10
Gabriel rode home deep in thought as he considered Miss Ross and her unsettling effect on him. They had far more in common than he had believed possible, although in many ways, they handled their respective issues completely differently. She flaunted her bad reputation and dared the ton to ignore her, whilst he tried to disappear into the background and hope that everything would blow over.
He sighed. She made him feel like an even worse coward than he already did, but he no longer had the stomach to fight. At least he knew the truth about himself. He handed Wellington over to Mather, thanked him, and headed up the stairs to his lodgings where Keyes was busy laying out his breakfast.
“Good morning, sir. Did you enjoy your ride?”
Gabriel chose to smile vaguely rather than reply. His rides with Miss Ross were always eventful and usually meant that his solitary journey back was accomplished with a set of aching balls and an erect cock. A knock on the door distracted him from thoughts of Miss Ross and he nodded at Keyes to open the door.
He stared at the three men who had entered and bowed. “Good morning, gentlemen, to what do I owe this honor?” He gestured at the table and took his seat, too hungry to delay breaking his fast and too familiar with at least two of the gentlemen to worry about offending them. Keyes bustled about bringing extra plates and coffee, and soon the other men were seated around him.
Captain David Gray was the first to speak. “Good morning, Swanfield.” He gestured at the dark-haired man to his left. “I’m not sure if you’ve met Major Thomas Wesley.”
“I don’t believe I’ve had that pleasure, sir.” Gabriel nodded pleasantly enough at the major. “But you are more than welcome.”
“Major Wesley works at the War Office.” Paul St. Clare, the third of his visitors, said, as he piled more ham on his plate.
“How interesting.” Gabriel spared Wesley another glance. “And yet you have a look of a man who has carried out the majority of his soldiering in warmer climes.”
“I spent almost two decades of my life in India. Family business drew me back to England and I decided to stay and work at the War Office.”
“Major Wesley is interested in what happened to you in Spain, Swanfield,” David said.
Gabriel put his fork down. “Surely there is nothing of interest in that.”
“Ah, but there is, Lord Swanfield.” Major Wesley leaned forward, his brown eyes steady on Gabriel’s. “There have been several complaints against the officers in your regiment during that particular peninsular campaign and some concerns over the decisions made, particularly in your case.”
“Major, I left my regiment with privileged information to pass on to my commander in chief. I returned almost a year later to find that the information had ended up in the hands of our enemies.”
“And you were too sick to defend yourself at your makeshift trial and were shipped back home in disgrace without a proper hearing.”
“Yes, and that’s all there is to it.”
“At the time, several people came forward to defend your military record and declare their support. Were you aware of that?”
Gabriel shrugged and slid a quelling glance at David and Paul, who were listening carefully. “I know of some. It is always pleasant to hear that one is not completely reviled.”
“But don’t you see, Swanfield,” Paul intervened. “You could appeal your conviction and reinstate your good name.”
“I wasn’t formally tried and found guilty,” Gabriel said flatly. “Restoring my reputation would be like trying to fight a ghost.”
Major Wesley smiled. “Recently we’ve become aware of some new attempts to resurrect your case and formally try you.”
“What?” Gabriel stared at the other man, a sick feeling in his gut. “Who in God’s name started that up again?”
“I’m not sure, but we are bound to investigate such matters if they come from high enough up. It was when I reviewed your file that I realized you had been much maligned with very little real evidence.”
“And now he wants to help you,” David said. “And we’ve agreed to help him, too.”
Gabriel nodded at each man. “It is very kind of you to take an interest in this matter, Major Wesley, but it all happened so long ago. Surely it’s better just to let things lie?”
Major Wesley stood up. “I wish I could do that, sir, but unfortunately I have to investigate this matter. I would appreciate your cooperation.”
Gabriel stood, too, and shook the proffered hand. “You have that, but I don’t think it will make any difference.”
Major Wesley sighed. “It might if I’m forced to drag you through an official military court-martial.”
“You don’t think it will come to that, do you?”
“I hope not.” Major Wesley saluted and turned to the door. “Thank you for enduring my unexpected visit, sir, and I’ll keep you informed.”
