9
DANNY
First thing hits all of us is the
smell.
A sickly sweet odor creeps up our nostrils; the
type you whiff when driving past a crushed dog or pulpy raccoon on
the side of the road, flies buzzing all over the bloated fur and
gore. The larger locker-room area usually smells bad but not
this bad. We have it all to ourselves since our team works
longer and harder than any of the other sports and by the time we
finish, everyone else has gone home. Coach Nelson made the right
call, leaving through the front of the gym and sparing himself the
whiff of death. As we head toward our team locker room, built off
from the main room locker room, the stench only gets
stronger.
“Damn, Paul.” Fisher coughs. “You wanna start using
deodorant or showering or something? You’re killing me here.”
“Whatever it is, Fish,” Paul answers, “it must’ve
crawled out your ass.”
“It’s worse than that practice when Fisher ate only
CornNuts for breakfast and lunch,” Gradley says, waving his hand in
front of his face. “Fisher, you been eating CornNuts again?”
Ronnie Gunderson, unlucky enough to reach our team
locker room first, flicks the light switch and squeals—yeah,
squeals—as he reels backward out of the room.
“Yuck!”
Ronnie—not to overstate things—is a tad sensitive,
being a youth-camp Christian and all. One more reason I’m not
jazzed about being mistaken for him, which happens a lot. I mean,
besides being even smaller than me, Ronnie is, like, fragile—almost
dainty. He never swears, either, which I don’t trust. None of it
would bug me that much if people didn’t accidentally call me by his
name and vice versa. Then, again, he bugs Fisher way more than he
does me and no one confuses them.
“What’s your problem, fairy?” Vance Fisher snaps as
Ronnie backs into him. Fisher’s face, like the rest of ours, is
scrunched up against the smell. Vance pushes Ronnie out of the way
and then stops in the middle of the team-room doorway like he’s hit
a glass wall. Curiosity drives the rest of us to push in past
Fisher.
A dead squirrel, its belly split open and its guts
hanging out, is nailed into the center of Bruce’s locker. A
scrawled note, smudged with crimson streaks and pasted below the
body, reads WAIT ROOM IS OURS!!!
The squirrel’s head is cut off and wedged into the
middle air vent of Bruce’s locker. Someone’s also taken the trouble
to smear squirrel guts across all of our lockers, making sure to
wipe the goo over our locker dials so we’ll have to touch it while
spinning our combinations.
“Gross.” Paul sighs, then spits into the
wastebasket.
“Is there a waiting room in the school I didn’t
know about?” Vance snickers. “Dumb fucks can’t even spell.”
“Gee, I wonder who did this?” Bruce grumbles. He
looks grim, as if he’s just been told his shiny, new senior year is
going to suck.
“Just a little varmint, fellas,” Fisher says. He
walks over to the squirrel and with his bare hands yanks the thing
off the nail. It sounds like a shirt tearing. Then he pinches the
decapitated head with his fingers and pries it out of the locker
vent. He goes over to the wastebasket and tosses in the remains,
surprising me with how he handles the situation. “That the best
those goons can do?” he asks. “Shoot, this ain’t nothin’ compared
to deer season. You field-dress a twelve-point buck sometime and
that makes this look like someone sneezed on your sleeve.” Fisher
gives us his goofiest grin. “Ronnie,” he says, “go make your frosh
ass useful and get a heap of paper towels, wet them, and pump the
hand soap on them. We’ll have these lockers cleaned up in two
minutes.”
Ronnie does as he’s told while the rest of us just
stand there scratching ourselves, stuck until the locker dials get
cleaned up. Bruce starts pacing a small circle in front of the
bench, softly bumping his fisted knuckles against each other. “We
ain’t letting ’em get away with this,” Bruce says. Something’s
churning inside him. The muscles of his neck, arms, and back clench
into a hard shell. “No way I’m letting these wads think they can
get away with this.”
“Damn straight,” Gradley agrees.
“We got to tell someone,” Pete Delray, the other
freshman, says. Bruce turns to him with a look of disgust.
“You go ahead and tell someone, Pete, and get back
to me when they decide to do something,” Bruce grouses. “School
ain’t gonna do shit to those guys.”
