4

 

September 1881

‘Well, what do you think?’ said Jack. ‘Bit of a stunner, isn’t she?’ He looked around the faces of his children, obviously seeking admiration, but puzzled at what he saw there. ‘You’re all very quiet.’

‘We’re just a bit… surprised, Pa,’ Amy said, taking the lead. ‘I mean, you were away so long, I was getting worried about you—we all were.’

‘Started to think you weren’t coming back,’ John put in.

‘It wasn’t as long as all that,’ Jack protested. ‘I wouldn’t leave you boys trying to run the place on your own for long—I wanted to find everything still in one piece when I got back.’

‘We ran it by ourselves for five weeks!’ Harry burst out. ‘All the calving, and then milking the whole herd with just the two of us.’

‘Well, I’m back now, there’s no need to go on about it.’

‘Yes, you’re back all right,’ Harry said darkly. ‘And with that.’ He gestured in the direction of the passage.

There was a short silence. Jack stared at Harry, the smile wiped from his face.

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘It’s just that we’ve never met anyone like her, Pa,’ Amy put in quickly. ‘I mean, she looks so… well, elegant, I suppose.’

‘Wouldn’t want to get her hands dirty,’ Harry said.

‘Doesn’t look like she belongs on a farm,’ John added.

‘She’s my wife, so she belongs where I do,’ said Jack. He looked around their faces. ‘And you’ll treat my wife with the same respect you give me. Understand?’

‘She’s not that much older than I am,’ said John.

‘What’s that got to do with it?’ Jack snapped. ‘Think I’m too old to get married again, do you? I’m not too old to rule my own house yet.’ He glared at his children.

Amy put her hand on his arm. ‘Don’t be angry, Pa. It’s hard for us to get used to, that’s all. It’s been only the five of us for so long, then only us four since Granny died—I don’t even remember Mama properly—it’s strange to think there’s someone else here now.’

Jack’s face softened as he looked at her. ‘Maybe I should have let you know. I didn’t think you’d all make such a fuss, but I suppose it’s only natural you’re surprised. Well, you’ll get used to it.’

‘We don’t have much choice, do we?’ Harry muttered.

‘No, you don’t,’ Jack said. ‘So get used to it.’

‘Aren’t you going to tell us how you met, Pa?’ Amy asked.

‘Mmm? All right, then. You know I was staying with this Taylor family, Sam Craig’s friend? Well, when I got there what should I find but there’s a charming young Miss Taylor as well as Mr and Mrs. And Miss Taylor seemed rather taken with me—she didn’t seem to think I’m too old to make a good husband.’ He shot a look at John. ‘Then one thing led to another—’

‘I don’t want to hear this,’ Harry interrupted, getting to his feet. ‘I’m going to bed—some of us have been working today.’

‘Wait, Harry, please,’ Amy said. She didn’t like the thought of Harry’s going to bed smouldering with resentment at their father, and if a row between the two of them was inevitable they might as well get it over with.

‘All right,’ Harry grumbled. He sat down again.

‘Go on, Pa, we want to hear,’ said Amy.

‘Well, there’s not much more to tell,’ Jack said. ‘We got married a week ago—didn’t seem much point leaving it—then we went up to this place called Waiwera, north of Auckland, for a few days’ honeymoon—Susie said it’s the place to go, fancy hotel there, cost a fortune.’ He looked very complacent, Amy thought. ‘Then we came back to Auckland just long enough to pick up Susie’s things and order the hay mower I fancied—it’s coming on the steamer next week—then we hopped on the boat to come down here. And that’s it.’

‘So she got her claws into you,’ said Harry. Amy turned to him in alarm, knowing this was going too far.

‘What?’ Jack said heavily.

‘She saw you and decided you were her last chance, I expect, and you fell for it—then you were having such a good time you forgot about us doing all the work here.’

‘Don’t you talk to me like that,’ Jack growled. ‘I’ll teach you to—’

‘Pa!’ Amy interrupted. ‘Shh! You’ll disturb Susannah, and she looked so tired.’

Jack quietened at once. ‘You’re right. We’ll talk about it in the morning.’ He turned to give Harry a threatening look, but his son had already left the room.

‘I’m going to bed too,’ John said, slipping away in his turn.

‘Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with them,’ said Jack. ‘But you’re pleased to have me home again, aren’t you?’

