My vision cleared enough to check the time at the bottom of the screen. Six twenty-three. Was it morning or evening? Hints of dull, rain-washed light paled the sky. In late October, that could mean either sunrise or sunset.

Static filled my eyes. White static. I tried to shake my head to clear it of the fuzzy vision and scattered thoughts. My head was too heavy. So were my arms.

I needed to put my head down. The desktop seemed a league away and retreating.

Sleep. If only I could sleep a little.

I flopped back against the high back of my office chair, letting my head loll to the side. I closed my eyes.

Just for a couple of minutes. Allie would be calling me to dinner soon. I’d be okay with just a short nap.

I swam up through layers and layers of white mist, trying desperately to speak, hearing only a gargled croak.

“Tess, what’s wrong?” Allie crouched before my chair. Her long fingers encircled my wrist, testing my pulse. She shook her head and moved her touch to my throat.

I think I breathed.

“You’re alive. For a while there I wasn’t sure.” She stood up and glowered down at me from her superb height.

“Huh?”

“You scared me. What happened?”

“Wh ...” I licked my dry lips and swallowed deeply. Then I tried again. “What happened?”

“That’s what I asked you?” She ran the back of her hand across my brow the same way Mom used to check for fever.

“Time?” I blinked a couple of times, trying to focus my eyes. The room kept trying to spin away from me. After a couple of tries I found a scratch on my desk to focus on. Gradually, things stopped sliding away from me.

“It’s after nine. Have you eaten anything? Have you even been to bed?”

“Nine in the morning!” More than just lamplight filtered into the room. Dull and gray outside, but still brighter than when I’d succumbed to sleep.

Or was it more than sleep?

“Scrap. Where’s Scrap?” I shoved my chair back in panic. I had to find him. Something was wrong. Terribly, awfully wrong.

The room lurched right then left. I fell heavily against Allie.

“Easy, Tess. Take it easy. Let’s get you to the kitchen and pour some coffee and food into you. I’m calling Gollum.”

“No.”

“Yes. Either him or Dr. Sean. You know he’ll put you in the hospital and run a thousand expensive tests that will show nothing. You need help. So swallow your pride along with your coffee. We’re calling Gollum.” She slipped her arm around my waist and braced us both for the trip across the hall to the tall counter between the kitchen and living room.

I eyed the swivel barstool warily. I knew that if I tried climbing onto it, it would twist and fling me away.

Allie solved that problem with a heave and a push.

“I feel as helpless as a child.”

“You are. Drink this and think about letting someone help you for a change. You don’t have to do everything alone.”

“Tell that to Scrap. He’s alone somewhere and hurting. I need to find him.”

“You need to regain some strength so he can. You two are bound so tight with magic and love and blood you’re almost the same person.”

I sat listlessly staring into the black depths of my coffee. Black and strong like a hungry black hole in space; bitter enough to etch the sugar spoon I stirred.

The whirlpools within the cup drew me deeper and deeper. If only I could see through the murkiness, I was sure I could find Scrap. I knew I had to find him before this terrible listlessness would dissolve.

But I know if I do that, it will swallow me whole and I will leave my beloved Tess to drift into nothingness, neither alive, nor dead.

This is worse than the time the Guardians of the Valley of Fire trapped me within the Goblin Rock. They at least asked questions. They demanded I look deep within myself and find the source of the darkness in my soul. Only when I brought forth my guilt for allowing my bloodlust to extend beyond those who sought to kill me to the onlookers who cheered them on did I find a sliver of light within the darkness. Only when I admitted that I didn’t need to kill them did I loosen the hold that guilt had upon me.

Only then could I stand within the same room as Donovan Estevez, the former gargoyle who still repelled those who would taint the sanctuary he had guarded for eight hundred years.

This solid and unmoving door reminded me of all that. Inspiration born of instinct tells me to get away from that door. Behind it lies a dimension from which I can never return.

Slowly I roll to my dimpled knees. The door tries to follow me, pressing against my bum like a lover.

Death stalks me like a lonely lover.

I crawl back the way I came. I cannot return Death’s affection.

My wings sag over my shoulders. Tiny movements rock them with pins and needles of fire. I do not think them broken. Just sprained, like Tess’ ankle.

The windows I passed on my way down the corridor of curiosity have closed. One shot. That’s all you get on a search. One lousy look. The window decides how long you can peer through, taking note of details that might prove useful later. Then it slams closed, never to open to you again. I don’t know if it will open to another searcher. I hope not. Otherwise, our enemies will know what we know.

Tess might come here and learn that the magic ring she gave back to the faeries connects her by blood to Lady Lucia, a demon masquerading as a vampire. But that’s another story I’m not going to tell her.

Without landmarks I have no sense of time or distance. But with each painful slide forward the pressure from the door lessens and the floor becomes more solid. If I can just find the main room I’ll be able to pop back to Tess. We can heal together.

While I languish in this half state of living so will she.

“A hospital would smell better.” I must have mumbled out loud. The sound of my own voice startled me. My throat felt as if I’d torn each word from a fixed position inside it.

“You’re alive!” Gollum whispered. His hands encased one of my own, and his head rested on the side of my bed within the cradle of his arms. He looked up, blinking blearily at me without his glasses. For once I could truly see his emotions through the mild blue irises. He smiled a bit. “You’re alive,” he said somewhat louder.

I reached over and caressed his fair hair as if I had the right to touch him so intimately and lovingly.

“Did you say something?” Allie peeked in. She wore a maroon suit, complete with flared skirt, matching blazer, and a pink blouse.

