FIVE

THE ROOM WAS dim and shadowy; darkness showed through the gap in the curtain at the windows. The only light was a diffused glow emanating from the other room. That wasn’t the only thing drifting into the room, though, she realized hazily. There was the low throb of a guitar and the haunting softness of a woman’s voice. Billie’s voice, she thought, as she got off the bed and headed toward the beaded curtain.

There is an island where only the south winds blow.

There is a river they say has no end.

There is a mountain whose peak has known no snow.

And there is a lover who only calls my name.

He only calls my name.

Billie was sitting cross-legged on an enormous cushion on the floor wearing a faded nightshirt with Kiss me, I’m Irish emblazoned in shamrock-green across the front. She looked up from her guitar and cast a quick warm smile at Kendra. “Hi, did I wake you?”

Kendra shook her head. “I only meant to nap for a while anyway. That’s a very pretty folk song you were singing. I don’t think I’ve heard it before.”

“That’s not surprising since I just made it up an hour ago.” Billie’s fingers moved caressingly over the strings. “I like to play around with composing every now and then. It’s something to do when you’re alone.” She shrugged. “And when you’re on the road, you find yourself alone more often than not.”

“And you’re on the road a lot?”

“I get restless,” Billie said simply. She looked down at her guitar, her violet eyes far away. “You know, sometimes I feel there’s something special out there waiting for me just around the corner or over the horizon. But when I get there, whatever it was has already faded away. I can catch a glimpse of it in the distance, but I can never quite touch it.” She struck a soft chord. “So I try another road.”

“Well, your roads certainly have some interesting twists and turns,” Kendra said lightly. “Did you get Yusef settled?”

“If you could call it that. He’s lying outside on our doorstep in a sleeping bag. Dave offered to put a cot in the wardrobe tent, but he wouldn’t have it. He seems to think I’ll be thrown into some dire peril if he’s not right on top of me. I tried to get Joel to put a cot in here, but he turned me down flat. He said there was no way he was going to let a bordello bouncer become our roommate. Yusef isn’t the only one who’s overprotective around here.”

“Yet you seem to be able to manage Joel very well from what I’ve seen,” Kendra observed. “Have you known each other long?”

“About three months,” Billie answered. “And no one ‘manages’ Joel Damon. The only reason he sometimes listens to me is because we’re friends. We liked each other from the minute he picked me up on the highway one day. Sometimes it happens that way.”

“He picked you up?”

“Well, not exactly the way that sounds,” Billie said with a grin. She put her scratched and battered guitar aside. “Drag up a cushion and I’ll tell you all about it.” She suddenly snapped her fingers. “I almost forgot, you must be starved. I brought you a thermos of soup and a packet of crackers from the commissary tent at dinner time. They’re on the brass table over there. I really should have awakened you but you were sleeping so deeply, I thought probably you needed rest more than food.”

“I did.” Kendra found the thermos, plastic spoon, and crackers and returned to where Billie was sitting. She nudged a scarlet cushion a bit closer with her toe and sank down across from her. “Thanks, Billie. I am a little hungry.” She unscrewed the top of the thermos. “Now, tell me how Joel picked you up.”

“My motorcycle broke down on a highway in Oregon and I was thumbing a ride to the nearest gas station when this sinfully gorgeous Mercedes slinked to a stop. Joel proceeded to read me the riot act on the dangers of hitchhiking and then he gave me the lift and ended up by offering me a job in Venture.” She smiled, reminiscing. “I thought he was just giving me a line, but he showed me his ID and persuaded me to go on to Michael Donovan’s film colony at Twin Pines with him until I made up my mind. I didn’t really take much persuading. I had just left the Rainbow People and I didn’t have a definite destination in mind anyway.”

Kendra’s eyes widened in shock. “The Rainbow people?”

Billie’s expression looked shrewd. “How very odd that you and Joel should have the same reaction,” she said softly. “It’s an Indian tribe whose lands are situated near the Puget Sound in Washington. They have an Indian name which is a real tongue twister so most people just call them the Rainbow People. I lived with them for six months before I met Joel on that highway in Oregon.”

