was deepening the velvet folds of the hills and giving a rich golden tinge to all the shades of green. Jimmy stood Thomas in front of him and looked hard at the little boy.

‘Now listen here, Tommy. Let’s have a man-to-man talk,’ he said very seriously, and Thomas laughed at him. ‘I want to give your big sister a cuddle, but I don’t want you telling your Mama.’

‘You can’t, Jimmy,’ Amy protested through her own laughter as she bounced George on her lap. ‘It wouldn’t feel right, not with the little ones watching.’

‘You hear that, Tommy?’ Jimmy demanded. ‘You’re stopping me from giving Amy a cuddle.’

‘Cuddle Amy,’ Thomas said. He threw himself against her, demanding to be hugged. Amy put one arm around him and squeezed, while she held George with the other arm. Thomas climbed onto her lap; she managed to accommodate both children with difficulty. She kissed them both.

‘Ugh, you two give such sloppy kisses.’ She laughed as she tried to free one hand to wipe her mouth.

‘You’ve got a lot to learn, boys,’ Jimmy said. ‘Watch this.’ He edged his face in between the two children and kissed Amy carefully, putting his arms around all three of them as he did so. ‘Hmm, interesting,’ he said, disengaging his arms and sitting back to look at them. ‘You do look very sweet together. I think I prefer kissing you by yourself, though.’

‘They get in the way, don’t they? I think Georgie’s a bit damp, too,’ Amy said, feeling the patch on her dress where the baby was sitting. ‘I’ll have to change him, we’d better take them back.’

‘Maybe tomorrow we could take them down to the swamp and drop them in?’ Jimmy suggested as they started back.

‘Why would you want to do that? They’re a nuisance, but I don’t want to drown them!’

‘I don’t mean drown them, just get them really filthy. Then maybe Susannah wouldn’t let us take them out any more.’

‘Oh, yes, and I’d get in terrible trouble for not looking after them. It’s all right for you, Susannah never growls at you.’

‘Well, I was only trying. I suppose it wasn’t much of an idea. I’ll keep thinking about it.’

‘How’s the letter to your father going?’

‘It’s not very long yet. I’m a bit stuck, Amy. It’s really hard to know just what to say.’

‘You’re good with words, you shouldn’t have any trouble.’

‘I’m good at talking, but I’m not much good at writing. It’s just so hard to think of the right way to put it so Father will understand. I keep crossing things out, then it gets so messy I have to start again.’

‘Do you want me to help you?’

He smiled at her. ‘I’m sure you’d make a very pretty job of it, but Father would be able to tell I hadn’t written it myself. I don’t want him thinking some cunning girl’s got me in her clutches.’

Amy hesitated, not wanting to nag him, then went on carefully. ‘I do wish we could get things organised, Jimmy. I know you’re doing your best, but it’s taking a long time.’

‘I know, I’m being stupid about it. Amy, I’m beginning to think maybe I should talk to Father face-to-face. It’d be a lot easier, I’m sure.’

‘But then you’d have to go away!’

‘It wouldn’t be for long. Only a week or two, while I got things arranged with Father, then I’d come back and impress your father with my brilliant prospects. You’d be married and on that boat back to Auckland with me before you knew it.’

Amy chewed her lip thoughtfully. ‘Maybe that’s what you should do then. I’d miss you terribly, but it’s worth it if it means things would go faster.’

‘I’ll think about it. I’ll also try and think of some way we can get out together without these delightful little boys!’

 

*

 

‘I’ve had an idea!’ Jimmy said to Amy that Sunday morning. ‘Why don’t we go visiting this afternoon?’

‘You and me? Where do you want to go?’

‘I’ve never been to your aunt and uncle’s house, we could pop over and have afternoon tea with them.’

‘If you really want to,’ Amy said, wondering what attraction her uncle’s house suddenly held.

‘You don’t see why?’ Jimmy smiled knowingly. ‘Susannah won’t expect us to cart the children all that way.’

‘Oh! So we can be alone and talk on the way there and back. That’s a good idea. I wish we could… well, you know.’

