chapter 6

The Beercation: Seeking the Source

An important rite of passage in a Beer Geek’s life is to work through the Grand Tour of notable beer regions. While one could simply engage in beer trading to try these ­region-specific, difficult-to-procure beers, a Beer Geek is compelled to go to the source, soak in the terroir, and buy lots of ­authentic schwag to document that she has traveled across the world to drink a beer.

As a rule of thumb, the more difficult it is to get to your destination, the better the experience is. Extra points for visiting breweries whose beer is only available on-premises.

Belgium: The Motherland

In terms of beercations, Belgium is the pinnacle, the destination all others are compared against. The country holds a special place in Beer Geeks’ hearts not just because the beer is delicious, but also because of the national reverence held for it. The way France respects wine, Belgium respects beer. Additionally, the transcontinental journey and associated cost settles any question of a Beer Geek’s dedication to the craft.

Beer abounds everywhere in Belgium, so rather than seeking out good beer selections, you will simply be trying to separate the good from the excellent. In bars in the United States, you may occasionally have to settle on Budweiser; the Belgian “settle” beer is Duvel.

When visiting, an absolute must is the awkwardly titled but excellently written Good Beer Guide Belgium, by Tim Webb. The book is currently in its seventh edition, but bonus points are always awarded for toting around a well-used early version. New editions should be dog-eared and beer-stained at home prior to travel.

When in Belgium, a Beer Geek has two priorities:

1. 1. finding beers to sample and enjoy while there, and
2. 2. finding beers to bring back home.

Regarding the beers going in your luggage, the main focus should be on bottles that are not distributed to your home country, or at least are not easily found (Belgian lambics are a great example). This requires research prior to departure to ensure you know exactly what is and isn’t available back home. There’s nothing worse than lugging a beer halfway across the world only to find it sitting on a shelf at your local bottle shop.

While sizable books have been written on all the beery destinations, a Beer Geek hasn’t really visited Belgium until he’s ticked the following off his itinerary:

Brasserie Cantillon. Chances are you’ll be arriving in Belgium via Brussels, and any self-respecting Beer Geek will be found in Cantillon’s taproom drinking some of the world’s best lambic within an hour of exiting customs. Located just a few blocks from the centrally located Gare du Midi station, a €5 fee buys you a self-guided tour of some of the most Beer Geek–photographed brewing equipment in the world. Marvel at the random crates of whale-ish beers collecting dust in the hallway, and gaze at the walls of conditioning “loons” (Beer Geek slang for bottles of Cantillon). A flight of their cult-followed beers is included. Stock up on bottles, but do it on a second visit at the end of your trip to avoid lugging them across the country.

Drie Fonteinen. This stop is located in quaint Beersel, just a few miles outside of Brussels proper, but a world apart. The steepness of the hill between the Beersel train station and Drie Fonteinen is stuff of Beer Geek legend. The brewery and blending shop ooze lambic authenticity. Beers are typically poured and sold by the brewer/blender himself, Armand Debelder, providing Facebook photo gold. The bottle shop and tasting room are only open Fridays and Saturdays, a crucial logistical consideration. The attached restaurant (open Thursday through Monday) serves up fantastic dishes cooked with their world-class lambic, and their selection of vintage bottles and draft specialties will floor even the most jaded Beer Snob.

Kulminator. Located about an hour from Brussels in Antwerp, the Kulminator is arguably Belgium’s best beer bar. Shoehorned into a thin slice of space on a random back street, it houses decades of cellared beers. A dictionary-sized beer menu includes anything from Trappist ales from the ’70s to bottles of gueuze from long-lost lambic producers. At least a day should be dedicated to slowly exploring its vast selection.

