21

 

February 1884

Amy was well through her buttermaking the following Friday before Jimmy joined her in the dairy.

‘I thought you weren’t going to come this morning,’ she said, abandoning her churn to return his kiss.

‘I slept in—well, I always sleep in compared to you, I know, but I slept in even later this morning. I think it’s this weather,’ he said, looking gloomily out the open doorway at the drizzling rain. ‘That’s the trouble with only being able to get a bit of privacy by going up in the bush—as soon as it rains we’re stuck inside.’

He paced restlessly round the dairy, looking out the door every few minutes to see if the sky had suddenly cleared. ‘You’re a terrible fidgeter,’ Amy scolded, looking up from where she was working the butter. ‘Why don’t you just sit still and enjoy having a rest?’

‘You sound like my mother,’ he teased. ‘ “James, why don’t you sit quietly and read a book?” She was always saying that to me before I was old enough to go out and please myself. I know, I’m hopeless when I’m stuck inside.’ He flopped down on a stool against one wall; it was far too low for him, and his long legs looked uncomfortably doubled up.

‘I’m a bit scared of meeting your mother and father,’ Amy admitted. ‘Actually I’m very scared.’

‘Why? They’ll love you.’

‘Will they? They might think I’m not good enough for you.’

‘Well, they’d be wrong. Anyway, of course they’ll like you—who could help liking you?’

‘Susannah doesn’t like me.’

‘Susannah’s different. She doesn’t like anyone very much these days. Take my word for it, Mother and Father will love you.’ He brushed the subject aside with a wave of his hand. ‘Listen, Amy, you know I went in to town with Harry yesterday to get the supplies? I managed to get some notepaper and things, too.’

‘That’s good! I don’t suppose Harry was interested in what you wanted it for.’

‘No, his mind was on other things. You know that red-headed girl who sang at the dance?’

‘Jane Neill, you mean? Mrs Forster’s sister?’

‘That’s the one. She was at the store with her sister, and Harry was too busy staring at her—not to mention exchanging the odd cheeky remark—to take any notice of what I was doing.’

‘Was he just? I didn’t know Harry was even interested in girls.’

‘I don’t think he knew either until he saw Miss Neill.’

‘So, have you written the letter yet?’

‘I’ve started,’ Jimmy said. ‘I did a couple of lines before I came out here. It’s not easy, though. I’m no letter writer, and I want to make a good job of it. I’m not going to get much chance to write it, either, what with working in the daytime and sitting in the parlour with Susannah in the evenings.’

‘Mmm. And you can’t write at night, because you’re sharing John’s room. That’s hard.’ She frowned in thought.

‘I’ll get it written, don’t you worry. It just might take me a few days, that’s all.’

‘You should be writing it now.’

‘I know. I’d rather be with you, though.’ He rose from his stool and came to stand behind Amy. He slipped his arms around her waist and squeezed while he planted a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I don’t see enough of you, I don’t want to waste my chances.’

‘You’ll see plenty of me when we’re married.’ Amy tried to ignore his embrace and carry on shaping the butter into pats. But when he slipped his hands higher to fondle her breasts she gave up, wiped her hands on a towel, and wriggled around so that she could put her arms around his neck and pull his face down for a kiss.

 

*

 

‘I thought you didn’t approve of people making spectacles of themselves,’ Lizzie said, cutting into Amy’s thoughts as the two girls stood together outside the church that Sunday. Lizzie had grabbed Amy by the hand and pulled her over to a quiet spot under a tree as soon as the service was over.

‘What?’ Amy dragged her gaze reluctantly away from Jimmy, whom Susannah was holding by the arm in her usual proprietorial way. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Your tongue’s just about hanging out, you’re staring at him so hard. People will notice.’

‘I’m not!’ Amy said , but she felt herself blush. ‘Was I really, Lizzie?’

‘Well, I suppose other people wouldn’t notice as much as I do,’ Lizzie allowed. ‘At least I know you’re mad on him, even if you refuse to tell me anything about what’s going on.’

‘There’s nothing to tell. It’s a secret, anyway,’ Amy said, avoiding Lizzie’s eyes.

‘What’s a secret?’ Lizzie pounced.