“I’d appreciate that.” Gabriel nodded as David got up, too, and headed after the major. “Good morning to you both.”
Gabriel waited to sit down again until the door shut behind the two men. He contemplated the food on his plate and suddenly felt nauseous. It seemed that all the years of trying not to be seen, of deliberately cutting himself off from his peers, had been for naught.
Paul cleared his throat. “Are you angry?”
Gabriel picked at his now congealed scrambled eggs. “That Captain Gray brought Major Wesley around to see me? Not really. I’m grateful for the warning that someone is meddling in my business.”
“Have you any idea who it might be?”
Gabriel’s attempted smile was forced. “I’ve always been outspoken, you know that, and I certainly offended a few of the higher-ranking officers in my time.”
“Because you got things done.”
“Sometimes my sympathy definitely lay with the rank and file rather than my supposed peers. That was usually attributed to my lowly start in life and my complete lack of breeding.”
Paul sighed. “You aren’t happy about this at all, are you?”
Gabriel met his worried gaze. “No. I’m not, but you’re probably the only man who’ll know that.” He shifted in his seat. “I’m also wondering if my family has got anything to do with this sudden interest in my past.”
Paul’s smile was wry. “I suppose it’s possible. Your cousins have never been your friends, have they?”
Gabriel pushed his plate away. “Actually, I was once quite close to William, until he finally realized that I was going to inherit the title he’d assumed was his. He never liked me after that.”
“Obviously. He didn’t exactly rush to your defense during your time in Spain.”
“Major Wesley seems like a fair man, though.” Anxious to stop all references to his cousins, Gabriel stood up. “He also looked slightly familiar.”
Paul was still eating, but he paused long enough to grin. “He visits the pleasure house; you might have seen him there.”
“That’s right. I’ve seen him with another man.”
“That would probably be the notorious Lord Minshom, the terror of the top floor. Well, not so terrible now since he’s connected with Wesley and become a father.”
“Minshom has children?” Gabriel pictured the cold blue eyes of the man and remembered the lurid tales surrounding his legendary adventures in the pleasure house.
“Indeed, twin girls, if you can believe it. David knows both of the Minshoms quite well and corresponds regularly with Lady Minshom.”
“Ah, that’s right. Robert Brown used to be Lord Minshom’s valet.” Gabriel smiled. “What a small world we live in.”
Paul swallowed down a gulp of ale. “Speaking of small worlds, I was wondering if you might do me a favor.”
“Does it have to do with my horses?”
“No, it’s rather more complex than that. My aunt is having a ball tonight for my eldest cousin, and she has invited me to attend.”
“And?”
“And I was hoping you would go with me.”
“Me? I’m certainly not considered good company or good ton. You’d be better off asking Captain Gray. He’s both wellborn and incredibly charming.”
“But I want you to come. My aunt would like to meet you.” Paul met Gabriel’s skeptical gaze and color flooded his cheeks. “I would be honored if you would accept.”
Inwardly, Gabriel cursed, but he knew he would go. The ties between him and Paul were too complex to ignore. “If I agree, you must promise to let me leave whenever I choose.”
“As long as you get to meet my aunt and uncle, I’ll be happy.”
“Then I’ll come with you.”
A smile lit up Paul’s face and he jumped to his feet. “Thank you. I’ll be ready to leave about nine.”
“That will be fine.” Gabriel studied Paul’s unkempt brown coat and breeches. “You do have some more formal clothing, don’t you?”
“Of course, and if the worst comes to the worst, I can always wear my dress uniform and let the debutantes swoon over my medals.”
“Indeed.” Gabriel watched him leave, his smile dying as Paul closed the door behind him. He was deeply fond of the man, but sensed Paul still wanted more from him than friendship. During their imprisonment, they’d struck up an unlikely companionship. Gabriel had used his strength to defend the slighter man, and Paul had … Gabriel sighed at the memory. Paul had insisted on providing Gabriel with all the sex he wanted, whenever he wanted it. And to his shame, Gabriel had taken advantage of the other man, used him, enjoyed it even, found it arousing to feel another man under him taking his cock.
