34
WHEREVER APOLOGIES
ARE ACCEPTED
Two days after the debacle, Lily knocked on the
kitchen door. She held out a bouquet of flowers for Grace. “I’ve
come to apologize. For the things that I wrote about
you.”
“You shouldn’t have to apologize to
me,” Grace told her, taking the flowers. They were roses. “You were
writing in your diary. You didn’t know your thoughts were going to
be broadcast.”
“I know. It was all Jordan’s fault. But
who’s going to remember that? They’ll just remember that I wrote
it.”
“Most probably won’t remember at
all.”
Lily looked gloomy. “Dominic told me
that Mr. Carter and Pippa have broken off their engagement.
She’ll remember.” She sighed. “I don’t know
where she lives, so I can’t take her roses. But I doubt she’d want
them anyway, do you? Not from me, anyway.”
She leaned against the counter as Grace
retrieved a vase and arranged the flowers. They were beautiful—and
fragrant. They did take a little of the sting out of having the
entire neighborhood know that she and Wyatt had experienced a
moment of madness.
Lily tilted her head. “How many
brothers and sisters do you have?”
“Four.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Four?”
“My two half brothers here,” Grace
explained, “and my younger half brother and sister in
Portland.”
Lily looked astonished. “You never talk
about the Portland people.”
“They’re a lot younger than me. I was
eleven when my half brother Jake was born, and I was already a
teenager by the time Natalie came along. She’s just finishing up
high school.”
Lily took a moment to absorb this
information. “Do you hate any of them?”
The question caught Grace off guard.
“No. Of course not.”
“I’m pretty sure I hate Jordan. And
it’s not just what happened at the party—Jordan ruins everything. I
blame her for what happened to Nina and Mom.”
“That was an accident.”
“But they wouldn’t have been driving if
it hadn’t been for Jordan! I’ll never forgive her for that,” Lily
said. “Never.”
Grace thought about letting the subject
drop, and staying out of it. Not my
problem. Ray had warned her not to interfere, and though his
words had stung, and she’d thought he was being an illogical ass,
maybe his instinct was right. She couldn’t help remembering how
angry she’d been when Muriel had told her that her father should be
in a home. Outsiders shouldn’t butt into family
business.
On the other hand, here was Lily,
wounded and distressed. She couldn’t just wave her out the door.
Thanks for the roses, sorry you hate your sister.
Have a nice day.
“What if it had been you who your mom
and sister were picking up?” Grace asked her.
Lily’s eyes bugged. “I wouldn’t have been arrested!”
“Okay. But what if you had called from
band practice and asked your mother to come get you, and then she
and your sister had had an accident picking you up?”
“But that didn’t happen. This was
totally unexpected, because Jordan was at a police
station.”
“Did the police station have anything
to do with the car crashing? Shouldn’t your anger be for the person
who actually hit them? Or was it the condition of the road, or the
time of day? Maybe the sun created a glare and the other driver
didn’t see their car. None of that was in Jordan’s power—or anyone
else’s—to control.”
She didn’t know what she had expected.
A teary Hallmark moment of understanding and forgiveness,
maybe.
Instead, by the time she’d finished,
Lily’s face had turned a darker hue of red. “Why are you taking
her side? She doesn’t even like
you!”
“Yeah, I sensed that.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you had twenty
brothers and sisters,” Lily railed at her, “you don’t know what
it’s like to live with Jordan. Even if she wasn’t directly responsible for Mom and Nina, she’s made my
life a misery. And she’ll never change!”
“That’s probably true.”
Lily looked as if she was about to
continue her rant, but at the last minute she doubled back. “What’s
true?”
“She won’t change—or if she does, the
change probably won’t be what you would have expected, or
wanted.”
“Great!” Lily said. “Thanks. That’s
really comforting.”
“You can change yourself, but other
people are out of your control, unfortunately.”
“There’s nothing the matter with me,”
Lily argued. “I’m not the
problem.”