Rainbows again. She seemed destined to be reminded of that night. Kendra’s eyes dropped to the rich broth she was spooning from the thermos. “So Joel talked you into taking the part,” she prompted.

Billie nodded. “I tried to tell him I couldn’t act, but he said it didn’t matter. The role was practically all action anyway and what he really needed was my face. He said it was a face that people would care about. With a role that has as many cliffhangers as The Perils of Pauline, it’s very important that the audience care whether I make it across that canyon.” She grinned. “Or rather, that you make it across. Anyway, I stayed at Twin Pines for a week while Joel and Michael were having their discussion. There’s not a heck of a lot to do in the backwoods of Oregon, so we spent most evenings just sitting around talking, trading our life stories. You become close pretty quickly under circumstances like those.”

“I guess you do,” Kendra said slowly. It was ridiculous to feel this sharp twinge of jealousy. She didn’t want to know the Joel Damon with whom Billie had become friends. It was too dangerous for her. As long as she could convince herself her feelings were only physical, she was safe. “It surprises me that Joel would let anyone slip beneath the armor of cynicism he wears.”

“He’s not all that hard to know,” Billie said, her expression earnest. “He uses cynicism to protect himself from getting hurt. He wants to give to people, but he’s afraid that if he does, there will be just another betrayal.”

“Another betrayal?”

“Who knows how many there have been in his life?” Billie’s eyes were compassionate. “His childhood must have been an emotional horror story. His mother was married six times and evidently shuttled him off to private schools whenever she got the opportunity. Her father was Giles Damon, the steel tycoon, and she would never have had a child at all if he hadn’t wanted an heir for the business and exerted a little pressure in the only area the bitch would feel it.” Her lips tightened. “Her monthly allowance.”

“Aren’t you being a bit hard on her?” Kendra asked lightly. Oh Lord, she didn’t want to think about Joel Damon as a vulnerable, sensitive child. A child hurting and alone, who would run away to a Norman fortress to draw strength from its ancient permanence. “Perhaps she actually wanted a child herself.”

Billie shook her head. “She made no bones about the fact she was coerced into having Joel. She thought it was wildly amusing to tell how she’d researched bloodlines to find just the right stud who would fulfill her father’s requirements. She finally chose an Italian prince who was making a very luxurious living as a gigolo on the French Riviera. They went through a marriage ceremony to legitimize the union and Joel was born seven months later. The prince was then paid off handsomely and divorced.” Billie smiled grimly. “Oh yes, she kept the title. She told everyone it was the only thing she’d gotten out of the marriage that was worth anything. With a background like that can you blame Joel for not wanting to get close to anyone?”

The gigolo. Joel had looked as if she’d struck him when she had innocently thrown that taunt at him. The pain on his face had been stark and raw before he had covered it with a sarcastic expression. Kendra suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. He was becoming too real and human with every word Billie spoke. She had to keep him one-dimensional if she was to come out of this with her heart whole and emotionally intact.

She jumped to her feet. “I think I’d better get to bed if I’m going to be any good at all tomorrow,” she said hurriedly as she screwed the top back on the thermos and folded the cellophane around the remaining crackers. “I have to be on the set at six.” She strode across the room and put both items back on the little brass table. “I’m afraid I didn’t ask which bed was mine before I just plopped.”

“It doesn’t matter, use either one.” Billie picked up her guitar again. “Will it bother you if I play for a little while? I’m something of an insomniac.”

“No problem. I sleep like a log.”

“So I noticed.” Billie’s fingers stroked the strings lovingly. “You looked so exhausted that I was a little worried. Are you sure you’re up to working tomorrow?”

“I’m sure.” As Kendra moved briskly toward the bedroom, she threw the other woman a grin over her shoulder. “Haven’t you heard? We stunt people are as tough as old leather.”