Perhaps it was time to have a serious conversation with Paul about his sexual needs. He suspected Paul would still be happy to lie down and let Gabriel fuck him even now, and that would never do. Gabriel abandoned his half-eaten breakfast and opened the newspaper. Perhaps he could sponsor Paul into full membership at the pleasure house?
That thought made him relax a little and find his usual solace in reading the paper. It also kept him from wondering what his reception would be like at the ball that evening. With his background he never felt quite at ease in social situations. He’d worked hard to overcome that, only to have his hard-earned skills ripped from him by the dual horrors of captivity and being considered a traitor.
“Keyes?”
His valet appeared. “Yes, sir?”
“Will you make sure my evening clothes are in good enough order for me to wear tonight?”
Keyes actually rubbed his hands together. “Yes, sir. You can wear your new blue coat.”
Gabriel lowered the newspaper. “What new coat?”
“The one I picked up for you from your tailors while you were away at Knowles Hall, sir.”
Gabriel sighed. Keyes was always trying to improve his wardrobe and he couldn’t blame the man. “All right, put it out and I’ll see if I like it.”
“Yes, sir, it will be a pleasure, sir.”
Keyes positively skipped away, his homely face shining, and Gabriel felt the beginnings of a reluctant grin. He’d do his best for Paul tonight and reward himself by seeing Miss Ross later. A man could only be virtuous for so long.
“Come in, Lisette.”
Lisette smiled cautiously at her father as he beckoned her into his study. There was something about his expression that made her feel like a young girl about to be faced with a list of her transgression.
“Is something the matter, Papa?”
His smile widened. “Is there something you’re afraid I’ve found out about, daughter?”
“Of course not.” Lisette sat down and put her hands in her lap. “Emily will be here soon. Does it have something to do with that?”
“Nothing has changed. She will be here at the end of the week. My second cousin’s widow, Mrs. Horrocks-Smith, will join us as well and stay for the Season.”
“Will she be a good chaperone for Emily? Is she kind?”
“Daphne is not only kind but experienced at managing the Season’s intricacies. She managed to marry off four daughters and a couple of them, might I say, were not quite as pretty as they might have been.”
“Well, that is good to know. I’m sure Emily will enjoy herself exceedingly.”
“I’m sure she will.” Philip hesitated. “I’m more concerned about you.”
Lisette stiffened. “Have you been talking to Christian?”
“I try and talk to him almost every day.”
“I meant about me and my effect on Emily’s coming out.”
Her father frowned. “What has Christian been saying to you?”
“You probably know already, but he thinks I’m not a suitable person to be around Emily. He fears my reputation will affect hers.”
“Does he?” Philip’s expression darkened.
“And he may have a point. I behaved rather stupidly in my youth—you know I did.” Lisette hoped her father never knew quite how stupidly, but he’d probably seen enough to realize how wild she’d been. “I would hate to ruin Emily’s chances of making a good match.”
“You have been very kind to Emily, Lisette, and I appreciate that more than I can say.” He sighed. “Considering the nature of your birth and upbringing, your wild years could’ve been so much worse.”
“Now you sound just like Maman,” Lisette said, and hastened to change the subject. “You didn’t know she was pregnant when you left her. And when you did find out, you treated Christian and I just like your legitimate children. If anyone should have a problem, it should be Richard and Emily.”
“Emily loves you both. I’m not so sure that Richard has reconciled himself to my lurid past.” A flicker of pain crossed her father’s face. “He avoids coming home.”
“Richard is twenty, Papa, why would he want to come home? We hardly ever see Christian either.”
“That is true. But I’ve almost forgotten what I wanted to say to you. I discussed the idea with your mother, and she told me to ask you.”
“What idea?”
Philip sat forward. “You were never properly presented at court or to society. I’ve spoken to Mrs. Horrocks-Smith, and she is quite happy to chaperone you as well as Emily.”
“That is very kind of her, and of you, but I don’t wish to steal Emily’s big moment and I’m quite happy as I am.”
“Are you sure, my dear?” Philip hesitated. “Sometimes, forgive me, it seems as though you watch from the sidelines and don’t feel able to join in with the younger ladies.”
