SEVEN
THE GIFT OF
PROBLEMS
Problems can only be avoided
by exercising good judgment.
Good judgment can only be gained
by experiencing life’s problems.
by exercising good judgment.
Good judgment can only be gained
by experiencing life’s problems.
I will admit to
having a sense of anticipation the following Monday as I
contemplated the possible direction of the next act in Jason
Stevens’ life drama. I marveled at how my oldest and dearest
friend, Red Stevens, could reach out from beyond the grave to
impact a young life.
At the appointed
hour, Miss Hastings ushered Jason into the conference room and
summoned me to our monthly encounter with destiny. Jason seemed to
be more mature and confident than he had been just four short
months earlier. He actually greeted both Miss Hastings and me as we
began the next phase of our odyssey.
The image of Red
Stevens materialized onto the large screen. He gave Jason his
customary congratulatory salute for passing the gift of learning
milestone.
Red began in earnest.
“Jason, life is full of many contradictions. In fact, the longer
you live, the more the reality of life will seem like one great
paradox. But if you live long enough and search hard enough, you
will find a miraculous order to the confusion.
“All of the lessons I
am trying to teach you as a part of the ultimate gift I am leaving
you through my will are generally learned as people go through
their lives facing struggles and problems. Any challenge that does
not defeat us ultimately strengthens us.
“One of the great
errors in my life was sheltering so many people—including you—from
life’s problems. Out of a misguided sense of concern for your
well-being, I actually took away your ability to handle life’s
problems by removing them from your environment.
“Unfortunately, human
beings cannot live in a vacuum forever. A bird must struggle in
order to emerge from the eggshell. A well-meaning person might
crack open the egg, releasing the baby bird. This person might walk
away feeling as though he has done the bird a wonderful service
when, in fact, he has left the bird in a weakened condition and
unable to deal with its environment. Instead of helping the bird,
the person has, in fact, destroyed it. It is only a matter of time
until something in the bird’s environment attacks it, and the bird
has no ability to deal with what otherwise would be a manageable
problem.
“If we are not
allowed to deal with small problems, we will be destroyed by
slightly larger ones. When we come to understand this fact, we live
our lives not avoiding problems, but welcoming them as challenges
that will strengthen us so that we can be victorious in the
future.”
Red Stevens paused
and stared directly into the camera in a way that let us all know
his conviction was borne through a life of experience in dealing
with problems.
Red continued.
“Jason, I cannot turn back the clock and allow you to deal with
each of the problems in the past that I eliminated from your life
when I should have given you the opportunity to deal with them
yourself. If I could take us both back in time, I would, but now I
am left with trying to teach you the value of problems, struggles,
and obstacles.
“Since you have not
had any experience in this area, you will have to learn quickly.
There are problems heading your way that you are not prepared for.
During the next thirty days, you will begin the
preparation.
“This month, I want
you to go out and find people with problems in each stage of life.
I want you to find a child, a young adult, a full-grown adult, and
an older person—each of whom is experiencing a profound problem.
Not only are you to find these four individuals, but you must be
able to describe to Mr. Hamilton the benefit or the lesson that is
derived from each specific situation.
“When we can learn
from our own problems, we begin to deal with life. When we can
learn from other people’s problems, we begin to master
life.
“I wish you well, and
I hope to talk with you again next month.”
Even though the video
had ended, Jason continued staring at the blank screen. He rose
slowly and walked toward the door. As he opened it, he paused,
turned back toward Miss Hastings and me, and said, “I will do my
best and call you later.”
Then he closed the
door behind him.
Miss Hastings turned
to me and said, “The process seems to be beginning to work. I am
detecting a shift in his attitude. What do you think?”
“I hope you’re
right,” I responded, “because I have a feeling the road gets
steeper the farther we go.”
Once again I found
myself waiting for Jason’s call and hoping he was faring well. I
felt the same way I did the first day I sent my son off to
kindergarten. With three days left in the month, Jason finally
called and set up an appointment with Miss Hastings for the
following morning. Miss Hastings told me he had sounded very
worried and unsure of himself. All I could do was hope for the
best.