“Try it again, Kendra.” Joel’s voice was silky smooth and absolutely expressionless. Kendra gritted her teeth to keep back the exclamation of pure fury she wanted to hurl at the stone-faced monster lolling carelessly in the camera’s hoist some twenty feet above her. She had rolled down that bloody incline five times and Joel still wasn’t ready to film it. She sat up and dusted off the knees of her jeans and meticulously straightened the copper curls of her wig. She would not complain and give Joel the satisfaction of knowing that his treatment was getting to her. She’d roll down that hill a hundred times if his august lordship decreed. She had taken all the punishment he had handed out to her in the past two weeks and she could keep on for as long as he could dish it out.

It couldn’t go on like this forever. Joel was taking too much time filming her stunts and he was far too professional to let the budget suffer to indulge his own personal quirks.

“Are you okay?” Skip Lowden asked quietly as he reached down a hand to pull her to her feet. His gray eyes were as cool as ever but there was a flicker of concern in their depths. His hands ran over her hips and ribs impersonally. “The padding’s holding all right?”

“Fine,” she said curtly. “I have more padding than an end for the Los Angeles Rams, and it seems that I’m going to need every bit of it.”

“It looks that way.” Skip took her arm and was striding with her up the hill. “You’re keeping loose, but I noticed on that last roll you forgot to tuck your left arm underneath you. Watch it or you could end up with a broken arm.”

“I will.” She hadn’t been aware of the slip but she had no doubt it had happened if Skip said so. She had been tired and upset, but a lack of concentration was not only unprofessional, it could kill her. “It won’t happen again, Skip.”

“Just thought I’d mention it,” Skip said absently. “Like I said, you’re looking good.” He paused a moment, oddly hesitant for someone so self-assured. “I can’t take the heat off you, Kendra. I’d like to, but he’s not violating any safety guidelines. In fact, when it comes to the risky gags, he’s being almost too careful. He’s made them in one take every time.” He frowned. “And some of those shots were pretty marginal. Any other director might have had you do a repeat.”

“Oh, he’s a great one for repeats.” They had reached the crest of the hill and she turned to face him, her expression grim. “Just ask me. I’m a living testament to his passion for repeats.” She shook her head resignedly. “I know there’s nothing you can do, Skip. How can you fault a director for having too many run-throughs? If I petitioned the Screen Actors Guild, they’d think I was crazy. The complaints are always on the other side of the scale.”

Skip nodded. “They probably wouldn’t believe any charge of harassment anyway. Damon’s reputation for fairness is too well founded.” He seemed puzzled. “That’s why I can’t understand what the hell is happening. I’ve worked with him before and he’s been damn good to everyone on the team. Hell, most of the time I not only respect but actually like the man.”

That was an impressive accolade for a man who was as fiercely protective of his team as Skip. If Joel hadn’t been putting her through all the fires of hell, she knew she too could have liked the man she’d grown to know in the last two weeks. In every aspect of directing that didn’t concern her personally, he was absolutely fair and sensitive to the needs of the actors and the crew he was working with. He gave as much as he demanded. And, if he was the workaholic she had accused him of being, still he had the brilliance and enthusiasm to inspire that same desire for perfection in the people around him.

She’d also discovered he had a wry sense of humor that occasionally destroyed the barrier of cynical reserve and revealed his almost boyish sense of fun. The first time she had seen that spark of mischief on his face was when he’d been joking with Billie. She had felt an odd tugging at her heart. Perhaps it was fortunate that she had been too angry with him most of the time to let that charisma seep through her guard.

Skip’s eyes narrowed speculatively. “I don’t suppose you have any idea why he has it in for you?”

“Does it matter?” she asked evasively. She checked the pins that held her wig in place and tucked the blue tails of her shirt more snugly into her jeans. “The only important thing is for me to survive it. It will all be over in another few days anyway. After this I’ve only got the horse chase through the desert,” she paused deliberately, “and the jump across the canyon.”