Café ‘t Brugs Beertje. Located in picturesque Brugge, a town famous for medieval architecture, quaint canals, handmade lace, and roving gangs of umbrella-wielding Japanese tourists, this bar is famous not just for its outstanding beer list but also for its matronly proprietor Daisy Claeys. Her approving smile assures you that your beer order was a good one. Gorge yourself on the city’s vast selection of chocolate and then spend a rainy day drinking in this national Belgian treasure.

In De Vrede. The café across the street from the Saint Sixtus Abbey, the monastery that brews the revered Westvleteren 12. While black-market “Westies” can be found in random beer bars and shops across the country, In De Vrede is the only place where it is reliably (and legally) available. And while the monastery and brewery are not open to the public, just walking the grounds and absorbing its veneration is the way to properly enjoy these world-class brews. For the complete experience, the brewery should be approached on bike from nearby Watou. Completing the day with dinner at the world-famous beer restaurant the Hommelhof is a no-brainer.

Belgian Transportation

When choosing modes of transportation to travel across Belgium, consider that the more cumbersome the journey, the more authentic the experience. Using a car causes you to miss out on crucial cultural osmosis, and staying under the legal BAC limit of 0.05% makes for a very lame beercation indeed. A combination of trains and bikes are best. For the authentic Belgian beercation experience, a Beer Geek should receive at least one lift thanks to a newly formed friendship with a random Belgian bar patron or bartender.

Germany: The Fatherland

Renowned for perfecting supremely drinkable beers, German beer is all about subtle elegance, not pushing the envelope. With no cult-followed breweries to hit or trade bait to stock up on, you can tour the beer regions of Germany knowing that you are telling the world that you are serious about beer and not just following the trends.

While non-Beer Geeks just think of pilsners and hefeweizens when they think of Germany, Beer Geeks know there is a vast array of other styles. The smoky rauchbier, the sweet yet powerful dopplebock, and the supremely drinkable kolsch are sometimes imitated by American breweries but very rarely equaled.

Each of these somewhat obscure styles originates from a specific region, having been tailored to local ingredients and brewing methods centuries ago. The draw of a German beercation is the opportunity to visit these regions and sample the wares of their centuries-old breweries. After trying the various versions of a specific German beer style, a Beer Geek has earned the right to authoritatively disparage any attempted imitation by a non-German brewery (it would only be snobby if it weren’t true).

Germany’s excellent rail system allows you to explore its numerous regions relatively quickly. To fully maximize the copious drinking opportunities, forget any silly notions of exploring castles or museums and instead just learn to shout, “Bitte noch ein bier!” (Another beer, please!).

Munich. First and foremost, the most important beer city of Germany. While noobs (and your aunt) will assume you will surely visit during Oktoberfest, Beer Geeks know that this 16-day festival is mostly a train wreck of rookies, vomit, and tourists and is best avoided. Brewery-dedicated beer halls abound throughout the city, as do quaint biergartens. Spend considerable time sampling the rich, bready Munich Dunkel. A showcase of what the Munich malt is capable of, this beer is rarely found — and never equaled — outside of the region. Also, don’t miss Munich’s clove-y yet fruity weissbier, which is what Americans know as hefeweizen.

Bamberg. Though a Bavarian city, Bamberg manages to have a separate identity from the rest of Bavaria and is known for crafting kellerbiers (think cask-conditioned, Oktoberfest-style beers) and rauchbiers (also Oktoberfest-style, but brewed with beachwood-smoked malts). Kellerbiers are drunk out of hefty earthen mugs in local biergartens, making for one of the most enjoyable beer-drinking experiences a Beer Geek can have. The various rauchbiers vary in smokiness (light to full-on bacon) to fit almost any palate. The ultimate food beer, they have a lighter body well-suited to all-day sessioning. (To get an idea of this style, try the classic Aecht Schlenkerla rauchbier, which is distributed throughout the United States.) It’s your cue to leave when your pee starts to smell smoky.

