Arlington National Cemetery, Washington, DC
Ten days later

Shivering in her Army National Guard dress uniform, Devon flinched when the Air Force honor guard fired their twenty-one gun salute beside Ty’s grave. His flag-draped silver coffin sat suspended over it, waiting to be lowered into the dark hole.

The haunting strains of Taps rang out, and her skin erupted in goose bumps. When the last note died away in the crisp fall air, the honor guard folded the flag into a perfect triangle that showed part of the blue field and white stars. Across the grave, seated with her husband’s comforting arm around her shoulders, Ty’s mother accepted the flag from his commanding officer. She clutched it to her chest and stared with swimming eyes at the box that held the remains of her only child. Her shattered expression alone made Devon want to weep.

She jerked when her friend Ryan put an arm around her, but after a second instinctively moved closer to him. Away from the other man flanking her. Both wore their dress blues, and both had borne Ty to his grave. She was grateful for their presence, but standing this close to Cam hurt almost as much as knowing Ty was going into that hole.

Because they both knew the truth about why he’d died.

The wind gusted through her dress jacket and over her legs below the hem of her skirt. She barely heard what the chaplain was saying—she didn’t care what he had to say. Nothing could ease her pain. Or the suffocating guilt that came with it.

When he stopped, the family stood to say their final goodbyes. One by one they placed yellow roses atop the silver casket until the lid was smothered in flowers. Ty’s mother trembled beneath her husband’s arm for a moment, then let out a keening wail of grief so sharp it made the hair on Devon’s neck stand up. Struggling to hold her composure, she bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.

As his family left the graveside Devon stood there, rigid in the cold, staring at her ex-boyfriend’s coffin. I’m so sorry, Ty. So very sorry…

Ryan stepped up to the edge of the grave. He saluted, bringing his right hand to the brim of his scarlet beret. His square jaw was clenched tight. After a few silent moments he dropped his hand and walked away without a word, leaving her with Cam. The lump in Devon’s throat threatened to choke her.

Cam came forward next and raised his salute against the maroon beret that marked him as a Pararescueman. Like Ty had been. She risked a glance at him, and the grief etched in his face stabbed at her. He took something out of his pocket and turned it over in his fingers. Her throat tightened when she realized what he held. She automatically put a hand to her neck, touching the chain that held the lucky quarter’s twin over her heart.

Cam stared at the keepsake a moment longer before hunkering down beside the casket. The quarter flashed briefly in the weak afternoon light as he placed it gently on the lid. “See you on the other side, buddy.” He rose and took up a position behind Devon, staying at a respectful distance to let her say her final goodbye. Killing her with his presence and not even realizing it.

The tears were there, just as they’d always been since she’d been notified of Ty’s death. But tears didn’t relieve her suffering, and didn’t change the fact that Ty was gone.

Devon squeezed her hands into fists, her short nails cutting into her damp palms. She wished Cam would leave so she could say goodbye properly. So she wouldn’t betray Ty more than she already had.

Cam didn’t move, but she’d known he wouldn’t leave her to face this alone.

Fighting to ignore him and the unsettling effect he had on her, she tried to think of something to say to Ty. She’d already said the most important things while sitting next to his zipped body bag in the morgue at Bagram.

She snapped a smart salute and held it while she stared down at his coffin. “Bye, Ty,” she whispered, easing her trembling hand down to her side.

Cam’s hand settled on her shoulder. She flinched, and he dropped it. She couldn’t bear his touch right now. It hurt too much.

“Come on,” he said quietly. “It’s time to go.”

She swallowed and managed a nod, but couldn’t look at him as she turned from Ty’s casket. Walking away from his grave was the second hardest thing she’d ever done.

The hardest had put him in it.

She walked through the rows of pristine white headstones. So many of them, and many more still to come before the war on terror ended. If it ever did.

With each step the heels of her pumps bit into the damp, meticulously-kept grass. She kept her eyes focused on Ryan standing at the line of their cars, but she was acutely aware of Cam’s undeniably magnetic presence a few feet behind her.

Ryan forced a tired smile when she neared him. “Okay?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll follow you back.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Cam’s voice was full of concern.