‘Nothing. Oh, I’ll tell you as soon as I can, Lizzie, really I will.’ As soon as Pa knows, as soon as he says yes, we’ll be able to tell everyone.

‘Why can’t you tell me now, Amy? Is it something you’re ashamed of?’

‘No!’ Jimmy says it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’ve just started a bit early, that’s all. I wish we could get married soon. ‘Please stop prying, Lizzie—oh, there’s Frank.’

Frank stood just outside the church porch, looking about uncertainly. He glanced at Lizzie’s family, but it was obvious he had not seen what he wanted there. When he caught sight of Lizzie his face lit up.

‘Go on, Lizzie.’ Amy gave her a small push. ‘Go and talk to him.’

Lizzie looked from Amy to Frank, and chewed her lip distractedly. ‘I suppose I might as well, you won’t talk to me.’ She walked briskly over in Frank’s direction.

Amy followed more slowly. She stood close to her own family group, but carefully avoided looking at Jimmy. I wonder if people really are noticing. But her father and stepmother had shown no sign of being suspicious, and they were the only ones she really needed to worry about.

Lizzie somehow managed to lead Frank over to her father without actually taking his hand. Amy was glad of the distraction her cousin provided. There was no chance of Amy’s giving herself away by paying any conspicuous attention to Jimmy when she had Lizzie’s performance to watch.

‘Pa,’ Lizzie said very sweetly, ‘weren’t you going to ask Frank to come for lunch today?’

‘No, I wasn’t,’ said Arthur. ‘But you can come if you want, Frank.’

‘I don’t want to be a nuisance,’ Frank said.

‘Lizzie’ll be a nuisance if you don’t—she’ll plague me to ask you next week. Oh, stop looking as though you wish the ground would open up and swallow you,’ Arthur said, but the hint of irritation in his voice was more than balanced by amusement. ‘Edie, have you got plenty for lunch?’

‘Mmm?’ Edie relaxed the tight hold she had on Ernie’s hand. The toddler took advantage of his freedom to rush over to Rachel Aitken’s children, where he was soon involved in a mutual shoving match. ‘Oh, yes, I think there’s quite a lot. Lizzie seemed to want to get an awful lot ready yesterday.’

‘Well, isn’t that fortunate?’ said Arthur. ‘So you think we could make room for Frank today?’

‘Oh, he’s always welcome,’ Edie said. She beamed at Frank. ‘He’s almost one of the family now.’

‘Almost,’ Arthur echoed. ‘Well, you’d better come and help us eat all that food, Frank.’

‘Thank you, Mr Leith. I’ll see you later, then.’

Lizzie walked him over to the horse paddock, and flashed a triumphant grin at Amy as she walked back. When she caught sight of her father looking at her, she replaced the grin with a poor attempt at a detached smile.

 

*

 

Amy noticed a loose thread hanging down under her petticoats when she was changing into a work dress after church. She recalled that she had caught her finger on the hem of her drawers that morning while dressing. She hitched up her petticoats to check, and saw that the hem of one leg was trailing, with ripped stitches for several inches. At first she decided to ignore the tatty hem for the rest of the day; after all, no one was going to see it. Then the thought struck her that someone just might. Just maybe she and Jimmy would manage to slip away today, and if they did… well, it was best to be prepared.

She pulled off the unsatisfactory drawers and put them in her washing pile, then rummaged through her underwear until she found the prettiest pair she owned: extra-fine lawn, with three deep layers of lace around each leg and two rows of ribbon above the lace. They felt soft against her skin, and she knew they looked pretty. Is this shameless? Is it shameless to hope Jimmy will like my underwear, Mama? she asked the photograph. But her mother smiled out of the frame at her, and Amy felt comforted. For the first time, she was glad she did not have a photograph of her grandmother.

Friday’s drizzle had disappeared as though it had never been, and the afternoon was fiercely hot, drying the last of the rain from the paddocks. The family ate early, and after dinner the heat of the day subsided into a soft warmth without a breath of wind.

‘That was a good meal,’ Jimmy said, pushing back his chair. ‘I could just go a nice walk to work it off a bit. Does anyone else want to come?’

Amy looked up at him, then looked away quickly to hide her surprise at his open invitation. Doesn’t he want us to be alone?