“That’s because I don’t fit in.” She regarded him steadily. “I don’t, Papa, and I never will. In truth, living that life would stifle me, and I have no wish for it.” In essence that was true and she hoped he realized it. The fact that a small part of her would always yearn to be acknowledged and accepted simply for who she was would never go away. Was that how it felt for Lord Swanfield, too? That longing to be accepted and the fear that one never would?
“And what if your latest beau draws you into that world? Will you be able to do your duty to him then?”
“My latest beau?” For a moment Lisette was confused. “Oh, do you mean Lord Swanfield? He is scarcely that.”
Philip smiled. “If you say so, my dear, but he does seem remarkably keen on you.”
“Lord Swanfield eschews society even more than I do.”
“So I’ve heard. Your mother thinks very highly of him.”
Lisette sat up straight. “She does?”
“She knows everything that goes on in the pleasure house, Lisette, don’t forget that.”
Lisette’s smile faded. “And after talking to my mother, what do you think of Lord Swanfield?”
“I think he is a complex man and I trust you to take care of yourself.”
“Papa …”
“Lisette, I trust you.” He held her gaze. “And if the bastard hurts you in any way, I’ll make sure he lives to regret it.”
“Thank you, I’ll bear it in mind.” Lisette made as if to rise from her seat. “If that was all you wanted to say to me?”
“Actually, there is one more thing. An old friend of mine is holding a ball tonight for his daughter who is of a similar age to Emily. I wondered if you would care to accompany me to the ball, and decide whether Emily would benefit from the acquaintance.”
“I’d be happy to, Papa.” It was the least she could do when he was so kind to her. Sometimes she felt that she didn’t deserve his forbearance. He’d tried so hard with her and Christian, even when they’d attempted to disrupt his renewed relationship with their mother.
“Excellent. We can have dinner together and leave after that.”
“Of course, Papa.” Lisette blew him a kiss and hurried to her bedchamber, where she rang for her maid. If she was going to a ball on her father’s arm, she needed to make some effort to appear as beautiful as possible. She could never match her mother’s magnificence, but then very few women could.
Lisette smiled at the thought of her parents’ stormy and unconventional relationship and realized there was probably very little she could do to shock her father either. He deserved her love. He deserved more from her than she could ever probably give him, but she hoped he’d never realize that.
Gabriel tugged irritably at the tight linen of his cravat and earned himself a smile from Paul St. Clare.
“Do you hate these occasions as much as I do?”
“Is it that obvious?” Gabriel replied, his gaze moving past the receiving line and around the already full ballroom.
“Only to me.” Paul sighed. “My aunt and uncle have offered me a home, but I’m not ready to settle down yet. I need my freedom.”
Gabriel knew that war affected some men that way, turned them into restless spirits who could never settle easily into the placid life of a peaceful nation, men who craved the horror of conflict even as they feared it.
“Ah, here is my aunt,” Paul murmured, and stepped forward to greet a pleasant-faced older woman with faded blond hair. “Good evening, Aunt. May I present my friend and former commanding officer, the Earl of Swanfield?”
“A pleasure, ma’am.”
Instinctively, Gabriel braced himself for the moment when she faced him. He’d become hardened to being given the cut direct, or, worse still, being greeted politely only to see the person whispering about him a second later. But for once, he wanted to make a good impression. He owed Paul that, at least.
To his surprise, she grasped one of his hands in hers and squeezed it tightly. “Lord Swanfield, it is such a pleasure to finally meet you.” She drew him closer and turned to the distinguished man at her side. “Marcus, Lord Swanfield is here.”
Gabriel found himself facing one of the most influential peers in the House of Lords. His hand was taken in a firm grip. “Swanfield, I want to thank you for what you did for my nephew.”
“I did nothing any man would not have done in similar circumstances.”
“Untrue, my lord. From what I’ve heard, you should’ve received a medal for bravery rather than a coward’s dismissal.”
Gabriel winced at the loudness of Lord Ashmolton’s booming voice. Either he wanted everyone around him to hear exactly what he was saying, or he always spoke like that.