Berlin. Not really a beer destination. However, since most will pass through here, Beer Geeks will certainly sample their regional style of beer, the Berliner weisse. Berliners know this unfiltered wheat beer soured by Lactobacillus as something drunk only by blue-haired grandmas and American Beer Geeks. It has otherwise been largely forgotten (or avoided) by the locals. To make it more approachable, it is traditionally served with sweet raspberry or woodruff (herbal green goo) syrup to reduce the sourness. A Beer Geek tries the syrup versions for the experience but otherwise drinks it straight (the bewildered look you receive from your bartender is part of the authentic experience). Unfortunately, after a steady market decline, the Berliner Kindl-Schultheiss is the only brewery that still regularly brews this stuff, though you can also find the mellower Bayerischer Bahnhof version from nearby Leipzig.

Cologne. A bustling medieval town with a rollicking beer scene, thanks in no small part to a large student population. The local beer is the kolsch and should not be confused with your local brewpub’s “kolsch,” which is really a corn-infused Bud Light substitute. Authentic kolsches are crisp, clean beers with delicate fruit notes, making them excellent session options. They are served in tall, narrow, 200-mL glasses called stangens, and servers wander the beer halls with racked trays, constantly replacing empty glasses. Over 20 local breweries offer their own versions, each with unique subtleties.

Dusseldorf. At first glance, the city seems very business-oriented, but a quick visit to the Altstadt pedestrian walking mall along the Rhine reveals the city’s fun side. The local altbier is a bitter, bronze brew balanced by a malty richness. An essential stop is the Uerige brewery to try their sticke alt, a slightly darker, thicker, and more powerful version of altbier that is the elixir of the beer gods.

Bocks of Bavaria. Though they originated in the north German town of Einbeck, bocks are now best represented in the German free state of Bavaria. The bock style includes the light maibock, the powerful doppelbock, and the ice-distilled eisbock — all rich, malty lagers known for their strength and clean finish. Travel to Ayinger Brewery to try Celebrator, a doppelbock once hailed as the “world’s best beer” by users of BeerAdvocate.com. Also make time to stop by the Kloster Andechs monastery, which has been brewing since 1455. Finally, check out Schneider Brewery, in Kelheim, and Kulmbacher Brewery, in Upper Franconia, to sample eisbocks, the German take on a barleywine.

The Pacific Northwest: Beerlandia

Nearly 75 percent of American-grown hops come from the Yakima Valley of Washington. A big chunk of the remaining portion are grown in Oregon’s Willamette Valley, making these two neighboring states hotbeds for craft beer. And for a long time the Pacific Northwest was strictly for hop lovers. But there’s more to life than just hops, and northwestern Beer Geeks began to develop a fondness for good beer in general, not just IPAs.

When touring the area, the obvious targets will be Portland and Seattle on the rainy western sides of the states, and Bend and Yakima in the drier agricultural area farther east. Before departing for the trip, male Beer Geeks should allow ample time to grow a respectable smattering of facial hair to assimilate with their Pacific Northwest brethren.

Seattle. The Emerald City is an excellent jumping-off point for a Beer Geek’s Pacific Northwest tour. One of the first beercentric cities, for a while it was content living in its hoppy, grunge-rock past. New blood has emerged on the scene, though, and Seattle is once again ascending in glory. Beer Geeks should plan on spending an afternoon justifying their airline baggage fees at Bottleworks, one of the best bottle shops in the country. Also, Brouwer’s Café is proving itself one of the best beer-food pairing spots in the world and is great for seducing non–Beer Geek spouses and significant others to the beery side of life. A visit to the under-the-radar Stumbling Monk, with its vintage rarities, provides abundant geek cred for Facebook glory.

Yakima. Beer Geeks take pride in visiting this decidedly blue-collar town, whose rough edges otherwise invite little to no tourism. A great overnight excursion from Seattle, Yakima is best visited in September when hop grower Hopunion hosts its annual Hop & Brew School. During this event some of the top brewers from across the country descend upon the town. You can tour the hop country by day and sample the goods with beer industry celebrities at night. Regardless of the time of year, Bale Breaker Brewing’s beers and expansive grounds are always destination-worthy. Note: If traveling to or from Portland, a three-hour drive away, be sure to stop in Hood River, home to Full Sail and Beer Geek darling pFriem Family Brewers.

