CAPTAIN OF THE HEAD

I’ve a way with the old Rosie Lee

That keeps all the sailors amused,

When they come home on leave

I’ve some tricks up my sleeve

To impress all the salts when they’re used.

I do speeches from most of the classics

And readings from Judges and Kings,

A sprinkling of farce

In a champagne glass

And a remake of Lord of the Rings.

I pull bunnies out of my topper

And invoke ancient runes on a scroll.

I call up the shit

From the bottomless pit

And finish by swallowing coal.

The sailors throw pennies and halfpennies

And promise me trips round the bay.

I just bow to them all,

Take a quick curtain call

And then I am off on my way.

I’m in constant demand for bar mitzvahs

And weddings and stag nights to boot.

I charge very good rates

And supply my own plates (pyrex of course)

And an ample selection of fruit.[16]

There’s no business like show business, is there, eh?