one
valerie mcmasters didn’t know
if the old adage “you can’t go home again” was true or not, but
as far as she was concerned, the thought of home made her want to
turn tail and run like hell. Yet here she was, pulling into the Bar
M Ranch, a place she swore she’d never come back to again.
She parked her car under the giant blackjack oak
tree, several steps back from the sprawling, two-story white frame
house where she’d lived since she was born. It had been two long
years since she’d last been here. She wanted to get a full-on view
of the place, to take it in like a picture.
The late afternoon sun rained down on the
gray-shingled roof, highlighting the three gabled windows arranged
in neat order along the second story. Her, Brea’s and Jolene’s
bedrooms. When they were kids, all three of them had climbed out
those windows at night and sat on the slanted roof to watch the
stars and talk.
Shaking off the memories, Valerie grabbed her
suitcases out of the trunk, walked through the front door, set her
bags down in the gleaming, polished hall and realized that it
wouldn’t have mattered how long she’d been gone.
Nothing would ever change at the Bar M Ranch. Not
the layout of the house, the dusty ride up the long road, the
mooing cows greeting her as she took the winding drive along the
property line or the barking dogs that wound through her legs as
she maneuvered her way to the front door.
The only thing different today was that her uncle
Ronald was dead. She wouldn’t have to deal with his disapproving
looks and his condemnation, or hear his lectures about how she
should have stayed on the ranch and how disappointed her parents
would have been in her for leaving.
Not that his opinion on things had ever mattered to
her anyway. He’d always been full of shit and she’d been old enough
to know better. Her parents had loved her. They would have wanted
what was best for her, would have understood why she left. Uncle
Ronald never knew her at all, never understood how hard it was for
her to be here. No one understood.
His funeral was tomorrow. Not that she’d shed a
tear for the old bastard, even if he was her father’s brother.
She’d cried enough when her parents had died, when she and her
sisters had to have a double funeral and put both their mother and
father in the ground on the same day.
That was the last time she had cried. She hadn’t
even shed a tear when she packed up and left her husband, left this
ranch, left her sisters behind.
She hadn’t looked back. Hadn’t come back. Not in
two long years.
Until now. The only reason she was here was because
Jolene had called her, told her she was now one third owner of the
Bar M, and she’d better get her ass here for the funeral and help
figure out what they were going to do about the ranch once and for
all. Jolene had demanded Brea and Valerie give her a month to
figure things out.
A month! Like Valerie had that kind of time. But
Jolene could be relentless, and yes, she and Brea had kind of
abandoned their baby sister to deal with the house, the land, the
cattle and everything else. They’d even left Jolene to deal with
Uncle Ronald, so they kind of owed her. So Valerie had agreed. Not
because she wanted to come back here. Not because she had a stake
in the Bar M. As far as Valerie was concerned, the ranch and all it
contained belonged to Jolene now. That was going to be her decision
and nothing was going to change that.
She had a good life in Dallas and a career that was
just about to take off. None of her old life here on the ranch
mattered anymore. She’d kissed it all good-bye the day she’d told
Mason she wanted a divorce. Then she’d run like hell and hadn’t
looked back. Hadn’t come back.
Until now.
She took a deep breath, unable to hold back a smile
at the smell of furniture polish and Pine-Sol. Old memories, old
scents. Something was in the oven in the kitchen, the fresh smell
making her stomach rumble. She hadn’t eaten this morning when she
left Dallas, had just grabbed a latte as she drove through
Starbucks on her way out of town.
She climbed the long staircase with her bags in
hand, walked down the hall to her bedroom and opened the
door.
Yeah, some things never changed. The room was
exactly as she’d left it, the bronze lace curtains billowing in the
breeze from the open windows, the hope chest that had belonged to
her mother sitting just underneath the window. The top of the old,
scarred chest was always adorned with fresh flowers thanks to Lila,
their housekeeper—“manager” was more appropriate, since Lila took
care of everything related to the house. The dresser and nightstand
gleamed as if freshly polished.
Valerie stared down at the queen-sized bed that
Mason had always complained wasn’t long enough, that his feet hung
over the edge. Though they’d had plenty of room to make love. She
stared at the patchwork quilt, remembered how she and Mason would
kick it down to the end of the bed every night during their tussles
together.