“I was only doing my duty, sir, and your nephew was courageous in his own right.”
“Still.” Lord Ashmolton’s voice rose even louder. “You’re a damned fine man and a hero in my book. I’d be proud to sponsor you into my club.”
“That’s very kind of you, sir, but …”
Again Gabriel found himself silenced as Lord Ashmolton rumbled on about how sick Paul had been on his return to England and that he’d only survived at all because of Gabriel’s care. The people around them in the receiving line were starting to stare and whisper and he suddenly felt hemmed in.
He shook Lord Ashmolton’s hand one last time and stepped back from the couple. “Thank you again for your welcome, sir, but I must not keep you.”
Paul grinned as his uncle slapped him on the back and they were able to move along and pay their respects to Paul’s cousin, Lucinda, whom the ball was in honor of. Lucinda seemed at ease with Paul, her brown eyes fixed on him, her pleasure in his company so obvious that Gabriel wondered whether Paul realized his fate yet.
Eventually they made their way down to the dance floor and Gabriel helped himself to a drink from one of the passing footmen.
“You should have told me that my welcome would be so effusive, and that your uncle was a duke.”
“And then you wouldn’t have come.”
Paul glanced up at him. He looked far older in his evening clothes, his blond hair tamed, and his brown eyes alert and full of laughter. He was only two years younger than Gabriel but often seemed a mere boy. There was no sign of that youthful-ness tonight, only a wariness that echoed Gabriel’s.
“Your cousin seems very fond of you.”
“Yes, she is a delightful girl.” He shrugged. “They want me to marry her.”
“She would make you a fine wife.”
Paul’s mouth quirked up at the corner. “Please, Major, you know my tastes do not run in that direction. It would be cruel to her.”
They continued to circle the ballroom, both of them instinctively keeping their backs to the walls. Eventually they settled on a secluded corner near the large windows. “Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman, Paul?”
“Do you mean have I ever tried to conform?” Paul sighed. “I fear my tastes were formed at Eton, and nothing I have encountered since has changed my mind.”
Gabriel stared out across the ballroom and caught sight of an all-too-familiar figure. Miss Ross hadn’t mentioned her intentions to go to a ball, but then he hadn’t either. She looked very nice in some sort of pale gauzy confection that made him want to unwrap her like a bonbon and sink his teeth into her….
“Swanfield?”
He looked down at Paul. “I’m sorry, St. Clare, what did you say?”
“I was going to ask how you feel about women, and then I noticed you were ogling one.”
Gabriel studied his friend’s smiling face and saw the strain around his eyes. “I prefer women.”
“Yet you’ve had both.”
“But given a choice, I would always pick a woman.” He stared into Paul’s eyes. “I know what you want from me, but I can’t give it to you. I’m sorry.”
“I understand. In truth, I understood that a long time ago.”
“If I were that way inclined, I would choose you, Paul. You are an excellent lover.”
His friend started to laugh and placed his hand on his heart. “Thank you, my lord. You … unman me.”
Gabriel smiled. “You are all man, St. Clare, and there is no one I would rather have at my side in a fight.”
“Or at your back.”
“Preferably where I can see you.”
St. Clare’s smile faded. “I wish things were different between us. I would happily share your bed for the rest of my life.”
For one ridiculous second Gabriel forgot where he was and wanted to reach out and curve his hand around St. Clare’s head and simply hold him. “If I held you to that, it would be as cruel as you marrying Miss Lucinda. You deserve someone to love you for who and what you are.”
“Yes, I see that.” Paul turned away as someone approached them, but not before Gabriel had seen the pain in his eyes. “Ah, look, beauty awaits you.” He bowed. “Good evening, sir, miss.”
Gabriel stepped forward. “Lord Knowles, Miss Ross, may I introduce you to my friend Lieutenant St. Clare?”
Lord Knowles nodded at Gabriel. “Good evening, Swan-field. St. Clare, it is a pleasure to meet you.”
Miss Ross smiled at them. “How are you this evening, Lieutenant? It is a while since I have seen you.”
