TWENTY

Master Skywalker tossed his cloak to Kam and brought the hilt of his lightsaber to hand. “Thank you, Kam. If you would see to the others for a while.”

“As you wish, Master Skywalker.”

The Jedi Master looked up at me as I slipped my lightsaber into my right hand. “We don’t have to do this, Keiran.”

I gave him a wry grin. “I think we do, Master. And I think you have a question you want to ask.”

Luke nodded slowly. “Is our duel a prelude to your leaving, too?”

The pure pain in his voice sank into me and pinned my heart against my spine. Luke was watching his dream of the Jedi academy collapse around him. Gantoris had been roasted alive with his own hatred and anger. Kyp, his most promising student, had fallen under the sway of an ancient evil and had vanished. Mara Jade, one of the Emperor’s trusted practitioners of the Force, had come to the academy for instruction, but inside a week had chosen to leave again and even that morning had been whisked away by Han Solo and Lando Calrissian aboard the Millennium Falcon.

For having been open for only a little more than a month, the failure rate for promising students was staggering. I could have taken Luke’s question as a confirmation of my abilities, but I felt it really marked how battered he felt at the moment. I could understand that because I was feeling a little betrayed by Mara’s departure as well.

I saw her that morning when I’d arrived to get her for our run. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” she replied, “but not running.” She stood in her room in the color-shifting flightsuit in which she had arrived. Her bed had been made up and the Jedi robe she’d worn had been folded neatly and placed at the foot of the bed beside her heavy satchel. “Thought another candidate might find a use for the robe.”

I leaned against the door jamb, using my body to bar the way out. “I thought you told me you weren’t a quitter.”

A little fire blazed in her eyes, but she brought it under control with an ease that surprised me. “I’m not. I’ve learned a lot here, but what I needed to learn isn’t exactly what you need, or what others here need to learn.”

“Want to run that by me again, with the help files enabled this time?”

She relaxed just ever so slightly, shifting her weight to her back foot. “When the Empire trained me, I learned a lot of the things all of you are learning. I practiced them and perfected them. You and I have trained together with lightsabers. Do you think I picked all that up in an afternoon or two of quick study?”

I shrugged. “Well, with Kam and me as examples, it’s possible.”

“Cute, Corran, but you know it’s not true.”

“Okay, score one for Mara Jade.”

The flesh around her eyes tightened: “My Imperial training directed me toward using dark-side techniques for tapping the Force. I let emotions fuel what I did. I came here thinking Luke would show me new things I could do, new abilities to learn, but what he did instead was show me how to employ the light side. I’m still doing the same things, but I have a new fuel source.”

“One that runs a bit leaner, isn’t as easily accessible.…”

“Right, but one that won’t burn the engine out.” She graced me with an open, green-eyed gaze that surprised me with its vulnerability. “The other day, when you were talking about the willingness to sacrifice yourself for others, you mentioned friends and those who could not take responsibility for themselves. I started thinking about the Smugglers’ Alliance. I’ve got a lot of things to think about.”

I nodded slowly. “And your little sojourn here was prompted, in part, by being uncomfortable with that responsibility.”

“And here I thought all CorSec agents were not that bright.”

“We have our moments.”

“Up to now I’ve been responsible for myself. I’ve been able to make decisions, but I’ve been comfortable with them on a tactical level. With Karrde putting me in charge of the alliance, I need to think more strategically. He’s counting on me to do the right thing. More pressure. I can handle it—I refuse to fail him—but …”

“But you aren’t sure you’re comfortable doing it.” I smiled. “I understand. This is why I am content to be a pilot in Rogue Squadron, not someone leading my own group of fighter pilots. I don’t want to get so spread out that I can’t make a difference when I need to.”

Mara’s gaze sharpened. “I bet the smugglers working your sector of the Corellian system didn’t like you at all.”

“Can’t understand why. Should I have had my sting operations catered or something?” I shook my head. “They traded in rare commodities and I traded them the rarest of all for their wares: time.”

“Yeah, on Kessel. Time goes a long way there.”

“And I didn’t even charge extra for it.” I straightened up and offered her my hand. “I’m sorry to see you go. I thought between us we could really kick some life into this place and help Luke move the students on to the next level of development. I hesitate to say it, but it’s been fun working with you.”

Mara gave me one of her carefully hoarded smiles. “For something that started off with our arguing and my ship getting stolen, the experience hasn’t been as bad as I would have thought. Thanks for your help. If there is anything I can do for you …”

“Actually there is.” I gave her a weak smile. “With your contacts in the smuggling community, maybe you will hear something about Mirax. I’d appreciate hearing anything. I’d owe you.”

“How about a swap?” She hitched for a second, then glanced down at the floor. “Watch out for Luke for me, will you?”