‘Oh, yes, I think that would be very nice,’ said Susannah. ‘I’ll go for a little walk with you.’

‘Yes, you and I haven’t had a walk together in a long time,’ Jack put in. ‘We’ll take the little fellows, that’ll help them sleep a bit better.’

‘Oh. I was going to leave them with Amy.’

‘Amy can come with us.’

‘I thought she could do the dishes, I’m rather tired this evening.’

‘Leave the dishes, Amy, we’re all going for a walk,’ Jack said firmly. ‘They’ll still be there when we get back.’

‘All’ did not include John and Harry, who showed no disappointment at being left behind. Jack carried little George, and Amy led Thomas by the hand, while Susannah looped her arm through Jimmy’s. They walked down to the Waituhi, then a short way along its bank until they reached the spot where the Waimarama ran into the larger stream.

‘It’s such a clear day,’ Jimmy said, looking up at a sky guiltless of clouds. ‘There must be a wonderful view from there.’ He pointed to a bush-clad hill that rose away from the right-hand bank of the Waimarama.

‘Haven’t you been up there yet?’ Jack asked. ‘Amy, I thought you’d shown Jimmy round the place.’

‘Not up there, Pa. I’ve only taken him to a few places, really.’

‘That’s the best view on the farm. We’ll go up there right now, you won’t get a better day for it.’

‘Oh, no, Jack,’ Susannah protested. ‘It looks terribly steep, and I’m so tired.’

‘It’s not as steep as all that, Susannah,’ Jack said. ‘We could take our time. Are you really tired?’ He looked puzzled.

‘I’m always tired!’ Susannah snapped at him. ‘You know perfectly well I’m worn out from having to feed this baby, and I’m not very well anyway. James, wouldn’t you like to go back now?’

‘Well, I really would like to see that view,’ Jimmy said. ‘But if you’re not feeling up to it—’

‘If you don’t feel well, I’ll take you home now,’ Jack cut in. ‘You young people go on by yourselves.’

‘Perhaps I should—’ Jimmy tried.

‘You should go and look at that view,’ Jack said. ‘Take your time. Come on, Susannah.’ He tucked George into one arm and attempted to take Susannah’s arm, but she snatched it away and started walking in the direction of the house. Jack held Thomas’s hand and set off after her.

‘Well!’ Amy said when Jack and Susannah were safely out of earshot. ‘You’re not going to be very popular with Susannah now.’

Jimmy shrugged. ‘It doesn’t matter. I’ll make it up to her. Come on, my girl, do as your father tells you—let’s see this wonderful view.’

They stayed a discreet distance apart until they were among the trees, then slipped their arms around each other’s waists and walked on, more slowly but more companionably. A fantail flitted back and forth across their path as they walked.

‘Wasn’t that lucky, Susannah wanting to go home just then?’ Amy said. ‘I thought we weren’t going to get the chance to be alone.’

‘Lucky? You didn’t really think Susannah would want to walk far, did you? I knew she’d want to go back as soon as the going got rough.’

Amy stopped in her tracks. ‘You mean you planned all that, about coming up here and Pa taking Susannah back by himself?’

‘Yes.’ He smiled smugly

‘Oh. You really are very clever, aren’t you? At getting people to do what you want, I mean.’

‘Am I? Will you do what I want?’

‘You want to see this view, don’t you?’ Amy smiled mischievously, and tugged at his hand until he started walking again.

‘The baby seems all right now,’ Jimmy said.

‘Yes, Georgie’s fine. The doctor must have been right. Susannah’s not very pleased, though, she doesn’t like feeding him that way.’

‘She’s strange sometimes. Well, I’m glad the little fellow’s well, but I don’t think I’ll sit him on my lap again. I haven’t got all that many shirts.’

‘You should, really, Jimmy, he is your nephew. He’s a lovely baby.’

Jimmy pulled a face, then smiled at her. ‘You’re very fond of Susannah’s children, aren’t you?’

‘Well, they’re my little brothers, you know.’

‘And my nephews.’

‘Oh!’ Amy stopped suddenly as a dreadful thought struck her. ‘Oh, Jimmy, do you think it’s all right for us to get married?’