Portland. Locals are well-known for their love of quality beer, so a Beer Geek will expend little effort finding quality suds in this city. The obvious first choice will be the Hair of the Dog taproom, where Beer Geeks won’t bat an eye at their splurge-worthy vintage beer list. Respects are paid to Don Younger, the godfather of American Beer Geeks, whose Horse Brass Pub helped blaze the path for good beer in America. Score ridiculously rare take-home bottles at both the Cheese Bar and Woodstock Wine & Deli, two hidden gems. A stop at the Cascade Brewing Barrel House to sample its lactic-laced masterpieces is also a must. Local brewery chain McMenamins and its subpar beers should be avoided at all costs.

Bend. A three-hour drive from Portland, Bend seems like it could be located on the other side of the country. Sunny and dry, Bend is becoming a beer mecca, mostly due to the longtime presence of Deschutes Brewing, whose masterful beers have made the BMCs of the world an afterthought for many an Oregonian. Drink cult-worthy hop bombs at Boneyard Beer, and try some of the finest barrel-aged sour beers at The Ale Apothecary. Beer Geeks will take full advantage of Bend’s relatively remote location to stock up on plenty of bragging schwag (get a knit hat if returning to Portland).

Airline Baggage Policy

Essentially all US airlines allow beer in their checked luggage, something Beer Geeks the country over take full advantage of when traveling. Beer can obviously be stored in your suitcase, but many Beer Geeks will instead opt to package and check their beer in a cardboard box picked up from a bottle shop. While clothes make for semi-decent packing material, their considerable weight cuts into the 50 allowed pounds, a detriment to the amount of beer you’re planning on bringing home. Between this and the potential of having to pick glass shards out of a beer-drenched sweater, there is reason enough to regularly travel with bubble wrap or the like. Because two checked bags fly free, Southwest is the official airline of Beer Geeks everywhere.

The Napa Valley Beer

Often, vacations to Colorado do not start off as beercations. Instead, the mountains and their surrounding natural beauty lure outdoor enthusiasts in droves. However, anyone with any sort of beery inclination will quickly discover that the number of beercentric destinations in the Centennial State is an equally big, if not bigger, draw. Throw in the fact that the capital city of Denver hosts the Great American Beer Festival, and Colorado begins to look like the ultimate American beercation.

The beer destinations are centered in the three Front Range cities of Fort Collins, Boulder, and Denver. While they are less than an hour’s drive from one another, the number of Beer Geek locales in each requires at least a day’s dedicated work per city.

Unfortunately, with only a few exceptions, the nearby mountains are lacking in the beer department. The best approach is to stock up in the cities and bring a trunk full of beer up to the high country to accompany any outdoor adventure.

The overall Colorado scene is strong but mellow. There are very few breweries or beers produced in the state that have reached cult or whale status, but the overall volume and quality of beer brewed is second to none. Coloradans pride themselves in drinking good beer, and with even the most run-of-the-mill venues offering some sort of craft option, a Beer Geek will almost never have to settle for BMC.

Denver. The biggest of these three beercentric cities, Denver used to lag behind its smaller brethren, but the local scene has surged in recent years. Be sure to visit the Falling Rock Tap House to sample from their deep cellar list. The largest craft brewery, Great Divide, is worth a stop, but the majority of Beer Geeks will zero in on cultish Crooked Stave, where owner Chad Yakobson, who did his masters in science dissertation on Brettanomyces, bends the wild yeast to his will. The grimy hidden gem of the city is Star Bar, a rundown dive bar with an affinity for crazy one-off sours from the likes of New Belgium, Avery, and Crooked Stave. Venturing up to the nearby hip Highlands neighborhood is rewarded by the ultra-impressive tap list at the pizza joint Hops & Pie.

