“More decisions are made around dining tables than boardroom tables,” says consultant Gail Madison, “but the business schools just don’t tell you.” Gail should know. She’s brought in to counsel MBA job candidates from the premier business schools on matters of corporate etiquette. One association she esteems particularly is her work with the prestigious Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania.

Generation Xers and Generation Yers—groups that are under the age of forty-five—have an especially tough time with etiquette. Before landing on the kids for this lapse, consider that their parents often share heavily in the blame. Gail calls them “helicopter parents” because they hover over their children and make every effort to keep the kids comfortable and insulated from social pressure.

Fledgling job candidates often learn the no-nonsense standards of big business on a most unlikely playing field: across the cutlery and glassware of a white-tablecloth restaurant. We’re talking about the Yankee Stadiums of business.

Gail is a major-league hitting coach who has seen it all and knows every mistake and miscue a job candidate is likely to make over lunch or dinner.

Candidates will race in ten or fifteen minutes late. Why? They didn’t pre-drive the route or anticipate road congestion. Worst of all, they come in complaining about the traffic or the weather, and this sets a negative tone. The last new staff member an employer wants to add is one complaining that circumstances were beyond their control. The clock is a very important measure to employers. If you show up a half-hour late, that’s still grounds for termination in many companies.

Also, a late arrival can well throw you off stride, as you wipe perspiration off your brow or don’t execute a firm handshake. When you’re dealing with a person senior to you, you should keep in mind that that individual offers his or her hand to you first and then you are quick to respond. Don’t call a senior job interviewer by his or her first name until he or she tells you that you should. It’s a sign of respect, not of formality.

After the handshake and initial eye contact, research says your new acquaintance will next take a peek at your shoes. Be sure they’re shined.

Dress for the job or position you want, not who you are today. If people perceive you as an executive, you have a far better chance of being considered for a more senior job. There are exceptions. Some tech firms won’t talk to candidates who aren’t dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. But for these laid-back firms, the salespeople are still dressed in suits and ties.

There are very specific rules for power clothing. A navy blue suit still ranks #1 for men or for women. For men, white shirt with a tie having blue and red in it. A black suit is #2. Dark gray is #3.

Grooming matters. Hair that is unkempt or too long works against you. For women, hair that’s down and flowing becomes a distraction. It needs to be pulled back. Distractions are a bad thing in the corporate world. Everything is tight and tidy. Looking provocative is out of place, and that includes piercings and tattoos. Every woman needs a little makeup. The three-day-old grunge look for men is, in my opinion, nothing short of catastrophe.

Harvey, the playground metaphor is well put. When you sit down, don’t place your cell phone or sunglasses on the table. A guest adds nothing to a dining table. A purse, portfolio, or attaché case goes on the floor beside your feet.

Let the host lead. You start sitting down as your host sits down. You don’t touch your napkin or anything on the table until your host does. When he or she takes a drink of water, then it’s time for everyone to start drinking water.

So many younger people sit at a dining table as though they were hunched up over a computer. Sit up straight, feet flat on the floor. Don’t cross your legs or flip your hair. Having your hands near your face or hair distracts many people. Don’t lean on the table with your forearms. Don’t fidget with or rearrange silverware, saltshakers, or bread plates. This can be a forceful distraction, and a quietly amused interviewer may start to wonder about the little theater you’re staging: “What’s going to happen next?”

Don’t order alcohol. If an interviewer asks you if you want a drink, it is often a test. Why do people drink alcohol? So they can sit back and relax. That’s not how you want to be for an interview. You are there to demonstrate how professional you are.

Ask your host for suggestions on what to order. If he or she says, “We come here for the steaks,” that may well be code for what the interviewer will order. If you select a chef salad, you’re stressing difference.

If you can, order something user-friendly. Given a choice, skinless, boneless chicken breast—easily cut and mounted on a fork—with mashed potatoes and green beans is not tricky stuff. Beware of dishes swimming in sauce.

The host will ask you to order first. Even if you’re uncomfortable with that, do it. Keep it simple. A host needs to match the number of courses with the number you order. If you order a five-course menu, he or she will be compelled to do the same. Think simple starter and entrée.

My single most important piece of advice: It’s not about the food. Eat before you go—an apple or a power bar. You will be better focused. You won’t be expected to clean your plate.

Be kind and polite to the waitstaff. The interviewer isn’t just checking out how you handle the silverware, he or she is also reading how you manage other people. Don’t send your order back to the kitchen.

Smile. Don’t be crazy silly. People like other people who are enthusiastic and positive. They also respect others who are in control of themselves. Your behavior should validate the following message: “I know the rules. I’m comfortable being a key player.”