She didn’t look at him. “I’m sure.” The last thing she needed was to be trapped in a car with him.

Devon climbed into her rental car and drove to her hotel, wondering what the hell she was doing hosting the reception for some of Ty’s military buddies.

You’re tough. You can handle this.

 

Back in her bland hotel room, she ordered Mexican takeout because Ty had loved it. Cam and Ryan went out to pick it up and find some beer while she took a shower and changed into her civvies. The guests arrived, and the PJs told stories about Ty as they ate, but Devon couldn’t relax. They should blame her, hate her, but they didn’t. She wished they would. It would be easier for her to bear.

They finished eating, and Cam raised his Corona, Ty’s favorite beer. “To a hell of a PJ, and the best damn friend anyone could have.”

“Hooyah,” Ryan and the others chorused, holding up their bottles.

Devon’s throat was too tight to speak. She tapped bottles with guys around her and avoided Cam’s gaze while she took a sip. She was doing fine. All she had to do was hold it together for a little longer.

She was still okay when the other guests filed out and left her with Ryan and Cam. But when Ryan stood to leave, she jumped up with him, assaulted by a wave of dread. Given the way she was feeling, being alone with Cam was not a good idea.

She knew it, but couldn’t summon the will to ask him to leave with Ryan. Truth was, she didn’t want to be alone right now. Not when she’d just been reminded that death stalked all of them. Their professions ensured that.

Beneath the vulnerability that came with knowing how fleeting life was, she was all too aware of Cam’s Pacific blue eyes resting on her face as she walked Ryan to the door. Cam’s presence had always unsettled her, right from the first time she’d met him.

While she’d been dating his best friend.

Pulling on his shoes, Ryan smiled up at her with his endearing bad-boy grin. “Wish I could stay longer.”

She wished that too. “Can’t you stay for one more beer?”

“Wish I could take you up on that, darlin’, but I can’t. Flight leaves in two hours.” His mahogany gaze moved to Cam over on the couch. “See you over there.”

“You know it.”

Just the sound of his deep voice sent traitorous shivers of pleasure up her spine. “You might see me there too,” she blurted to Ryan, wishing she could leave with him.

Ryan’s brows shot up, but it was Cam’s gaze zeroing in on her that she noticed. The touch was almost physical, so strong it made the skin at her nape tingle.

“For real?’ Ryan asked. “You just got back.”

“I heard a rumor that they might extend my tour.” She shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and shrugged. “Not sure, though.”

He paused, studying her face. She held her spine straight and kept her expression blank, refusing to show even a hint of the paralyzing doubt she carried with her now.

“Well let me know if you’re coming, so I know to look for you.” He hugged her. His arms were warm and strong, offering the comfort she badly needed, but it wasn’t what she really wanted.

Damn her to hell, she wished with everything in her that Cam was holding her. The knowledge made her feel sick.

“You sure you’re okay?” Ryan asked quietly against her hair.

She nodded, fighting the sting of tears caused by equal parts grief and guilt. “I’ll be fine.”

He released her and stepped back. “No wonder Ty was hung up on you.”

More guilt settled in her belly, but she forced a smile. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do over there.”

His eyes twinkled with mischief. “Now what fun would that be?”

Devon shut the door behind him, and it seemed like he took all the oxygen with him. Being alone in the same room with Cam made it hard to breathe. Especially now with the silence building between them like a wall.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She tensed. The low timbre of his voice brushed over her nerve endings like a caress.

Bracing herself, she turned around and met the vivid stare that threatened to suck the remaining air out of her lungs. He had one muscular arm draped over the back of the couch, and his dark blond brows were pulled into a tight frown. She couldn’t ignore him now, yet she couldn’t summon the courage to go sit beside him. She stayed where she was. “It never seemed to be the right time. A lot’s happened over the past few weeks.”

For an instant she thought the muscles in his jaw clenched, but it was gone so fast she told herself she’d imagined it. Cam never got annoyed. He was easy-going personified. And the sexiest, most mouth-watering man she’d ever met, much as she hated herself for thinking it.