“You look like me at a publisher’s lunch,” I said, somewhat surprised.

“Job interview. Welcome back to the land of the living. I’ve got to run, Gollum. You okay alone with her?”

“Of course.” He removed one of his big hands from atop mine and fumbled for his glasses.

I found them next to my pillow and handed them back, though I’d miss the honesty of his expression without the disguising lenses.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I said, when he was safely hiding behind his glasses once more.

“Yes, I should.” He raised my hand and kissed my fingertips.

“What about ... Julia?” I couldn’t bring myself to call her his wife.

“Pat is with her.”

“The nurse?”

He nodded as he checked my brow for fever with the inside of his wrist.

“But Pat works nights and you’ve been here all night.”

“Don’t worry about me and mine. I need to know what happened to you. You’ve been in a kind of coma.”

“I don’t know. I think Scrap is hurt. My back aches like it’s been hit with a two by four.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I told him to leave me alone and let me work. So he left. Sometime later I couldn’t keep my eyes open.” I tried to recall those lost hours. “I think I dreamed about some Gypsies and a crystal ball.”

“Why?”

“I ...” After gulping and organizing my thoughts a bit I told him about the ball of beryllium.

He didn’t question why I had refused the price.

“Try calling Scrap with your mind. He might respond to a direct order to return to your side.”

“If he can.”

Gollum raised his eyebrows in mute question.

“I think I also dreamed of death. Something about a big heavy door that leads to a dimension from which there is no return.”

“Try calling him. You are alive and awake, therefore, he must be also.”

Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. Hold your horses. A perfect donut ring of cigar smoke preceded him. He poked his head through a crack in reality, wearing the ring like a lei.

“You can stop playing games now. I was worried about you.”

You were worried? I was worried, he snarled sarcastically. Catch me! He popped through, landing on my belly with a whoosh.

My breath expelled explosively.

“You’re heavy,” I complained when I could breathe again. “You’re heavy? You don’t weigh anything in this dimension. How could you knock the breath out of me?” I reached to hug him.

Relief at his reappearance outweighed my discomfort.

He mumbled and grumbled and waddled around until his back was to me.

“Nice wart on your spine,” I complimented him.

He humphed and grumphed.

“Oh, your wings are ... a bit droopy.” The cartilage on the up-sweep had lost stiffness and the barbed joints looked a bit dull and twisted.

“Tell me about it,” I soothed him. I ran a gentle hand along the outside of the wings, amazed that I could feel the suedelike texture.

“Good to see you in the flesh, buddy,” Gollum said, peering at my usually invisible imp. “You’ve grown a bit since I last saw you. Got a few new warts too. What can I do to make you feel better?”

Mold. And lots of it. Scrap thought a minute. And some beer and OJ. And could I please have my favorite pink boa?

“You got it. Coffee for you, Tess?”

I nodded. “Hey, how come you can see and hear him?”

“Ask him while I get some fortification for both of you.” He exited with his usual long stride.

“Talk, Scrap.”

Don’t wanna.

“Nothing to eat until you tell me why we both almost died.”

I guess. He sounded like a recalcitrant teenager caught playing hooky or with a stash of marijuana.

“Talk. I won’t judge you.”

More mumbles and grumbles. And then the story of his time in the chat room with the Politbutts came out in one long burst with hardly a breath.

Gollum came back in with a tray of treats and drinks about the time Scrap speculated how the bodies and souls of dead imps made up the chat room. Professor Van der Hoyden-Smythe nodded sagely and reached for his everything in one cell phone to take notes. His glasses started slipping down his long nose.

The geek I fell in love with was back in true form.

“You going to get an academic paper out of this?” I asked.

Scrap finished his tale with his long slow crawl back home. Before the last word dribbled from his mouth, he scooped up a glob of mold—from the balcony baseboards judging by the color and texture—plucked out a tiny spider and swallowed it in one gulp. Then he chased his tidbit with a long slurp of beer mixed half and half with orange juice.

His skin turned bright orange and began to fade.

“Is he still here?” Gollum asked, staring right at Scrap. Or maybe staring through him.

“Of course. He must be feeling better to go transparent. I wonder why he was so visible when he was hurt.”

“Probably an instinct thing. So you could care for him.”

Hey, I’m still here. I can hear every word you say.

“We know that, Scrap. Why don’t you take a nap. Your eyes look very heavy.”

Stay with me. He waddled up to the spare pillow and curled up in a ball with his wings spread out over him. In seconds he began snoring.

“He’s sleeping,” I whispered. “I didn’t know he did sleep.”

“All creatures need sleep to heal.” Gollum knelt beside the bed and captured my hand again. “I am very relieved that you are both safe now.”

“Thank you for keeping vigil. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have beside me if I died.” My throat started to close. I had to look away, knowing what I had to do, no matter how much it hurt.

“I had to be here.”

“And now that we are healing, you need to go.”

“Tess, you can’t keep on doing this by yourself. You’ve gotten hurt too many times this last year. You need backup. You need help.”

“I do what I have to do, the way I have to do it.” A stubborn wall of hurt pride rose up around me.

“Tess, I ...”

“Go. Please, go now, while I can still release you to your obligations.”

“We may not be able to be together as a couple, Tess. Not the way we want to. But I am your archivist. You are as much my responsibility as Julia. You need help. I am always available.”

“But not to love. Just go. Before I make a fool of myself and both of us sorry you came at all.” I turned my head to the wall so I wouldn’t have to watch him leave. Again.