The funeral of my former enemy

I watched Julian walking slowly towards me from where I sat on the campus steps. His face looked pale and unhealthy. He didn't appear to have slept in days.

"Hey, Julian," I said, standing up and wrapping my black trench coat tightly around me. "I didn't think that you were going to show up today."

"If I sat at home with my father, I would lose my mind," he said, managing a weak smile.

"You okay?" I said, offering my coffee to him.

"Doing the best I can, despite the circumstances."

I was feeling really guilty. "Julian, I'm really sorry for what happened. Heaven knows I had no love for Ross, but he certainly didn't deserve this."

"Harlan, don't be an idiot. I know you better than you think. And if I'm correct, you are feeling like you caused his death in some way. Neither of us is at fault. It was stupid of Ross to climb a tree like that at night."

I sighed and we started walking towards the warmth of the school. The school didn't seem the same without Ross. It was like an adventure story without a villain.

School went by fast that day. That night, I found myself at Ross's funeral.

As I entered the funeral parlor, the strong scent of roses wafted into my nostrils. The number of people attending amazed me. For an asshole, he sure had a lot of friends. I saw many people from school crying, even some guys.

I stood in the long line. Julian was at the front near the closed casket with his father, greeting people and shaking hands with a smile so fake it appeared to be sewed on. We glanced at each other and nodded.

I kept my eyes away from the casket. For some reason, I dreaded this. It seemed that I was attending a lot of funerals these days. My life was beginning to resemble a screwed up dark comedy.

I was about to shake his father's hand when he grabbed me and pulled me close. He hugged me tightly and whispered, "Thanks for coming, Harlan. You are a good friend to Julian." Feeling a little uncomfortable, I thanked him and continued toward the coffin reluctantly.

I peered at the coffin.  I tried to imagine Ross's body in the inside. I began to feel a little dizzy as the morbid thoughts came. I pictured his decaying corpse wearing a football jersey and my stomach begun to drop a little.

The coffin lid pushed open slightly. Ross was coming out.

At least that's what I saw at the moment. I know there is no way it happened and the mind has a way of conjuring up images during times of stress. I almost ran, but I managed to turn away slowly and move towards the back of the funeral parlor. Needing air, I went outside.

Samantha and Allison were standing at the steps with a bunch of Ross's football friends. One of them called me an asshole as I moved towards the corner of the building. There was no way I was going to respond to that and cause a commotion, out of respect for Julian. I found a curb and took a deep breath to calm myself as I sat down.

Closing my eyes, I imagined myself in warm water, floating to the bottom in a peaceful slumber. There was a light touch on my shoulder.

I opened my eyes and Sam was standing there, shocking the hell out of me.

"Hey," she said, smiling. "Mind if I sit down."

"Hey. Are you kidding me? Sit down, please. I could use the company."

She sat down and looked at me in a way that I desperately missed. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Me too," I said, pushing my glasses up on my nose.

She smiled and seemed on the verge of laughter. "I miss that."

"Huh?" I asked, utterly clueless. "You missed my apologies?"

"No, dope. The way you push the glasses up on your nose. You do that a lot."

I smiled back and almost touched my glasses again. I stuck my hands in my pockets. "Oh. Yeah, it's a habit I'm aware of. It's mentioned in my journal."

"So how do you feel now that your nemesis is dead?"

"Really, really shitty. I almost got sick in there. Don't make me go back in."

"I knew you'd feel like this."

"Yeah," I said, noticing the feel of her leg against mine. A single lock of hair hung over her eye and I fought the urge to brush it away. "I feel all guilty now for my adolescent shenanigans. Did I really hit him with a baseball bat in front of hundreds of people? What in the hell was I thinking? I'm an insane and very sick person."

"Yes, you are. Which is why I love you so much."

I grimaced. "Ouch. Do you have to torture me like this, Sam?"

She smiled at me and my heart began to beat. "Would it be torture if I told you I wanted us to be back together again."

I think my mouth actually dropped open. "You're serious?"

"Yes. I thought it about it all night. As long as I'm alive you won't kill yourself, got that? And if you do, I'm coming to Heaven after you."

"I've been really confused about the whole thing. I've been torturing myself for months. There are days when I wish that I could just be dead. Other days I feel like an idiot for even considering it. I do know that losing you made me realize life can suck even worse than I had thought possible." She put her arm around me and I actually almost cried I was so happy. I held it back though. Even feminine bastards like me have to show their machismo. "I promise you that I'm going to work really hard to fight my depression. Just bear with me when it hits, okay? I need you."

And my life changed that quickly.

Sometimes your life feels like fiction, with all its ups and down. The characters in it behave in a way that seems predictable, but sometimes they surprise the hell out of you.

I felt like a prisoner on death row who has just gotten a phone call from the governor granting him a full pardon.