“Did Ty know you might be extending your tour?”

She nodded, fighting the urge to rub her suddenly damp palms on her jeans.

Cam tilted his head. “There a reason why you’re still standing next to the door like that?”

“No.” She forced herself to walk over, grab her Corona off the low table strewn with takeout Mexican containers, and sit stiffly on the opposite end of the couch. She searched for something to say to fill the awkward void stretching out between them, but nothing came to mind.

Cam watched her in silence for a long moment before making another attempt at conversation. “Ty once told me you became a pilot because you were afraid to fly. That true?”

The change to a more neutral subject helped. “More like I was afraid of crashing.” For good reason. She shrugged, pushing the memory away. “I went to therapy for a while, and thought learning to fly might help me overcome it. Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Cam grinned, flashing a dimple in his lean right cheek. “Helluva way to conquer your fear.”

“Yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but being in a helicopter always feels safer than being in a fixed wing. I’m closer to the ground, can land pretty much anywhere if I need to.” She shrugged. “I like being in a helo better.”

“Especially if you’re at the controls.”

“Yeah,” she said with a reluctant grin. “Especially then.”

“You’ll have to take me up sometime.”

She shot him a bland look. “Right, because you don’t get enough chopper rides already.”

“Never been up with a female pilot, though.”

Because she was tempted to keep staring, she looked away from his beautiful face. “Well, we fly pretty much the same as the boys do.” Only better.

“I bet you’re great at it.”

“I’m not bad,” she admitted, brushing at an imaginary piece of lint on her jeans. “I love flying medevac. I like knowing I might give someone a chance—” The words clamped her throat shut like a garrote. No one had been able to get to Ty in time. He’d died before the rescue crew could get there.

She knew the reason behind that too. And so did Cam.

Devon hastily took another sip of her beer, half-afraid it would come right back up. The bitter taste rolled over her tongue and lingered in her mouth.

“Dev. You know you—”

“Want another beer?”

“No.”

She wouldn’t look at him. She could barely look at herself in the mirror anymore. And she was facing another six-month-long deployment back to the place and job that haunted her every waking moment. Not to mention her dreams.

Forcing the thought away, she made herself focus on what Cam was feeling. She wasn’t the only one hurting. This had to be really tough on him. “You okay? You must miss him.”

“Yeah. I miss him like hell.”

Her heart ached for him. He suffered through his grief stoically. “How long were you guys friends?”

“Almost four years. We went through The Pipeline together. Me and Ty and Ryan.”

A sad smile formed on her lips. She was proud of every single one of them for getting through that grueling program. It wasn’t called Superman School for nothing. “You know, if I was a guy and could qualify for Special Ops, I’d be a PJ too.”

One side of Cam’s delicious mouth turned up. “Yeah?”

A strange pressure began to build in her chest. Like a balloon being filled with helium. “I admire the hell out of all of you.” She cradled the cold, damp bottle between her hands and managed to look at him. “What’s it feel like to be a medic commando?”

“Nothing like it. I love what I do.” He reached for his own beer and took a sip before offering her another smile. “What’s it like to fly a Black Hawk on a night mission?”

She bit back a grin. “Pretty damn awesome.”

“There you go, we’re not all that different. Besides, you’ve got some medical training.”

“Nothing like you guys.” Some of the tension bled out of her tight shoulders. This was better. She could almost forget he was the reason for her discomfort when they talked easily like this. “Did Ryan want to be a Combat Controller right from the start?”

“Yeah. He wanted to be on the front lines with the SEALs and Delta boys. And he’s good. It suits him.”

Yeah, it did. Special Ops suited them all, but Ryan had that knife-edge to him. He was harder than the others. More suited to killing than saving lives like the PJs did. But Cam wasn’t fooling her. “You work with ‘mixed company’ too, if you’re stationed at Bagram. If you were working conventional missions, they’d have you based at Kandahar.”

His eyes glinted with humor. “Yeah, but you’re not supposed to know about that.”

She had trouble envisioning him working with soldiers that hardened and deadly. “Have you worked with Ryan out there?”

“Couple of times.”