There had been so many things wrong with their
marriage, but the sex? That had been oh so right. She still
remembered the feel of his unshaven jaw rubbing against the skin of
her face. She used to love his scratchy beard, would slide her palm
across his jaw because it made her tingle all over.
And his kisses—good Lord the man could kiss. Even
now, years later, she had vivid memories of his mouth on hers, the
fullness of his lips, the taste of sweat and outdoors and the
earthy scent of him whenever he came in from working cattle. He was
such a . . . man. He felt like one and smelled like one and God he
could turn her knees to jelly.
He was so masterful at what he did, as if he’d been
born to pleasure a woman. And even when she’d been young and
inexperienced and asked him to take it slow, she’d felt the fires
of passion barely banked inside him, and knew how explosive his
desires were.
His touch on her breasts, between her legs, the way
he could coax her to orgasm faster than a brushfire in the hot, dry
summer . . .
She shuddered. Two long years of drought, without a
man, without Mason. And just thinking about him could light that
flame again.
There were a lot of reasons she’d divorced Mason
Parks, but sex definitely hadn’t been one of them. If there’d been
a way she could still jump that man’s bones, without the ties of
marriage, she’d have been on him in a heartbeat.
But somehow walking out on your husband and serving
him with divorce papers didn’t make that man look kindly on his
ex-wife or in any way make him want to swoop her up and give her an
orgasm.
“I heard you were coming in today.”
She pivoted, her heart in her throat as she faced
the man she’d just been reminiscing about, and reminiscing in a
decidedly sexual way, too.
Two years hadn’t changed him much. Still tall,
still with that unshaven look, still wearing dusty blue jeans,
cowboy boots and a work shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing
off impossibly muscled forearms. He took off his cowboy hat and ran
his fingers through his hair. Yeah, everything was still the same.
His hair was still brown, his eyes the same color as his hair, and
he still goddamned took her breath away.
“Hi, Mason.”
“Val.”
He swaggered into the room—because he didn’t even
walk like a normal man. More like a man who commanded a woman to
look at him. And really, what woman wouldn’t?
She stood frozen to the spot as he circled the bed
and moved toward her. Her first thought—run. Run like hell. Her
heart started pounding as he stopped in front of her.
“Jolene said she’d asked you to come.”
“Yes.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Didn’t think you
would.”
“Why not?”
“Because you couldn’t wait to get away from here.
And when you left you said you’d never be back.”
Damn him for remembering. “I’m here for the
funeral.”
“You hated Ronald.”
“I’m here for Jolene.”
He arched a brow. “Seems to me that Jolene asked
you plenty of times to come. And you didn’t. Why now?”
She shrugged, clasping her hands together so he
wouldn’t see them shake. “It’s time Jolene and Brea and I settle a
few things about the ranch.”
“You could do that by phone and mail.”
She circled around him, moved toward the window,
needing some air to clear her head. Being near Mason jumbled her
brain cells, made her think of the past, of what she’d missed. She
finally turned to face him. “I didn’t come back here to argue with
you, Mason.”
“No, you never liked doing that, did you? God
forbid you should say what was on your mind.”
He moved in on her again, trapping her between him
and the window.
She lifted her gaze to him. “I’m not going to do
this with you.”
He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then, “So
you’re finally a doctor. It’s been a long time for you.”
“Yes it has.”
“You worked hard for it. I guess you’ll get exactly
what you wanted, won’t you?”
Not everything. “Yes, I
will.”
They used to be married. She used to throw her arms
around him whenever she saw him, kiss his neck, feel the beat of
his heart as he pressed against her. She loved when he held her. It
made her feel safe.
She’d never have that feeling anymore, would never
feel his body slide against hers in the darkness, would never see
his naked silhouette walk across the bedroom at night.
Funny that she never had to think about those
things, never had to miss them—until now. Which was why she avoided
coming home. Too many memories. Too much pain here. Too much Mason.
She inhaled, the scent of leather and horses and him filling her,
reminding her of what she’d walked away from.
She shouldn’t have come. She was weak where Mason
was concerned, always was. And the way he looked at her. She knew
he hated her for what she’d done, for walking away, and yet passion
raged in his eyes as he bore down on her.
