Part Two- Moonshine & Blood

 

“Operating a mech is only part of your training, Rookie,” Jay slurred, sloshing ‘shine from a steel cup as he, the Rookie, Mathew, Rachel and June sat around the fire pit about 100 yards from the hangar. “You gotta know how to repair the mech, salvage for parts and improvise when you can’t do either.”

“Yeah, yeah, but when do I get to smash shit and kill some…some…deader ass?” the Rookie asked, sipping from his own ‘shine. “I’m fuckin’ ready now!” The Rookie leapt to his feet then quickly sat back down. “This is good shit, Jay. Good…”

***

Doctor Themopolous inserted her security chip into her tablet. With a few keystrokes she unlocked the encrypted data sent by her colleague in Foggy Bottom. She hated hiding it from Capreze, but she was told to trust no one, not even the Commander.

She had needed to go over the information yesterday, but the unfortunate death of Stanislaw and the chaotic arrival, and subsequent medical needs, of the Rookie had put her behind.

As she perused the data, her eyes widened and she instantly knew why her friend was being so paranoid.

Dear God, she thought. What does this mean?

***

“What the fuck is this shit made from?!?” the Rookie yelled. “It ain’t synth. Where’d ya gets the grains?”

“Oh, I gots my ways,” Jay answered, exaggerating a conspiratorial wink. The Rookie furrowed his brow.

“Are you hitting on me?” the Rookie hiccupped.

“What…? Fuck you. You ain’t pretty enough for me, bitch!” Jay laughed.

“I don’t know, Jay. I’ve seen you with worse,” Mathew joked.

“Fuck you Jespers! He ain’t got no titties. No titties, no Jay love.”

“On that note I’m going to pee,” Rachel laughed as she got up from the campfire and walked into the darkness.

***

In twenty years, the nightmare had never lost its impact.

Commander Capreze tossed and turned in his room, sheets tossed aside, the bed protesting his movements.

He moaned aloud, trying subconsciously to rouse himself from images and memories he kept buried during the waking hours.

Capreze fought his own mind. And as with every night, he lost that fight. Was it guilt, shame, regret? Or had his mind been trying to tell him something? Something he couldn’t grasp when awake.

He flung out his arms, trying to push the nightmare away.

With a cry he awoke to an empty room…

***

Retching sounds came from the darkness. “What is that?” June asked.

“That’s Steve puking his guts out,” Rachel answered, returning to the campfire. “He’s out there somewhere. I heard him whimpering and then out it came.”

“What, did you eat one of your own muffins?!?” Jay shouted into the night. He was answered by more sounds of throwing up. “That’s right! How’s it feel now?”

“Hey, leave him alone. Steve doesn’t get out much,” June got to her feet. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

“Careful, it’s spooky out there,” Rachel mocked.

Mathew elbowed her in the ribs. “Be nice.”

***

“Nanotech? What is the UDC thinking?” Themopolous whispered, glancing around her office suddenly aware she didn’t know how extensive the base surveillance was. She had to watch what she said aloud.

She tapped at her tablet, bringing up her side notes, adding notations as she analyzed the data. By the time she was finished she was deeply unsettled.

The UDC had been injecting citizens of Foggy Bottom under the guise of testing a new retrovirus, hoping to finally bring the plague to an end. With that cover story it was easy to find volunteers.

The truth was far more sinister.

***

“Okay, let me get this straight,” the Rookie said, leaning dangerously close to the fire, then back out again. “Whoa.”

Arms around each other, Mathew and Rachel grinned at the Rookie. “Careful tough guy,” Rachel smirked.

“I’m…doing…fine!” the Rookie drunkenly insisted. “But, wait, I have important shit to ask.”

“And you’re doing a great job there,” Mathew chimed in.

The Rookie jabbed a finger at Mathew. “You think you’re funny? Screwing the Commander’s daughter make you think you can say anything? Huh?”

“Careful,” Mathew growled.

The Rookie held up his hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…that was rude…”

***

“Okay, fine,” Capreze said, finally accepting the inevitable as he got up from the bed and made his way to his bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face, trying to bring himself fully awake.

Capreze stepped from the bathroom, grabbed his tablet and sat in the overstuffed chair in the corner of his room, the one luxury he allowed himself.