A rare smile tugged at Skip’s lips. “You’re pushing, Ken.” The smile abruptly disappeared. “Damon paid me a visit last week and told me that I wasn’t to give you that special under any circumstances.”

Kendra tensed. “And?”

“I told him I’d give it to anyone I damn well pleased. No one tells me how to run my shop.” Seeing the hope that suddenly lit her face he continued quickly, “That doesn’t mean you’ve got it, Ken. I still haven’t made a decision. I’ll let you know after the horse chase.” He touched his index finger lightly to her cheek. “You’ve done a good job so far, Ken. Hang in there.” Then he wheeled and strode rapidly down the hill. He turned his head to call back over his shoulder. “And keep that left arm tucked under.”

She laughed and nodded. “Right.” She was suddenly buoyantly optimistic, her former weariness and discouragement completely gone. She waved mockingly at Joel on the hoist. “Ready, Mr. Damon?”

“Whenever you are, Kendra.” Joel’s voice was equally mocking.

She dropped to the ground, her gaze on Joel’s sardonic face, half hidden by sunglasses. “Let’s go for it!”

She drew a deep breath and launched herself forward, curling into a loose pliant ball, carefully keeping her arms tucked in. It was a bone-jarring tumble even with her padding and the special preparations that had been made to the earth on her charted path down the hill, but the momentum of her descent was so swift that she wasn’t aware of any danger until she heard Skip’s strident yell.

“Straighten out! For God’s sake, straighten out, Kendra!”

Something was wrong, she thought with a cold rush of fear. Then it was too late for any thought at all because the ground beneath her was suddenly much harder and she felt sharp pain as the sleeve of her shirt ripped and the soft skin of her upper arm was exposed to the rocky terrain.

Rocks! There shouldn’t be any rocks on this specially prepared path down the slope. Then she felt a hot wrenching agony in her lower back that blanked out all other sensations as well as thought. For several seconds she wasn’t even aware that she had reached the bottom of the hill and was lying in a limp heap a full five yards from the target area.

Skip reached her first. “Don’t move,” he ordered curtly, falling to his knees beside her. His hands were moving over her arms and legs swiftly. “Where does it hurt?”

“My back,” she said dazedly, “and my arm. What happened, Skip?”

“Your body wasn’t in line with the path,” he said absently. “You know even an inch or so slant can change the direction of the roll. You were only halfway down the hill when you catapulted off the path.” He glanced up reprovingly. “You should have checked your angle before you launched.”

She knew that, she thought crossly. She always checked the angle as a matter of course. But she hadn’t this time, damn it. She had been too busy gawking like a moon-eyed teenager at Joel Damon. How stupid could you get?

“Do you think anything’s broken?” Skip asked. “Shall I get a stretcher?”

She shook her head adamantly. “I just had the breath knocked out of me and wrenched my back a little. Give me a minute and I’ll be fine. Help me to sit up, will you?”

His arm was immediately around her shoulders and he was slowly levering her into a sitting position. “Yell if there’s any pain and I’ll stop.”

There was pain but less than she’d expected, she realized with relief. The weak ligaments hadn’t torn again as she had feared and the pain was probably only due to severe bruising. “It’s okay,” she said. “After I get my arm patched up, I’ll be able to do it again.”

“The hell you will.” Joel pushed through the circle of people surrounding her and dropped to his knees beside her. His green eyes were blazing in his pale face. “I think you’ve done enough damage for one day.” He turned to Skip. “Does she need a doctor?”

“I don’t think so,” Skip answered. “It’s probably just general bruising. Give her a couple hours and you’ll be able to get the take.”

“Screw the take,” Joel said succinctly. “She’s not working any more today.”

With one arm under her knees and the other around her back, he eased her away from Skip’s hold. “I’ll take care of her. Tell Ron we’re postponing the scene indefinitely and to shoot around it.” Then he was lifting and carrying her toward the jeep that was parked with the other vehicles at the edge of the clearing. She had been too surprised to protest at first, but as he placed her carefully in the passenger seat of the jeep she snapped out of her bemusement.