The following morning
at the appointed hour, Miss Hastings ushered Jason into my office,
got him seated, and pulled up a chair for herself. Jason sat
silently, and as I looked at him, I had to admit he did seem very
quiet and a bit apprehensive.
Finally, I said,
“Well, Jason, it’s good to see you again. I assume you have a
report on your progress.”
Jason glanced up at
me and said, “I think I do.”
He stared down at his
hands, which were folded in his lap, and after a long pause, he
slowly began. “Well, I knew I had to find people with problems from
the four age groups. So I started by looking for a child. After
almost two weeks—during which I was unable to find anything—I was
so frustrated one afternoon, I just went for a walk in the
park.
“I was feeling sorry
for myself and considering that after all this work I was going to
lose my inheritance and whatever this ultimate gift is that my
Uncle Red has for me.
“Finally, I sat at
the end of a bench, and I noticed at the other end of the bench
there was a young woman watching a little girl playing on the
swing. The woman told me she thought the little girl was really
amazing, and in my depressed condition, I was not as kind with her
as I should have been because I told her that I didn’t see anything
amazing about her six- or seven-year-old daughter playing on a
swing set.
“She told me, ‘First
of all, I’m not her mother, although I wish I were. Second, she’s
probably the most amazing person I have ever seen in my life. I am
a volunteer at St. Catherine’s Hospital. I work in a program where
we try to grant special wishes for terminal patients. Emily has a
rare form of cancer. She has been through countless operations and
has spent probably half her life in hospitals dealing with great
pain. When we told her that we could try to make a special wish of
hers come true, she said she would like a fun day in the park. We
told her that many kids went to Disney World or ball games or the
beach, but she just smiled and said, ‘That’s very nice, but I’d
just like to have a fun day in the park.’”
“This woman went on
to tell me that Emily had touched everyone in the hospital and had
made a real difference in everyone’s life. About that time, Emily
stopped swinging and slowly walked across the grass and sat between
the two of us on the bench. She turned to me with a smile I’ll
never forget and told me that her name was Emily and that this was
her special day in the park. She asked me if this was my special
day in the park too. I told her that I didn’t think it was, and she
laughed and told me that I could share hers with her.
“So, Mr. Hamilton, I
spent the rest of the day in the playground with Emily. I realized
that she has more courage and joy in her little seven-year-old body
than any normal human being could possibly have.
“At the end of the
day, she was very tired, and the young lady from the hospital had
to take her away in a wheelchair. But, before Emily left, she told
me that when she got back to the hospital, she would talk to the
nurses and see if they could arrange for me to have a special day
in the park too.”
Jason paused and
looked directly at me. He had a tear in his eye, and I must admit I
was fighting to control my composure as well. Miss Hastings
retrieved a box of tissues and said something about her seasonal
allergies. We all sat in silence and thought about a young girl
whose problem could affect us so profoundly.
Finally, Jason
cleared his throat, wiped his eye, and continued. “Later that week,
I found a middle-aged man walking down the sidewalk in front of my
house. He spotted me getting into my car, so he smiled and walked
directly over to me. He stuck out his hand and told me his name was
Bill Johnson and that my car was one of the most beautiful cars he
had ever seen. He told me that he was in the neighborhood doing odd
jobs for people and that it would be a privilege to wash a car like
mine.
“I asked him why he
was out doing odd jobs, and he told me that through a series of
corporate cutbacks, both he and his wife had lost their jobs and
that they had three young children at home. Both he and his wife
were doing anything they could to make ends meet. Apparently, they
had gone through their savings, and they were making it just day to
day on what they could pick up doing these jobs. I asked him what
would happen if he didn’t get enough money, and he just smiled and
told me that there was always enough, and that the problem had
created some interesting situations for their family. They were
spending more time together than they had before, and their
children had learned the value of money and work.
“He chuckled as he
recounted an incident the previous week when they had no food other
than a little oatmeal. He said he was just about to give up when he
heard his wife explaining to their children that many of the
pioneers in the Old West went for days at a time eating nothing but
oatmeal. He told me that their two youngest boys would probably
want to eat only oatmeal from now on, no matter how much money they
ever had.”
Jason paused for
several moments, searching for the right words, and then he
continued, “He went on to tell me about all the wonderful things
that he and his wife and family were learning and doing together.