“So, let’s see what the base is up to at” –he glanced at the time displayed at the top of the tablet- “0130. Sweet Jeezus…,” he muttered.

He tapped the security icon and scrolled to the vid feeds.

***

“So the UDC puts killing deaders and zombies before saving humans? That’s fucked up,” the Rookie said.

“It’s not that cut and dry, but yeah, pretty much,” Mathew answered, pouring more ‘shine into the Rookie’s cup.

“So what if, say, Six Flags was under attack? Where does that fit into the UDC’s priorities?”

“That’s different. I’m talking about out in the waste. It’s kill or be killed out here.”

“But what about all the survivor pockets? Don’t they count?”

“As far as the UDC is concerned, if you aren’t city/state, you aren’t people,” Rachel joined in.

“That’s fucked up, man…”

***

She needed to get a response to her colleague, but Capreze would know right away if she sent a secure message, so would the UDC for that matter.

She pushed away from her desk, exhausted and frustrated. Then it hit her. She quickly grabbed her tablet and started a requisition order for medical supplies she knew they could only get when they traded with Foggy Bottom. Hidden in the order would be her analysis and reply. She would give it to Capreze in the morning telling him stock was low and was urgent that a trip was made right away.

***

Rachel stood and stretched, dusting the dirt from her backside. “Think I’ll walk back and get the ATV. Looks like Jay could use it.” She glanced down at the Chief Mechanic passed out on the ground. She turned from the campfire and peered into the darkness. “Haven’t heard from Steve or June in a bit. Think I’ll check on them first.”

“Careful. They may be having a moment,” Mathew quipped.

“With the way she has the hots for you, I doubt it,” Rachel scoffed.

Mathew rolled his eyes. “Oh just go be responsible or something.”

Rachel blew him a kiss.

***

Capreze checked the barracks vid feed.

Masters and Harlow were actually sleeping for a change. Bisby was crashed also. Mathew, Jane, the Rookie’s bunks were empty. He expected to see Rachel’s empty since she preferred to sleep in her mech most nights, but where were the others?

The Commander flicked from one feed to another. The rec room: empty. Mess hall: empty. Showers, latrine: both empty. Hangar: empty also.

“Hmmm…,” Capreze muttered. “What are they up to?”

He switched to external feeds and quickly found what he was looking for. Flames flickered from the fire pit as Capreze zoomed in.

***

“If the UDC could give a shit about the people in the waste, then why don’t they order the mechs to wipe out the Cults? Just fucking wipe them off the face of the earth,” asked the Rookie.

“That, I’m not sure,” Mathew admitted. “My guess is it keeps the gene pool fresh. I mean, how many humans are left in the world, do you think? Three, maybe four million? All the city/states combined equals only about two million people at last count.”

“Nothing fresh about the gene pool with those crazy fucks,” the Rookie muttered, anger tainting his voice.

***

A scream came from the darkness. Mathew and the Rookie straightened, suddenly considerably more sober than before. Mathew tapped his com.

“Rache? You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m not sure what just happened. I heard Steve scream…”

“That was Steve? Damn, he screams like a girl.”

“Focus please!”

“Okay, sorry, focused.”

“By the time I got to him he was muttering ‘don’t take my balls’.”

“Is he hurt bad?”

“Yeah, he’s bleeding from his thigh quite a bit.”

“Shit. Okay, you apply pressure and I’ll get the ATV and the doc. Where’s June?”

“Not a fucking clue. Hurry.”

“Will do.”

***

Doctor Themopolous’s head nodded. She shook it hard, fighting the drowsiness. She didn’t want to go against her own medical advice and drink the coffee she had set on her desk, but she really needed to finish the encrypted message.

Her com buzzed, the emergency tone bringing her fully awake.

“This is Themopolous, what’s the situation?”

“Hey Doc, it’s Mathew. We’ve got a problem out by the fire pit. Steve’s cut, looks like it may have nicked his femoral artery.”

Themopolous jumped from her desk and ran from her office. “I’ll grab my kit and meet you in the hangar!”

***

Capreze debated whether to zoom in on the base staff, but decided against it. He could have easily focused the sensors and heard every word they were saying, even reading them off their lips if he wanted.

But, Capreze had made a decision years ago to not be that Commander. He commanded by trust, he had to if his own daughter was going to be one of his pilots.

