SEVENTY-FOUR

Thursday evening

The skinny one, Theo, had just stepped back into the shanty. There were a half dozen men still outside. Guards.

Still, it was time to move. Mason had decided on dusk. Just as the eastern sky shifted into purples and the western horizon glowed orange. The black of night would be too risky. Too many people around Caitlyn, too many unknown factors. It had been different with the whore and her daughter, Thirsty; in that situation, Mason had been led by a local boy and knew that the two were alone.

Mason didn’t want to wait until daylight the next day either. First, his patience was ebbing as his rage was building. All he needed to do was rub his destroyed eye to be reminded of what he wanted to do to her. Second, he didn’t know what the new day would bring. Caitlyn had spent time with Billy and Theo and the other one. Discussing what plans?

No, Mason had to act before then.

Dusk was his best option. He’d wait until the light had almost faded, then spring. Like the panther he was. He’d use the Taser to take out as many guards as he could and rely on his knife if the Taser ran short of power.

Mason crept away from the wall that had shielded him during his observations. Waiting for the perfect moment to pounce.

“I need your help,” Caitlyn said to Billy.

“I’ll do it.” Billy had been sitting against the shanty wall. Now he stood. He exhaled, looked toward the door, as if she were calling him to action.

“Listen to me, okay?” Caitlyn hardly spoke above a whisper. “I just want you to listen to me.”

He nodded.

“Then sit,” she said.

Awkwardly, he found a position near her.

Caitlyn found his presence comforting. She knew he wouldn’t have resisted if she reached for one of his hands to hold, but she didn’t want the intimacy of contact. She wanted to be in a bubble because it felt like the words were coming out of someone else, not her.

“You were the first to see my wings,” she said. “Remember? At the river?”

She’d almost drowned. Billy had waded into the raging water, fought the current, and borne her weight as he pulled her from death. She’d spread her wings to dry, bewildered and terrified and exhilarated. Only moments before, she had soared into space and discovered the mystery of her body’s deformity.

“You don’t know it,” she said, “but I think if you had reacted differently, I would have hated myself. Instead, and I know because I was watching you so closely, you smiled. It was a beautiful smile, William.”

Then, even though she wanted to be in a bubble, alone and yet not alone, the memory compelled her to touch his hand. “In that moment, you made me feel just as beautiful. I will always be grateful to you for that.”

He kept his head bowed, staring at her long, almost unnatural fingers. She left her hand there.

“William,” she said, “I’m not sure I can ever explain to you what it’s like to be in the air. The freedom. The first time, it was like getting to a place you never knew existed, until you got there and then realized your entire life you were longing for it, and you also suddenly realize the certainty that it was waiting, like the blood in your veins, something you’d be aware of only when you began to lose it.”

“You told me to listen,” Billy said. “But I got to say something. Or I’ll never find the right time or place to say it. I know what you mean.”

He lifted his head. His face was strange mixture of determination and fear. “That’s what it was like for me. Meeting you. Not knowing a person could have the feelings I had, but then understanding that’s what a person is made for.”

Caitlyn touched his face, gently. And was betrayed by wondering what it would be like to touch Razor’s face in the same way.

He misinterpreted her slight frown and pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” she said. Feeling horrible. Billy was the right one for her. Why did she want Razor? “It’s me. That’s why you need to listen. Who could ever be with me? The way I am?”

“Caitlyn,” Billy began to protest. “Don’t you know how beautiful you are?”

“I need you to listen.”

He gave a slow and reluctant nod.

“If you gave me the choice, today,” she said, “I would say yes to my wings. Yes to being a freak. I would say all that hurt along the way was worth it for what it feels like when I fly. That’s why I never went to Swain. I wanted to be me. I didn’t want to lose my wings.”

She blew air from her lungs in a long, quiet sigh. “The way I am, right now, I will always be hunted. No one around me would be safe. Ever. And when I’m caught…”

She knew it was going to be a struggle to articulate this. She didn’t have the medical knowledge. But Billy had told her enough that she could guess at the future.

“When I’m caught, it’ll be because they want to make more like me. Experiments. I’ll be the one responsible for inflicting this deformity on the babies that are born. They’ll be kept prisoners, like me.”

She had it now, knew what she was trying to say. “Will they be given a chance to fly, given a chance to find the place that is waiting for them? No. Never.”

She didn’t have to tell Billy to keep listening. He soaked in her sadness.

“To stay the way I am,” she said, “would be selfish. I can’t do that. You and Theo, you know where Swain is. Let’s call Theo. Then both of you, take me there. For surgery.”

“Caitlyn?”

“William, I have to lose my wings. There is no other way.”