Chapter Eight

Two a.m.

The chiming of the mantelpiece clock jolted Tom out of the dream. He woke stiff-limbed on the chaise longue in the drawing room at the Lodge and groaned as he lifted an arm that was numb with pins and needles.

Shit. He knew why he was stone cold. His shirt was soaked in sweat. He held out his hand into a shaft of moonlight and saw it trembling. The dream he’d been having, the nightmare memories of those final days of his time in Papua, had all tumbled back again as he’d slept on the sofa after driving Keira home to her flat in the city. As he switched off the table lamp, he felt the stab in his stomach again. Last night had been more painful than he’d thought, for both of them.

He drew the curtains. Outside a frost sparkled on the lawns of the Lodge.

As he hauled himself upstairs to bed and pulled off his damp shirt, he tried to diagnose the situation. Keira had decided on a short, sharp cure that had ended the fever of their growing feelings before it could take hold. He ought to be grateful to her for saving him; instead, she’d made him want her more than ever.

 

 

“It was just a dinner and coffee.”

Keira crossed her fingers as Su raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She feigned interest in a coat hanging on the rail of the store. It was way out of her budget, but who cared. The shopping trip had been Su’s idea.

“Shall we go and have one now? Just coffee, of course, no strings.” Su’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Maybe those skinny jeans we saw in that boutique will fit my bum. Pull the other one, Keira. The way you’ve been mooning about for the past few weeks, hon, I know you two got up to more than that at his castle.”

Keira thrust the coat back on the hanger. It promptly missed and fell with a clatter onto the floor. “It wasn’t a castle. It was a lodge.”

Su picked it up and smiled. “Guilty conscience?”

Keira gave a grimace. “He came to the school. I went out for a meal. We said good-bye politely, and that was it.”

“So why have you agreed to this adventure playground trip?”

“For the children, that’s why.”

It was true, wasn’t it? Since her date with Tom, she’d sworn that wild horses wouldn’t get her within ten miles of the Lodge or the Carew brothers ever again. There was no way she was going to accept Charlie Carew’s invitation, even for the children’s sake, no matter how generous or well meant.

Su thought she was completely mad, of course. “You’re a sandwich short of a picnic” were the actual words she’d used when Keira had told her about Charlie’s invitation—and that she was going to turn it down.

“Charlie e-mailed me via the school website, and the head was so excited. I was in an impossible position. I had to say yes.”

“You could have let the head take the kids.”

“I suppose so.” Keira’s cheeks heated up. “He did specifically invite me, though.”

“Hmm. So when’s it happening?” asked Su, steering her towards the department store’s beauty salon.

“Next Saturday.”

“Good decision. Now, if you’re sure you don’t want to get a second mortgage to buy that coat, let’s go and get our nails done. My treat.”

She smiled. Su knew her only too well. Far better than she wanted to face up to.

“Tom won’t be there, you know. That’s why I finally agreed to take the children. He has a surgery on Saturdays, and even when he gets back, the playground’s miles away from the Lodge. Charlie told me.”

“Right,” said Su, pushing open the door of the spa. The sharp tang of nail varnish and lacquer hit her. This place was enough to deplete the entire ozone layer by itself. “Then you’ve got nothing to worry about, have you?”

 

 

“Miss, Miss, Miss!”

“Yes, Kayleigh?”

“I milked a goat!

“I know. I saw you.”

“I fed a pig. It was enormous like a dinosaur!”

“Maybe not quite as big, Roshan, but they are fat.”

“I drove a tractor!”

Smiling, Keira flopped down on the bench, exhausted, as her pupils swarmed over the adventure playground. It was lunchtime, and they’d had a wonderful morning. Organising the day at short notice had been a logistical nightmare, but once the children had got wind of it, there was no going back. It had been more than worth the effort just to see their faces this morning as they’d explored the farm, eyes like saucers, shouting and shrieking until she thought they might explode with excitement. Thank goodness, some of their parents had been able to come along and help her supervise.