Boulder. The best place for Beer Geeks to stuff their suitcases, or car trunks, is the Boulder Liquor Mart with its seemingly endless beer coolers. Stop by Avery to check out taproom exclusives, as well as FATE Brewing, which is proving to be best-in-class among the new wave of breweries. Odd13 in nearby Lafayette is a local’s favorite due to their dedication to barrel-aging and a deft hand with the hops. Top restaurant beer spots are Backcountry Pizza & Tap House and the West End Tavern. Earn extra vacation cash by donning a tye-dyed hemp poncho and playing the drums on empty beer boxes on the Pearl Street Mall.

Fort Collins. The city that put Colorado on the Beer Geek map. The combination of stalwarts New Belgium and Odell with avant-garde Funkwerks and Equinox make Fort Collins a powerhouse of a beer city. Brewery visits have to include these four, which can all be hit on one 2.5-mile urban “hike” using the city’s dedicated walking path. Also, venture out to see some of the newly opened operations, Black Bottle being the strongest of the bunch. Restaurant and beer bar options abound, but at a minimum, hit Mayor of Old Town and Choice City Butcher & Deli.

The Mountains. The biggest beercentric draw of the mountains will be the Big Beers, Belgians & Barleywines Festival held each January in Vail. This festival, which requires all beer poured to be over 8% ABV or Belgian in origin draws celebrity-level brewers looking to drink quality suds while enjoying some of the best skiing in the country (rubbing elbows with Sam Calagione or Tomme Arthur is commonplace). Until recently, the mountains of Colorado didn’t hold any Beer Geek gold, but Casey Brewing & Blending, opened in Glenwood Springs in 2013, has changed things up. Focusing only on barrel-aged sours made from in-state ingredients (including fruit), this brewery has quickly developed a cult following. Backcountry Brewery in Frisco is also a good road trip stop off of I-70.

California: Beaches and Brews

While in most states the destination-worthy breweries are found in and around the major cities, high rent prices have driven most California breweries to little out-of-the-way towns, removed from the sprawling metropolises. The legwork of trekking far from major airports, however, just serves to whet a Beer Geek’s pallet.

Because the amount of time spent visiting beer destinations in the Golden State can be extensive, it’s best to focus a Cali beercation on a particular region of the state. For the most part, this means flying into San Francisco and exploring Northern California, or flying into San Diego to roam the southern portion. But there are also a few areas in between that are worth a Beer Geek’s time.

San Francisco. Practically devoid of breweries (Cellarmaker being the notable exception), this port city nonetheless has a very solid beer bar scene. The stronghold is Toronado, a dive bar with an epic vintage list. Bottles are available to go, and their beer list almost always includes ­über-fresh Pliny the Elder. This small bar is so highly regarded that Russian River blended special beers to commemorate its 20th and 25th anniversaries — both beers are considered white whales. Also worth checking out is Mikkeller Bar in the Tenderloin district, where the selection is exactly what you’d expect from a man who has built an empire by catering to Beer Geeks’ whims.

Northern California. After a quick stop at The Rare Barrel brewery in Berkeley, any Beer Geek heading north of San Francisco is certainly headed straight for Russian River Brewing Company in Santa Rosa. One of the ultimate Beer Geek breweries, the tap list at its brewpub is always stellar. The signature genie-bottle-shaped growler makes for an excellent bragging prop when being filled back home. (And the fact that Santa Rosa is nestled in the heart of Sonoma wine country makes a great combo for Beer Geeks with wine-loving spouses.) On the way to Russian River, Lagunitas Brewing Company is a favorite stop. A bit further north is Chico, home of Sierra Nevada Brewing, and to the west is both the ocean and North Coast Brewing, where you can find amazing barrel-aged versions of their imperial beers.