“This isn’t necessary, you know,” she said coolly. “I’ll be perfectly able to complete the take after I clean up the scratch on my arm and change my shirt. I know you don’t want to lose any shooting time just because I blew the run-through.”

“Shut up,” Joel grated through set teeth as he slipped into the driver’s seat and put the jeep in gear. “How could you know anything? You’ve got to be the most stubborn, stupidest woman on the face of the earth.” He was gunning the accelerator and tearing down the dirt road toward the village. “Just look at you. You’re dirty and bleeding; probably every inch of your body is bruised and battered. You’ve been rolling down that lousy hill half the afternoon at the command of a man who could tell you to do it indefinitely.” His fist slammed against the steering wheel. “And you’d do it, dammit. You’d do it for as long as you were told to do it.”

“What the devil are you so angry about?” she blazed back at him. “You’re the one giving the orders, remember? I merely do what the great god in the director’s chair decrees.”

“You didn’t have to obey those decrees. You could have opted out at any time. If you had any sense at all, you would have done just that.”

“I’m sure you would have liked that very much, wouldn’t you, Joel? That would have proved how right you were about me. Simply one more weak, clinging female willing to give up her independence and lean on your big strong shoulders. Sorry to disappoint you.” She found she was trembling and wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t know why you’re so upset. It was just another stunt and not even a very dangerous one at that. On film it’s going to look like an amusing romp when Billie tumbles down that hill and then bounds to her feet with a John Williams march blaring in the background.”

“An amusing romp,” he echoed through clenched teeth. “I think you’d better shut up, Kendra. One more word out of you and I may do more damage to you than that bitch of a hill.”

“I still think you’re being absurd to cancel the shooting when I can perfectly well—”

“Kendra.” Her name was spoken with an icy menace that caused her to subside reluctantly. It was obvious that Joel was furious and she was in no shape to fight him at the moment. She had better save her strength to fight off the weakness that was attacking her limbs. It was only reaction. She’d be better any minute now. Just breathe deeply and get control of your muscles, she told herself.

They were both silent for the rest of the way to the village. It was only when Joel pulled to a stop in front of a large trailer that served him as an office as well as quarters that she spoke.

“You’re not taking me to the first aid tent?”

“I said I’d take care of you.” Joel was out of the jeep and unlocking the front door of the trailer. He turned and before she could get out of the jeep, he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs. “I want to make sure you’re all right myself. I wouldn’t put it past you to try to hide a couple of broken ribs just to prove what a tough broad you are.” He put her down carefully on the long blue couch that took one entire wall of the living room of the trailer. “Now, sit there while I get some bandages and antiseptic. I don’t want you to move a muscle, understand?”

He didn’t wait for an answer but strode swiftly toward the back of the trailer, pausing a moment to close the front door on the way.

She wished he hadn’t done that. With the door open, the afternoon sunshine had helped to relieve the coldness of the air-conditioning in the trailer. Now she couldn’t seem to stop shivering. She stared unseeingly at the portable movie screen across from the couch, trying desperately to control that sign of weakness before Joel came back.

“What the hell?” Joel’s voice was rough with exasperation as he appeared beside her with a metal first aid box, a cloth, and a basin of water in his hand. He set them on the floor and knelt before her. “You’re shaking like a malaria victim. I thought you said you were all right?”

“I am all right,” she said quickly. “It’s just that the air conditioning is turned up so high that my body hasn’t adjusted to it after the heat outside. Give me a minute and I’ll be fine.”

“If you don’t shake to pieces first.” He got lithely to his feet and moved swiftly to the closet across the room. In a moment he was back and wrapping a gray tweed sport coat around her shoulders. It smelled of spicy cologne and fine wool and was blessedly warm, but instinctively she tried to slip it off and return it to him.

“No,” she protested. “I’ll get blood on it.”

“Sit still,” he said tersely as he dropped down on his knees before her once again. He opened the first aid box and took out a bandage, scissors, and antiseptic, and put them on the floor. Then his hands were on her shirt, rapidly unbuttoning it.