Gabriel’s attention snapped back to Paul. He’d forgotten that his friend already knew Miss Ross and had admitted to telling her about some of Gabriel’s past.
“I’m very well, Miss Ross, yourself?”
Miss Ross’s glance strayed to Gabriel’s face and he drank in the pure lines of her cheekbones, her intelligent expression, and the multitude of colors in her ever-changing eyes. She wasn’t classically beautiful, but there was an animation and glow in her face that drew men toward her like bees to honey.
“Would you like to dance, Miss Ross?”
The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider them. So much for his hope of remaining incognito at the dance and making a quick exit.
“If that is all right with you, Papa?”
She looked at her father, who released her hand from his and placed it carefully in Gabriel’s. “Go ahead, my dear. I’ll wait for you in the supper room.”
Paul sighed. “I suppose I should go and do my duty to my cousin. She asked me particularly to dance with her.” He bowed to Gabriel and Miss Ross. “It was a pleasure to see you again.”
Gabriel led Miss Ross toward the dance floor and drew her into his arms. He could now see that the dress was pale yellow and displayed her bosom to advantage.
“You look very nice this evening, Miss Ross. Like a spring flower.”
She looked up at him. “And you look nice, too. Is that a new coat?”
“I believe it is. My valet and Captain Gray chose it for me.”
“Ah, Captain Gray always dresses well.”
“So you know him, too?”
“I know several of the men who frequent the pleasure house. David is a particular friend.”
“Ah, of course you do.” He fell silent as they danced together, and simply enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms. It was usually difficult for him to tolerate this level of noise, let alone enjoy himself. Perhaps it was because Lisette knew more about him than any other woman he’d ever met. She seemed to accept both sides of his fragmented personality with an equilibrium that astounded him. In fact, she made him feel almost peaceful…. The music stopped far too quickly and he resisted the temptation to keep her close, to allow her to rest her head on his shoulder and simply surround her with his warmth.
“Lord Swanfield.”
He looked down at her upturned face. “Yes, Miss Ross?”
“Are you going to take me back to my father?”
“Of course, Miss Ross.” He led her back through the crowds of guests, stopping only when a man dressed in his old regiment’s uniform stepped deliberately into his path.
“Cousin Gabriel.”
“Captain Granger.” Gabriel nodded his head. Behind William stood Michael, his face pale, his horrified expression indicating that he’d rather be in China than watching his brother confront their cousin. William was Gabriel’s height and had his coloring; the only major difference between them was Gabriel’s unusual eye color. “I hope you are well, sir?”
“As well as can be expected.” William’s gaze turned to Lis-ette, and Gabriel tensed. “I don’t believe I’ve met your dance partner.”
“Miss Ross, this is my cousin Captain William Granger.”
“A pleasure to meet you, sir.” Miss Ross bobbed his cousin a graceful curtsey.
“And you, too, Miss Ross.” William’s smile didn’t even attempt to conceal his disdain for anybody or anything that willingly came into contact with Gabriel.
“If you will excuse us, I must get Miss Ross safely back to her father.” Gabriel ushered Miss Ross past William, only to have his arm caught in a punishing grip.
“Have you been to Swanfield Hall recently?”
“You know I have not.”
William’s laugh was harsh, “Oh, aye, you have no sense of duty to your name or to the estate, do you? But then who would expect you to? You were hardly born equipped for this role.”
“A fact which you and your family have taken pains to remind me of all my life.” Gabriel met his cousin’s angry stare. “Is it any wonder that I don’t want to visit a place that you and yours turned into a living hell for me?” He pulled out of William’s grasp. “Good evening, sir.”
“It’s not that easy, Gabriel. You’re a man now, not a child. Isn’t it time you took responsibility for those who depend on you?”
Gabriel paused to look back. “Like you, you mean?”
William’s face went white and Michael looked equally shocked. “What the devil is that supposed to mean?”
“I believe my estate paid for both you and Michael’s commissions to the regiment and has continued to pay for your advancement ever since.” Gabriel nodded at them both. “Perhaps you are right and I should take more interest in the finances of my estate. I’m sure your father would be more than happy to turn over all the records that my solicitor has requested for the last five years.”