“But—”
“No, we take care of this by ourselves,” Bruce
speaks over Pete’s protest. “They think they’re
untouchable—especially Miller, Jankowski, and Studblatz. Well, we
ain’t a bunch of pansy cross-country runners. They’re going to find
that out.”
“I’m liking what I hear,” Fisher says, the only one
of us who seems to be enjoying himself at the moment.
Ronnie Gunderson looks like he wants to disagree
but Bruce holds a finger up to him, signaling not now.
“Okay, guys,” Bruce says. “It’s payback time.” He
reaches into his gym bag and pulls out his almost empty water
bottle, upends it into his mouth, glugs down its remnants, and then
slams it down onto the bench. “Who’s got to piss?” he asks, his
eyes burning with a fevered look I’ve never seen on him. He rattles
the empty bottle. “Well, fill’er up.”
Because we’ve been sweating our asses off for the
last three hours, no one’s got a lot to contribute to Bruce’s
bottle until it’s Fisher’s turn. Vance Fisher takes Bruce’s bottle
into the toilet stall and tops it off. Then he calls for
another.
“Come on, guys. I’m flowing here,” Fisher yells
from the stall. “Hook me up!”
“Where’s he put it?” Larry Menderson asks.
“It’s all that soda he drinks,” Bruce says. “You’re
gonna rot your teeth, Fisher.”
“This isn’t right,” Ronnie protests.
“Relax, frosh,” Fisher says over the sounds of his
stream. “Baby Jesus ain’t gonna cry just because we’re pissing in a
water bottle. Check your Bible. It’s not like we’re breaking a
commandment. You ain’t gonna burn in hell.”
“Pete, give Fisher your water bottle,” Bruce
says.
“Hurry, guys,” Vance calls again.
“Why mine?” Pete whines.
“ ’ Cause you’re a freshman.”
“So is Ronnie,” Pete answers.
“Ronnie’s too busy saying prayers for all our lost
souls,” Bruce says, then slaps Pete’s shoulder. “Come on, man. Do
it for the team.”
Pete finally sacrifices his water bottle for the
good of the counterstrike. By the time we clean up our lockers,
dress, pee, and walk down the long basement hall toward the varsity
football locker room, it’s real late and nobody should be around
except maybe a janitor.
Since they’re freshmen, we let Ronnie and Pete stay
outside in the hallway as lookouts. Bruce tells them to whistle
real loud if they see anyone approaching and then hightail it out
of there. Bruce leads the way in to the enemy lockers, shaking the
pee bottle like it’s a protein drink needing mixing.
“Okay, dickheads,” he whispers to the empty locker
room. “Time for a little justice.”
We move in a clump, afraid and excited. If anyone
catches us in here, we’re dead. Bruce makes a V with his index and
middle finger, and brings it up to his eyeballs, then points the V
out to the surrounding locker room. Fisher, the deer hunter in our
group, nods his understanding.
“Fan out, guys,” Fisher translates. “Keep your eyes
open for the captains’ lockers.” The skinny junior, lanky as a
scarecrow, with a gap-toothed grin and crooked nose, devours the
whole experience like candy. Usually I think of Fisher as a
screw-off, with no plans after graduation other than opening a
bait-and-tackle shop or maybe joining the marines like his older
brother, on the condition they let him get high and sleep late. But
right now, hunting down lockers with bottles of piss, Fisher
impresses me.
Unlike Fisher, Bruce doesn’t look excited or
pleased, just angry. He’s been fuming ever since we found the
squirrel. No one’s talking to him other than Fisher, his mission
cocommander.
The lockers in the varsity room are triple size and
each has a glossy label with a player’s name and jersey number
stenciled across it. This makes our mission easier. Me and Paul,
too scared to wander off alone, stay together and find Jankowski’s
locker at the same time.
“Over here,” I stage-whisper. Paul punches me in
the shoulder.
“Shhhhhh,” he says, and puts a finger to his lips.
Bruce rounds the corner, shaking his bottle like mad, practically
walking over me to reach the target. He hops up on the long bench
running between the rows of lockers. He pulls open the spout on his
squeeze bottle. Without a second’s hesitation, he aims the spout up
into the top vent of the locker and crunches hard on the plastic
with both hands.