Make good, confident eye contact. That’s a major measure of managerial strength and confidence. Hold someone’s glance for two to three seconds before you look away briefly. Project that you are in control yourself, holding gestures to a minimum. Keep your voice in a steady moderate volume range. Be careful about ending every sentence with a question—many young people do. Constantly interjecting the words “you know,” “um,” “ah,” and “like” broadcast insecurity and a poor command of the English language.

Regarding eye contact, one of the best tricks I’ve ever learned is to look at only one of the interviewer’s eyes. This takes lots of practice but presents you as a person who is totally focused and engaged in the conversation.

There’s small talk versus power talk. Small talk will inevitably be part of the conversation. Be prepared to elevate the game in a natural way that shows you are a serious player. Reference a front-page article you saw in the Wall Street Journal that morning or a book you just read. Have something interesting to say.

Based on research, consider asking the interviewer before or after the meal is served, “I know you are extremely busy. Have you actually had a chance to read my résumé? This is not intended as an insult, but I know that résumés are often read by prescreeners, and you might not have had the opportunity to see mine.” Here’s a statistic that stuns just about everyone: 85 percent of the people actually doing the interview have not seen the résumé for the person they are meeting!

At which point, you should be ready to offer a crisp, clean copy of the document (have at least two) in the folder or case by your feet. Know your strengths really well and be prepared to point out how you would be a great fit for this company. As to weaknesses, be ready to identify them—and most important—what you have done to improve upon your shortcomings. Don’t raise the questions of compensation, benefits, or vacation during the visit unless your host does.

There are many little tests that go on during corporate interviews, and a candidate needs to know they are happening. No matter how hot it is, don’t take off your jacket or suit coat, even if your interviewer does. That can be a test as well.

Be conscious of your bearing. People who have been fired or engineered out of a job can gradually start slumping or give off signals of being defeated as a conversation progresses.

Make sure your cell phone is turned off before the meeting starts. That’s another reason for arriving early. If it rings during the meeting, do not answer the call. Just turn off the phone. Or, better yet, don’t bring your cell phone into an interview.

Is that ever the truth! Do your homework. When the lunch is over, the interviewer will probably ask, “Well, do you have any questions for me?” The comment not to make: “Nope, I think you’ve covered just about everything.” Ask interesting questions. That means going beyond topics easily answered on a company Web site or the entry about it in Wikipedia.

The most important consideration in framing your questions? Personalize. Ask the interviewer, “What do you like best about working at Firm X?” or “What’s the most interesting project you were ever assigned?” Engage the interviewer, and then be quiet and listen. This is the opportunity for interviewers to unfold what they are about. Don’t shortchange them of this chance to talk about themselves or to weigh what you hear and determine if you’re a good fit for this company.

Don’t argue with the interviewer paying. It’s clear in such a situation that the interviewing company pays.

Indeed, it can. An accountant was up for a six-figure job. He went through the entire interview cycle without any exposure to other managers over a meal. Since he was going to be responsible for entertaining clients, the company figured it would be smart for someone to take this numbers guy out to dinner to make sure he could navigate through a place setting. He never took his napkin off the table during the entire meal . . . He wasn’t hired. He didn’t have basic dining manners down. If you can’t deal with the protocol of a basic table setting, how will you ever handle a business or entertain a client?

One of your last questions to the host or hostess should be, “How would you like me to follow up with you?” Immediately after the interview, send a short thank-you e-mail, and then be sure to debrief yourself into your notebook after the lunch to record what you did badly, what you did well, and especially which questions you answered clumsily or which stumped you completely.

Within twenty-four hours, mail what’s known as a “correspondence card.” This is about three and a half by five or four by six inches. Several fine stationery companies make them. A correspondence card is a blank, heavy-stock, formal card with no printed message or decoration on it. You handwrite a thank-you note, briefly reinforcing one or two points you made at your interview and include your business card. You mail this in a hand-addressed envelope with a first-class stamp.

Students of mine counter this suggestion with skepticism: “If everyone does what you recommend, no one would be special.” Based on history, only one half of one percent will actually do this, so you end up special, I reassure them.

I’ve shared national speaking forums with a business coach named Burt Dubin. Burt says he saved every handwritten thank-you note he ever got in twenty-four years of life in corporate America—all four of them. The handwritten note is still very powerful, as you have emphasized on countless occasions, Harvey.

By the way, even if you are unemployed, you should have an attractive, professional business card printed up. It’s very important that it have a suitable job title for the kind of position you are immediately seeking, let’s say “Insurance Actuarial” or “Marketing Analyst.” If you are actively searching two or three somewhat different kinds of jobs, business cards are inexpensive to print these days, so have them printed up with different titles.

It’s OK to make one follow-up phone call after one week. If you don’t hear anything, they just may not be that into you. Or they could be busy. Don’t panic. Don’t appear desperate—that is very negative and can undo all the good work you achieved in the interview. Wait it out.