She hated the thought of them going back into harm’s way. She didn’t want to bury any more of her friends. Or be the cause of more funerals.

“Can I ask you something?”

Something told her she wasn’t going to like the question he had in mind. She tensed instinctively. “Sure.”

“How come I make you nervous?”

She shot a startled glance at him. There was no amusement on his face, just a kind of puzzlement. And maybe a hint of disappointment. She looked away. “Why do you say that?”

He snorted like she’d just insulted him. “Because you’re sitting over there as far away from me as you can get. Any further, and you’ll fall off the end of the couch.”

“That’s not why. I’ve just…got a lot on my mind.”

“You used to be comfortable with me,” he pointed out. “But since Ty passed you keep giving me the cold shoulder. Have I done something?”

“No.” Oh no, she’d done this to herself, and all on her own.

He was quiet a long time, scrutinizing her. “I wouldn’t do anything, you know. Not unless you wanted me to.”

Her gaze flew to his. “What?” She couldn’t keep the alarm out of her voice.

His eyes held hers, direct and brutally honest. “You know I wouldn’t.”

So she hadn’t misunderstood him.

Oh, Jesus. After all this time the awful truth was out, thrown into her face like a slap though he hadn’t meant it that way. The blood rushed to her face so fast she felt dizzy. This isn’t happening.

Had he known all along despite how hard she’d tried to hide it? Was he seriously telling her the forbidden attraction was mutual? It was too much. She jumped off the couch, looking anywhere but at him.

“Dev.”

She held up a hand.

“Dev, it’s okay.”

No, damn it, it wasn’t okay. None of this was okay, especially today. She felt exposed, like he’d invaded her mind and pried out her most private thoughts. “Jesus, Cam, we just buried him less than four hours ago.” They probably hadn’t even backfilled the grave yet.

“Yeah, and I’m due out in the morning, so when the hell else are we going to be able to finally have this conversation?” His eyes burned with frustration.

How about never? “I can’t believe you’d say anything.” He wasn’t drunk—he’d only had two beers. She had no explanation for his behavior. “I’m not talking about this. It’s completely inappropriate.” No—it was hideous. Her lungs felt like they might explode.

“Just…stop for a second.”

She shook her head.

“Look, all I’m saying is that you’re overreacting.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Like hell I am.”

He came off the couch so fast she backed up. He stopped. In the awful silence the two of them squared off like adversaries. It made her want to cry.

Cam set his hands on his hips. “You’re acting like you two were engaged or something, but you were only together a few weeks before he left.” His expression was determined, implacable. “There’s nothing wrong with the way we feel about each other.”

“Yes there is.” It would have killed Ty to find out she had feelings for his best friend, let alone that they were reciprocated.

“No, there isn’t. And ignoring it won’t make it go away.”

It had to. She couldn’t handle the alternative. She retreated another step.

“Dev, just stop and look at me.”

Nope.

Her back bumped into the wall. Embarrassed, she pushed away and stalked over to the table to clear the disposable plates. Anger crept in, taking away some of the shock, but she was still precariously close to tears. “Leave it alone, okay? Let’s just forget this conversation ever happened.” Or at least pretend to until he left. She couldn’t face this now.

Before she could move, Cam’s hand flashed out and caught her wrist. She swallowed a gasp as heat shot up her arm and pooled low in her belly. His long fingers curled around her bones, strong and protective, burning her skin. Yet gentle enough to remind her of all the reasons she was attracted to him. Part of her wanted to crawl into his lap and press up against his powerful frame to seek comfort, relief from the intense need he created in her. Torn between crippling shame and the strongest yearning she’d ever known, she turned her head away.

“Dev.”

Not daring to look at him, she squeezed her eyes shut. “Please don’t.” She was afraid of what she might do if he pressed her about this. Right now she wasn’t sure if she could fight her gut-deep desire for him. She felt weak, confused. Ready to shatter.

But he wouldn’t let go. “I’m not coming on to you. I just want to set some things straight, and I don’t want this lying between us.” The warmth of his hand settled into her skin until she finally opened her eyes to glare at him. The intensity of his stare made her wish she hadn’t. “Did you love him?” he asked quietly.