San Diego. Home to some of the most respected breweries in America, the hills surrounding San Diego are a Beer Geek mecca. Stone Brewing started it all, and their World Bistro and Gardens in Escondido is certainly the most beautiful brewery taproom in the United States. Essentially a botanical garden combined with an exceptional restaurant and a world-class beer list (including many guest taps), a visit here will make your entire trip worthwhile. Nearby, The Lost Abbey in San Marcos is an essential stop, making any Beer Geek’s luggage about 50 pounds heavier upon departure. Closer to the city, drop into Ballast Point, Green Flash, and AleSmith breweries, which only add to the area’s epicness. Last but not least, to the east of the city is Alpine Beer Company, probably the largest draw of the area for most Beer Geeks. They have a way with hops that makes them the gold standard of the West Coast hop style.

Central California. In reality, a beercation is never going to be made of the Central Valley of the state. However, there are a few draws to cause a Beer Geek to consider extending her Northern or Southern California beercation. The most notable is Firestone Walker in rural Paso Robles. Their double mastery of sours and big barrel-aged beers (Parabola and Sucaba, for example) has won over Beer Geeks from coast to coast. Depending on the direction you’re coming from, Firestone Walker’s other facility, Barrelworks, in Buellton provides an alternative way to stock up and try the goodies as well. The other alluring locale is Kern River Brewing Company in Kernville, whose Citra Double IPA has jet-setting Beer Geeks flying in from all over the world for its release (seriously).

Los Angeles. Visit The Bruery, visit Beachwood Brewing, and then jump in your car and don’t stop driving until you reach San Diego.

New England: Leaf Peeping and Beer Drinking

Mention the East Coast (anywhere outside of the beer world) and immediately people think of New York, Boston, and Philadelphia. And while these massive cities certainly have their own respectable beer scenes, most Beer Geeks won’t consider them destination-worthy. No, when Beer Geeks think of visiting the East Coast, the small “farm country” breweries of New England are what come to mind.

Mostly due to antiquated brewery-friendly laws, the small states of New England are littered with tiny breweries focused on making beer for their surrounding community. Much like wine-loving visitors of the boutique wineries of California, Beer Geeks love to tour the countryside and visit the renowned breweries with cult followings as well as discover new ones. For Beer Geeks whose significant others don’t share their beery passion, this serves as an excellent destination when combined with the fall activity of gazing at leaves. Non–beer drinkers also serve as excellent designated drivers (bonus), as most destinations are reachable only by car.

Vermont. The foremost New England state when it comes to beer, the Green Mountain State is best known for two breweries: Hill Farmstead and The Alchemist. Hill Farmstead, located in sleepy Greensboro Bend, is the brainchild of Shaun Hill, who decided to turn his grandfather’s farmhouse into what has become one of the world’s most highly regarded breweries. To wait in line to fill one of their growlers is to earn a Beer Geek badge of honor. Meanwhile, The Alchemist, just a little over an hour away in Waterbury, is famous for making the long-reigning #1 beer in the world, Heady Topper (per BeerAdvocate.com ratings). Be sure to sample and stock up on this hoppy delight (which is essentially the default beer-trading currency), but also check out the other equally awesome beers, which can only be had on the premises. In addition to these two breweries, Beer Geeks have to visit the Saturday Farmers Market in Waitsfield, as this is best way to buy beers from Lawson’s Finest Liquids, another cult-followed brewery.

Maine. You know you are a Beer Geek if you are aware that Ebenezer’s Pub, a tiny bar-restaurant located inside a barn in the itty-bitty town of Lovell, houses arguably the best beer cellar in the entire nation (if not the world). Beer Geeks plan entire trips around visiting this nondescript locale and rarely leave disappointed (so long as it’s actually open). In addition to Ebenezer’s, the state also boasts Maine Brewing Company, a little brewery in Freeport known for making small-batch hoppy delights, and Allagash, the Portland-based maker of Belgian-style ales whose beers often rival those they set out to copy.