“But blood stains are very difficult—”

“I’m sure you’re an expert on blood stains, but I’m not really interested.” He parted the shirt to stare at her in amazement. “What in heaven’s name do you have on?”

“Padding.” She looked down at the thin long-sleeved vest she was wearing. “Very efficient. It’s not too bulky but has a tough cushion that offers more protection than you’d think. It was developed by NASA for the astronaut program.”

“Fascinating,” Joel said dryly. “It can’t be too tough by the look of that tear in the sleeve.”

“It’s not supposed to act as armor, only a cushion. I wasn’t supposed to encounter any obstacles on that path!”

“I know that,” he said roughly. He had finished unfastening the undervest and was carefully slipping it off her shoulders. “There wasn’t supposed to be any danger to you at all on the roll. Do you think I would have had you do it over and over if I had had any idea this would happen?” He glared disgustedly at the white elastic binding he’d uncovered. “And now what the devil is this, another vest?”

She shook her head. “It’s an elastic bandage to flatten my breasts. I have to wear it all the time when I’m doubling for Billie.” She added quickly, “You don’t have to take it off. It’s wrapped around me underneath my armpits and won’t get in your way when you’re bandaging my arm.”

But his hands were already at the fastening at her rib cage. “It comes off. It must be hellishly uncomfortable being wrapped up in that straitjacket. Don’t worry. I’m not about to be overcome by lechery. I’m feeling a hell of a lot of emotions at the moment, but lust isn’t one of them.” He unwound the bandage with an impersonal deftness, watching dispassionately as her naked breasts sprang to their former fullness when he freed them. “What a criminal waste to do that to them.” Then his hands were at the pins that secured her wig and a moment later his fingers were combing through her chestnut hair as it tumbled about her shoulders. “That’s better. I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to come to the end of this camouflage.” His hands were wringing out the warm soapy cloth in the basin and he gently began to wash her face and throat.

It was very soothing sitting there as he stroked the washcloth over her breasts and stomach before he slipped the tweed jacket from her shoulders. She started to shiver again as the cool air touched her damp skin. “I’ll be through here in just a minute and get you something to slip on,” he said as he quickly washed her shoulders and then her arms. “This cut isn’t as bad as I thought. When I first saw the blood I thought you were really hurt. It’s not much more than a scratch.”

“I told you there wasn’t any need to delay the shooting.” She watched as he put antiseptic on the jagged cut and then applied the bandage. “You’ve got the shot all set up and there’s no sense wasting it. If you’ll drive me back, we can still get the take this afternoon.”

“Don’t you ever give up?” He was drying her with a soft terry towel. “The only place you’re going is back to your cottage to rest. Tomorrow you’ll probably be so stiff you won’t be able to move.”

“All the more reason to get the take today,” she insisted stubbornly as she watched him walk to the closet and slip a collarless long-sleeved black shirt from a hanger. “We both know that it was my carelessness that caused the accident and I won’t have anybody saying I held up production just to pamper a few bruises.”

He muttered something obscene as he returned to stand before her. He carefully put her arms into the sleeves of the shirt. “Look, will you just drop it?” He knelt before her, his hands at the buttons at the bottom of the shirt. “You’re shaking so much you can hardly sit up and you’re still trying to prove you’re some kind of superwoman.” He wasn’t looking at her, his gaze fixed with intentness on the buttons he was fastening. “You don’t have to be so blasted strong twenty-four hours out of every day.” His voice was oddly husky. “Let someone help you once in a while, for heaven’s sake. Let me help you, Kendra.”

Her gaze was fixed on the hands buttoning the black shirt and she saw to her amazement that she wasn’t the only one who was trembling. Joel’s long slender fingers were shaking so badly he barely managed to fasten the two bottom buttons. She noticed for the first time that he was sickly pale. “Joel,” she said hesitatingly, her eyes dark with concern. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?”