He washed my car, and I paid him what he asked. I tried to give him
more, but he wouldn’t take it.
“Before he left, I
told him that I was sorry for his situation. He just laughed that
amazing laugh of his and told me that he felt like he was the
luckiest man on earth—that in the whole world, he couldn’t think of
anyone he would want to trade places with.”
Jason seemed deep in
thought and finally said, “You know what’s funny, Mr. Hamilton? As
he was telling me that there was no one in the world he would trade
places with, I was thinking to myself that in a lot of ways I would
love to trade places with him.”
Miss Hastings
supplied the three of us with glasses of water. Jason took a sip of
his and resumed his report.
“The next day, I was
driving past the entrance to a cemetery, and I noticed the largest
funeral procession I had ever seen. I didn’t think anything of it,
and later that day I was passing back the same way, and out of
curiosity, I thought I would drive through and ask one of the
workers if it had been a celebrity or something. I drove through
the cemetery, and the only person I could see was one very old man
standing alone by a grave. Since the funeral procession I had seen
had been several hours before, I assumed he was there on his
own.
“I got out of my car
and approached the old gentleman. When he heard me walking up
behind him, he turned in my direction. I told him I was sorry for
interrupting him, but that earlier in the day when I was driving
by, I had seen the largest funeral procession I had ever witnessed.
I told him I was just wondering if he might have known if it was a
celebrity or superstar or something.
“He laughed softly
and told me it had, indeed, been a celebrity and a superstar. He
told me he knew that for a fact because he had lived with her for
almost sixty years. Apparently, his wife had been a schoolteacher
for forty years and had influenced so many of her students that
literally hundreds of them had come in from all parts of the
country for her funeral. So, he felt that made her a celebrity and
a superstar, both.
“I told him I was
sorry for disturbing him on what must be the worst day of his life.
He just laughed that quiet laugh again and told me that his life
would be different, but that no one who lived sixty years with his
Dorothy could ever have a bad day. ‘I was just standing here
thanking Dorothy for everything she had done, and I had just
promised her I wouldn’t let her down.’”
Jason took another
sip of his water, looked at both Miss Hastings and me, and
continued. “That old man put his arm around my shoulder, and we
walked out of the cemetery together. As I was getting in my car, he
told me that if there was ever anything he could do for me that I
was to call on him. I just sat in my car and watched him slowly
drive away.”
Jason seemed to have
concluded his report at that point. I waited, but he did not
continue, so I finally said, “Jason, you found a child who is
living through one of the most difficult problems anyone could face
with a joy that it is hard for me to understand. You found a
middle-aged man and his family who are dealing with financial
crisis while maintaining their sense of family and dignity. You
found an older man who has taken a tragedy of death and turned it
into a celebration of life. But, Jason, you were to have also found
a young person with a problem.”
Jason cleared his
throat and finally resumed speaking. “Well, Mr. Hamilton, I know I
was supposed to find a young person, and during the month I found
several possible candidates, but I have to admit to you today that
I couldn’t find any young person who has learned as much from their
problem as I have from mine. I have lived my whole life in a
selfish and self-centered fashion. I never realized that real
people have real problems. It always seemed that problems happened
to people on the news or in the movies or something.
“But, thanks to you
and my Uncle Red, I finally realized that I have been sheltered
from problems, and that I have never learned the wonderful lessons
that the people I met this month are learning. I finally know that
joy does not come from avoiding a problem or having someone else
deal with it for you. Joy comes from overcoming a problem or simply
learning to live with it while being joyful.”
Miss Hastings’
allergies seemed to be acting up again at that moment, as she was
dabbing at her eyes and nose.
Finally, Jason asked,
“Do you think it will be okay if I serve as one of the four people
I was supposed to learn from this month?”
I assured Jason that
it met both the spirit and the letter of Red Stevens’ final will
and testament.
Jason glanced at his
watch and said, “If that’s all, I need to hurry to be at another
appointment on time.”
I told him that would
be fine, and as Miss Hastings was showing him to the door, she
asked, “Where are you rushing off to, Jason?”
He said, “I have to
meet a special friend in front of the swing set at the park. I will
see you both tomorrow.”