“Valerie.”
He took another step closer. She laid her palm on
his chest. The contact was electric and her knees went to jelly.
“Mason. Don’t.”
He slid his arm around her and jerked her against
his chest. “Don’t what? Don’t hate you for leaving me? Don’t hate
myself for still wanting you? You swore you’d never come back, but
here you are, and I see the look in your eyes. You want this as
much as I do.”
His mouth came crashing down on hers and she
whimpered, didn’t so much as offer up a weak resistance. Her hand
curled around the nape of his neck as she fell against him, opened
her lips to him, found his tongue and nearly wept with the joy of
it. Every single damn reason for how wrong this was fled, replaced
by need and rampant desire for the man she’d hungered for these
long two years.
His hand found her breast and latched onto it,
tweaking her nipple through her shirt and bra. She damned her
clothing and moaned against his lips, arching against his hand,
aching for his touch. His erection, hard and insistent, pressed
against her hip. She slid her hand between them, palming his cock
until he groaned and slid his hand under her shirt, under her bra.
And when his fingers found her nipple she cried out against his
mouth.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes.” She wanted them both
naked. She wanted him hard and heavy and thick and pounding inside
her right now.
“Goddammit, Valerie.” He was panting as he dragged
her over to the bed and threw her on it. She’d always loved his
passion and his driving, can’t-wait-for-it need for her. She pulled
off her T-shirt and swallowed as he reached for his belt
buckle.
A door slammed downstairs, and like a cold bucket
of water thrown over her, it slapped her back into reality.
And he knew it. His hand stilled. She scooted back
on the bed, put her shirt on.
“No. I can’t do this.”
Mason’s eyes drifted shut for a fraction of a
second, and when he opened them again, fury blasted her.
“Did you do this on purpose?”
Her eyes widened and shock spread through her. “Are
you serious? Why would I do that?”
He grabbed his hat and took a deep breath. “I don’t
know, Val. I’ve never been able to figure out why the hell you do
anything. But it wouldn’t surprise me for you to throw yourself at
me, fire me up, then douse the fire just like that.” He snapped his
fingers.
“Oh! Are you out of your friggin’ mind? Or possibly
just plain stupid? Couldn’t you feel my reaction?”
He shrugged as he reached the door to her room.
“Hell, for all I know you always faked it.”
Fury made her blood boil. She grabbed a pillow from
her bed and threw it at him. “You son of a bitch.”
His lips curled. “That’s more like it. Welcome
home, Val.”
After he left, she stared in shock at the closed
door, unable to fathom what had just happened.
Passion had always flared hot and heavy between
them. But so had anger. And now she was riled up, horny and felt
wretchedly guilty for having stirred up the hornet’s nest.
Shit.
She knew she should have never come home. This was
going to be a disaster.
mason parks let the screen
door bang shut behind him, the sound echoing in his ears as he
hopped on his horse and rode the pasture, letting the cool spring
breeze clear his head.
Stupid move.
He’d been riding near the fence line, had seen the
car pull up. His horse just found its way to the front of the
house. He should have known better than to go in, to walk up those
stairs, to go into her room—what had once been their room.
To see her standing beside that bed was like
tumbling back to the past. Time had frozen.
She’d lost some weight. She was still beautiful,
her golden brown hair teasing her chin, her green eyes still wary.
Valerie had always had secrets. The one thing that had kept them
apart was her inability to tell him what was really on her mind, to
open up about how she felt—about anything—but especially about him.
In the end he couldn’t live with that silence, figured he deserved
better.
And yet there he stood in her room, welcoming her
back with his mouth and his hands. He’d been all over her like a
goddamned dog in heat. Thinking what, that maybe she’d changed? Not
fucking likely. He knew better. She was incapable.
Maybe he’d expected that after two years he
wouldn’t care anymore, that seeing her wouldn’t be a gut punch of
emotion and need. That time would have healed his desire for her,
his love for her.
For Christ’s sake, he was a man. Nothing weakened
him. He hadn’t cried since he’d broken his arm when he was four
years old. He was the toughest son of a bitch on the Bar M. Nothing
brought him to his knees.