She took her sandwich out of her bag and bit into it, realizing she was absolutely starving after a morning running around after her class.

She stopped midbite.

A tall, lean figure climbed deftly over the stile at the edge of the adventure playground on the Carew estate. He wore a running vest and shorts and jogged towards her in an easy fluid movement.

There was no mistaking him.

In just a few of her racing heartbeats, he was halfway down the field. He looked so fluid and powerful as he ran. Dark and sleek. Already her breasts were responding, and she wanted to cry in frustration at her own weakness.

She took another bite of sandwich and forced it down. He was so close now that she could see his calves, their muscled curve spattered with thick, black mud. His breath escaped in little clouds. As he grew nearer still, she noticed his soaking hair and his face glowing with exertion. Sweat trickled down his biceps and thighs.

He stopped a few feet from her, hands gripping his thighs, sucking in the air. Keira’s heart banged against her chest. Surely he could hear it, even above the shouts and shrieks of the children?

“Hi there,” he gasped.

She shoved the cheese sandwich back in her rucksack and chewed the remains furiously.

“Hedoo yourselb,” she spluttered, crumbs spraying.

“Sorry, I seem to have interrupted your lunch.”

She swallowed the last chunk, feeling it stick painfully in her throat. “That’s okay.”

“And I really must apologise. I’m a bit of a mess.”

Keira wouldn’t have said that, not when his running shorts and vest showed off every inch of his powerful physique, from the broad expanse of his shoulders to the hard length of his legs. His limbs were slick with rain and sweat and splashed with dirt. He was a mess. A glorious, magnificent mess that made her want to clamp her thighs together in desire.

“I thought we agreed not to see each other…” she said as another shriek of delight rang out from the playground.

“To be fair, I do live here,” he said mildly, then smiled. “And you did choose to accept my brother’s invitation.”

“I didn’t think the kids should suffer because of what happened or didn’t happen between us,” she replied, offering the olive branch of a smile. “And you’re right. This is your home. Of course, you have every right to be here. That was rude of me, this time.”

“Then we’re even.” Tom smiled. “May I sit down? I’m in a bit of a state, but I could do with a rest.”

He was lying through his teeth. A sit-down was the last thing he needed. He should really have carried on with his run and kept warm, not stayed to lounge around, getting stiff and chilled. But the chance to speak to Keira again was too tempting, despite all his resolutions over the past few weeks.

He settled on the bench beside her, noticing that she’d scooted up to the end, probably to keep a safe distance between them. Wise move, he acknowledged, as the heat from his body rose up as a fine mist. The cold November air had tinged her cheeks with pink. Her swollen lips, reddened by the cold, were slightly parted and, he noted with pleasure, her pupils were dilated. You didn’t need to be a doctor to know what that meant.

It was a pity that as well as being aroused, she was also staring at him as if he were an alien from another planet. Yet he didn’t blame her for being wary. As far as he was concerned, he already was on the other side of the planet, and actually would be within a month or so. He’d accepted the medical director post two days before. By now the letter should be on the Chief Officer’s desk in London.

Tom knew he should leave Keira well alone. “I’m glad…” he said

“It’s kind of…”

He laughed. “You first.”

She smiled too, her eyes holding a luminosity that lit up her whole face and touched him deep inside. Too deep. He was playing with fire again here, and he ought to run away.

“Say what you were going to. Please, Keira.”

“I wanted to say that it was really kind of Charlie to ask us, or rather the children, for the day. You know, he met us at the gate and gave all the parents and staff coffee and provided drinks for the kids. He showed us round personally and gave us the run of the park for the whole morning.”

“Charlie’s a good bloke, when he doesn’t try to interfere,” Tom said pointedly.

Despite their polite banter, Keira knew she was in as much danger from him as ever, and now she really wished he’d go away. Really. Even after five minutes in his company, Tom Carew made her question the decision she’d wrestled with every hour of every day for the past three weeks.

