The Promise

The clock is glaring at me with its six a.m. wake up call. I'm fighting the urge to throw it into the wall, smashing it to little shards of plastic. Sam didn't take me home until three in the morning, and I didn't fall asleep until five. Julian is sleeping on the floor, mouth wide open,  making faint snoring noises.

Right now I would definitely kill someone for a cup of coffee. I think I'd even kill myself, only that's not very funny considering my circumstances.

Do I still plan to kill myself, Dear Reader?

I don't know. I certainly have my moments. Sam and I talked all night, but of course that wasn't all we did. We touched each other quite a lot. I realized last night that I definitely love her. For some odd reason, that's what's making me so depressed right now. I'm desperately afraid of falling and this is one pretty big cliff edge I find myself on. If she pushes me I'm going to fall hard. For some reason God hasn't put a safety net down for me. The fucking bastard.

The alarm blares and Julian instantly sits up, coughing and sputtering. "Jesus, Harlan!" he sputters, after I manage to turn the alarm off. "That thing is loud enough! Suzanne's probably even awake now! Good God, man!"

I sit up and sigh, and I notice my rib cage protruding. "Nothing like a good hard blast of adrenaline at sunrise, eh Julian?"

"I called Allison," Julian yawned. "We talked for like three hours. She seems pretty cool. I'm supposed to meet her on the concourse today."

"What a coincidence," I answered sarcastically as I swung out of bed. "I'm supposed to meet Sam at the same place."

We managed to get ourselves presentable and I made the strongest pot of coffee that I've ever had in my life. One sip and my heart was racing.

"Man," Julian said, watching my face as I took my first sip. "If that coffee makes you grimace like that it's gotta be some good shit." He grabbed it out of my hand. "Give me some." His eyes widened comically as he took a drink. "Is there smoke coming out of my ears? If you drink all of this you're going to be able to fly."

We walked out the front door and into the cool fall air. Alisa's wake was tonight. I was pretty sure that it was going to be a closed coffin. The coroner found that she had been killed, then raped. I shuddered just to think about it.

It was foggy out and the damp air made me feel even colder. I shivered and pulled my dark trenchcoat closer to my wiry body. Julian was uncharacteristically quiet as we walked. He was probably thinking of Alisa's murder as well.

Sam and Allison were waiting on the concourse just as promised. As we got nearer, I noticed that something was wrong. Sam was looking at me oddly, her eyes troubled. Their body language was weird. My heart literally stopped beating. She was probably going to tell me that she didn't want to see me anymore. She was going to cut me just like I had promised to do to myself. I was almost afraid to see her. I held my breath and kept walking.

She surprised me when she took me in an embrace. "Harlan, I just heard. I'm sorry."

I looked at her with an obviously puzzled expression. "Heard what?"

"You mean you don't know?" She asked, her eyes moistening. "Gary was badly hurt. He's in critical condition. Somebody beat him up. It's all over the school."

"Somebody hurt Vlad?" Julian asked, his face pale.

I felt the Screamer threatening to burst out, fucking explode all over the school.

"Ross is dead," I whispered through my teeth. "I'm going to kill him."

I saw the way Samantha looked at me and I didn't like it. The words cold, without emotion. She saw a side of me that she hadn't guessed existed. I noticed that I was squeezing her arm and I instantly stopped.

Critical condition.

Ross Morrissey had gone way over the line. Critical condition to me means with intent to kill. Vlad didn't deserve to be killed. It could have been Julian.

Or me.

That morning in homeroom the principal had a little speech to give. "I'm sure by now that all of you have heard about Gary Decker. Witnesses said that he was attacked by a group of men and the police are looking into it right now. Hopefully, they will have some arrests by the end of the day. There is some good news, though—the hospital says there is a decent chance that his condition will be upgraded to serious. Our prayers are definitely with him and I would like to have a brief moment of silence on his behalf. Thank you."

I could feel myself burning. Was that a joke? It was good news to be in serious condition?

I knew with complete certainty that Ross had been responsible. Ross and his football throwing Neanderthals. Payback is going to be such a fucking bitch, Ross. You wait and see.

The bell rang and I entered the hall of teeming teenagers, all of them rushing to first period class. I knew exactly where Ross would be.

Mr. King of the senior bench was exactly where I thought. When I saw his fingers were bandaged, I just totally lost it. It meant to me that he had definitely been the one who hurt Vlad. He was sitting there on the bench, his mouth open in laughter.  My hands were almost on his throat when I felt myself being dragged backwards.

"Harlan, no," Julian hissed in my ear. "This is not the place. You'll only get expelled."

Everybody parted around us like a biblical Red Sea. It was just Julian holding me back and Ross only five feet in front of me. Ross was smiling like a shark, his eyes burning from under his hairless brow. I pushed Julian back and Ross and I stood there staring at each other. The hallway seemed silent, although I know there must have been noise.