He watched for a few moments then transferred back to internal vids.

I wonder…, he thought.

Capreze switched feeds to Themopolous’s quarters, but the room was empty.

The doctor wasn’t in.

***

“What’d Capreze say?” Themopolous asked, tossing her med kit into the back of the ATV as Mathew fired it up.

“Um, yeah, we haven’t told him yet.”

“What?!?” she yelled. “Why not?”

A sheepish grin spread across Mathew’s face and he avoided the Doctor’s glare. “Well, there may have been some ‘shine involved.”

“Sweet Jeezus! Did Steve drink also?”

“Oh, he drank…”

“Goddamit! What are you waiting for?!? Get us out there! His blood’ll be thinned by the alcohol. It could already be too late.”

Mathew mashed the accelerator.

Hidden in the hangar’s shadows, June watched the ATV speed away.

***

“Doctor?” Capreze called on the com, puzzled as to where she would be at 0200. There was no response.

The Commander scanned Themopolous’s quarters making sure he wasn’t missing anything in the dark room. A quick search told him he wasn’t.

“Doctor? This is Capreze.” Again, no response.

Capreze started to set his tablet down, but thought of something first. He switched on the audio feed.

“Doctor? Doc-,” he quickly stopped, hearing the tiny buzzing of Themopolous’s ear com. He zoomed in on the side table, easily finding the minute com.

Capreze narrowed his eyes and strode from his quarters.

***

“So, you want to tell me what happened?” Themopolous asked as the ATV came to a halt a few feet from Steve’s prone form. Rachel squatted over him, her hands pressed firmly against his thigh.

“Not a clue,” Mathew responded, handing the doctor her med kit as she stepped from the ATV.

“Keep that pressure!” Themopolous ordered Rachel as she moved in to examine Steve. “I need light!”

Mathew sprinted to the ATV and retrieved a halogen. He shone the powerful beam down on Steve’s wound.

“Keep that pressure dammit!” Themopolous yelled as she cut Steve’s blood soaked uniform open.

***

When Capreze checked base stats he knew immediately where he needed to go: the hangar.

He didn’t know what was going on, but his gut told him things were off. When he stepped into the hangar his feelings were confirmed.

“Pilot Lang! What the hell are you doing?!?” he yelled up at June just as she shut her mech’s cockpit. “Godammit!”

The Commander clicked his com. “June, you had better have a good explanation for this!”

Refusing to respond, June finished her start up procedure. Capreze dashed to the initiation console, but he was too late.

June was already moving.

***

“Where’s everybody?” the Rookie asked, blinking blearily at the fire.

“Over there…Steve’s dying,” Jay mumbled, splayed out on the dirt.

“Dying? Shit…should we help?”

“Help? With what?”

“I don’t fucking know. Just thought we should…”

“You go ahead…I ain’t helping with shit.”

The Rookie pushed himself to his feet and staggered away from the fire pit. He could see a bright light shining just a few yards away.

“Hey! Yous guys need some help?”

“No! Just sit down and stay put!” he heard someone yell back at him.

The Rookie swayed. “Gotcha! Sitting down and staying put!”

***

“Alright, careful, careful…” Themopolous commanded as Mathew and Rachel set Steve on the collapsible stretcher retrieved from the ATV. “I said careful!”

“Jeezus Doc, were trying!” Mathew yelled back.

“He’s stable for now, but he needs blood ASAP. If that wound re-opens before I get him in the OR he won’t make it.”

“Yeah, I know Doc! Careful, got it.”

Rachel and Mathew walked Steve to the ATV and carefully set the stretcher down and strapped it securely to the back. They all climbed in and Mathew slowly set out for the base.

“Okay, Mathew now…”

“I know, Doc. Careful…”

***

June wiped the tears from her eyes.

“This is it for me. Everything is over,” she said to herself. “No turning back now.”

June walked the mech from the hangar, ignoring the figure of Commander Capreze waving for her to stop.

She pushed the sensors to full and scanned the night. She had no idea where she was going or what she was going to do, but she had to leave, had to get away from the base, from Mathew, from everyone.

Ignoring the motor drive she engaged her legs and took off at a full run into the night.

***

Mathew swerved to avoid the mech coming right at them.