Jimmy laughed softly and pulled her close to him. ‘You’re a funny little thing, aren’t you? Most people, my darling, would say it’s not only “all right”, it’s just about compulsory—not to mention overdue. What are you going on about?’

‘No, listen—we’re sort of related, because Susannah’s your sister and she’s my stepmother.’

‘Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that.’ Jimmy looked pensive for a moment. ‘No, I’m sure it’s all right. There was a fuss a few years ago over whether a man should be allowed to marry his wife’s sister if his wife dies. They changed the law to make that legal, and that’s much closer than you and I are. So it must be all right for us to get married.’

Amy gave a sigh of relief. ‘That’s good. I got a terrible fright for a minute.’ She laughed. ‘Isn’t it complicated, though? Susannah’s my stepmother, but when we get married she’ll be my sister-in-law.’

‘And your father will be my father-in-law as well as my brother-in-law.’

‘Tommy and Georgie will be your…’ she stopped to work it out ‘Your brothers-in-law as well as your nephews. Does that mean they’ll be my nephews, too? Oh, and our children will be Susannah’s nephews and her grand-children! Or will they? No, that’s too complicated.’

‘You know what else it means, though, Amy?’

‘What?’

‘I’m your uncle!’ He laughed. ‘You’d better do as your Uncle Jimmy says, my girl, or you’ll get in trouble.’ He wagged his finger at her.

Amy wriggled out from his grasp and pulled a face at him. ‘I don’t think I like you as an uncle. You’re too bossy. I think I’ll just have you as a husband.’

She squealed as he made a lunge at her. She hitched up her skirts to run faster, but he caught her in a few strides. He swung an arm around her waist and picked her up off the ground, then he sat down suddenly and Amy found herself upside down across his lap. ‘What are you doing?’ she gasped out through her giggles.

‘Teaching you a bit of respect for your elders,’ Jimmy said sternly. He lifted her skirts and gave her buttocks a slap, making Amy shriek, then giggle even harder.

‘You’re a horrible uncle!’

Jimmy rolled her over till she was lying on her back beside him. ‘I don’t think I can do this to my niece, so you’d better just be my wife. You still have to do as I say, though.’

‘I might say you have to wait till we’re married,’ Amy teased.

‘Humph! You could try.’ He lifted her skirts with a flourish. ‘Mmm, these are fancy.’ He fingered the lace on her drawers.

You noticed! Amy thought in delight, then she felt a stab of guilt. ‘Jimmy, do you think I’m shameless?’

‘Oh, completely shameless—that’s why I love you so much.’ Jimmy was undoing his trouser buttons as he spoke.

Amy’s face crumpled. ‘Do you really think that?’

‘Hey, don’t cry, little one—I was joking!’ He reached out to caress her face. ‘Amy, do you think I’d rather you were like Susannah? She shoves her husband away every time he gets within two feet of her. But you—you love me, and you show me you do.’ He took her hand and kissed it.

‘I do love you, Jimmy. I love you more than anything.’

‘Show me, Amy. Show me.’

 

*

 

Amy lay in Jimmy’s arms, feeling so delightfully languorous that she would have slept if she had let herself. Her body tingled with remembered pleasure as she lay and listened to a bellbird singing a song of ecstasy in a branch above her. When she opened her eyes she could see the sky through a tracery of leaves; it was a darker blue now.

‘The sun’s getting low,’ she said. ‘If you still want to see this view we’d better get a move on.’

‘I’d rather stay here,’ Jimmy said. ‘But I might go to sleep if I do.’ He stretched luxuriously.

Amy sat up. ‘I think you did drop off for a minute. You were very quiet.’

‘No, I didn’t. You just wore me out, that’s all. I was recovering.’

‘Wore you out! What nonsense.’

Jimmy sat up and put a hand on each of Amy’s arms, then looked intently into her face. ‘Amy, if I ask you a question, will you promise to tell me the truth?’

‘Of course I will. What do you want to know?’

‘It’s important.’ He sounded very solemn, and Amy stared back at him, wondering what was so momentous. ‘Amy, do you snore?’

‘What? Do I snore?’ She dissolved in a fit of helpless laughter. ‘What a silly question! I thought you were serious.’