Her stomach seized up even harder. Love him? She and Ty had been together a short time before he’d deployed, but they’d been friends for months before that. The night he’d introduced her to Cam, however, everything had changed for her. “I cared about him,” she said defensively. And the knowledge that she wasn’t consumed with grief because he was lying in his grave made her feel horrible.

“I know you did. But you weren’t in love with him.”

Why was he pushing her so hard? She set her jaw, hating the betraying blush that stained her cheeks. “No.” The worst part was she’d been ten times more attracted to Cam than she’d ever been to Ty.

“That’s all I’m trying to point out. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about,” he finished, releasing her wrist.

She snatched her hand back as if he’d burned her, still feeling the imprint of his fingers. The paper plate wobbled in her grip.

“Hear me?”

“I think you should go.”

The instant the words were out she went dead still. She couldn’t believe she’d actually said that to him. Of all Ty’s friends, Cam was the sweetest. Her favorite, for his personality alone. But he had no right to bring this up, let alone be insensitive enough to call her on it and keep insisting they talk about it. That hurt more than she’d ever thought possible.

Cam didn’t move, but a flicker of anger showed in his eyes. “I probably should, but I’m not leaving until we clear the air.”

She raised her chin. “Believe me, you’ve cleared it. And then some.” Her cheeks still stung from it.

“That wasn’t—” He ran a hand through his hair, his frustrated sigh loud in the quiet room. “I didn’t mean to embarrass or upset you. I just don’t want you to feel guilty anymore.”

“Guilty?” she rasped, feeling like he’d sucker punched her. “What the hell do you know about the kind of guilt I feel?”

His jaw tightened. “Don’t even go there, Dev.”

“I’m already there, because guess what? I live with it every second!”

He took a step toward her, ignoring the way she drew back. “Yeah, we need to talk about this too.” His eyes blazed down at her, full of conviction.

“No.”

“Yes.”

She shook all over. Had to wrap her arms around her body to hold herself together. “Stop.”

He did, but she could tell he didn’t want to let it go. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me,” he said after a pause.

She almost laughed. “Like I won’t be after this? God Cam, if you knew how I felt then everyone else had to.” Including Ty.

Images formed in her mind like a slow motion movie. Of Ty in the barren mountains of Afghanistan, working on the other wounded despite the bullet wounds in his belly and legs and the sickening amount of blood he must have lost. Or the awful, relentless pain he must have been in. What if he’d been listening for the sound of the medevac’s rotors while he lay dying? She wanted to throw up.

“He didn’t know, Dev. Or if he did, he never said anything.”

She fought the urge to cover her face. What if their relationship had meant much more to Ty than it had to her? Was it possible he’d fallen in love with her in such a short time? He’d never told her that. She hadn’t seen their relationship as deep or permanent. In time it might have grown into something more, but not after Cam entered the picture.

“What…what did he say about me?” The words were almost a whisper.

“Just how great you were.”

She flinched. Yeah, she was great all right. Fantasizing about his best friend instead of him when she went to bed at night.

In a way Cam was right, though. She had nothing to feel guilty about on that count. She and Ty had never talked about not seeing other people, or about being exclusive. She’d missed him when he’d deployed, but she’d also felt relieved because it meant she was free to move on. She’d planned to end their relationship once an acceptable amount of time had passed. And it wasn’t as if she’d ever have acted on her feelings for Cam while she was with Ty. Hell, she wasn’t going to act on them now that he was gone, but that didn’t make her feel any better.

“And Ryan?” she challenged. God, did his flight really leave in two hours, or had he left to give them time alone, to…console each other? She wanted to cringe with shame. Is that how they all saw her? Some sort of Special Ops groupie? She pressed a hand to her churning stomach.

Cam shook his head in annoyance, the light picking out honey-gold highlights in his short hair. “You’re reading too much into this.” He folded his well-developed arms across his chest. It irritated her that she wanted to stare at the muscles stretching the cotton of his black T-shirt. “Look, I’m sorry I said anything.”

That made two of them. “Why did you?”