“Jeezus fuck!” Mathew yelled. He tapped his com, trying to hail June.

“She’s won’t pick up!” Rachel yelled, having tried her com also. “Where does she think she’s going? We can track her.”

“I don’t know, but she won’t get far. Jethro was working on her mech. It isn’t fully functional.”

Mathew pulled the ATV into the hangar, barely missing Commander Capreze.

Capreze turned his attention from June’s mech onto the ATV. Mathew and Rachel both blanched under his glare.

“Shit,” Rachel said. “Let me handle this.”

“Gladly,” Mathew complied.

***

“Holy fuck! Is that a mech?!?” the Rookie yelled.

“What?!? Where?!?” Jay sat up quickly and looked out towards the pitch-blackness of the wasteland.

“Right there! Coming from the hangar!” The Rookie pointed and Jay turned around.

“Shit! That’s June’s mech. Oh, well, she ain’t going far…” Jay yawned, curling up to the fire.

“Should we do something? Call the Commander?”

“Sure, Rookie, you do that,” Jay laughed sleepily.

“But…” the Rookie trailed off.

“Buts are for asses, boy. Buts are for asses,” Jay slurred before nodding off.

The Rookie watched the shape of the mech fade into the night.

***

“Okay, just listen…” Rachel started, but Capreze ignored her, moving quickly to the stretcher.

“How bad, Doc?” he asked.

“Bad,” she said, jumping from the ATV.

Mathew rushed to the med cart and gurney stationed against the wall, expertly maneuvering both to the ATV.

“Grab that end,” Mathew barked. The Commander’s eyebrows raised but he didn’t hesitate. “One, two, three!”

They lifted the stretcher, placing it on the gurney.

“What’ll you need, Doc?” Capreze asked.

“I’ll need Harlow to assist and anyone that’s O- to be ready to give blood.”

“I’m on it!” Rachel said, heading off to the barracks.

***

“How long are we supposed to stay here for?” the Rookie asked. All he got in response was the sound of Jay’s snores. He kicked out with his boot, connecting with Jay’s thigh.

“Ow! What the fuck?!?” Jay yelled.

“Are they coming back for us?” the Rookie said, irritated.

“Probably not,” Jay responded, rolling over and going back to sleep. The Rookie gave him a shove.

“Hey man, I’m new here. What are we supposed to do?”

“I’m going to sleep. I don’t give a Rancher’s tit what you do. Just throw another log on the fire if you go.”

***

“What?” Harlow groaned as Rachel shook her.

“Steve’s hurt. Themopolous needs you in the OR,” Rachel whispered.

Harlow sat upright and grabbed for her uniform. Rachel handed it to her helping the sleepy pilot get her arms in the sleeves.

“Thanks,” Harlow muttered. “Is there coffee?”

“Shit. No. I’ll do that next and bring a thermos to the infirmary.”

Harlow shook her head, trying to get rid of the fuzziness. “How bad is he?’

“He’s bleeding from his thigh. It won’t stop.”

Harlow’s eyes went wide. “That could be an artery.”

She pushed past Rachel and sprinted from the barracks.

***

“Get some sleep,” Capreze ordered Rachel and Mathew, both starting to protest. “Sleep. Now. We’ll talk about all of this during the briefing.”

The pilots looked from each other to the Commander, Mathew finally shrugging and moving off towards the barracks.

“I’m going to clean up first,” he said looking at his blood and dirt stained uniform.

“Fine idea,” Capreze nodded, watching Rachel.

“I’ll be there in a sec,” Rachel said as Mathew walked off. She turned to her father, but the look on Capreze’s face stopped her words dead.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he said. Rachel nodded and followed Mathew.

***

“I know you’re all tired,” Capreze started the briefing, his gaze hardening on Rachel and Mathew. “But life goes on.”

Mathew started to speak, Capreze held up his hand. “This is my briefing, Pilot Jespers. Hold your questions until I’m done.”

Mathew nodded and glanced at Rachel. She avoided his eyes, choosing to keep hers firmly on her father.

“Now,” Capreze began. “Harlow won’t be joining us since she was in surgery until an hour ago. Which means we are only missing one person. Anyone know where the Rookie is?”

Rachel’s eyes widened and she risked a glance at Mathew.

***

Jay kicked the sleeping Rookie. “I’m pretty sure you’re missing your morning briefing.”