Except this one woman. The one woman he’d loved
since he was sixteen years old.
The one woman who could never manage to love him
back.
“miss valerie!”
It had taken her a good half hour to pull herself
together after that visit from Mason, to feel like she could face
her family. Determined not to spend the day hiding in her room,
she’d washed her face and firmly pushed Mason out of her mind.
Valerie stepped off the bottom stair and ran toward Lila, the
family housekeeper, the matriarch of this place. The pain in her
stomach dissolved, replaced by pure joy.
Lila had been here . . . forever, had taken over
caring for Valerie and her sisters after their parents died. Lila
ran this house, kept the men in line, cooked, cleaned, and had
become her substitute mother when, at age fifteen, Valerie’s world
had shattered.
She threw her arms around Lila’s wide frame and
hugged her tight. She inhaled Lila’s scent, always a mixture of
cleaning products and baking flour.
“Lila. It’s so good to see you.”
Lila squeezed her hard. “Girl, you’re like a
stranger.”
Lila was right. She felt like a stranger in her own
home. It had been twelve years since she left for college, and two
years since she and Mason had divorced. And in between those times
she’d barely been here. Even when she and Mason . . .
Well, no sense in dwelling on that.
Lila pulled back. “Let me look at you.”
Used to the woman’s examinations, she stood still
and waited.
“You don’t eat enough.”
She was used to hearing that, too. According to
Lila, if you didn’t consume at least an entire cow a day, you
weren’t eating enough. “I eat just fine. I exercise. I drink a lot
of water.”
“Bah.” Lila waved her hand in the air, dismissing
Valerie’s claims of health. “Come with me. I just made
biscuits.”
Already imagining the five pounds about to be added
to her butt, Valerie went willingly to the kitchen, which was, as
always, spotlessly clean despite all the mud and dirt dragged in by
cowboys several times a day. Lila was a godsend, though she was
getting on in years. Valerie wondered if Jolene had given any
thought to bringing in help for Lila. Lila had to be in her late
sixties by now, and the kitchen was enormous, the size of many
home’s entire first levels. The wood floor gleamed like it had just
been polished, the granite countertop sparkled from end to end, and
Valerie was certain she could see herself in the chrome
sinks.
“Go help yourself to some juice,” Lila said as she
scooped out two biscuits from the platter on the center
island.
Valerie opened the oversized refrigerator—stocked
to overflowing as always—poured a glass of orange juice and took a
seat at the trestle table that had been in her father’s family for
generations. She smoothed her hand over the scarred surface, each
groove reminding her of times spent with her parents and sisters.
She still remembered eating at one of the smaller tables when she
was a child, wishing she could be at the “big table” with the
grown-ups, where sounds of raucous laughter could be heard as the
cowboys traded stories from their days.
Now she was one of the grown-ups and she longed for
the simpler times of her youth. Times when her father would pull up
a chair at her table, play with her pigtails and kiss her cheek. Or
her mother would eat her meal with the girls and leave the men to
their stories.
But you could never go back, and remembering just
hurt.
“Here,” Lila said, setting down a plate of two
homemade biscuits, butter and jelly that no doubt Lila had also
made herself.
Valerie’s stomach rumbled. As a doctor, she was
used to going a long time without food. During her internship and
residency, she’d gotten used to grabbing a quick energy bar or
chocolate milk on the run. To actually sit down and eat was a
luxury. Though now that she was about to go into private practice
with a group of general practitioners in Dallas, she was going to
be able to have more regular hours again. She looked forward to
it.
She bit into the buttered and jellied biscuit and
let out a soft moan while she chewed. “Oh, Lila. This is
heaven.”
Lila’s weathered face brightened when she grinned.
“Thank you, honey. You know how much I used to love cookin’ for you
girls. Jolene eats her fair share though.”
Valerie waved a biscuit in Lila’s direction. “Yeah,
and she works off every calorie wrestling those cows.” Damn
Jolene’s skinny little ass anyway.
“That she does. The girl gets in there and does as
much as the men do. Sometimes I think she’s going to work herself
to death.”
“I doubt that. Jolene’s always been a bundle of
energy, and she’s been working the ranch since Daddy set her on her
first horse as soon as she could stand upright.”