His eyes tightened at the corners. Very un-Cam like. “You don’t think I felt it? That I wasn’t interested in you from day one?”

Had she recognized it? Maybe part of her had. The thing that frightened her most was her attraction to him wasn’t just physical. What she truly wanted went far deeper than that. Cam wanting her wasn’t enough, and pinning girlish romantic fantasies on him was as stupid as it was unrealistic. Even if she could give herself to him, losing him afterward would break her heart. “I’m going to clean up,” she blurted, hating how off-balance she felt. She was always steady under pressure, always kept her emotions under control. Cam made her feel completely unhinged.

“Wait.” He tried to stop her, but she brushed past him to pick up a few glasses and carried them to the kitchen. He followed her. Every second made her hyper aware of his presence. Being close to him was like having sandpaper rubbed over her raw skin.

By the time she finished, tears stung her eyes. She was a horrible, despicable person for wanting him this much, and so was he for adding to her misery.

“Hey.”

The tenderness in his low voice nearly undid her. She bit her lip as she gathered the empty beer bottles, wishing she’d never invited him or Ryan back. Instead of saying goodbye to a good friend, she’d dishonored Ty’s memory without meaning to.

“Dev?”

She bit down harder, wanting to cry, and shook her head.

He stepped up behind her, close enough that she could feel the heat of his body and catch the woodsy scent of his aftershave. “Hey. Ah, shit, honey, don’t cry.”

Oh God, don’t touch me. She couldn’t bear it. She looked over her shoulder and forced herself to meet his gaze. “Tell me the truth, Cam.”

He set down the garbage bag he held. “Okay.”

“Did I hurt him?”

His brows went up. “Hurt him? Jesus, no—never. You made him happy. The happiest I’d ever seen him.”

A sob caught in her chest. She swallowed hard to dislodge the lump in her throat. “I never meant to hurt him.” She sounded pathetic, but she was so confused.

“You didn’t,” Cam insisted. He ignored her flinch and laid a hand on her shoulder. The warmth of his palm felt good. She wanted to lean into his strength, but she couldn’t allow him to know she was weakening. “He cared about you, but he knew it wasn’t serious yet.”

She hoped so. She would never have allowed it to get serious because her feelings for Cam made that impossible. Yet shouldn’t she feel something more for Ty than a misty-eyed sadness? She’d slept with him, walked hand-in-hand with him, kissed him goodbye at the airport the day he left for Afghanistan. Instead of guilt, didn’t she at least owe him more grief, regardless of how little time they’d been together?

“Stop doing this to yourself, Dev. Ty wouldn’t have wanted this, and you know it.”

“I can’t help it.”

Cam didn’t argue. He pulled her against his solid chest before she could resist, his gentle insistence destroying the last of her control. His arms were strong around her, one big hand cradling the back of her head as she turned and pressed her cheek against his hard chest.

The tears leaked out, hot and silent. She cried for Ty, and because he’d died in the prime of his life, bleeding out in the desert waiting for the help that never reached him. She cried because such an incredible man was gone and no one would ever hear his infectious laugh again. She cried for his friends and family who were all grieving, whose lives would never be the same without him. She cried for her unintended betrayal of him.

And she cried for what could never be between her and the man holding her.

He wasn’t making any advances on her. Right now he was back to Cam her buddy, there to shield and protect her. His embrace felt exactly right, no matter how much she wished it didn’t. Yet for just a moment she allowed herself to savor the feel of him, tall and strong, his clean-shaven cheek resting against the crown of her head.

Forcing away the thought that she was somehow cheating on Ty, she nestled closer, heart swelling at the way Cam’s arms tightened. Enveloping her in security. His heartbeat drummed steady and strong beneath her. His clean, masculine scent was heaven. Her breathing slowed to match his, calming her, but she couldn’t make herself pull away. He felt too good, and she’d imagined him holding her like this so many times…

Without warning, the heat began to build. Subtle at first, but quickly racing over her skin until her nipples peaked inside the lace cups of her bra. Clenching her teeth, it took all her will not to rub against his chest just to ease the ache in them. Between her thighs a hot glow throbbed, and when she shifted, the unmistakable ridge of his erection pressed against her abdomen. Sucking back a gasp, she stilled. The muscles in her aching core tightened, her mind already imagining what it would feel like to have him kiss her deep and hard while he pinned her to the bed with his powerful body and thrust in and out…

No. She couldn’t think about that. Her hands pushed at his chest.