‘Oh, yes, Pa, of course I am.’ Amy hesitated for a moment, then climbed onto her father’s lap. She wondered why she felt a little awkward doing so.

Jack stroked her hair. ‘And you’re pleased to have a mother again?’

‘Pa,’ Amy said cautiously, ‘I don’t think she wants to be my mother.’

‘Of course she does! Ever since I mentioned you she’s gone on about meeting “the dear little girl”—Susie loves children. Anyway, you’re my daughter, she’s my wife, so she’s your ma. That’s simple enough, isn’t it?’

‘I suppose so, Pa.’ Amy slipped from his lap and started clearing the table. ‘Will you tell me about all the things you saw in Auckland?’

‘Not right now, maybe tomorrow. I might as well go to bed myself.’

‘Oh,’ Amy said, trying not to sound too disappointed. ‘I thought maybe you’d stay here for a while and we could talk.’

‘There’ll be plenty of time for that.’ He rose from the table. ‘Don’t sit up too late, girl.’

‘I won’t, I just have to tidy up in here then get the bread made for tomorrow.’

‘Susie will start helping you with all that soon, she’s a bit worn out after the trip today. She was pretty crook on the way down.’

‘I don’t mind, Pa. I’m used to it.’

‘You’re a good girl. I’m off, then—see you in the morning.’

‘Good night.’

Amy went to bed herself an hour or so later. She tried to read, but found she couldn’t concentrate on the book. Through the wall of her bedroom she could hear voices in her father’s room, but she could not make out any words.

One of the voices grew louder, then they both fell away into silence. Amy felt tired, but it was a long time before her busy thoughts let her drift off into a troubled sleep, which seemed to be full of the sound of someone weeping.

 

*

 

‘Susie’s still asleep,’ Jack said next morning when he came out to the kitchen. ‘She doesn’t want to get up, anyway.’ He looked perplexed.

‘Perhaps she still doesn’t feel very well,’ said Amy.

‘Maybe not. Where’re the boys?’

‘They’ve already gone to get the cows in.’

‘I’d better catch them up.’

When they returned for breakfast Harry was rather quiet, but Jack seemed cheerful, so Amy decided they must be getting on well enough.

‘Susie not up yet?’ Jack asked, looking around in surprise.

‘No—shall I take a tray in to her while you’re having yours?’

‘That’s a good idea, she’ll like that.’

Amy put a plate of bacon and eggs on a tray along with a cup of tea, and carried it through the passage. She knocked softly on the bedroom door, and after a moment she heard a voice say, ‘Come in’.

The drapes had been drawn a fraction; Amy’s father must have opened them to give himself enough light to dress by. Susannah was lying in bed with her brown hair spread out around her face on the pillow. Her hair was not as long or thick as Amy had thought it when tucked under a hat. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she looked very pale.

‘Oh, it’s you,’ Susannah said, pulling herself up into a half-sitting position. ‘I thought it was your father.’

Amy wondered why Susannah would think her father might knock before going into his own bedroom. ‘I’ve brought you some breakfast,’ she said, moving to put the tray on a small table beside Susannah.

‘What time is it?’ Susannah asked, covering her mouth as she yawned.

‘Half-past seven.’

‘Why did you wake me up so early?’ She looked accusingly at Amy.

‘It’s not early,’ Amy said in surprise. ‘The men have already finished milking, we’ve all been up for ages.’

‘Oh. I’m not used to getting up till… well, later than this, anyway. Get me that wrap, would you?’ She pointed to a pale blue shawl draped over the back of a chair. Amy brought it to her and helped Susannah on with it, enjoying the feel of the soft fabric.

‘This is a lot for breakfast,’ Susannah said when Amy had passed the tray to her.

‘Is it? It’s what we usually have.’

‘It’s not what I usually have. I just have an egg and some tea normally.’ Susannah ate one of the fried eggs, then pushed the plate away and sipped at her tea.

Without being asked, Amy sat down on one of the chairs and watched. When Susannah finished her tea and pushed the tray away, Amy moved to take it from her lap.

Susannah studied her as Amy leaned across. ‘How old are you, Amy?’

‘I’m twelve. I’ll be thirteen next month, though.’

‘Thirteen. And how old do you think I am?’

About twenty-seven, Amy thought, so it was probably safer to say twenty-five. ‘Twenty-f—’ she began, then decided to be very careful. ‘Twenty-three?’

