[ 35 ]

METHELDRA THE SWORDUPUNCTURIST

“Owwwwwww!” I sob.

I’m instantly thrashing around on the table and twisting this way and that, trying to break free. But the blade has gone straight through my heart and out my back and I’m pinned to the slab, like some sort of science specimen in a display case.

I hiss and spray sparks out of my beak.

My tail is thrashing around like an enraged beast.

“Take it out!” I bellow. “Take it out! Please take it out!”

Now I’m really starting to freak out and I suddenly get worried I might go insane because of how much pain I’m in with this sword blade jammed straight through my giant heart. I thrash around even harder and I’m struggling to get to my green webbed feet, and in the midst of my insanity I’m convinced that I can just run out of her lair with the table stuck to my back.

I’ll learn to live like that. With the sword right through my heart, and that table pinned to my back. I don’t care. As long as I manage to escape from her lair right this instant, that’s all that matters.

Then Metheldra rears back and snatches another sword with her other talon and she brings this sword down handle-first and bashes me in the snout with the butt of the sword handle. Blood instantly spurts out.

I’m dazed. I’m seeing stars. And I black out from the pain. Or from the blow to my snout. I don’t know which one it is. But I’m gone.

When I come to, I’m still lying on the table.

Metheldra is gazing down at me by candlelight with a serene look in her hooded eyes, and she is gently rubbing my horns. And it really does feel yummy, the way she’s rubbing my horns like that. I glance down and see there are still at least twenty swords stuck through my scaly body, including the giant silver sword stuck through my heart. But for some reason, I don’t care. I don’t feel pain anymore. I’m actually feeling pretty faboo.

I smile weakly up at her. “Metheldra gonna fix me. Mmmmmmm. I like you rubbing my horns. Mmmmmm. Yummy.”

“That’s good, Gork,” purrs Metheldra, as she rubs my horns. “We need to unblock your BioCon Channels. You’ve lost connection with the electromagnetic waves from the island. The name of this sword I just stuck in you is the HeartShrinker.”

“The HeartShrinker?”

“Yes. The blade was forged here at the Institute’s volcano. It’s designed to help cadets become more ruthless and deranged. There’s not a dragon heart in the universe that could withstand this blade. Your heart is shriveling as we speak.”

“Mmmmm. Me like the HeartShrinker. My horns feel big and strong.”

“By stabbing your heart with this HeartShrinker sword and letting the blade stay pierced through your heart, we should be able to shrink your heart down to a much more manageable size. So that your heart stops interfering with your natural tendencies to be ghastly and fiendish. I can tell that’s where a lot of your BIOCON LEVS are getting blocked. Your grandfather Dr. Terrible always said he wanted me to treat you if I ever got the chance.”

I can feel my heart shrinking under the onslaught of this sword. The natural flow is being restored to my scaly green ass. For once in my life, it feels like my gigantic compassionate heart isn’t trying to get in the way of everything. And with my massive heart out of the way, my body can get back to the task of jacking up my WILL TO POWER.

Part of me hates myself for this, but the truth is that Metheldra’s words about Dr. Terrible wanting her to treat me make me feel warm and happy inside. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the deranged bastard. But the warm feeling is there too.

I keep my lids closed as I lie on the slab and snort firebolts.

“I think I can feel my heart shrinking,” I purr. “That one sword you’ve got stuck in there is working, it feels good. By the way, you never told me where Dr. Terrible is. I need his advice. I aim to get this chick Runcita to be my Queen. And today’s Crown Day, so I got until sunset today. And if I don’t get Dr. Terrible’s advice, I might miss my chance to get a Queen and end up having to live out my days as a slave.”

Metheldra pulls one of the swords out of my tender belly.

“I’m sorry, Gork,” she says loudly. “But I have strict orders from Dr. Terrible not to reveal his location to anyone. And he made a point of saying that goes for his grandson Gork, too. I made a promise to Dr. Terrible and as much as I’d like to help you, I’m afraid I have to keep it.”

But then she drops the sword and it clatters on the stone floor.

“What a klutz I am!” she says.

Now she bends down to pick up the sword and puts her beak to my earhole: “Dr. Terrible’s hiding in his secret underground bunker on the west side of the island. The one where the entrance hatch is disguised as an old dead tree trunk. Off of Conquer More Road. Do you know the bunker I’m talking about? If you do, just nod your head slightly. Be careful though! I’m pretty sure my lair is bugged. There might even be some micro-drone transmitters in here.”

And I don’t know if it is her breath or the information she whispers to me, but I suddenly feel dizzy. I know exactly what underground bunker she’s talking about, over on the west side of the island. I’ve been there a thousand times before. I can’t believe I didn’t think to look for Dr. Terrible there.

Anyway, I nod my scaly green head slightly so Metheldra will know I know where that bunker is.

Then the dragoness stands back up straight alongside me.

“But even though I can’t tell you where Dr. Terrible is,” she says loudly, “I think I can give you a piece of information that will be even more valuable than that! Something that could help you in your quest to get a Queen. You want to take that chick Runcita, right? Dean Floop’s daughter?”

Now at that moment there’s suddenly a loud banging at Metheldra’s lair door.

“Open up! Open up! By order of WarWings Security, open this door at once! We know you have Dr. Terrible’s grandson in there! Resistance is useless! Open up!”

I hiss and spray sparks out my beak.

Metheldra quickly yanks the rest of the swords out of me and hands me my uniform. “Hurry!” she whispers. “Go through this tunnel and it’ll take you back out to the main entrance of the Institute!”

She opens a circular hatch in the wall and looks at me. I stand there naked holding my WarWings uniform, and I take a long meaningful look at Metheldra in the flickering candlelight.

“Let us in! Open this door at once!” bellows the guard at the door.

“What were you going to tell me?” I whisper. “The other thing you were going to tell me. How I can get a Queen. And if it has to do with that chick Peekaboo, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not there yet. I haven’t given up on my first choice, Runcita Floop.”

Metheldra shoves me through the hatch into darkness.

“Runcita,” she whispers, “she’s in the gymnasium right now. Back on Central Campus. You’ll find Runcita there. And then you can ask her to be your Queen. Your BIOCON LEVS should be higher now, after my treatments. Now go! There’s no time! Hasten!”

And with that she slams the hatch shut and I’m surrounded by total darkness.