Cam’s arms stayed locked around her. “I can’t help it,” he said softly, his tone irritatingly reasonable. “But like I said, I won’t do anything unless you want me to. I know you’re not ready.”

She lifted her head to study his face. Did he mean he planned to wait until she was? It could never work between them. “Cam…”

“I know,” he murmured, tucking her head back down to his chest. “Just pretend it’s not there.”

A soggy laugh bubbled up, but she didn’t pull away. For her, this was a line she couldn’t cross. Her conscience wouldn’t let her. Besides, she was an officer and he was enlisted. Being caught in a relationship together could have serious consequences for both their careers, and though she might end up at Bagram too, she’d never be able to see him. Another reason why she’d let her relationship with Ty go when he’d deployed.

But you might not get another chance with Cam, a voice whispered. He’s heading back to the front lines in the morning. He might not make it back.

She shook the words away. She couldn’t think like that.

Cam respected her enough to honor her choice, and in light of her uncertainty she was grateful for that. Unless she told him otherwise, he wouldn’t push her for more. She was as safe as she wanted to be.

Thing was, part of her didn’t want to be safe at all with him.

Memorizing the feel of him, she stayed in his arms for a few precious minutes before carefully moving away. He didn’t stop her, merely stroked her hair back from her damp cheek as he watched her. His eyes held so much hunger and regret it tore her up inside. He wanted her as badly as she wanted him. If she gave the word, he’d take her to bed here and now.

Touch me.

The words formed on her tongue, her body pleading for an end to this agonizing tension between them. She gritted her teeth to keep from blurting them out.

Standing this close, his body heat licked over her skin like a caress. His gaze never left hers. “Promise you’ll keep in touch, and let me know if you’re coming back to Bagram.”

“I will.” Her voice sounded husky, even to her. Partly hunger, partly the knowledge of what he would face once he went back there. Dangerous missions while Pashtun warlords like General Nasrallah prowled around looking for the opportunity to launch a guerrilla attack. “And you be careful out there.”

He nodded, still staring down at her. His eyes wandered over her face and lingered on her mouth for a breathless moment. Before she could turn away, he threaded his hands in her short hair, gently controlling her head as he tipped it back and leaned in to press a slow, firm kiss against her forehead.

Devon gasped and grabbed his upper arms as her nerves went haywire. Her fingers dug into the hard swells of his biceps and held on tight. The air around them shimmered and crackled with explosive energy that begged for release. One spark. That’s all it would take to make them both go up in flames. It would be easy to let it happen. Too easy to tilt her head back and lift onto her toes, find his deliciously full lips with hers and—

Cam abruptly let go and stepped back. She stumbled, wanting to weep at the loss of him, and he steadied her before moving away. Her body hummed with unfulfilled need, and her mind shrieked that this might be the last time she ever saw him. But she couldn’t move. Couldn’t take that final step over the invisible line between them.

His crooked smile was the saddest she’d ever seen. “Bye, Dev. Take care of yourself.”

She choked back a sob. “You too.”

Through tear blurred eyes, she watched him walk out of her hotel room. When the door clicked shut behind him, a sense of panic welled up.

Call him back.

Her head came up, eyes fastening on the door knob only a few meters away. She could still stop him. All she had to do was throw the door open and call his name. He’d come back for her. She knew he would.

A car engine came to life.

Open the door and call him!

The muscles in her legs jerked, her body wanting to move toward the door. She had only moments left to change her mind. It’s not too late. Call him.

“I can’t,” she cried in misery, heart racing beneath her too-tight ribs.

Headlights swung around through the windows and turned out of the parking lot, then faded as the car sped away. Her knees gave out.

She’d lost him.

Sinking to the carpeted floor, she wrapped her arms around her waist and rocked as the scalding tears fell.