He drew a deep shuddering breath, still not looking at her. “You might say that. I feel pretty sick at the moment anyway.” He gave up the struggle with the buttons and rested his forehead against her breast, his eyes closed. “Oh Lord, do I ever feel sick.”

Her hands went up instinctively to tangle in the dark crispness of his hair, holding him to her protectively. “Joel, I don’t understand…”

He nestled his head against her like a weary little boy, pushing aside the open shirt to press his cheek to the warmth of her bare breasts. “You’re so soft, so womanly. I had almost forgotten in the last two weeks.” His lips brushed lightly over one gentle rise. “I never meant to hurt you, Kendra. As God is my witness, I never wanted to cause you a moment’s pain or danger. Please believe me.”

“I believe you.” Kendra’s throat was clogged as she tenderly stroked his hair. “Of course I believe you, Joel.”

“I don’t know how you can.” His cheek was slightly rough as he rubbed against her breast with a movement that was more affectionate than sensual. “Not after what I’ve put you through in the last couple of weeks, what I did to you today. And you’re wrong, it wasn’t your fault we didn’t get that take today. It was mine. Everything that happened to you today was my fault and if you had been seriously injured, that would have been my fault, too.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I tried to tell myself I was doing it for your own good, to show you that the kind of punishment you’re subjected to isn’t worth the bucks you get for your work. But I knew inside that was pure unadulterated bull. You were right. I wanted to prove you less than you are. I wanted you to surrender. Not only because that would keep you safe, but it would keep me safe as well. You were already possessing my body; I didn’t want to give you a chance at taking over my soul as well. Can you understand that?”

Oh yes, she could understand that. His words reflected a mirror image of the struggle she had been going through herself since that night at his House of Rainbows. The realization that the battle had been shared by the man she was holding in her arms brought her a sudden feeling of kinship, a lessening of defensive antagonism. His simple honesty was a weapon against which she had no defense. “You were only doing your job,” she said with an unexplainable desire to comfort him. “I realize that.”

He raised his head to look at her and his eyes were dark with pain. “You’re lying. You knew what I was doing to you. I could see it in your face every time I pushed you a little bit more. Sometimes I could see how exhausted you were and I’d want to yell cut, then run out and scoop you up and protect you against all the dragons in your world.” His lips curved bitterly. “But how could I do that when I was one of those dragons myself? So I pushed you even harder and watched you lose weight, saw the circles appear beneath your eyes.” His finger reached out to touch the hollow of her cheek. “I watched the strain grow in you until it was an aching pain inside me.” He shook his head in bewilderment. “Because by that time I felt as if we were linked somehow so that I could actually tell what you were feeling. Lord, Freud would have had a field day with me for the last two weeks.”

“You could have stopped at any time, you know,” she said with a wry smile. “I guarantee I wouldn’t have objected to a cessation of hostilities if you’d cared to hoist a truce flag.”

He shook his head, “I couldn’t do that.” His finger traced a gentle path to her lower lip. “Because you see, I wasn’t doing what I set out to do. I was losing ground every day, with every moment I spent with you. You were coming closer all the time and I couldn’t let that happen. I was watching more than your exhaustion and discomfort; I was watching you endure. I was watching your strength and determination, your quiet friendliness with everyone on the set.” He frowned. “Everyone but me. God, I was jealous when I’d see you laughing and joking with Billie. Your face would light up and suddenly you’d look as young and carefree as a kid. Then you’d look at me and you’d close up again. I didn’t know why, but it hurt, dammit. Everything you did and said hurt me.”

The mirror again. “I had to close up,” she said. “I couldn’t let you hurt me. My life is difficult enough without my becoming vulnerable to a man who won’t see me as I am.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say,” he said. “I fought it like hell, but it hasn’t done any good. You’re not a rainbow lady to me anymore.” His eyes were grave. “You’re real to me now. More real than anyone I’ve ever known. And I’m not fighting anymore, Kendra. After I saw you lying at the bottom of the hill, I knew I had lost that particular battle.” He framed her face with his hands, and they were magically gentle. “I’ll never hurt you again. I only want to show you that I’m not quite the bastard I’ve been acting. Will you let me do that?”

