Chapter Eleven
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said.
Freddie knew how grief could creep up at any
moment. He knew how the pain was as sharp as a needle under the
skin. Then how, even as time went by, it became a dull ache, it was
always there, always tugging at the corner of things. A familiar
friend.
‘I could not save him,’ she said again.
He understood how that played upon her mind. In the
first months after George had been reported missing, the thought of
his body lying unclaimed on the battlefield haunted him more than
anything.
Freddie never talked about George’s death. He
didn’t admit to anyone how deeply he mourned his brother
still.
But, for the first time in more than a decade,
Freddie wanted to speak. Needed to speak.
‘I, too, lost a brother,’ he said.
This time, it was she who reached across the space
between them. She took his hand. Her touch was so light, Freddie
could hardly feel it.
Her skin was like tissue paper. The cloak slipped from her
shoulders and he saw clearly she was wearing a long green dress
with an old-fashioned belt. Attached to it was a leather pouch,
like a purse or small bag. Such strange, out-of-date clothes.
Freddie began to talk, slowly at first, then
faster. Ten years and more of grief, of loss, of silence, came
tumbling out. In the room, the fire crackled. Time seemed to stand
still as he talked and talked.
At last, there was nothing left to say. All emotion
was spent. His head was empty. Freddie took a deep breath.
‘I’m sorry, I . . . I don’t know what came over
me.’
He felt, for a fleeting moment, the pressure of her
fingers on the palm of his hand. Then, slowly, she withdrew.
He was tired now, so tired. But he felt as if a
weight had been taken from his shoulders.
‘All I meant to say, before . . . well. I was
supposed to comfort you, not the other way around. I only wanted to
let you know that I understood.’
‘I knew you were haunted already,’ she said softly.
‘How else could I speak to you?’
Freddie wasn’t sure what she meant. ‘So,’ he
said, eager to make amends for his loss of control. ‘You saw out
the winter. And, when it was over? You came back?’
The look on her face stopped him. It struck him
that he had disappointed her.
‘No one came back. Not one.’
Freddie realised he had missed something. He knew
she had lost her brother, but what of her parents? She, herself,
was here after all.
‘I don’t understand,’ he said. ‘Some of you must
have come back.’
He saw her fists were clenched in her lap. He
noticed how long her fingers were and how her nails were pale, not
painted red like the modern fashion.
‘The soldiers were just waiting out the winter.
When the thaw began, just when we dared to think we were safe, they
moved against us.’
Freddie still didn’t understand. He shook his head.
The movement made his head spin. The whole room seemed to lurch. He
suddenly realised he was more drunk than he had thought.
‘But here you are,’ he said. Even to his ears, the
words sounded odd, as if he was speaking under water.
Now Freddie was struggling to keep his head. There
seemed to be two girls now, both looking
at him with their brown eyes. He needed a glass of water, or a
strong coffee.
He tried to stand up, but his legs didn’t obey
him.
‘You should rest,’ she said gently. Her voice
seemed to come from a long way away.
Freddie could not keep his eyes open any longer.
The warmth of the room, the gentle rise and fall of her voice, were
washing over him. He felt his arms grow heavy, his shoulders, his
neck, his legs.
‘You never did tell me your name.’
He seemed to hear her speak deep inside his head. A
single word, whispered in his mind.
‘Marie,’ she whispered. ‘My name is Marie.’
He was so tired, so very tired. ‘A few minutes and
I’ll be as right as rain.’
Freddie felt his eyes close. He sensed a movement,
a subtle shifting of the air. Then she spoke again.
‘Find us,’ she said. ‘Find us and bring us
home.’
They were the last words Freddie heard her
say.