Phhhhthththththththththt . . . The bottle
sprays up into the locker vent, its contents disappearing on the
other side, unseen.
“See how you like it now, bastard,” Bruce hisses.
He seems to be getting angrier and angrier as he does it. The
bottle gurgles and he tips it at a steeper angle, squeezing
again.
Phhhhthththththththththt . . .
“Studblatz’s is over here,” Gradley calls softly
from the next row. Bruce hops down off the bench and moves like a
minitank, pushing past us to get to the next locker. He steps up on
the bench and presses the spout up into Studblatz’s vent.
Phhhththththththththt . . . shake, shake,
shake ... Phhhththththththththth.
“Refill,” Bruce calls out. Fisher is there, handing
over Pete’s water bottle like it’s an ammunition clip for a
depleted machine gun.
Phhhthththththhtthth . . .
“Found Miller’s,” Menderson calls out.
Bruce finishes the rest of the second bottle,
upending it, through the vent slit in Scott Miller’s locker. It
feels good watching piss spray into the quarterback’s locker. I bet
that cross-country runner he’d been harassing would love to be here
watching. I think we’re done but Bruce pulls out a baggie from his
pocket.
“The gift that keeps on giving.” Bruce smirks as he
pulls the mushy squirrel guts and pelt out of the baggie and
squeezes it as best he can through the vent. It smells bad and I
lift my forearm to press against my nose.
“Shit, dude,” Gradley hisses. “Now they’ll know for
sure it’s us.”
“What are they gonna do?” Bruce asks him, and I see
he’s challenging all of us. “They gonna cry that we didn’t play
fair? That we used their own squirrel guts against them? They gonna
cry to their coach? Screw ’em.”
“You just shafted us,” Paul says, and shakes his
head.
“Relax,” Bruce says, stubborn. No way he’s
admitting he went too far.
We hear a high piercing whistle. It’s either Pete
or Ronnie.
“Go, go, go . . .”
We scramble around the benches, banging shins on
the planks of pine and slamming shoulders on the thin metal corners
of the lockers.
“Come on, come on.... Go, go, go.”
Paul leads the way, shoving the door open, and we
pile out into the basement hallway, expecting ... the whole
football team? A group of teachers? Cops?
Pete and Ronnie stand in the deserted hallway, eyes
big as a baby Pokémon’s.
“What?!” Gradley asks.
“Janitor down at the end of the hall, but he went
into the boiler room,” Pete whispers. That’s enough for us. We
sprint down the hall in the opposite direction, our sneakers
squeaking against the smooth cement floors and the thighs of our
jeans vvvrrrping with each stride.
Upstairs, Bruce stops us.
“Okay, guys. Wait!” he says. “We can’t all leave in
a big group. Too suspicious. Go to your lockers or hang out for a
sec.”
“Yeah, smart,” Fisher declares.
“And not a word of this to anyone. I mean,
anyone,” Bruce cautions. “No matter what, just play
stupid.”
“Paul’s got that covered,” Fisher says. Paul shoves
him.
“The squirrel’s fair game,” Bruce continues, still
pleading his case, “but the piss will send them over, so don’t say
anything.”
We’re all breathing hard, partly from the run,
partly from striking back and having a great secret that’ll get us
creamed if anyone finds out.
“Pete,” Bruce says, “here’s your water bottle
back.” He presses the empty bottle into the freshman’s chest. Pete
looks down at it, slowly grabs the bottle while his lips curl and
his nose crinkles.
“You can’t throw it out right away because someone
might find it,” Bruce warns, deadly serious. “This mission isn’t
over yet. You’ve got to hold on to it, rinse it out, and it should
be good as new. I want to see you drinking out of it tomorrow in
practice, you got it?”
“Wh-what?” Pete asks, his voice rising. I look at
Bruce, thinking he lost his mind downstairs. “Bu-but you can’t be
... You’re kidding.”
“Yes, I am, freshman.” Bruce clasps Pete’s
shoulder. “Throw that thing away off school grounds first chance
you get.”
Bruce looks at the rest of us, his eyes twinkling
with victory. “Okay, not a word, guys. See you tomorrow. Good
practice today.”