A satisfied smile flashed over Susannah’s face for a moment, then she looked troubled again. ‘That’s close enough. I’m twenty-five. Twenty-five, Amy! That’s not old enough to have a daughter of thirteen, is it?’

‘I suppose not.’

Susannah sank back onto the pillows. ‘I wish I’d known more about…’ she said as if talking to herself, then she noticed Amy again. ‘I’ve finished, thank you. You can take that away now.’ She indicated the tray that Amy still held. Amy stood looking at the floor.

‘I said you can go now,’ Susannah said. ‘What do you want?’

‘I… I don’t know what to call you.’

‘Call me Susannah.’

‘But Pa wants me to—’

‘Never mind what your father wants—I’ll talk to him about it. Just don’t call me Susie.’ She turned away, and Amy left the room, closing the door behind her.

 

*

 

Amy was washing the dishes when Susannah came into the kitchen with Jack later that morning.

‘It’s not raining today,’ Jack said. ‘So I’ll give you that tour around the place I promised.’

Amy thought Susannah looked less than eager, but her stepmother said nothing. She was wearing the grey cashmere dress again, this time with a dark red mantle that had fur at the neck. As Jack opened the back door for his wife, Amy noticed Susannah’s boots. ‘You mustn’t go outside in those!’ she said in alarm, pointing to the elegant things. The boots were black with a high heel; the lower part looked to be made of kid while the uppers were of a strong-looking cloth. To Amy’s utter dismay they were trimmed with bows of black silk ribbon near each toe.

Susannah looked affronted. ‘What’s wrong with my boots?’

‘You’ll get them filthy out there—it’s very muddy with all the rain we’ve had. Don’t you have anything sensible—I mean suitable? Or you can wear mine if you like.’ She indicated her own outdoor boots, which were standing in the porch. ‘They’re a bit big on me, so they’d probably fit you.’

‘I’m not wearing those things!’ Susannah said, looking at Amy’s heavy leather boots in disgust. ‘These are perfectly good walking boots—I’ve worn them all winter in Auckland.’

‘They do look a bit flimsy, Susie,’ Jack said.

‘Don’t call me that!’ Susannah flared, turning on him. Jack took a step backwards in surprise.

‘What’s wrong with you?’

‘Nothing—I just wish you’d remember my name. And this child fussing over my boots got on my nerves. I—I didn’t mean to snap.’ Susannah tilted her head a little to one side as she looked at Jack, and he took her arm with a smile. Amy felt as though she were eavesdropping.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Jack. ‘Let’s go—I want to show you the view from the top of the hill before the rain sets in again.’

Jack and Susannah were only gone a short time, just long enough for Amy to finish her dishes and start on the dusting, and when they came back in Amy could see that Susannah was the worse for wear. Her lovely mantle was spattered with mud, and the border of her dress was wet and stained for several inches. Worst of all, when Susannah bent to take off her boots in the porch she gave a cry of distress.

‘Oh, look at them! They’re just ruined!’ She held a boot aloft. It was caked with mud right to the cloth upper, and the ribbon trim was bedraggled and filthy. Tears filled Susannah’s eyes. Amy left her dusting cloth on the dresser and rushed to her.

‘Let me take them, perhaps I can clean them,’ she said, reaching for the boot. ‘I could put some new ribbon on for you if you like—I’m afraid that one’s ruined.’

Susannah slapped her hand away. ‘Leave them alone! And don’t you gloat over me.’

Amy dropped her hand in surprise. ‘I’m not gloating—I’m only trying to help.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Susannah hissed at her. ‘You’re just trying to say “I told you so”—I won’t have it from a child like you. Tell her to stop it,’ she said, turning to Jack.

‘She doesn’t mean any harm, Susie,’ Jack said, looking bewildered over all the fuss. Susannah’s face turned distraught. She dropped her boot beside its equally filthy mate and ran from the room with a sob. ‘What’s wrong with her?’ Jack asked Amy.

‘I don’t know, Pa,’ Amy said helplessly.

‘I’d better try and settle her down,’ Jack said with a sigh. He followed his wife out of the room.

Left alone, Amy picked up the sad-looking boots and set about trying to clean them. It took her most of what was left of the morning by the time she had scrubbed them, carefully removed the ruin of the ribbon trim with her tiny embroidery scissors and then put the boots to dry near the range. She thought they would probably be wearable, but would never look quite the same again.