“Damn you, Gabriel, my father has done nothing but work himself to the bone for you, and this is how you repay him?”
“I think the question is how much should he be repaying me, don’t you? Good evening, William, Michael, and good night.”
Before William could say anything in reply, Miss Ross took Gabriel’s hand and marched him away. She kept moving past the supper room and down a long dark hallway that led toward the back of the house and away from the gawkers and gossips who had gathered around to enjoy the angry confrontation.
“Gabriel, are you all right?”
He looked down at Lisette and let go of her hand. “I apologize, Miss Ross. I meant to take you to your father before I flounced off like a discarded mistress.”
She reached up and touched his cheek, brushed a soft kiss over his skin. “It’s all right. Your cousin was deliberately antagonizing you.”
“He always does. I should be used to it by now.” He stared up at the ceiling. “How the devil was I supposed to know how to run the estates when no one showed me? Even after I succeeded to the title they kept all the knowledge for William and Michael and shut me out.”
“Do you really believe his father cheated you?”
He glared at her. “Questions like that are why I try and avoid airing my family’s dirty linen at social gatherings.”
“Don’t tell me then. I was just trying to help.” She made as if to whisk herself away from him and he couldn’t bear that. He sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“I’ve spent the last five years trying to wrest control of the estate away from the Granger family. William might not admit it, but ever since his father was declared my guardian, his family has bled me dry.”
“That cannot be right.”
“It isn’t, but I’ve made it harder by refusing to visit my uncle in person and sort it out face-to-face, in a genteel, gentlemanly manner. Solicitors and lawyers make it a very slow process, but at least I don’t have to look at him. I’m afraid I might try and kill him.” Gabriel sighed. “And William does have a point. In my efforts to keep away from his family, I’ve stayed away from the people who depend on me for a living.”
She stroked his cheek again as if trying to soothe him. “But you can change that. I know you can.”
“Perhaps your faith in me is misplaced.”
“Now you are just feeling sorry for yourself.”
He blinked at her. “What?”
She poked him in the chest. “You are perfectly capable of taking control of your own destiny. I suspect your reluctance comes more from your not wanting to hurt the family that brought you up.”
“Hurt them? They treated me like scum and they treated my mother …” He shut his mouth and struggled to breathe properly. “I don’t feel sorry for them at all.”
“Then you need to face them.”
He glared down at her calm face. “Easy for you to say.”
“That’s true, but you’ll have to do it eventually, so why not now?”
He considered her carefully, and tried to decide what to tell her and what to leave out. He didn’t want her thinking he was any more of a coward than she obviously did. “Because someone is busy trying to blacken my reputation again and make the War Office reopen an investigation into my supposed traitorous crimes. If the Granger family wait a while and the evidence goes against me, all that I own might revert back to them.”
“But you were imprisoned and almost died! How on earth do they think you were responsible for anything?”
He was shocked to see that she looked almost as angry as he felt. It made him feel curiously warm inside, as if she was still holding his hand. But this conversation couldn’t go on. He needed to get away from the ballroom and the stares of his peers.
On impulse, he bent his head and kissed her. She started talking so he kissed her again, this time outlining the seam of her lips with the tip of his tongue. She made a low noise in her throat and opened her mouth to him. While he stroked his tongue inside, he captured her wrists and brought both her hands around to the small of her back and held them captive in one of his.
She sighed and leaned into him, melted into the kiss and let him possess and explore her mouth at will. God, he wanted her now, wanted to repel the shock of his cousin’s appearance and bury himself inside her until he felt nothing but the need to fuck and burn. Her breasts pressed against his chest, and her belly against his cock.
He kept kissing her as he pressed her even closer until he suspected that the buttons of his waistcoat and the heat of his shaft would be imprinted on her skin forever.
“Miss Ross, will you meet me at the pleasure house tonight?”
She looked up at him, her lips swollen from his kisses, her hazel eyes so full of warmth that he feared he might drown in them.
“I can’t.”
He frowned, his sexual anticipation doused by her prosaic words. “Why not?”