The Rookie groaned, tried to open his eyes, but thought better and sat up with his lids firmly shut. “What time is it?”

“Fuck if I know,” Jay said, unzipping his fly and pissing on the barely smoldering coals in the fire pit. A steam cloud of urine wafted over the Rookie making him gag and fight to keep from vomiting. “But, you better get moving if you plan on living past today.”

The Rookie groaned again, this time opening his eyes and braving the bright agony.

***

“Um, no sir. With all the confusion last night we figured he’d come back with Jay,” Mathew said.

“Quite an assumption. But, that wasn’t your responsibility, Mathew, was it?”

“No, sir, it was mine,” Rachel spoke up.

“Yes, it was pilot. We’ll speak later. Let’s move on.”

Capreze lifted his tablet and scanned the screen. “Steve is going to be fine, but it may be a couple weeks before he’s up to speed. Until then…” Capreze smiled. “Rachel, Mathew, the two of you will be in charge of the kitchen.”

Masters and Bisby sat up. “No!” they yelled in unison.

***

Jay tapped at his tablet and the slight crackling that the Rookie had thought all night was part fire suddenly ceased.

“What was that?” the Rookie asked.

“Security containment field,” Jay answered pointing out small metal rods stationed several yards out. “Anything without an active Reaper chip crosses that field and every single external light on this base goes up. Not to mention auto-cannons, smart mines and a really, really loud alarm. You didn’t think we’d be outside all night without protection, did you?”

“I didn’t really think about it,” the Rookie replied.

“You’re a strange kid, kid,” Jay laughed.

***

“Those two? Cooking? Please, sir, you can’t be serious? Why punish us?” Masters complained.

“If it’s any consolation, I’ll be punishing myself, also,” Capreze said.

“Hey, I’m not that bad of a cook,” Mathew said.

Rachel reached over and patted his hand. “Yes, you are Matty. So am I. Sorry everybody.”

“Okay, we are all going to be shitting our brains out. Got it. Can we move on to the important shit, now? Like who is going to go look for June?”

“That would be Mathew. Unless you have some objections, Pilot Jespers?”

“Um, no, sir,” Mathew responded. “Glad to.”

***

“So… How much trouble are we in?” the Rookie asked with apprehension.

“Us? I’m not in any trouble. You? Well, you are in a world of shit,” Jay laughed. He tapped at his tablet: Rookie with me. Bringing him in. Don’t be too hard on him. Good kid. He sent the message to Capreze and waited.

Within seconds Capreze responded: Figured. Make him sweat, he’s yours today. I want to see you both in my office ASAP.

Jay smiled. “Looks like the Commander has given me your ass for the day. You’re gonna learn how shit really works around here.”

***

Capreze set his tablet aside. “Alright, I’m done holding hands. Bisby, you’re on patrol. Masters, you’re on escort duty.”

“Escort duty, sir?” Masters asked.

“That’s what I said. I need you to shadow Jay and the Rookie to Foggy Bottom. Doctor Themopolous put in a med supply req this morning after surgery. I guess we are dangerously low on essentials.”

Masters nodded.

“Mathew, you need to get out there and find June. Regular reports.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Pilot Capreze,” the Commander turned his gaze on Rachel. “I’m pretty sure you have a kitchen to run. If that isn’t too much responsibility.”

***

Jay and the Rookie walked into the hangar, both glad to get out of the morning sun. Jethro looked up from his work and started laughing.

“Well, don’t you two make a cute couple. Have fun last night?”

“Fuck you, Jethro,” Jay growled.

“Commander told me you two need to skip cleaning up and see him right away.”

“Skip cleaning up?” the Rookie asked, shocked. “Man, I could really use a shower first.”

“That’s tough shit, Rookie,” Jethro said, returning to the circuit board he was working on.

“Come on,” Jay said, walking away.

The Rookie followed, his stomach nauseous.

***

“That’s it. Dismissed,” Capreze said. The pilots quickly got up and left the briefing, glad to get on with the day. Rachel paused by the door.

“Not now, baby girl,” Capreze said, looking down at his tablet. “Go get the kitchen running and I’ll be in the mess later.” He looked up and held Rachel’s gaze. “We’ll talk then.”

Rachel smiled weakly. “Yes, sir.”