“You’re the problem if you’re unhappy,”
Grace told her, amazed how easy it was to channel Deepak Chopra
when faced with an unhappy teenager.
“You’re not listening,” Lily said. “I’m telling you, if it weren’t
for Jordan, I would be happy.”
“Look, I’m not saying you have to like
Jordan, or even get along with her. But the fact is, she’s going to
be your sister forever. Even if you become the kind of siblings
that live on opposite sides of the continent and don’t even send
each other Christmas cards, she’s going to be out there, and you’re
going to think about her. So for your own peace of mind, you should
figure out something about her that doesn’t
make you crazy—just one little thing. That way when you’re giving
lectures at Princeton and she’s serving her life sentence in the
women’s correctional facility in Chowchilla, California, you won’t
have this awful gunk festering away inside you. Instead, you can
think to yourself, ‘Gosh it must be difficult for
a free spirit like Jordan to be spending her life making license
plates.’ ”
Lily bit her lip to stop her face from
crooking into a smile. “But there’s nothing
to like about her. You couldn’t find anything either, even if you
tried.”
“Yes, I could. I know she’s a talented
artist. I have a painting she did of a demented smiley
face.”
Lily’s mouth dropped. “You have
Egbert?”
“It’s up in my room. And sometimes on
the worst days I can look at that crazy picture—and I don’t know
why—but it makes me feel better. It really does.”
“I thought Egbert was gone for good,”
Lily said. “I thought everything of Nina’s was gone.”
“No, it’s just dispersed,” Grace
assured her. “Egbert found a good home.”
Lily folded her arms. “I still don’t
think Jordan’s all that great.”
“I was just trying to give you a coping
mechanism,” Grace said.
The girl narrowed her eyes and focused
on a spot on the linoleum. “I’m going to cope by leaving. I’m going
to go live with Granny Kate.”
Unexpected sadness welled up in Grace
at the news. “Your dad would miss you. So will Dominic. We will
here, too.”
Lily pursed her lips. “I don’t believe
it. Sometimes I think I’m one of those invisible people that no one
remembers after they leave a room.”
Grace couldn’t help laughing. “If you
think that, you don’t know yourself at all. I remember the moment
you opened the door when I went to your house to find Iago. And the
moment you came over to return the cheap plastic cookie
plate—looking for Crawford but not saying so.”
Lily’s hue turned a shade redder. “How
pointless was that? I was crazy, thinking any cute boy would look
twice at me.”
Grace held back for a moment, wondering
if she should not interfere in this, either. In
for a penny . . . “Look—don’t take this wrong.” Lily stared
up with wide eyes, and Grace continued. “You have a very
distinctive appearance. But teenage boys aren’t really known for
favoring distinctive.”
“What about Jordan? She has peach and
black hair and the personality of a viper—but Crawford fell in love
with her anyway.”
“I’m not sure I’d call it love. And
Jordan also wears make-up and clothes that make her stand
out.”
“Make her look like a skank, you
mean.”
Grace wasn’t going there. “But the
thing is, dating and stuff—it takes a little effort.”
Lily glanced at her sharply. “You mean
I ought to make myself look just like everybody else. But how can I
do that? Everybody knows who I am already. How stupid would I seem
if I suddenly showed up at school attempting to look like the cover
of Seventeen? ”
“You wouldn’t look stupid. You might
feel awkward for a day or so. And then . . .”
Lily shook her head. “I shouldn’t have
said anything. You don’t know what it’s like. Anyway, you look sort of normal, and Ben still dumped you, and
I haven’t noticed men flocking around here. Except Mr. Carter, and
he’s not exactly particular.”
Sort of normal?
What part of her wasn’t normal? She was interested to know, but she
probably shouldn’t be asking a fifteen-year-old.
Grace lifted her shoulders in a shrug.
“Well, do as I say, not as I do.”
She had the sinking feeling that
nothing she’d said had made the least bit of difference. “The only
thing I want to do is flee,” Lily said.