“Because my father asked me to attend this ball with him, and I can hardly abandon him here.”
“But I want you.”
She moved away from him. “And tonight you will not have me.”
“And what am I supposed to do about this?” He gestured at his thick erection.
She dipped him a curtsey. “You have a hand, don’t you?”
“And you are an impudent baggage.”
Her smile was full of anticipation. “That is true. Perhaps I will see you tomorrow night?”
“You aren’t going to ride with me tomorrow morning either?”
“I have an appointment with my dressmaker.”
“Perhaps I should simply go to the pleasure house by myself tonight after all.”
Her smile dimmed at little but she still raised her chin at him before she started walking away. “What an excellent idea. Good night, my lord.”
He caught up with her in two strides and took her hand. “I didn’t mean that.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “You are a free man, my lord. What you choose to do is scarcely my concern, is it?”
“It is your concern if I choose to make it so.”
“But you don’t, do you? You are too scared to settle on one woman in case she wants things from you that you are not prepared to give.”
He stared down at her as her words hit home, and he slowly released her hand. She deserved more than him. She deserved a man who would love her to distraction and give her as many children as she wanted. “Good night, Miss Ross.”
“Good night, Lord Swanfield.”
God, he couldn’t let it go like this, he just couldn’t. She’d gone halfway down the hallway before he found the courage to speak. “Miss Ross, if I was available just for you at the pleasure house, would that please you?”
She turned back slowly and studied him for a long moment across the distance. “Yes, it would.”
“Then that is what I shall do.” He bit his lip. “I’ll wait in our room every night until you decide to favor me with your presence. I won’t let anyone else bring me sexual release.”
She inclined her head a regal inch and then turned and left him standing there, his heart thumping, his cock aching in an unsteady echo. After a few moments, he turned and made his own way back up the hall. To his relief, Paul St. Clare stood right by the entrance to the ballroom holding both their cloaks.
“Miss Ross said you might want to leave, my lord. I’ve already summoned a hackney.”
Gabriel grabbed his cloak and hat and held them in front of his tented pantaloons as they edged their way around the ballroom. Whispers followed him like the lightest rainfall and he kept his face blank, looking neither for William nor for Miss Ross, and concentrated solely on getting out of the front door.
In the hackney cab, he collapsed on the seat and allowed Paul to direct the driver and then follow him inside. Gabriel closed his eyes and fought the sensation that his world was shifting out of his control again. He thought he’d learned patience and the fickle nature of life and death in the prison cell, but some part of him was shocked at the randomness of events.
He shuddered as he became aware of Paul’s hand under his cloak lightly settling over his engorged cock.
“Do you need some help with that?”
“Paul …”
Paul immediately removed his hand. “I’m sorry, Gabriel, it was just so difficult to resist. If I got down on the floor and sucked you into my mouth, I’m sure I could have you all finished by the time we reached our lodgings.”
Just for a moment, Gabriel let himself imagine the strong pull of Paul’s clever mouth on his cock, the immense gratification of being able to come down the other man’s throat in thick pulsing waves….
“Thank you, but no.”
Paul sighed, the sound loud in the smelly confines of the cab. “Then can I just watch you do it?”
Gabriel managed a smile. “No.” He glanced down at his rebellious cock. “And stop talking about it. You’re making it worse.”
He’d wait until he found the privacy of his own bed before he touched himself, knew it wouldn’t take long for him to come hard. With a groan he rearranged his stiff cock in his pantaloons, glad that they weren’t as tight as the ones he wore at the pleasure house. Then he thought about Miss Ross and waiting for her to touch him and nearly came all over himself.
“Damnation!”
Paul laughed as Gabriel cursed. “It was much easier in the prison cells, wasn’t it? No one asked if you wanted a hand there. You usually had to fight them off.” Paul’s voice grew quiet. “Sometimes I miss that.”
“I don’t,” Gabriel muttered. The carriage drew to a halt and Gabriel felt in his pocket for some coins and groaned again as his fingers brushed his cock. He promised himself that if he managed to get upstairs without coming in his pantaloons, he’d call the awful night a success after all.