With him here now, she seriously wondered why she’d chosen solitude and soggy cheese sandwiches over the chance to be with him, no matter how short the time together might be.

The November chill wormed its way through her fleece, and damp seeped from the mossy wooden bench through her denim jeans. She thought of curling up in front of a fire at the Lodge after making love to Tom—of every clichéd moment, in fact, that couples were supposed to cherish when they were together, except the most important one: they weren’t in love.

He wasn’t in love, at any rate. Keira knew she was teetering on the very edge, and if Tom stayed any longer and looked at her in that hopeful, self-assured way, she might finally crumble.

She tugged the zip of her fleece right up to the neck.

“Getting cold?” he asked, hugging himself before pushing himself to his feet, wincing. “I ought to be getting back to the Lodge. I need a nice hot shower and something to drink and eat.” He turned his gaze on her. “Morning surgery finished early, so I came straight out for a run.”

“I’ve a sandwich left and a drink of water,” said Keira, trying to thrust the thought of Tom naked in a shower to one side. She must be breaking some sort of rule having thoughts like that with the children so near.

“I could do with a drink before I set off for the Lodge, but I’d best say no to the sandwich.”

She delved in the bottom of her bag, hands shaking, and found the bottle. “Here you are.”

So he was going. She ought to feel relief, not disappointment. She handed over her water. Bubbles rose noisily in the plastic bottle as he drank deep, and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. When he pulled the bottle from his lips, a thread of water trickled over the stubble on his chin.

“Sorry,” he said, handing back the half-empty container. “Running does that to you, I’m afraid.”

She arched an eyebrow at him.

“Makes you very, very thirsty. Hungry too.”

“Tired, though, I expect.”

“On the contrary, I always feel energized. Ready for anything.”

She shifted uncomfortably on the damp bench. “Keep it,” she said, refusing the half-empty bottle in his outstretched hand. “You look like you need it more than me. I mean, I don’t want you to get dehydrated or anything.”

He rubbed the back of his hand over his wet mouth in a gesture so unconsciously male, it did strange things to her insides. They were both standing now.

“Do you run this way often?” she asked, cringing even as the words left her lips. He lived here, for goodness’ sake.

“Not that often, actually,” he said carefully. Dropping the bottle onto the bench, he laid his fingers on her arm. “In fact, I can’t remember ever doing it before. This isn’t a great run, Keira. It’s far too muddy and slippery without spikes. In fact, I didn’t actually plan to come this way. You see, my usual route from the Lodge goes though the glebe meadow, and after all the rain we’ve been having, there’s a good risk it can be flooded.”

Keira thought she felt a raindrop splash onto her face.

“In fact, it’s flooded today,” he went on. “So the only way back, short of turning halfway across the estate, is to come through the playground.”

Her mouth felt dry. Was he really saying he’d deliberately run this way, knowing she would be here? Knowing that he would put temptation in her way? A small glow of delight flickered inside her. Even after she’d rejected him, he wanted to be with her. Yet if she didn’t walk away right now, she was going to be faced with the same decision all over again.

Leave now or stay with Tom.

Make love with Tom and get hurt by Tom, maybe not today, but one day soon.

He cut in as she wavered. “What I’m trying to say is, I think I ran this way on purpose, Keira. I didn’t mean to at the start, but I knew you’d be here. I hoped you’d be here. Please, come back to the Lodge with me. For a coffee and to talk. Just don’t walk away this time. Life’s too short, believe me.”

Oh sweet heaven, what was she going to do? Once inside the Lodge with Tom, looking like this, sounding so earnest… The cold air nipped her ears; her fingers clutched her rucksack tightly. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Dr. Tom!”

“Why, Ben, hello there.”

Tom smiled at her and turned. Keira let out a sigh of relief. Ben Chalmers was hopping from one foot to the other in excitement, with a group of other daring adventurers from her class. He could hardly contain himself. Tom grinned and held out his hand, and she felt herself defrosting.

“My old mate, Ben.”

Ben bounced up and down. “Come on the death slide, Dr. Tom!”