John came in ahead of the other men at lunch-time.

‘How did Pa and Harry get on this morning?’ Amy asked, looking at the passage door to check they weren’t about to be disturbed.

‘I stopped them from killing each other.’ He saw Amy’s worried face and smiled. ‘No, they got on all right—I made sure I was between them most of the time.’

‘Thank goodness you’ve got a bit of sense,’ said Amy. ‘What do you think about it all, John?’ She waved her hand in the direction of the passage door.

‘I think he’s mad. But there’s nothing anyone can do about it, so we might as well make the best of it. What about you?’

‘I don’t know what to think,’ Amy admitted. Harry arrived, and the conversation came to an abrupt end.

When Susannah appeared for lunch Amy said nothing about the boots, although she saw Susannah’s eyes flick to them then widen a little in surprise. Susannah had changed into a blue woollen dress with a high neck and a darker blue border. Amy gazed at the dress admiringly.

‘You have such pretty clothes,’ she said.

Susannah seemed pleased. ‘I like nice things. It’s a pity I’ve nowhere to wear them now.’ She looked at Jack reproachfully, but he was too busy with his meal to take any notice.

Harry paid little attention to Susannah while he was eating, but Amy saw him flash an occasional dark glance at their stepmother when he thought no one was watching.

For her part, Susannah appeared pained when the men reached across the table for butter or salt, or when Jack spoke with his mouth full, and Amy felt ashamed on her family’s behalf, even though the culprits were oblivious. Her grandmother’s civilising influence had never extended to the men of the family.

‘When are you going to get the rest of my things, Jack?’ Susannah asked when they were eating pudding.

‘Eh? Oh, that’s right, we left that trunk at the wharf. You’d better go in and get it this afternoon, John.’

But it was Harry who set off with the cart after lunch, as Amy saw from the parlour window when cleaning that room. She went out onto the verandah and saw John with Jack, working on one of the new fences.

Later in the afternoon she took them down some tea and scones, and Harry drove back up the road while they were still eating. Amy managed to whisper in her brother’s ear while Jack was distracted. ‘Did you tell Harry to go in instead of you?’

‘Mmm, I didn’t want to leave him and Pa by themselves until Harry’s got used to Her Ladyship,’ John answered as quietly.

‘I don’t think Harry should take the trunk in to Susannah by himself—she’s in her room.’

‘You’re right.’ In a louder voice, John said, ‘I’ll give Harry a hand getting that trunk in.’ He and Amy walked back to the house together.

‘We can’t go on keeping them apart for ever,’ Amy fretted.

‘No, they’ll have to sort it out for themselves. Harry won’t have to see that much of her, I guess—neither will I, come to that.’

‘I will, though,’ said Amy. ‘If she ever comes out of her room, that is.’

As if she had heard Amy, Susannah was in the kitchen when they reached the house, looking around. John and Harry carried the trunk in and left again as quickly as possible, leaving Amy alone with Susannah.

‘I was just going to get dinner started,’ Susannah said. ‘I suppose you’ll help me?’

‘Of course—I’ll do it by myself if you want to get your trunk unpacked.’

‘No, I’ll do it. Don’t try to organise me.’

‘I’m not—I’m just trying to help.’

‘And stop contradicting everything I say!’

‘I wasn’t… I mean, I’m sorry,’ Amy said helplessly.

‘You’d better tell me where everything is, then.’

Amy showed her how the dresser was arranged, pointed out her jars of preserves on the shelves that lined one wall, then took Susannah outside to the dairy.

‘Is this a larder?’ Susannah asked, looking around in surprise. ‘Where’s the meat?’

‘No, it’s not a larder, I’ll show you that next. It’s a dairy, it’s where I make the butter and cheese. I keep it on these shelves, see?’ She pointed to the neat rows.

‘Make it? Why do you make butter and cheese? You can buy it in the shops.’

Amy wondered where Susannah thought the butter and cheese in the shops came from, but she held her tongue on that. ‘We’ve got so much milk, you see. I make it for the house, and I make extra to sell in town. Not in winter, though, there’s only enough milk for our own butter this time of year. I’ll start making extra again soon.’

‘Oh. He needn’t think I’m doing that.’ There was no need to ask who ‘he’ was.