‘Why can’t we? Who says we have to rush straight back here afterwards?’ Jimmy grinned at her, and Amy felt a thrill of excitement.

She revelled in the luxury of having Jimmy to herself and being able to talk freely with him again on the walk over the paddocks. She looped her arm through his as soon as they were out of sight of the house.

‘This is so nice,’ she said, laying her head against his chest for a moment. ‘It’s going to be wonderful when we can be together all the time.’

‘Not quite all the time, darling. I will have to go out and work sometimes, you know.’

‘We’ll still be together lots, though. I’ll love living in Auckland, too.’

‘You might get a bit tired of it after a while. I was starting to get bored there last year.’

‘How could you get bored in Auckland?’ Amy asked in disbelief.

‘Well, you seem to see the same people all the time. Things are dull there in the business, too. There’s still plenty to live on, but it could be better.’

‘Are you worried about money, Jimmy?’ Amy asked hesitantly.

‘No, not a bit! Like I said, there’s plenty to live on. But now I’m going to have this beautiful wife to show off, it’s made me think more. I want to give you lots and lots of nice things, and I mightn’t be able to do that at first. It’s going to take all I can earn just to get a little house for us to live in.’

‘Maybe I could help.’

Jimmy smiled tenderly at her. ‘Of course you’ll help, sweetheart, but I don’t expect a dowry or anything! I can see your father doesn’t have a lot of cash to throw around.’

‘No, I didn’t mean that. I thought maybe I could earn a little bit of money.’ She went on quickly before he could interrupt. ‘I’ve heard of women taking in a few pupils and teaching them things. I’m quite good at school work, I could do that.’

‘And a lovely job you’d make of it, too. But I can support you, Amy—I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t think I could earn enough to provide for you.’

‘But I want to!’ Amy protested. ‘Jimmy, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, and if it meant I could help you it would be even better.’

‘If you want it that much then of course you can. I don’t think I could turn you down on anything you wanted, little one.’ He stopped walking, and they wasted a few moments in kissing before they set off and he spoke again.

‘What I was really talking about was an idea I had a while ago. Falling in love with you has made me remember it. Amy, have you ever thought about going to live in Australia?’

‘Australia?’ Amy repeated. It was as though he had asked her if she wanted to live on the moon. ‘That’s so far away!’

‘Not as far as all that. It only takes a few days to get there. Melbourne’s the place to go, especially in the building trade. It’s really thriving, there’s piles of money to be made. I’ve heard of lots of people going there from Auckland. It’s a much bigger place than Auckland, too—I could take you to more shows and things.’

‘I wouldn’t be able to see Pa and the boys, or Lizzie either. Still, I suppose I won’t see them much when we’re in Auckland, anyway.’ She smiled up at him. ‘I’ll go wherever you want, and I’ll be happy if you’re there.’

‘I think you’d love it in Melbourne. Don’t look so worried, Amy, we wouldn’t be going there for a while, anyway. I’d better get you used to living in Auckland before I rush you off to Australia.’

Edie made them very welcome, bustling about carrying cups of tea and cakes into the parlour with Lizzie’s help. Lizzie was rather quiet, and she stared at Jimmy in a way that Amy found disconcerting. Little Ernie helped himself liberally to the cakes, dropping crumbs which he then trod into the rug, and Amy was glad she would not have to clean it.

After the second cup of tea Arthur invited Jimmy to have a look around the farm. Ernie trotted off at his father’s heels, struggling to keep up.

‘It’s so nice of you to bring Jimmy over,’ Edie said. ‘I never thought to ask him up to the house when he was helping with the haymaking. I like having visitors—Lizzie, why didn’t Frank come today?’

‘Because Pa didn’t ask him.’

‘Oh, he shouldn’t wait to be asked! You tell him to just come whenever he wants.’

‘Maybe you should tell him that, Ma.’

‘But he’s your young man, Lizzie.’ Edie seemed oblivious to the fact that her daughter was staring at her in open-mouthed astonishment. ‘Now, Amy, you bring Jimmy over here again soon. I like him.’

