Chapter 24

Zenith

Zenith checked Leagh before she retired herself. The woman was sleeping quietly, her skin slightly flushed but cool, her breathing calm and deep. Zenith nodded to Zared, sitting silent in a corner under the pool of light cast by a lamp, and then left the room, sighing as she closed the door.

Zenith was feeling excluded and forgotten — and feeling guilty that she felt that way in the first instance. Her brother DragonStar, her best friend Leagh, and even her parents (who had spent the greater portion of her life being distant and uninterested), were caught up in events of such great magnitude that all existence depended on the outcome. There were hurried comings and goings, hastily convened councils, newly-discovered magics and dark treacheries happening everywhere ... but they were happening behind closed doors for all Zenith felt involved. She played no part in them — she might as well not exist for all the influence she could bring to bear on the current crisis.

Zenith was not a proud woman, nor one to seek attention or lust after her own role in whatever power play consumed the nation, but she was a SunSoar, a princess of the House of Stars, and she was not used to being brushed aside as if she was of no import at all.

"And yet what have I accomplished?" she asked herself as she walked the halls of Sanctuary towards her own apartment. "I played a small part in enabling DragonStar to escape death at Gaelum's hands, and then ... nothing. I was forcibly seduced, then as forcibly excluded from my own body. I have ever reacted, not acted."

And then Zenith smiled at her own foolishness. What was she doing, thinking dark thoughts about being excluded from whatever secret councils were being held this night? What was she doing lusting after some dark and dangerous furtive role in bringing about Qeteb's downfall? All she wanted, if truth be told, was a quiet life away from the intricacies of high politics and enchantment: perhaps with a husband to love and care for her, and children to love.

Now Zenith hesitated again, pausing and resting a hand on one of the corridor walls.

She could have all that if she really wanted it, couldn't she? StarDrifter was never far away. He never demanded, he never even mentioned the fact that what he wanted most of all in life was to have her as his wife, but Zenith could almost feel the intensity of his thoughts: StarDrifter's hunger kept her awake at nights.

Guilt, guilt, guilt — that's what kept her awake at nights. There was no reason why she couldn't respond to StarDrifter save her own inhibitions and prudery. She loved him — Zenith had no problems admitting that to herself, nor even to StarDrifter — but whenever she thought of bedding with him, then the strength of her physical repulsion made her stomach turn over.

Would time ease her repulsion? Erode her prudery?

But how much time, and how long was StarDrifter prepared to give her?

Zenith lifted her chin, straightened her shoulders and walked forwards. Why did she always feel so guilty? What fault was within her that made her —

A birdwoman hurrying along the corridor interrupted Zenith's flow of thoughts, and she studied the woman, grateful for the interruption and the opportunity to think about something other than her own inadequacies.

The birdwoman, an Icarii Healer by the name of StarWalker, was carrying a bowl of soiled cloths. The pungent aroma of ginnet — a herb used to stifle infection — rose from the cloths.

"Someone is ill?" Zenith asked, laying a hand on StarWalker's arm to halt her.

"Yes," StarWalker said, watching Zenith carefully. The healer licked her lips, and her eyes slid away from Zenith's.

Zenith's eyes narrowed. "Who is ill?" she asked. "And why the ginnet? Is she — he? — so badly injured they need its strength?"

"The man is badly injured," StarWalker said. "Crippling wounds ... inflicted by the Demons, I believe."

Zenith's interest was piqued. Who had been so badly hurt? And why was StarWalker being so reticent? The birdwoman's eyes were now sliding this way and that so desperately she looked as though she were about to have a seizure.

Dammit! Zenith thought. Is everyone resolved to keep me in the dark about every trifling detail?

"I really must go," StarWalker said. "If you will excuse me..."

Zenith's hand tightened on StarWalker's arm. "Where is the sick room?"

"Oh, it's too far for you to be troubling yourself —"

"I don't think so, StarWalker. Where is the sick room? I might as well make myself useful."

"Zenith," StarWalker said, finally looking her in the eye, "you do not want to go there."