‘I’m deadly serious,’ Jimmy said, but then gave the lie to his assertion by grinning. ‘Your brother snores terribly, I thought it might run in the family. I’ve hardly had a decent night’s sleep since I got here.’

‘Well, I’ve slept with Lizzie quite a lot, and she’s never complained. I’m sure she would if I snored.’

‘That’s a relief. Do you think maybe I could swap beds?’

‘Sleep with Harry instead, you mean?’

‘No, with you. I thought I might just casually ask if I could. You know, something like “Jack, how about I move across the passage and start sleeping with your daughter instead of your son?” Do you think he’d mind?’

‘You could try,’ Amy laughed. ‘You’d soon find out.’ She stood up and shook her dress out. ‘Oh, I wish you could, though. This ground gets very hard.’

‘It’s all right for me,’ Jimmy said, standing up and stretching. ‘I’ve got something nice and soft to lie on.’

‘That’s right! It’s not very fair.’

He laughed. ‘No, it’s not, is it? Oh, I don’t know if I feel up to much more walking, shall we just go back now?’

‘You lazy thing! What are you going to say when Pa asks you what you thought of the view?’

‘Now who’s being clever about managing people?’

‘I must be learning it from you. Come on.’ She tugged at his arm.

‘Wait a minute, you’ve got twigs and things in your hair.’ He carefully teased the bits out from her curls, then slipped his arm around her waist. ‘Couldn’t I just tell your father all the view I wanted to see was in his daughter’s beautiful blue eyes? No?’ He looked crestfallen. ‘Maybe you’re right. All right, slave driver, lead the way.’

Amy wound her arm around Jimmy’s waist and snuggled against his side as they walked on up the steep hill.

‘Amy,’ he said softly, ‘you really enjoyed that, didn’t you?’

Amy looked at the ground in front of her feet. ‘Yes. It was nice. Is that all right?’ she appealed, looking up at his face for approval.

‘All right? It’s wonderful! You are the most wonderful girl in the world.’ He stopped and kissed her. ‘Don’t you ever go aloof on me because you think that’s how a “lady” behaves.’

‘I won’t,’ she assured him. They started walking again. ‘Oh, I do wish we were already married.’

‘It won’t be long.’

‘It seems such a long time to wait. I wish I could tell Lizzie we’re engaged.’

‘Amy, you know it’s got to be a secret, don’t you? What if your father found out from someone else?’

‘Lizzie wouldn’t tell anyone—not if I told her it was a secret.’

‘She wouldn’t mean to, but it might slip out. It’s safer not to tell her.’

‘I know, but it’s hard, Jimmy. She keeps asking me things, and she gets hurt when I brush her off.’

Jimmy looked serious. ‘Is she really prying? You haven’t told her anything, have you?’

‘No! She’d make a terrible fuss if she knew about what we’ve been doing. Lizzie wouldn’t understand how it’s all right, really, because we’re going to get married as soon as we can.’

‘So what have you said to her?’ Jimmy pressed.

‘Well, she sort of guessed you’d kissed me, and I told her we love each other—that was all right, wasn’t it?’

‘Don’t tell her anything else, Amy. You’re right, she wouldn’t understand.’ He smiled again. ‘Frank’s a nice chap, but I get the feeling he’s not exactly… well, I can’t think of a nice way of putting it.’

‘He’s not very exciting,’ Amy volunteered. ‘But you’re right, he is nice, and Lizzie likes him. He’s not a bit like you.’ She smiled at a memory.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Oh, I was just thinking about one time Lizzie was all proud because Frank had taken her for a walk.’

‘How romantic. A moonlight stroll under the trees? Maybe he’s smarter than I gave him credit for.’

‘No,’ Amy said, and now she had difficulty getting words out through her laughter. ‘No, nothing like that. They took the slops bucket down to the pigs!’

‘What?’ Jimmy was silent for a moment, then he roared with laughter. ‘Amy,’ he said when he had recovered himself enough to speak, ‘how on earth did a place like this ever produce a girl like you?’ Amy smiled and shrugged. ‘The sooner I get you out of here and up to Auckland the better,’ he said firmly, and Amy could only agree.