‘I’ll try, Aunt Edie, but I think he might be going back to Auckland soon.’ Amy rose from her chair. ‘We’d better be getting home, I’ll have to think about making dinner. I’ll just go and find Jimmy.’

Lizzie went out with Amy to see her off. ‘Did you hear what Ma said?’ she demanded. ‘My “young man”. I thought she hadn’t noticed, and she comes out with that!’

‘She sounded pleased about it. Aunt Edie’s not going to give you any trouble when you want to get married. All you have to do now is persuade Frank to ask you.’

‘He’ll ask me, don’t you worry.’

‘He might need a push.’

‘So I’ll give him one. What about you?’

‘I don’t want to marry you, thanks, Lizzie.’

‘Ha ha. You know what I mean—what’s this about Jimmy going back to Auckland?’

‘It’s where he lives, you know. He only came down for the summer, and it’s March now.’

‘But what about the two of you? I thought you were in love.’

‘He’ll be back,’ Amy said with a knowing smile. ‘Then I’ll tell you all about it.’ Well, not all about it. The parts you’ll understand. ‘Oh, there’s Jimmy by the horse paddock. I’ve got to go, Lizzie, I’ll see you later.’ She rushed away before Lizzie could question her further.

‘Well, I’ve done my duty,’ said Jimmy. ‘I’ve learned all about breaking in farms and keeping horses and growing maize. It’s a pity I’d already heard most of it from your father.’

‘Poor thing,’ said Amy.

‘Are you going to make it up to me?’

‘Of course.’ She smiled back at him. ‘What about a romantic walk under the trees?’

‘That sounds perfect.’

And it was perfect, Amy reflected as she lay nestled against him some minutes later. The soaring notes of a nearby tui echoed her own happiness. She knew she would cheerfully follow Jimmy to the ends of the earth.

He stirred next to her. ‘We’d better go back,’ he said. ‘I think I like visiting after all.’

‘I thought it was boring?’ Amy said with an expression of innocent surprise.

‘The one thing you are not, little one, is boring.’ Jimmy leant over to plant a gentle kiss on her mouth. ‘Let’s get going, I can’t lie here all day with you, much as I’d like to.’ He got to his feet and stretched. ‘I’m surprised they can’t see it on my face after I’ve been with you, but no one ever seems to notice.’

‘They’ll notice if you don’t do that up,’ Amy said, pointing to his gaping trouser buttons.

‘Whoops, nearly forgot. What about you, anyway, with your hair all wild?’

Amy produced a comb from her pocket with a smug smile. ‘I’m prepared this time.’

Jimmy helped comb her hair, making her squeal when he pulled at the knots, then they walked back to the farmhouse.

‘Aunt Edie likes you,’ Amy said as they went through the gate in the hedge. ‘She said she wanted me to bring you over again.’

‘She’s a nice lady. She seems fond of you, and I can’t help but like anyone who’s nice to you. That Ernie’s a handful, isn’t he? Arthur’s quite patient with him, really.’

‘He was much worse when he was younger. Now he’s old enough to hang around Uncle Arthur it’s easier on Aunt Edie—on Lizzie, too, she used to have to look after him a lot. She was worried Aunt Edie might have another one.’

‘She’s a bit old for that, isn’t she?’

‘Yes, I think she is now.’

They parted at the back door, with Jimmy going off to the cow shed while Amy went into the house to start preparing dinner. She recalled the panic-stricken look on Lizzie’s face when the two girls had overheard Edie tell Susannah and the other women that she had thought she might be having another baby. Amy frowned in concentration, trying to think of exactly what her aunt had said.

Suddenly she recalled it clearly. A shudder went through her as the words dropped into her awareness like a pronouncement of doom. Aunt Edie had thought she was having a baby because her bleeding was late. Because it was two weeks late.

It can’t be—I can’t be going to have a baby! But I’m two and a half weeks late now. She looked down at her flat abdomen, and fought a losing battle against believing what had happened to her. I must be. What are we going to do?