“It wouldn’t make any difference,” she said haltingly. “A relationship between us isn’t going to pan out. There are too many factors working against us.”

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I have a choice any longer.” His eyes were quietly compelling. “I’m not asking you to move in with me. I think I know you well enough to realize you’d be too wary to consider it.” His lips twisted. “Surprisingly enough, I find I don’t even want that right now.” His gaze dropped to the cleavage revealed by the open shirt. “I can’t give any guarantee how long my celibate mood will last, however. I think you know how much I desire you.” He smiled slightly as he noticed the unmistakable response to that casual glance and bent to brush his lips against the taut pink tip. “And you desire me too, don’t you, love? I don’t know how long either of us is going to hold out, but I think we ought to try.” His hands left her face to finish buttoning her shirt. “Sex has a way of confusing issues and I want everything between us to be crystal clear from now on.” The last button was fastened and he sat back on his heels. “You haven’t answered me.”

There was a flicker of anxiety in his eyes that melted any remaining protest she might have made. It was probably not wise, but she knew what her answer was going to be. He had touched her on too many levels for her to do anything else.

“You’ll have to clarify the question,” she teased. “All you’ve told me so far is what you don’t want to do.”

She could feel the tension ebb out of him. “If clarification is what you need, I’ll be glad to oblige.” He leaned forward and took her carefully in his arms and held her for a long, peaceful moment. Then he lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “I want you to let me be with you. I’ll postpone the stunts for a week but I still want you with me on the set. I want you by my side every minute we can squeeze into the day. I want to hold you in my arms like this whenever we get the chance, and when the opportunity presents itself, I want to kiss you.” His lips covered hers with a softness and tenderness that was so moving she could feel warmth unfold down deep inside her. He lifted his head. “Like that. We’ll leave the rest up to time and the winds of fate. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said softly. She wasn’t cold anymore despite the fact that she was still trembling. That glowing warmth was spreading through her like rays of sunlight. “We’ll leave it up to fate.”

He kissed her once more with slow, lingering tenderness. “Which will be a departure for both of us, my very pragmatic lady.” He drew a deep, shaky breath and released her. “Now I think it’s time I took you back to your cottage and let you get to bed.” He grimaced. “And I’ll go back to the set and see about rearranging the shooting schedule for next week.” He held up his hand as she started to protest. “It’s worth it,” he murmured. “That’s the way I want it.” He pulled her to her feet, his arm slipping around her waist possessively. He suddenly frowned. “You’re still shivering.”

“It’s nothing,” she said lightly. “I’ll have Yusef make me a cup of tea when I get home and I’ll be fine.”

“Yusef?” His face cleared. “I had forgotten Billie’s surprise package. I gather you’re not having any problems with him underfoot?”

“It wouldn’t matter if we were,” she said lightly. “Where Billie goes, so goes her faithful St. Bernard, complete with rescue brandy and very sharply pointed teeth. He’s appointed himself our majordomo. He keeps the cottage clean, washes our clothes, he’s even decided that the commissary food isn’t nourishing enough for Billie, so he cooks at least one meal a day.” She laughed. “I’m just on the outer fringe of all this devotion and I still feel smothered.”

He chuckled. “I can imagine how our little gypsy is reacting. I suppose he’s no longer sleeping on your doorstep?”

Kendra shook her head with an answering grin. “Billie moved his bedroll into a corner of the living room the night after I arrived. She was afraid he might catch cold. I’m not sure who’s adopting whom. It turns out Yusef knew some English and now she’s making him speak it all the time. I think she’s trying to prepare him for a vocation other than bordello bouncer. She may hit you for work for him any day now.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Joel said dryly. “I just hope she doesn’t have my job in mind for him.” He opened the door and helped her down the steps. “At the moment I’d rather he be on hand to keep an eye on you.”