1. Pirate Granny

Patagonia Clatterbottom had a big, warty nose and hairs on her chin. She wore a flaming orange wig. Her arms were as thick as pythons. She had one fat leg and one wooden leg. Her hands were like fat, jumping spiders. In fact she was a pretty scary person. Patagonia Clatterbottom was the head teacher of Pirate School. Every pirate sent their child there to learn how to be a good pirate. (Or even a very BAD pirate.)

Although Patagonia was pretty terrifying, there was one thing that made her go all silly and soppy, and that was her new little baby granddaughter. Now she sat in her office, reading a letter from her son, Marmaduke.

“I’m a granny,” drooled Patagonia.

She got a big ball of blue wool and began to knit a babygro for her new grandchild. What a lovely, peaceful scene.