25.
An Intervention
Places to Eat #28: Inn Uendo, 3578 Comedy
Boulevard. Made famous as the meeting place of the Toilet-Humor
Appreciation Society, most of whose motions are passed while
members are seated at the bar. The Double Entendre Bar and Grill is
also highly recommended, and if you require satiating, the friendly
waitstaff will be able to offer relief at the table.
Bradshaw’s BookWorld Companion (5th
edition)
Adrian Dorset?” I said. “Are you
sure?”
“No, I’m not sure at all.”
“What’s your name, then?”
“You’re not as smart as her, are you? Of
course it’s Dorset. I think I know my own name.”
“The Adrian Dorset who wrote The Murders on the
Hareng Rouge?”
He looked surprised for a moment. “The worthless
scribblings of a man who was fooling himself that he could write.
It was following the death of Anne, but I don’t expect you’d know
anything about that, do you?”
I shook my head.
“Anne was my wife,” he said. “Head of the Book
Project. She was on board the Austen Rover’s inaugural journey.
Thursday told me what had happened to her and what she’d done
before she died. I don’t blame Thursday. Not anymore. Revenge is
for losers, cash is the winning currency. I burned the book a month
ago. I didn’t need it anymore. I’m over her.”
He looked down at his feet, and I suddenly felt
sorry for him.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
He said very little for the rest of the journey,
and I watched out the window as the English countryside zipped
beneath us at breathtaking speed; we had nothing as fast as this in
the BookWorld—not even in Sci-Fi, where they were a lot more
conservative than they made out. As we approached Liverpool and the
Tarbuck International Travelport, the traffic became more intense
as other bullet gondolas joined the induction rail and clumped
around for a while before moving off in separate directions. At all
times the small, bullet-shaped craft, each no bigger than a bus,
kept well spaced from one another, moving apart and together as
congestion dictated.
The intercom buzzed, and Dorset picked it up,
looked at me, then said, “Security override seventeen,” before
listening for a while and then saying, “Bastards. Very
well.”
“Problems?”
“Nothing to worry your sweet fictional head
about.”
We glided to a halt on Platform 24 at Tarbuck
International. The doors hissed open, but we didn’t move, and a few
minutes later a small, meek-looking man arrived. He was wearing a
dark suit and a bowler hat, and he was carrying a small briefcase.
When he spoke, his voice was thin and reedy, and his nose was red
from a recent cold.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Meakle,” said my captor,
without getting up.
“Good afternoon,” said Meakle, who looked
strikingly similar to someone who had played a bit part early on in
my series. “You will release Miss Next to the custody of a federal
marshal.”
He indicated several marshals who were all standing
on the platform outside the bullet.
“I’m afraid not, old chap,” said Dorset or Schitt
or whoever he was. “Miss Next is under arrest for crimes against
humanity, which effectively trumps anything you might have in store
for her.”
“You’re right and wrong,” said Mr. Meakle.
“She is under arrest, but house arrest, and will remain
there until the government decides the best course of action.
National heroes are not treated as common prisoners, Mr.
Dorset.”
“I have the authority of the police and SpecOps,”
replied Dorset coolly, “an authority given to us under mandate from
the minister of justice.”
The bureaucrat opened his case and took out a sheet
of paper. “I repeat, Miss Next is to be taken into custody by a
federal marshal. Here is an executive order signed personally by
President Redmond van de Poste. Need I say more?”
Dorset took the document and stared at it minutely.
I could tell from his expression that all was very much in order.
He handed it back, looked at me and told me the game “was far from
over.”
I was taken across the concourse to where Meakle
had his own private bullet with the presidential seal painted upon
it, and within a few moments we were skimming back south across the
countryside.
“Thank you.”
Mr. Meakle seemed distracted, as though this were
just one of many jobs he had to do in a single day. It looked, in
fact, as though he worked from the bullet.
“My pleasure,” said Mr. Meakle. “Where can we drop
you?”
I asked for Swindon, and he relayed the
instructions through the phone.
“I know I speak for the president when we say how
fortunate it is to see you back,” he added. “NSA officials and SO-5
will be briefed to protect you from Goliath. Can I schedule a
meeting with the president anytime soon? We are eager to receive
the secret plans as soon as we can, and we hope that the security
arrangements are to your satisfaction.”
I told him I’d meet with them tomorrow. Meakle
nodded solemnly and returned to his work.
I sat back in my seat and ran the events of the
afternoon through my head. I had just gotten to the bit where Spike
had rescued me from the Stiltonista when I began to feel very
peculiar. I started to have odd thoughts, then couldn’t figure out
why I’d thought of them. The world would soften around the edges,
and I could feel myself almost lose consciousness. I thought for a
moment I might be dying, as I could feel my conscious mind nearly
close down. Before I knew it, I had closed my eyes and an
overwhelming darkness stole over me. I might indeed have died, but
I didn’t, and I slept quite soundly until Mr. Meakle woke me when
we arrived back at Clary-LaMarr.