"Why? Is the patient so infectious? And if so, then what are you doing wandering the corridors with a bowl full of infection in your hands?"

"Zenith," StarWalker was now leaning close, her eyes wide and full of an emotion that Zenith could not quite read. "Zenith ... DragonStar found WolfStar within the wasteland. He brought him back —

frightfully injured by the Demons. I ... I did not want to tell you."

Zenith was so shocked she could not say anything for a moment. WolfStar ... here? In Sanctuary? She had hardly thought of him since she'd come down to Sanctuary herself; somehow her mind had come to the unconscious conclusion that he'd been killed by the Demons and she need never worry about him again. But now ...

"WolfStar?" she whispered.

"There is no need for you to be concerned," StarWalker said, laying the bowl on the ground and taking both of Zenith's hands in hers. "He is kept under close guard. He can't be a danger to you now."

Gods, Zenith thought weakly, does everyone know about his rape of me? Has everyone else been told that WolfStar is here, and is everyone wandering about thinking, Poor Zenith, we must keep this from her in case she shatters?

"Where is he?" Zenith said, looking StarWalker in the eye.

"I don't think I should —"

"Where is he?"

StarWalker hesitated, then spoke. "He's being kept in the underground chambers in the complex next to the apple and plum orchard."

Zenith nodded slowly; she knew it. StarWalker must be heading back to the series of herb storerooms that were situated on the second level of this building. If Zenith hadn't happened across StarWalker, nor pressed her for details, she would never have known about WolfStar.

"Thank you, StarWalker," she said, absently, disengaging herself from the woman's grip.

"He won't harm you," StarWalker said.

"I'm sure he won't," Zenith said, and abruptly turned and walked away.

She sat in her darkened room for many hours. Thinking. Remembering. Trying to decide on some course of action.

Zenith was stunned at her own reaction to the news that WolfStar had been found and then secreted within Sanctuary. She would have imagined she might have felt fear, or anger, or even repulsion.

But she felt none of these. All she felt was an overwhelming desire to see him.

Why? To gloat perhaps. To spit in his face? To finally lay aside the memory of his repulsive rape and then misuse of her body as he encouraged Niah in her attempts to control it?

Zenith didn't know, and that was what distressed her most of all. She had thought anger and revenge would have been at the forefront of her mind ... but all she found herself thinking of was the single glimpse she'd had of WolfStar at Fernbrake Lake. She'd been horrified by his condition — but she hadn't felt any anger or repulsion when she'd seen him, had she?

"No, no," she muttered, her hands twisting in her lap, "I was distracted by the sight of Niah, that's all.

I would have been angered and repulsed if I hadn't been distracted by Niah."

Zenith rose and paced about the room. She badly wanted to talk to someone, but there was no-one left. Faraday, Gwendylyr and Leagh were each preoccupied with their own problems and their newly-discovered roles and powers, while Azhure, although she'd been closer and warmer to Zenith in the past few days than

Zenith could remember in many years, was still not a confidante. Not for this, and certainly not where WolfStar was concerned. Azhure might superficially acknowledge WolfStar's failings (murder, manipulation, treachery, rape ... the failings of any mere mortal) but he was nevertheless her father, and she had emotional ties with WolfStar that precluded any detached discussion of him.

Besides, Zenith could not get out of her mind the fact that Azhure had also encouraged the Niah-soul's attempt to take over Zenith's body.

StarDrifter? Could she go to StarDrifter? Zenith found herself standing before the door to the corridor. She trusted him more than any. She loved him. He would be understanding.

About WolfStar?

"Why am I feeling this way?" Zenith whispered. "Why?" She felt as though some mean-spirited giant had taken an enormous wooden spoon and stirred up her entrails. She was a mass of conflicting emotions, and yet she could not identify any of them.

And she did not know what to do, nor who to talk to. Was it just mention of WolfStar, or was it that combined with her feelings of disassociation and uselessness which had been growing for weeks now?

Zenith closed her eyes, gripped the door handle tightly, and made up her mind.

She had to talk to someone.

She turned the handle, opened the door, and walked into the corridor, vanishing into the gloom.