2. Classical Sources

 
But there is more to this story, for “while the minute (and often erroneous) stories of Nero and his fiddle and Julius Caesar and Brutus continue to be told, something as amazing as the fact that Roman legions on occasion battled giant soldiers has been covered up.”157 Indeed, no less than the famous Roman historian and man of letters Pliny the Elder reported that the bones of one such giant, who had been observed by the Romans while he was alive, had been “brought by Marcus Scaurus from Joppa in Judea... The monster was over 40 feet long, and the height of its ribs was greater than that of Indian elephants, while its spine was 1 ½ feet thick.”158
In fact, ever since Rome cast its imperial eyes in the form of Julius Caesar on the conquest of Gaul, the disciplined Roman legions seem to have been dogged by encounters with the Northern branch of the Gomarians, that branch that migrated into Europe. Here, the legions ran into the stock of a new and formidable enemy: the Celts, and their cousins, the Teutons, or Germans.
This new enemy was something different than Rome had ever faced, and Rome had faced quite a bit, from Hannibal’s Carthaginian armies with its war elephants, to all manner of intrigue and scheming.
Not a lot is known about the people who would become known as the Celts. It is known that they migrated across Asia Minor, through northern Europe and into what have become the Celtic countries of Wales, Scotland and Ireland. Most accounts of them include references to the giants that were often found among them. The ancient Greek historian, Pausainias, called them “the world’s tallest people.” Modern historians now believe that, in fact, the giants among the Celts were a ruling class that held control over the indigenous population that formed the majority of Celtic tribes.
(The) modern historian, Gerhard Herm, agrees that the Celts were “blond giants” who struck terror in the hearts of every foe, even in the mightiest of mighty Rome. As such, the Celts fought several ferocious wars with Rome and captured, sacked, and burnt many Roman outposts to the ground. Although the Romans would eventually devise methods of defeating these giant warriors, attacking long legs that couldn’t be guarded by the massive shields these creatures carried, the blue-eyed, blond giants inspired terror among those facing them in battle for the first time.159
 
The unusual size reported for the Celts was not a feature noted merely by Roman historians in the wake of the conquest of Gaul. The Greek historians Arrian and Diodorus also comment on their unusually large size, Arrian mentioning them in connection with Alexander the Great’s encounter with them after he had burned down one of their cities on the Danube in 335 BC.160 Moreover, when Alexander queried the Celts as to what their worst fear was, they gave him the strangely intriguing answer that their worst fear was “that the sky might fall on their heads.”161 The Celts, it seems, preserved in their beliefs and legends, along with other ancient peoples, that there had been a time long ago when the sky had done just that.
But beyond Gaul, east of the Rhine, the Roman legions faced an even fiercer foe, indeed, the only foe ever to best the vaunted legions of Rome, the foe that closed out forever any Roman conquests in central Europe — in what today would be modern Germany — and that foe was the Teutons, or the Cimbri....the Germans. The classical historian Strabo notes of these tribes that they were even “wilder, taller, and having yellower hair.”162 Indeed, when Caesar’s men at Besancon asked some Gauls, “who were themselves of great stature” about the Germans, Caesar wrote the following about the Gauls’ reply:
They described the Germans mentioning their enormous physique, their unbelievable valor, and extraordinary military training. The Gauls said that often when they had encountered the Germans they had not been able to endure even the expression on their faces or the glare of their eyes.163
 
Indeed, at the famous Battle of the Teutobergerwald, the Germans would so utterly decimate four Roman armies in the brutal fighting that Rome would maintain a more or less defensive posture with respect to the Germans until the Western Empire’s final collapse. The Gallic-Celtic giants were one thing, but their even taller cousins across the Rhine were quite another.
Eventually, however, some of these Germans were captured by the Romans, and one of them, a particularly troublesome King by the name of Teutobokh, was paraded in Rome in the customary triumph. The Roman historian Floras reports that this king was so tall that when his captor returned to Rome, “Teutobokh could be ‘seen above all the trophies or spoils of the enemies, which were carried upon the tops of spears.’ This suggests that Teutobokh was easily nine feet tall and perhaps considerably taller.”164
The Cosmic War
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