After his night with Anjine, Mateo slipped away, moving as silently as he could. He wasn’t sure if he should stay, if he could stay. His thoughts were a whirlwind, and he searched for some moment of calm.
Anjine was the calm, the center. She was also the hurricane.
Mateo couldn’t remain here in Calay. It was not fair to him, to her, or to Tierra.
The room was still dim when he left Anjine sleeping. Her maidservant would notice that the queen hadn’t returned to her royal chamber during the night, but right now Anjine looked so peaceful, so happy. As she pulled the pillow up against her head, rumpling her hair, the expression on her face was innocent and free of care…just like the young girl with whom Mateo had spent so much time, loving her unconditionally as only childhood friends could. Even back then, he had never thought of her as a sister, but as a part of himself. He knew that Anjine felt the same way.
But now it had brought them to this. The experience seemed as unreal and dreamlike as any of the blinding tragedies he had endured.
In a separate room down the hall, in the dimness of approaching dawn, Mateo put on the light, fitted body armor that Vicka had given him from the Sonnen forge. Vicka…the very thought of her stung him with grief and guilt. Her loss made him feel as if he had stepped off the edge of a roof and never stopped falling.
The armor felt cold in his hands. Each time he returned from his battles, even before they were married, she had helped repair the damage. “Don’t worry about a few nicks and dings,” she would say. “That shows the armor is doing its job. I’d be embarrassed if you suffered a fatal wound due to some flaw in the armor.”
Driving away thoughts of her, and of Anjine, Mateo took his sword, grabbed his cloak, and crept out of the castle into the first streaks of dawn light. He left by one of the castle’s obscure side entrances that he and Anjine had used for slipping away from their teachers in order to roam the streets of Calay as normal children. Carefree days…
He felt confused and distraught, shamed and elated. He needed to escape these dangerous emotions, and to free Anjine from inappropriate concerns. If he stayed here, they would both be harmed, and the queen wouldn’t be able to rule as she needed to. Mateo was a loyal soldier and brave enough to do what he must. He could not let himself become a liability to the queen in this time of war.
Yes, he had loved Vicka deeply—and he had always loved Anjine in ways that he didn’t know how to measure. But right now Aiden had placed an overriding responsibility upon them all. Mateo had no time for longing thoughts or soft caresses. He would throw his energy into winning the war, putting so much concentration into that one duty that he hoped he could forget about his feelings.
Reaching the Military District amid the bustle of soldiers gathering for departure, Mateo presented himself to Subcomdar Hist. The leader of the Tierran army directed the cavalry to saddle their horses for riding out at daybreak. “Good to see you joining us, Subcomdar Bornan,” Hist said, red-faced and sweaty. “We’re already an hour behind the schedule I had in mind.”
“I’ll do what I can to help you move out as soon as possible.” Mateo joined an intense-looking Jenirod and an exuberant Destrar Shenro, both of whom would join the vanguard on the march.
Surprised to see him, Jenirod broke into a wide grin. “I never expected you, Subcomdar Bornan, but you always seem to arrive where you’re most needed.”
“I needed to go,” Mateo said, meaning his statement in two different ways. He felt awkward standing before Jenirod, the man who had once been betrothed to Anjine.
Within an hour, the first group set off on the road heading south. Mateo risked one last glance back at Calay Castle high on its hill before facing forward once more and focusing his thoughts, and his heart, on the enemy ahead.
When Anjine awoke, she felt both wonderful and adrift. She found herself still in Mateo’s old quarters, but she didn’t see him. She whispered his name, hoping he would respond, but the room was silent. She was alone.
Sunlight seeped through the windows as the sun rose, and Anjine climbed out of bed. Her heart ached and thrummed with joy at the same time. She clung to her memories of the night, reliving each touch, every time Mateo had stroked her hair, kissed her lips. She could not imagine any sensation so wonderful, and she knew it would not have been the same with any other man she chose as her consort.
But he was gone.
She understood exactly why.
Though Anjine longed for him, she swiftly rebuilt the tumbled wall around her emotions. Yes, Mateo had understood, and done without question the correct thing—as always. She went to the narrow window, from which she could see the Military District where soldiers were mounting their horses in preparation for departure.
Yes, today the army was scheduled to head south for the siege of Ishalem. She knew Mateo would be among the many small figures there, riding alongside his comrades bound for the holy city…and away from her.
Anjine knew he wouldn’t be gone forever. They would be together again soon, with a different and just as singular goal. As the queen of Tierra, she intended to join the massed army for the final battle that would destroy the followers of Urec.
With a wan smile on her lips, Anjine straightened her hair. Maybe she could slip back to her quarters before Enifir noticed. In any case, she would never speak of this, and she would command her lady-in-waiting to keep her silence as well.
She and Mateo would meet in Ishalem in a few months.