It’s my job, anyway, Amy wished she could say. ‘Come and see the larder.’ She led Susannah out of the dairy and over to the large, airy room that held most of the food stores. ‘There’s not much meat left. Pa usually kills a sheep on a Saturday, so we’re nearly out by Friday.’

‘Kills it? Himself?’

‘Yes,’ Amy said, puzzled at the question. She was surprised to see Susannah shudder.

‘There’s nothing here but chops,’ Susannah complained.

‘That’s because it’s Friday, and Pa kills—’

‘I know, I know, don’t go on about it.’ Susannah picked out eight of the cutlets.

‘That won’t be enough,’ said Amy.

‘What do you mean? Of course it will—that’s one each for you and I, and two each for the men.’

‘But those are only little cutlets, we ate all the chump chops the other night. They’ll want four each, and I usually have two.’

‘Four! They can’t want four each! And one’s enough for a scrap of a girl like you.’

‘They will,’ Amy said in some distress.

‘Don’t argue with me, child,’ Susannah said, her eyes flashing. ‘I’ll tell your father you contradict everything I say.’

‘I’m only trying to…’ Amy gave up, seeing that she was simply making Susannah angrier. She helped Susannah cook the meal, and when the men arrived they set out the plates together.

‘Have you run out of meat, girl?’ Jack asked, looking at his meagre plateful. John and Harry prodded at their portions in equal amazement.

‘No,’ Amy said, unsure how to explain without causing trouble.

‘Is there something wrong with it?’ Susannah asked. ‘I cooked dinner tonight.’

‘Ah, no, there’s nothing wrong with it, Susie,’ Amy saw Susannah close her eyes in frustration, ‘there’s just not much of it.’

‘I thought it was plenty.’ Susannah’s lower lip quivered slightly. ‘It’s the first time I’ve cooked dinner for you, and now you don’t like it.’ There was a catch in her voice.

‘Of course I like it—it’s a fine meal—don’t get upset. It’ll be enough, I wasn’t all that hungry anyway.’

‘I was,’ John said very quietly so that only Amy heard. Harry simply stared at his plate in disbelief.

They ate their meat and vegetables, then devoured the custard pudding that Amy had made; she gave silent thanks that she had cooked a huge one. She hesitated before putting the jug on, but Susannah showed no sign of doing it herself; Susannah did, however, take over pouring the tea from the pot.

Harry drank his tea, then said bluntly, ‘I’m still hungry.’

‘Hold your tongue,’ Jack said, glaring at him.

‘Why should I? There’s no crime in being hungry.’

‘I’ll get you some biscuits, Harry,’ Amy said. She loaded a plate from her cake tins.

Harry took a handful of biscuits, but he looked at Susannah accusingly. ‘It’s meat I wanted, not biscuits.’

‘Harry,’ Jack growled.

‘I’m a bit hungry too,’ John said, reaching for a biscuit.

‘How was I to know you’re all such pigs?’ Susannah burst out. ‘I did my best, and all you can do is complain. And you,’ she turned to Amy, ‘you’re just waiting to gloat over me again.’

‘I’m not—’

‘You’re all against me.’ Susannah rushed from the room in tears.

‘Susie!’ Jack called, but she ignored him. ‘Now look what you’ve done.’ He glared at Harry and John.

‘What?’ Harry said. ‘All I did was say I’m hungry. It’s not too much to ask for a decent meal, is it?’

Jack sighed. ‘I suppose it’s not. I’d better go and settle her down, though. Blast it, I’m hungry too! Have you got any more of those biscuits, Amy?’

‘Plenty, Pa,’ said Amy. ‘I’ll get you some more.’

Jack did not seem to be in any great hurry to soothe his wife; in fact the four of them spent a pleasant evening together. Amy noticed that Susannah’s name was not mentioned.

 

*

 

But Susannah could not be ignored for long. Next morning she came out while Amy was cooking breakfast. ‘Oh, you’ve already started.’

‘I like to have it ready when they come in,’ Amy said apologetically. ‘And I didn’t know when you were getting up. They’re always hungry after milking.’

‘I don’t want to hear about how hungry they are. Out of my way, I’ll finish this. You can set the table.’

The men looked at their plates apprehensively when they saw that Susannah had been involved with breakfast, but appeared relieved when they saw the pile of bacon and eggs. ‘Good meal, Susie,’ said Jack.

‘Susannah,’ she corrected him. ‘I’m glad you all like it.’ She smiled sweetly around the table.