“Sure, gladly.” I frowned. “Anything specific? I know he won’t like your leaving.…”

“That, certainly.” Her voice shrank a bit. “His involvement with the dark side. I know it functions as a spur to drive him on to teach his students, but I don’t think he knows how much he was hurt by it. The experience had to be unbelievably traumatic and he’s still healing. I don’t fear a relapse, but maybe, I don’t know.”

“He might try to do too much, too fast?”

“That would be like him.”

I nodded and wanted to kick myself for not having seen it sooner. For Luke, for anyone, the journey to the dark side and back would have been like being shot multiple times at point-blank range. Bacta therapy might heal the physical wounds, but the memories and nightmares resulting would take time to work out. While the Jedi calming techniques might get rid of the resulting anxiety, they just treated the symptoms without curing the underlying problems. Only time could heal them; time and the love and support of friends.

“I’ll watch him for you. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Will do.”

“And if any of your smuggler pals manage to have some spare food—good food they need to offload somewhere, you know where we could use it.”

Mara shouldered her satchel and slipped past me. “You’ve got it, CorSec. See you a couple parsecs down the line.”

After Luke saw her off, he took us listlessly through the morning’s exercises. He clearly was trying to do his best with us, but his heart wasn’t in it. I recognized in him the same sort of behavior Iella had reported in me after my father’s death. He was thinking too hard about what had happened and allowing himself to dwell in the past while the rest of the universe was sliding on into the future.

In my case, Iella and Gil Bastra had taken me to one of the seediest cantinas on Treasure Ship Row. The place called the Fel Swoop was packed with a rough crowd of swoop-riders and speeder bike jockeys. After a lot of Corellian whiskey, they got me singing a little song about the lack of brains and intestinal fortitude of speeder bike enthusiasts. My singing voice, even at the best of times, would cause a riot in a receptive audience, and the resulting brawl kind of tore the place apart. Fact was, though, that the aches and pains and scars that resulted brought me back into the real world and anchored me there.

Unfortunately for me, we didn’t have any cantina to hit, nor did we have any whiskey to drink. I felt a little physical activity would still be good for Luke and help ground him again, so I challenged him to a duel. Kam explained that there were things I needed to learn from a living foe and that he, Kam, did not have the control necessary to spar with me. It would be up to Luke to make sure I didn’t hit him and he didn’t hit me, causing him to concentrate.

I lit my lightsaber, letting its snap-hiss fill the hangar. “Fair question to ask, if I’m leaving or not. You’ve got ample reason to ask it. No, I’m not going anywhere unless, of course, this fight goes badly for one or the other of us.”

Luke’s green blade sprang to life. “Let me see what you have learned.”

I closed with him and arced a cut in toward his left shoulder. He came up and blocked it high left, picking it up in the outer ring of defense. I came down and around in a sweeping blow at his left leg, but he brought his lightsaber down and batted mine aside easily. The spark of light exploding from the contact of the two blades washed shadows across Luke’s disinterested expression.

About what I expected. Shifting my lightsaber to my right hand, I closed quickly and snapped the blade down in an overhand cut. I picked up my speed on the cut, forcing Luke to block me in the middle ring. Continuing my forward movement, I pushed in with my right hand, then slid the lightsaber’s hilt down. I hammered his breastbone with the lightsaber’s hilt, then hooked my right leg behind Luke’s right leg and dumped him to the ground.

I backed off as his blade’s green light illuminated the surprise on his face. I let an edge drift into my voice. “If you aren’t going to respect me, at least respect what Kam has taught me.”

Luke slowly climbed back to his feet, but did so with his lightsaber always remaining between the two of us. I kept my blade angled across my body, with my hands held near my right hip and the blade’s tip hovering near my left shoulder. I stamp-feinted with my right foot, as if I were beginning a charge, and Luke withdrew a half-step.

He’s got to focus. I waited for him to set himself, then I came in on a circular approach that worked me toward his left. I slashed twice, crosswise, forehand and back, to keep him away from me, then drove straight toward him. I lunged with the blade. Luke’s green lightsaber came around in a circular parry that carried my blade wide to my right.

His triumphant laugh died abruptly as my right foot kicked him in the gut. While he’d parried, I’d recovered from my lunge and kicked out straight into his midsection. He doubled over and fell back a couple of steps, his left hand rubbing his belly, but I gave him no chance to recover. I came on hard and fast, whipping my silver blade through an infinity loop, lashing out high and low.

Luke looked up at me and his eyes hardened.

Which is when I ran into a Force wall that bounced me back a couple of feet and set me on my heels. I tasted blood on my lips, but knew it was really coming from my nose, which hurt. I didn’t think it was broken, but bumping it up against anything solid is seldom a pleasant experience.

I wiped it off on the sleeve of my green tunic, but in the half-light both it and the blood looked black. “Nice trick.”