Massachusetts. Though Vermont can lay the most claim to creating the New England IPA renaissance, it’s now Massachusetts that is doing a lot of the legwork to carry that ultra-popular torch. In Boston, check out Trillium, a young brewery known for its mastery of all things hoppy, before ending the evening at Lord Hobo, a beer bar with one of the most well-chosen draft lists in the country. Head east on I-90 for about 30 minutes to visit Jack’s Abby in Framingham, the brewery that let America know that lagers can be so much more than yellow, fizzy swill. Another hour down I-90 will lead to hop-mastermind Tree House Brewing in Monson, where you should fill as many growlers as your trunk will allow.

Those Other States. Other beer highlights include Portsmouth Brewery in New Hampshire, made famous through the adoration of the Alström Bros (founders of BeerAdvocate). The entire town of Portsmouth is beer-crazy and a great place to spend a day. If passing through Connecticut, New England Brewing Company in Woodbridge, famous for its Fuzzy Baby Ducks IPA, also boasts a bevy of excellent non-hoppy options. In Rhode Island . . . there is a fantastically clean rest stop at Exit 8 off I-95.

Beerymoons and Beer Geek Weddings: Consummating Your Geekiness

Relationships are often formed through mutual interests and loves, so it’s no surprise that many Beer Geeks end up dating and sometimes even tie the knot. For those lucky enough to end up in this situation, the desire to integrate craft beer into the big day is clearly mutual.

Many Beer Geek couples celebrate beercentric weddings by holding the reception at a brewery, having hop-and-barley corsages and boutonnières, using barleywine at communion, or adding other creative touches. While this is all well and good, a Beer Geek’s main responsibility involves the beer offerings at the reception.

Wedding receptions are one of the last bastions of BMC dominance, and getting good craft options can sometimes be difficult and require persistence. A wedding should be a celebration of the couple, however, and what’s served to family and friends is a reflection of them as a couple. Therefore, good craft beer must be available. That being said,

. . . a Beer Geek recognizes that a wedding is not the time to convince Uncle Merle to ditch the Labatts, and there is no shame in making BMC concessions to those who have yet to see the light.

An estimate should be made of the craft-appreciating crowd, and the variety and quantity ordered should err on the side of “better too much than too little,” be it a case of SNPA or three kegs of Half Acre’s Daisy Cutter.

Finally, the climax of the event: the wedding toast. For this historic moment, a Beer Geek couple goes for the gold. The toasting liquid should be thoroughly considered and fastidiously chosen. Boon’s Oude Geuze Mariage Parfait is always a classy choice.

Many recently married Beer Geek couples choose to forgo the traditional honeymoon in favor of a beercentric one, referred to as a beerymoon. These trips are a bit different from your average beercations because the emphasis is partly on unwinding from all the craziness of the wedding and not solely focused on drinking world-class brews. Consider it a win-win: after you finish sleeping in and getting massages, the beer’s there waiting for you.

Patience is a Virtue: Being the Spouse /Significant Other of a Beer Geek

By Lindsay Dawson

If you’re reading this section, you’re likely either the spouse/significant other of a Beer Geek or someone who suspects they might be the spouse/significant other of a Beer Geek. Whichever it is,

. . . welcome. This is a safe place.

Being the spouse or significant other of a Beer Geek is no easy feat. In fact, I’m going to say that at times it’s a damn art. It’s not that we don’t support our Beer Geek’s obsess — ahem, interests. On the contrary, I’m sure that you, like me, would much rather your beloved spend time and money on beer instead of something like, say, strip clubs (and yes, this can apply whether your geek is male or female). At the same time, when you begin to find that the majority of your geek’s thoughts, conversations, e-mails, errands, texts, to-do lists, gifts, vacations . . . are trending beerward, it can require of you an extra helping of loving patience.

