Fussball

First time I’d been out on the town in a couple of weeks, and I felt like shit. Darcy had asked me not to tell a soul. I was a bit lost, but I held to that. There were a million things I needed to get off my chest. She’d asked me not to call, so I didn’t. She told me she needed space, so I gave it. Somehow it was all about her, and that made me bitter.

I’d spent a couple of straight days in bed, sulking. I’d spent a couple of quiet weeks sitting in. Luckily it was essay season, so there was plenty to procrastinate over. But Frank kept inviting me out, and eventually I ran out of excuses. I was moping over a nasty pint for about an hour. Frank had little time for this.

‘You’re a miserable bastard,’ he said.

‘I’ve got things going on,’ I said.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘But are they as important as my winning streak?’

‘Winning streak?’

‘Since you started being a whiny bitch and staying home, me and Paedo haven’t lost a match of table football. Not even against South African Dude.’

South African Dude was a pure legend at the table, and also not even vaguely South African. He could trap a ball and put pressure on the paddles till the bars bent. Eventually the ball would shoot directly into the goal of its own volition, rather than suffer any more.

‘I thought I was irreplaceable,’ I said.

‘Yeah, well. I’ve had to make do.’

‘I’ll get over it,’ I said.

I rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers. Took another tiny sip from my warming pint.

‘We could play the quiz?’ Frank said.

‘I’m not fussed,’ I said.

Frank scowled. He wasn’t about to make another concession.

‘I know,’ Frank said. ‘About you and Darcy.’

That broke the tension. I felt my shoulders heave with a great winding rush of relief.

‘Oh, thank fuck,’ I gasped. I could have hugged him right there and then. ‘How’d you find out?’

‘From Euan, actually.’

‘Fuck me, I didn’t know she’d told him yet. How’s he taking it?’

‘He’s really into his Shitokan Karate at the moment,’ Frank told me. ‘I’m sure that’s helping him work it out of his system.’

‘Shotokan, you mean.’

‘Like that,’ Frank said. ‘But you learn to beat the shit out of people who mess with your woman.’

‘Dude,’ I said.

‘Sorry, Quinn, but this is funny. You’re properly reaping what you’ve sown here.’

Had to be that the extreme sport that Euan had thrown himself into this semester was some form of the art of ass-kicking.

‘I feel lousy,’ I said. ‘About everything.’

‘Welcome to it,’ he said. ‘Still looking for advice?’

‘Mate, whatever you’ve got.’

‘This is it,’ he said. ‘This is how it is, all the time, for everyone. You didn’t fuck up, you just got promoted a division.’

‘This is how it is for you, too?’ I asked.

‘Shit, no. I don’t get involved,’ Frank said. ‘It looks messy.’

‘See, I’d like to be like that,’ I said.

‘No,’ Frank said. ‘You want all kinds of things.’

‘Yeah, ’ I said. ‘But I’d like to handle them like you do.’

‘Well, I can understand that,’ Frank said, swelling. ‘Who wouldn’t want to be like me? But you can’t, because you’ve forgotten the most important thing.’

‘Which is?’

‘That I’m the Daddy,’ Frank said. ‘And you’re not.’