Lila laughed. “Well, you know that’s the rancher’s
way. Put your kids out there among the horses and cattle as soon as
they’re old enough to sit a horse.”
“I remember.” Valerie had ridden her own horse at
age four, though under close supervision from her father. Each of
the girls had followed in succession. Living on a working cattle
ranch meant as soon as you were old enough, you were taught to get
in there and work. Fun when you were young, and not as much work,
but you had to live the life. She’d loved it.
Until the accident.
Which she didn’t want to dwell on. “Where is
Jolene, anyway?”
“Out riding the north pasture today. They’re
bringing in some of the pairs.”
“Ah. How many mamas had babies this year?”
Lila shrugged. “No tellin’ until they bring ’em
in.”
“Guess I’m here at the right time, then.”
“The right time for what?”
Valerie looked up to see her younger sister, Brea,
standing in the doorway. At least she thought it was Brea. Valerie
hardly recognized her.
Brea sure looked different than she had the last
time Valerie had seen her. As a child, Brea had always worn her
hair short. Now it was long, stringy, her bangs so overgrown they
hid her eyes. And her ankle-length skirt and equally shapeless
blouse covered her body completely. It was almost as if she was
trying to hide herself.
Valerie rose from the table and went over and
hugged her sister. “Brea.”
Brea hugged her back. “Val. You smell like grape
jelly.”
Valerie laughed. “Lila made me eat a
biscuit.”
Now it was Brea’s turn to laugh. “Of course she
did. It’s required before you can unpack your bags, isn’t
it?”
“You bet it is.” Lila stepped in to envelop Brea in
a bear hug, then held her out at arm’s length. “Let me look at you.
Too thin. You don’t eat enough.”
Brea’s gaze shifted to Valerie and they exchanged
knowing looks.
“Guess I need a biscuit,” Brea said, then went to
the cupboard, retrieved a glass and poured juice while Lila fixed
her a plate.
Valerie watched Brea with some amusement. Funny how
easy it was to slide into old habits once you got home.
Home. No, this wasn’t home
anymore. Home was Dallas, and that’s where her new life had begun.
She had to remember that. She was excited about her new job. She’d
worked her ass off in medical school. The new partnership was her
payoff. She was just feeling melancholy and wistful about being
back at the ranch again. As soon as she got the hell out of here
and back in Dallas she’d be her old, cheerful self.
“When did you get in?” Brea asked in between
mouthfuls of thick biscuit.
“Maybe twenty minutes before you. How’s
Tulsa?”
“Good.”
“And how’s life as a freelance programmer?”
Brea smiled and said, “Fine.”
At least Valerie could see Brea’s mouth, which was
about the only part of her that wasn’t covered up by hair and
clothes. “Staying busy?”
“Always.”
Valerie shook her head. Had it always been this
difficult to talk to her sister? Then again, how long had it been
since they’d all lived under one roof? Valerie had moved out at
eighteen to attend college. That was twelve years ago. Other than
visits home in the summer, she hadn’t really lived here full-time
since then. She and her sisters had been like ships passing in the
night.
And even when Valerie had still lived here, she’d
been with Mason a lot. He’d stolen much of her time through college
and med school—what little time she’d been willing to give to him.
Which in all honesty, hadn’t been all that much beyond their first
summer together. But oh, what a summer that had been. Would she
have married him if not for that hot, sexy summer?
She’d been so impulsive back then.
Ha. Back then? What about now? What about a half
hour ago when she’d so easily fallen into Mason’s arms, almost
eradicating every vow she’d made two years ago to distance herself
from Mason. Yeah, that had been more than a little impulsive. And
stupid. But she could still taste him on her lips. How could regret
taste so good?
“What put the smile on your face?”
Her head shot up. “What?”
“You’ve got this wistful smile on your face,” Brea
said. “What are you thinking about?”
Mason. “Nothing.”
“No, really, what were you thinking about?”
This part she didn’t miss at all. Her sisters
always prying into her every thought. “I told you, nothing.”
“Liar.”
“Bite me, Brea.”
“Screw you, Val.”
“Ah, the harmonic tones of my sisters, home again.
Picking up where you left off, I see.”
