PART
2

I know about sex the way some people know about music or computers. It’s my livelihood. Where women in other professions talk about the interest rate or comp cards, we talk about shaving pubic hair (using Neosporin instead of shaving gel helps reduce shaving bumps) and getting menstrual blood out of panties (try hydrogen peroxide). But what women ask me about most often is how to give a good blow job.

If a girl wants to keep a man in her life she can read The Rules, or she can learn how to give killer head he’ll never forget. So, unlike the previous set of commandments, these are for female readers —or for male readers to give to their girlfriends.

  1. THOU SHALT MAKE EYE CONTACT: When you’re going down on him, keep your hair out of your face and look up at him with big doe eyes. Make sure that you’re always giving him a good show in bed because men, as we all know, are turned on by visuals.
  2. THOU SHALT START SLOW: Begin by slowly licking, then putting your mouth around it, and finally, after ten minutes, start massaging the base with your hand. But be forewarned, once you’re using your hand and mouth at the same time, a lot of guys will come quickly and the fun’s over.
  3. THOU SHALT USE THY HANDS WISELY: In addition to stroking him, try tickling his balls a little. Two-handed stroking, especially if both hands are twisting in different directions in rhythm, is a nice treat, but it can send him over the edge too quickly. Keep in mind that if you’re feeling too much friction, you’re doing it wrong. Back off, and use lubrication if necessary.
  4. THOU SHALT SPIT BEFORE SWALLOWING: Not only does spit help reduce friction and provide natural lubricant, but it’s also sexy for him. The way to get good consistency in your spit is to deep throat. The farther down your throat the spit comes from, the thicker it is.
  5. THOU SHALT WATCH HIM SPANK: Most guys don’t just piston up and down. If you watch him masturbate, you’ll know exactly what he likes. Usually, there’s a swoop in his motion. Imagine how you like to be played with, and treat him with a little twist to your wrist.
  6. THOU SHALT USE THINE TONGUE: While he’s in your mouth, stick your tongue out as far as it will go. Then wiggle your tongue on the underside of his shaft. It may make you gag at first, but your partner will be using the Lord’s name in vain within seconds.
  7. THOU SHALT SHIELD THY TEETH: Most girls wrap their lips around their teeth to protect the guy, but the problem is that it makes a hard ridge. Instead, shield your bottom teeth with your tongue, and open your mouth as wide as possible so that your top teeth stay clear.
  8. HONOR THE SCROTUM: This little variation is rarely shown on camera because it doesn’t look good; however, it feels great. Put both of his balls in your mouth —suck if necessary to get both balls to come down— and jack him off with your hand. Then extend your tongue so that you can lick the sensitive area between his ass and balls.
  9. THOU SHALT EXPERIMENT WITH FACIALS AND SWALLOWING: A facial is when a guy comes on your face, and there’s no man I know who isn’t turned on by one. Swallowing is also a major turn-on. Though still an acquired taste, it tastes better if he has a good diet (especially one that includes pineapples or pineapple juice).
  10. THOU SHALT NOT GET IT IN YOUR EYES: Not only does it burn, but you can get an infection. Also, wash it off your face afterward with lukewarm water. Hot water makes it too crusty and hard to remove. The last thing you want to do is go to school or work with jizz on your chin.
How to make love like a porn star
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