Lucky for you, I’ve experienced just about all there is to experience when it comes to having a Beer Geek mate, and I’ve come out on the other side. So I write the following as both a friendly heads up and an empathetic pat on the back.

(Quick note: for simplicity’s sake, I’ll henceforth refer to the Beer Geek as “BG” and spouse or significant other as “BS,” since that’s what we often have to put up with — kidding, kidding.)

For those of you who have been married to or dated the same person for at least a little while, you’re already well aware if they’re a BG. So to you, I dedicate an especially heartfelt pat on the back. However, for those of you who are in a relatively new relationship and are still a little unsure about whether or not you have an actual BG on your hands, the following should not only help answer the question but also alert you to some of the common BG nuances you can expect to encounter. (“A chilled pint glass?! What, do they not want me to taste anything?”)

So here we go. For all you BSs (or potential BSs) out there:

You Know You’ve Got a BG on Your Hands If . . .

• The food in your fridge is slowly, but surely, edged out. Pretty soon you’ve got eggs replaced by eisbocks, salsa exchanged for sours, porters instead of pickles, and lambics for leftovers. Hope you like drinking your meals.
• Black Friday is stressful, but it’s not because of the deals on electronics. Ohhhh, no. It’s BCBS Strategy Day. Batten down the hatches, because it’s go-time.
• Your conversation at a liquor store goes something like this:

• BS: Ooh, look, babe! Pliny’s finally back on the shelf. You’ve been waiting for it, right?
• BG: Sweet!! Oh, wait, never mind . . .
• BS: What’s wrong? The price isn’t bad. Grab a couple.
• BG: Why bother? It was bottled three days ago. The hops are all gone . . .
• BS: [silence]

• The terms vertical and whale are mentioned and the last thing that comes to mind is a direction and a mammal.
• You know it’s pronounced can-tee-yOHn.
• You understand that the most crucial aspect of a beer trade isn’t how well-packaged the beer is to survive the travel, but what beers are chosen as the “extras.” (Sweet mother of %$#@, you don’t want to hear about it if they screw this one up.)
• Gone are the days of beer-tasting comments such as, “Yep, this beer tastes good. I like the flavor.” Now it’s, “Cardboard! I taste CARDBOARD!!” and, “The head retention disturbs me.”
• Your BG’s question before even sitting down at a bar is, “Yeah, you got a Reserve list?”
• Your upcoming vacation to France inspires a conversation like this:

• BS: I can’t believe we’re going to the south of France! I’m so excited. And driving’s such a good way to see the countryside.
• BG: Yeah, me too. You know . . . if we took the scenic route, we could swing through Brussels on the way and hit up Cantillon.
• BS: On the way to what? Brussels is ten hours to the north.
• BG: [silence/averts eyes]
• BS: [questioning look]
• BG: [silence/averts eyes]

• A beer tasting between your BG and one of his or her buddies might sound something akin to this:

• BG 1: Yeah, it’s fine and all. It’s just drinking a little young.
• BG 2: It’s one of only five left in the world.
• BG 1: I mean, I love it.

I can practically hear you shaking your head and sighing in an “I know it all too well” manner. To you, I offer this assurance: hang in there, we’re in this together. For those of you who, upon reading this, knew deep down that it sounded familiar (heavy sigh; pat, pat, pat) . . . you, my friend, have a certified BG on your hands.

So don’t worry when you find yourself having difficulty remaining calm when everyone at the table’s ready to order their drinks and your BG is calculating whether a 10-oz. pour of that barleywine is as good a deal as the 12-oz. double IPA. Take a deep breath, and know you’re not alone. And if you find yourself needing a bit of additional support, keep in mind the following mantra: Patience, love, understanding. I’m a good person. I love my BG. Patience, love, understanding . . . (That, and you might want to invest in a kickboxing class.)

Welcome to the club . . . and good luck.