Valerie swiveled around to face Jolene, their baby
sister, leaning against the back door. She wore jeans, boots and a
long-sleeved work shirt. Her hair was twisted in dark blond braided
pigtails, and her entire body, including her face, was covered in
dust from a day out working the ranch. And she looked just as
beautiful as always.
Valerie took an affected sniff of the air. “I
thought I picked up the distinct odor of cattle.”
Jolene snorted. “Nice to see you, too,
Valerie.”
“Shut the door, Jo. You’re letting flies in.”
“Yes ma’am,” Jolene said to Lila. She closed the
door and sauntered into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator to
grab a can of soda, popped the top off and took several long and
loud gulps. Then she burped.
“Such a lady,” Brea said.
Jolene burped again.
“Jolene! Mind your manners.”
Jolene giggled. “Sorry, Lila. Couldn’t help
myself.”
“Born in a barn, Mama would always say,” Valerie
said with an upraised brow.
“Please,” Jolene said. “If I recall correctly, you
were the one who always won the burping contests.”
Valerie raised her chin. “I was ten years old at
the time.”
Jolene shrugged. “And I live with twenty-five
guys.”
“Lucky you,” Brea mumbled with an arched
brow.
Or at least Valerie thought Brea arched a brow.
Hard to tell under that thick mop of hair.
“It has its advantages,” Jolene said.
“How many pairs did you bring in?” Valerie
asked.
“Haven’t hit all the pastures yet, but we’ve gotten
about fifty from the northeast.”
“Great. Can’t wait to go look at the babies.”
“You can do more than that. Now that you’re here,
you can help process them.”
Valerie rolled her eyes. “Oh, joy.”
“It’s your ranch as much as it is mine, Valerie.
And yours, too, Brea. Climb into your old boots, put on your jeans
and get to work.”
Valerie took a sip of juice and studied her sister.
“Is that why we’re really here, Jolene? Need a couple extra hands
for spring cattle work?”
“I think you know me better than that. I never have
trouble hiring hands. But this is your
ranch. Those who own it work it. So yeah, that’s part of why you’re
here. We also have a funeral to attend tomorrow.”
“Uncle Ronald was a prick,” Brea said. “It’s not
like we need to pay our respects to a man we could barely
tolerate.”
“Brea Louise.” Lila narrowed her eyes at
Brea.
“Sorry, Lila. But you can’t tell me that you had
any respect for that bast—For that man.”
Lila turned her back to them and ran water in the
sink. “What I thought of Mr. McMasters doesn’t matter. You speak
respectfully of the dead.”
Valerie rolled her eyes. “Or don’t speak of him at
all if you can’t think of anything nice to say.”
“Then I guess his funeral will be a silent one,”
Jolene added.
Brea snorted.
Lila turned and gave them all a pointed look.
“That’s our cue to head upstairs,” Valerie said to
Brea.
“Your rooms are ready,” Lila said, grabbing a towel
to dry her hands. “Supper will be at six thirty.”
“That’s in an hour,” Valerie said. “I just ate two
huge biscuits.” Which was more than she usually ate in a day.
“Supper is at six thirty,” Lila said again.
“Have you forgotten that no one misses supper
around here?” Jolene whispered over her shoulder. “Better get
unpacked in a hurry.”
“I heard that. And you, missy, had better go wash
your hands and face before you sit your butt down at my
table.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jolene said, then winked at her
sisters. “Guess I’d better get my butt upstairs to my room,
then.”
Jolene sauntered off, leaving Brea to lug her
suitcases up the stairs.
“Thanks for the help, sis,” Brea yelled after
Jolene.
“Quit whining. It builds muscles,” Jolene hollered
over her shoulder as she took the stairs two at a time, her boots
leaving a trail of dust behind her.
“She thinks we’re lightweight city girls now.
Little does she know how hard I worked during my internship and
residency. You build muscles rolling bodies and running down
hallways, always on your feet.” Valerie grabbed one of Brea’s
bags.
Brea started up the stairs behind her. “I have an
awesome gym membership and I work out two hours a day. Pool, weight
room, running track. I’ll show her ass who’s not in shape.”
Valerie grinned. Wasn’t this month just going to be
oh so much fun?