“Please!” echoed Aalia.

“Dr. Tom, show my dad your tattoo. He’s got one of an eagle on his leg.”

“I’m sorry,” said Keira in a low voice. “Tell them you have to get back to the Lodge. You’ll catch your death of cold.”

Tom frowned at her. “I do the diagnoses, Keira. You do the discipline.”

Seeing her gaping mouth and fire in those blue eyes, he felt a spark of hope.

“You said yourself, you were getting cold,” she said mutinously.

“I’ll live.”

“Dr. Tom—pleaassse come on the death slide.” Aalia’s large brown eyes looked up at him pleadingly.

Tom melted. “Okay, then. Just one go, mind.”

 

 

Sometime later, Tom was unrecognizable. Mud covered his legs, his running vest, his rower’s biceps, and his face was spattered with dirt. Keira’s heart was full. He’d taken the time and trouble to join in with the other families, and his enthusiasm and genuine pleasure were wonderful to see.

Why had he been so reluctant to talk to her class in the first place?

Perhaps, she thought, he felt safer on his own territory, and maybe he knew there would be no old photographs that might reveal more than he wanted to show.

“They’re all just big kids,” said Ben’s mum Debbie, who stood beside her, guarding a pushchair with a sleeping baby in it.

Keira winced inwardly as Tom struggled to his feet in the slippery mud.

“Men act tough, but they’re just overgrown boys at heart,” said Debbie.

Keira laughed. “I think you may be right about that, and some are worse than others.”

“You mean your Dr. Tom?” asked Debbie innocently. “Well, he seems interested in you, if you don’t mind me saying,” she added, waving at her son to leave Tom alone.

Keira tried to keep her voice light. “I agree about the big kid thing, but he’s not my Dr. Tom. He just came to the school to give a talk. He’s been working at a medical centre in the rainforest, and we’ve been studying it with the children.”

“I know, our Ben told me about it and about the tattoo. In fact, he didn’t shut up about it all night.”

“Oh dear.”

Debbie laughed out loud. “It’s fine. He wants to be a doctor now. Or an explorer. If he can’t take to the high seas as a pirate with Josh Bayley, that is.”

“I’ll try to encourage the first two,” said Keira with a smile.

Debbie gestured wildly at Ben and shouted at him before turning to Keira. “I think it’s time your Dr. Tom had a rest, but if he’s not interested in you, can you tell me just what he’s doing here?”

“He lives here,” said Keira, walking towards Tom briskly and telling herself Debbie would just have to be content with that. She looked up at the sky. It was leaden, and raindrops, which had held off until now, were starting to splash down.

She clapped her hands. “I think it’s time we were going!”

The chorus of moans and groans was predictable, but not too deafening. She could see some of the kids were whacked, and the parents, reluctant to brave the rain, were eager to be getting home. Tom detached himself from a small crowd of children and joined her. She thought he looked tie-me-to-the-bed gorgeous.

She shook her head. “You are completely covered in mud. You do know that, don’t you?”

He glanced down at his wet running vest. “Hmm. It does rather seem that way.”

“It certainly does.”

He hugged himself with his arms. “Bloody cold too. And it’s started to rain.”

“It has,” said Keira grimly, fighting the inclination to laugh as a raindrop trickled down his face and left a channel of clean skin through the mud.

“You know, I could, as you so accurately pointed out awhile back, catch my death of cold if I stay out here much longer.”

“I shouldn’t think so,” she said quietly. “Even I know a cold’s a virus. It has nothing at all to do with getting a cold in itself.”

“No, but it doesn’t help.”

“And that’s your professional opinion, is it?”

“No. I’m just trying to persuade you to give me a lift home.”

“I should say no,” said Keira, feeling like she was teetering on the edge of the cliff. “But I agree, it really is raining quite hard now.” She glanced at the children and their parents, all making a dash for the car park as the raindrops fell harder by the minute. Tom’s face wasn’t muddy anymore. It was wet with dirty water, and her hair was getting soaked.