Capreze watched her leave and soon followed, heading back to his office. He looked over the Doctor’s supply requisition, knowing she was hiding something. Six Flags was closer and had better medical facilities for trading with.

***

When Capreze entered his office, Jay and the Rookie were already waiting for him.

“Good, glad to see you took this meeting seriously,” Capreze said, locking eyes with the Rookie.

“Sir, I just want to say…”

“Save it.” Capreze sat down. “I sent you a med req. You two are going to Foggy Bottom. Masters is escort.”

“Foggy Bottom? Six Flags is way closer and they…”

“I know,” Capreze interrupted. “Rookie? Go get your gear ready. It’s a five day assignment. Meet Mechanic Rind in the hangar. Dismissed.”

“Yes, sir,” the Rookie said, leaving the office as quickly as possible.

***

Masters leaned in and kissed Harlow softly. She stirred slightly, but didn’t wake. He grabbed his pack and headed out of the barracks, nearly colliding with the Rookie.

“Whoa, slow down,” Masters said.

“Sorry, sorry…I need to get packed and get to the hangar,” the Rookie said, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Masters dropped his pack and grabbed the Rookie by the shoulders.

“Calm down, kid. It’s only a supply run. You listen closely to me and Jay and you’ll be just fine.”

The Rookie took a couple of deep breaths. Masters smiled.

“Better?”

The Rookie nodded.

***

Capreze focused on Jay. “Is he worth it?”

Jay took a seat without asking or waiting for leave. “Gut reaction? Yes. Head reaction? He needs a lot of work. But there’s something to this kid. I don’t know what, but he has something to prove.”

“Don’t they all?” Capreze quipped.

“No, this one’s different. I can’t put my finger on it…”

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time on the supply run.”

“About that, why Foggy Bottom?”

“Doc’s request.”

Jay raised an eyebrow. “Since when does that matter?”

“Since I’ve started suspecting she’s up to something.”

“Really?”

“Pay attention.”

“Will Do.”

***

Jethro grabbed the Rookie’s pack and tossed it into the salvage mech’s storage compartment.

“I figured we’d be taking the transport,” the Rookie said, looking up at the modified battle mech. “I didn’t know we’d be traveling by mech.”

“Salvage mech,” Jethro informed. “We take this out on all supply runs. It’s outfitted for storage and retrieval. We’ll probably come across some graveyards out there and we can use the parts.”

“Graveyards?”

“Mechs,” Bisby answered, entering the hangar. “Ours and theirs.”

“Parts don’t grow on trees,” Jethro added.

Bisby climbed into his mech. “Good luck, Rookie. Try not to die.”

***

“Shit!” Rachel cried, pulling her hand from the hot pan.

“Problems already?” Capreze smirked, entering the kitchen.

“I’m no good at this, you know that!” she yelled at her father. Capreze just watched her. “Sorry,” she apologized.

Capreze sighed. “Do I need to say it?”

“No, I fucked up. I know.”

“I’m talking about you and Mathew.”

Surprise overtook Rachel’s features. “Mathew? I thought this was about the Rookie.”

“The Rookie is with Jay and Masters. He’s taken care of for now. I just need to know that your relationship with Mathew isn’t getting in the way.”

“It’s not.”

“Good.”

***

The four mechs left the hangar.

Bisby’s headed East, Mathew’s West, Masters’ and the salvage mech due South.

“Good luck everyone,” Mathew said over the com.

“You too,” Masters answered. Bisby just grunted.

“Don’t play the hero, Jespers,” Jay warned. “You get into any shit, you call for help.”

“Not to worry. Same thing for you. We know how you can be when in the city/states.”

The Rookie looked over at Jay. “What does that mean?” Jay ignored him.

“Pretty sure my credit is cut off everywhere. Not much trouble I can get into.”

Mathews, Masters and Bisby all snorted.

***

In the distance, but well within the base’s sensors, a dead mech watched the mechs spilt up and head their separate ways. None of them noticed the observer. It waited until the live mechs were off its scanners before moving in closer to the base.

The deader desperately wanted to do a full scan of the base and all its systems, but knew they would detect him then. The dead mech stopped, realization opening up new data streams in its AI. It had referred to itself as a him. He had given himself identity other than an it.

He watched.