"I'm going to make you sorry, Ross," I hissed. "I'm going to make you wish you were a fucking corpse. I promise you."

"What's the matter, Sexton," Ross said, his sickening smile still frozen under his face. I thought he looked nervous, with the crowd watching us. "Your faggot friend fall down and get hurt? That's such a shame. I'm so sorry to hear that. You know how delicate those faggots are. They break easy. They need to be careful."

"I promise you," I said once again and then I turned and walked away.

I spent the rest of the day in a daze. Many students walked up to me and asked if I had really threatened Ross, but I just ignored them. The one bright spot was lunch with Samantha. She was very supportive at a time when I really needed her. She didn't ask me to talk about it.

Me and Julian went directly to the hospital from school. It was only a fifteen-minute walk. Vlad had suffered a fractured skull and a two broken ribs. Some police officers questioned me and Julian before they let us see him, but we said nothing about Ross. I wanted to pay him back on my own. If Vlad died then we would have definitely told them everything I knew. Vlad also said nothing to the police.

When they finally let us into Vlad's room I was shocked by his appearance. His face was little more than a swollen lump with a bandage over his head. One eye was completely glued shut, while the other one was filled with blood. He blinked when we walked in indicating he was awake.

"Hi, guys, I'm glad you could make it," he managed to wheeze out. "I look like shit, don't I?"

"Well, you certainly don't look good, Vlad," Julian said, his voice affectionate. "At least your alive."

I pulled a chair close to the bed. "Was it Ross?"

"Yes," Vlad whispered. "Him and half the football team. I feel good, though. They have so much dope running through my veins I can't feel a damn thing."

"Got any extras?" Julian asked. "Can you get me some Vicadin?"

"Don't make me laugh, Julian," Vlad said, grimacing. "I still feel some pain, especially in my stomach. Everything is funny to me now. You'd feel the same if you had this much shit in you."

I put my hand gently on his arm. "The principal had a prayer for you in school today. The school gave you a moment of silence."

"Sure," Vlad exhaled. "No one acknowledges my existence until I almost get my ass killed. I guess I deserved it, though. I went over the line with the gun. The whole paint thing didn't help any either."

"Fuck that, Vlad," I said coldly. "You didn't deserve this. They almost killed you."

"Harlan almost attacked my brother in the hallway today," Julian said proudly. "He promised that you would be avenged. In front of everybody!"

Vlad looked at me with his one red eye. "Seriously? He'll completely and utterly fucking annihilate you."

I smiled grimly. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have a much better idea anyway."

And then I told them my plan.

At first neither of them thought we'd be able to pull it off. After all, the police would probably catch us, and if they didn't, then there was the entire Rawley High football team to worry about.

So what did we plan to do, Dear Reader? Let's just say that we were going to make history at Friday night's home football game in a major way.

The pep rally would be quite memorable as well.

Of course, Dear Reader, you're going to have to wait. Suspense sucks, doesn't it?

Julian and I went to Alisa's wake. Samantha was there too, and I smiled at her weakly. She touched my arm affectionately as I walked by. That touch meant more to me than you can imagine. It gave me strength.

The coffin was closed just as I had predicted. Her parents, as well as her brother, stood off to the side. They had a stunned look on their faces that left me thinking that they didn't yet fully believed their daughter was actually dead. As I stared at the coffin lid, I felt my stomach churning. I felt like vomiting, although I hadn't had anything except for the morning coffee and a pint of orange juice at lunch. I could sense the presence of her death. This is hard to describe, but I felt her. I felt the sadness and the fear. It was draining me. I didn't even know I was crying until Sam walked up to me and began to brush the tears from my face. By that time my shoulders were shaking as well. Once I got outside into the cool night air, I felt a little better.

Julian stood off to the side as I leaned into Sam, holding her weakly. She pulled me to her and began to run her fingers through my hair soothingly. Once again she made me feel stronger, almost as if she was literally holding me up. I had never depended on anyone like this before. I've always been on my own. I've always drawn my energy from some mysterious part of myself. Apparently my reserves were running out, because I knew I completely needed Sam. The feeling of love that I had for her at that moment was overwhelming. It was as if she had become part of me. It was the first time in my life that I had loved somebody so completely. All my defenses were completely down and she was seeing me as I really was. It was completely terrifying and joyously exciting at the same time. God, if she can make me feel like this in three days what's going to happen to me in a month? Or a year.

Did I just say year?

If this manuscript is correct than I don't have that long. I guess time will tell, but I know one thing at this point in time: I would never leave Sam. I'm not going to let her go. They're going to have to pry my dead arms off her.