“Well?”

“As you’re very, very wet, and as I’m a responsible and generous person…” And as you were so nice to the children, she added mentally. And as you look lethally gorgeous. Keira checked the car park, where the last family was about to drive off home. Her duties for the day were over. “I’ll give you a lift home, Tom.”

She grabbed her rucksack, spun on her heel and rushed towards her car, her fleece already soaked through from the deluge. “If you can catch me,” she shouted as her heart rate soared with the effort of running and the thrilling, terrifying anticipation of the leap she’d just taken.

 

 

Keira didn’t apologise for making Tom sit on a plastic bag on the passenger seat of her small car, but he couldn’t have cared less. He’d known she would be at the playground, of course. One of the staff had been waiting for him at the Lodge when he’d got back from morning surgery with a message from Charlie to tell him that Keira would be on the estate and when and how to find her.

He’d feigned a lack of interest, but he knew damn well his brother wouldn’t be fooled. Tom was also doing a pretty crap job of fooling himself. He’d changed out of his suit and into his running gear faster than Superman and headed out of the door. An hour should do it, he reckoned. An hour cross-country, hard pace all the way, should leave him on his knees and get Keira out of his head once and for all.

So why did he take the glebe meadow route, knowing it would be waterlogged and impassable? Knowing that he’d have to take a detour past the playground?

He smiled to himself as the car’s suspension objected to the raised speed bumps on the estate. His head thudded against the roof.

“Try to keep off the seat back!” she called.

“Yes, Miss Grayson,” he replied, making her purse her lips sexily. “Though you’re hardly dry yourself.”

“But not covered in mud.”

“Mea culpa.”

“So you should be. Guilty, I mean,” muttered Keira, slamming on the brakes as she almost overshot the entrance to the Lodge.

“We’re here,” said Tom.

“I know that,” she shot back.

She was nervous again, he guessed. She probably wondered if he was about to try to seduce her when they got back to the Lodge. If he cared about her, he would leave her well alone, he told himself. He’d crossed the line by asking for a lift, and no matter how much he wanted her warm body in his arms, he’d decided he mustn’t hurt her.

Gravel crunched under the tyres as Keira brought the car to a halt. All she had to do was let him get out, lock the doors and drive off back to her safe, dull and unadventurous life—those were the words Alex had used when she’d refused to leave her job and friends to go to live in Dubai.

She pulled on the hand brake and gripped the wheel as raindrops chased each other down the windscreen. She heard Alex’s voice again as she’d stood in the hall of their house, frozen with shock and fear: “Get out!”

Her knuckles tightened as she remembered again the night he’d thrown her out into the street.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out of the car, please—now.”

Realisation returned. It wasn’t Alex’s shout of rage, but Tom’s quiet and firm voice. His muddy arm reached across her and took the keys from the ignition. Shocked, she saw her knuckles were white against the wheel.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked, still reeling from the shocking memories of Alex’s behaviour.

“Being a presumptuous bastard again—and looking after you,” Tom said.

“I don’t need looking after.”

“You’re cold, you’re wet and you’re shivering. Seriously, you need to get warm and dry for a while.”

She laughed. “And take my wet clothes off? I’ve heard that one before.”

“I won’t deny that would be very nice. But,” he added as he jangled her keys irritatingly, “you can keep them on if you want to, or I’ll loan you some dry stuff.” He opened his door. “Whatever. You’re getting out of this and coming into the Lodge. Now.”

She let her fingers relax and drop to her lap.

“Has anyone ever told you, you can be really bossy?”

“Privilege of rank,” he said, jumping from the car and narrowly avoiding a playful slap.

The sweet tang of wood smoke filled Keira’s nose as she stepped into the drawing room. A fire was already blazing in the hearth. She’d left her soaking boots and socks on the mat in the hall, and her feet were bare. The table lamps were on, even in the early afternoon. Behind her, she heard the door click shut. Tom had pulled off his running shoes and socks. He stood, barefoot in the doorway, eyes smiling as she dithered in the middle of the hall.