A feral grin twisted Luke’s mouth. He came forward, wordlessly, moving with a fluidity I’d not seen in him before. He aimed a slash at me that would have bisected me from right shoulder to left hip. I caught a momentary flash of surprise from him because he’d expected me to block it high right, but I let it come through the outer and middle rings of defense. With a quick parry, I slid it wide of my right shoulder, then I stepped forward and slammed my right shoulder into Luke’s chin.

That stood him up, clicking his teeth sharply together. I drove a weak jab with my left hand into his ribs, then ducked a slash that should have trimmed my hair at roughly the level of my earlobes. Dropping into a crouch, I whipped my left leg out and scythed it through his legs, bashing his ankles together and again dropping him onto his back.

I whirled away and stood, looking down at him. “I would have thought you’d be better than this.”

Luke slowly got up and wiped a trickle of blood from his split lip away with his left hand. “Never had much rough and tumble growing up. My friends and I were more involved in racing than fighting.”

“Then maybe you should be a Jedi Racer, not a Knight.”

“You don’t understand.” Luke spat out some bloody saliva. “There are things in play here, forces shifting.”

“Maybe I could understand, if you’d talk about it.” I lowered my blade. “You’re the Jedi Master but that doesn’t mean you should shoulder all the responsibility. You know that already: you’ve been letting Tionne learn and share history. Kam’s been handling some of the instruction and you’ve had me working on the dark man problem—and I think I have Exar Kun’s temple pegged from Dorsk 81’s survey logs, by the way. Figured I’d check it later this afternoon.”

“No.” Luke shook his head adamantly. “You’re not to go there alone. I don’t want any of the students going there.”

“So you go and I’ll back you up.”

He hesitated, then shook his head. “Can’t, not now.”

“Why not?”

Luke closed his eyes and sighed. “Do you recall how I told you of knowing my friends were in trouble on Bespin?”

“Yes. You said that was a vision of the future.” I narrowed my eyes. “You said Darth Vader allowed you to sense it to lure you into a trap.”

“I have had other visions, other feelings.” Pain tightened Luke’s expression. “There is disaster in the offing. It remained a bit more distant when Mara was here, but now I feel it is much closer.”

“Do something about it.”

“What?” Luke’s question came almost as a plea. “I have this oppressive sense of doom approaching. It touches on everyone and everything. All the things I think about doing don’t seem to make it go away.”

I swiped at more blood from my nose with my left hand. “Slow down for a moment. Do you know if this doom, this future, is locked in holo, or is it morphable?”

“The future is always morphable, but nothing I think to do will change it.”

“Two things you’re overlooking here, Master Skywalker. First, thinking is closer to trying than doing, if you catch my drift. Changing the future has got to require action, not just planning for action. While a Jedi acts in defense and not out of aggression, that doesn’t mean aggressively putting a defense into place is bad.”

Luke nodded slowly. “And the second thing?”

“Maybe you’re not the one who has to act. Maybe it’s me or Kam or all of us together.” I sighed. “You’re teaching us how to use the Force, you’re opening us up to new powers, and you’ve established that we are heirs to a Jedi tradition full of responsibility. Fact is, though, that you’ve not given us any responsibility. Defeating this disaster you feel coming, getting rid of Exar Kun or whoever the dark man is might just require all of us finally accepting our responsibilities as Jedi.

“Right now you’re accepting every scrap of responsibility here. You’re getting buried under the weight of what you see as a string of failures. Mara Jade didn’t leave here because you failed her, she left because you succeeded. She learned what she needed to learn—which might not have been what you thought she needed to learn. She left because she didn’t want to fail others to whom she felt responsible.”

He opened his eyes. “You think I’ve been treating all of you like children.”

“Closer to the mark than you want to know.”

“I haven’t meant to, but you are children within the Force.”

“That’s fine, Master Skywalker, and true; but we’re also a disparate group of adults. Kyp was what, our youngest, and he was the age you were when you started your training? He was the age I was when I went into the CorSec Academy. We’re pretty well formed at that point, personality-wise. Those who have come here to learn from you have already made a decision to explore a new life. You need to let us do that. You need to challenge us, and challenges aren’t just the size of rocks or the range of a vision one can project. Those challenges test our skills, not our characters, and the failures here have been failures of character.”

“But you are not ready for such challenges.”

“Not if you’re going to make them marrow-blasting challenges, no.” I pointed at his right hand. “Did you learn a lot from your failure at Bespin?”

Luke’s fingers flexed. “Yes.”

“Then let us fail a bit and learn how to deal with it. As we used to say in CorSec, there are two types of speeder bike riders: those who have fallen off, and those who are going to fall off. Jedi will fail, and if they don’t learn how to deal with failure, if they don’t have the spine to recover from it, you’ll lose them.”

Luke’s lightsaber died. “I have to think about what you’ve said.”

“Don’t just think, Master, act.” I thumbed my blade off as well, letting darkness swallow us. “If you don’t act, the disaster you feel could be on a scale from which none of us can possibly recover.”