“Go and sit down. I’ll get us a coffee.”

“No. I’ll do it,” she said. Last time she’d made the drink, she’d ended up half naked. “Hadn’t you better get changed? You’ve trodden mud into the Axminster.”

“You’re probably right.” He glanced down, and Keira pointed to the watery trail that had made its way down his calf muscles and onto the thick pile. In fact, the only parts of him remotely clean were his feet. “The machine’s on the worktop in the kitchen. Make yourself a hot drink and try to keep warm while I shower. I’ll be as quick as I can, then I’ll sort you out.”

Sort her out? What did he mean by that? But there was no chance to ask, as he’d already disappeared into the hall. She was still wondering as she heard his heavy tread on the old staircase. The boards creaked above her head as he crossed the landing to his bedroom.

Already she could picture him, stripping off his shorts and running vest, and his underwear—if he was wearing any—for his shower.

She definitely didn’t want to sit down. Her jeans and fleece were damp, and she didn’t want to leave a wet mark on the chintz sofas, and the fire was so welcoming, burning bright in the hearth, casting flickering shadows on the walls of the room. She stood with her back to it, trying to dry out her jeans. Tendrils of steam rose from the sodden denim, but it was hopeless. She needed a complete change of clothes, and there was only once place they could possibly come from. Though the prospect of being “sorted out” by Tom blew her mind.

A hot drink. That was the doctor’s other order. Plus, if possible, a bit of washing up to take her mind off things. No way would he catch her by surprise this time. Padding along the hall into the kitchen, she heard a clunk from the boiler and the distant hiss of water.

Tom must be taking a shower. Right now, she imagined him stepping under the stream of hot water ready to soap himself down. Starting to lather his thighs and legs and buttocks and… She grabbed the edge of the sink and told herself to get a grip.

After all her struggles over the past few weeks—the sleepless nights, the heart-to-hearts with Su—she really thought she’d managed to put him behind her. Perhaps she should just drive home right now, but she knew Tom deserved more than that. She wasn’t going to run out on him again. If there was any rejecting to do, she’d do it, and she’d do it face-to-face. A smile touched her lips. Or maybe face to chest, in Tom’s case; he was so tall.

At the back of the fridge, she found a half-empty packet of coffee. There wasn’t much else in there, she noted with a frown. A bottle of white wine; a carton of full-cream milk and a large slab of fillet steak. She pulled out the salad drawer to find a few leaves. She trotted back to the machine and pushed one of the chrome buttons on the front, waiting for it to gurgle into life. It didn’t behave, so she pushed another. It coughed, then glugged and burbled as it started to do its stuff. The scent of Arabica filled the air.

Now. Mugs—mugs would be good. She stood on tiptoes and hunted out two clean ones from one of the cupboards, and the image of Tom darted into her mind, or rather the sound and scent of him as he’d made his move that night after their dinner date. She relived in her mind the way he’d taken the china from her hand and led her into the drawing room. Laid her across his thighs and stripped her down to her knickers. Kissed and stroked and licked her most intimate places in a way that no man had ever done as he’d brought her to the hot, throbbing climax. It had been the mind-blowing sex she’d never had, and she’d run away from it and him because she was too afraid of the end result to just enjoy the moment.

The hiss of water stopped, and the ceiling creaked above her head. Tom would be stepping out of the shower now. Soon, he’d towel himself dry.

The coffee machine was silent, its work done.

Oh flip, her hands shook as she poured the scalding liquid into the mugs and splashed in a dash of milk for herself. Tom took his coffee black, he’d said. Bypassing the sitting room, she carried the coffee through to the hall, splish-splashing drips on the lovely carpet.

The mugs trembled in her hands as she placed her foot on the first step, trying not to spill any more. Tom needed a hot drink, she told herself. He needed warming up after being out in the cold and rain for such a very long time. And so did she. She couldn’t hold out any longer from Tom Carew, and damn the consequences.