9
August 23, 1946
Tokyo, 87°, slightly cloudy
I turn their shoes to face the door. No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. I am out of luck. Everything is falling apart. I turn their shoes to face the door. No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. I am out of luck. Everything falling apart. I turn their shoes to face the door, three times I turn their shoes to face the door. No Calmotin. No alcohol. No sleep. No dreams. No air. No breeze. No luck. Everything falling apart again, over and over and over, again and again and again –
She is beside me now, beside me now, beside me now …
I cannot keep my eyes open but, when I close my eyes, I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep because I cannot stop thinking about her. I think about her all the time –
She is beside me now. She is beside me now …
I think about her all the time –
She is lying beside me now …
Her head slightly to the right. In a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress. Her right arm outstretched. In a white half-sleeved chemise. Her left arm at her side. In dyed-pink socks. Her legs parted, raised and bent at the knee. In white canvas shoes with red rubber soles. My come drying on her stomach and on her ribs. In white canvas shoes with red rubber soles. She brings her left hand up to her stomach. In dyed-pink socks. She dips her fingers in my come. In a white half-sleeved chemise. She puts her fingers to her lips. In a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress. She licks my come from her fingers. In that yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress …
She is beside me now, beside me now, beside me now –
I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember …
I smash my fist into her three-panelled vanity mirror –
But here, in the half-light, I can’t forget…
I shout into her mirror, again and again –
No one is who they say they are …
‘Who are you? Who are you?’
*
Through the doors of the borrowed police station. Ishida. I have a shaved head. Ishida. Up the stairs of the borrowed police station. Ishida. I have a bandaged hand. Ishida. To the borrowed second-floor room where Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, Nishi and Kimura have him; Ishida with a black eye, a bloody mouth and handcuffed wrists. Ishida. Ishida looking at the floor, staring at his boots –
‘What’s going on? What have you done to him?’
‘You told us to keep him here,’ says Hattori.
‘I didn’t tell you to beat and handcuff him.’
‘We had no choice, did we?’ says Hattori.
‘What do you mean, you had no choice?’
‘He was going to run,’ says Takeda.
‘Just like Fujita,’ says Hattori –
Fujita. Fujita. Fujita…
I wipe my face. I wipe my neck. I walk over to Ishida. I raise his face from the floor. I ask him, ‘Where have you been, detective?’
Ishida sucks the air in between his teeth but does not answer –
‘We think he went to see Detective Fujita,’ says Takeda –
‘We reckon he knows where Fujita is,’ agrees Sanada –
‘And knows why Fujita has gone,’ hisses Hattori –
‘But he won’t tell us anything,’ says Shimoda –
‘So I say we should turn him over to Chief Inspector Adachi,’ says Hattori now. ‘He’d soon make him talk…’
‘Why turn him over to Chief Inspector Adachi?’ I ask him. ‘What would Chief Inspector Adachi want with Ishida?’
‘The Chief Inspector was here looking for him,’ says Hattori. ‘Looking for Ishida, asking about Detective Fujita –’
I curse him and I curse him and I curse him …
‘When was Chief Inspector Adachi here?’
‘Yesterday evening,’ says Hattori. ‘When you weren’t.’
I curse him and I curse myself…
They are mumbling now. They are muttering now –
I am the head of the room! I am the boss …
‘Enough!’ I shout. ‘I want your reports now!’
They stop mumbling. They stop muttering –
Eyes full of dissent and eyes full of hate …
And they make their reports about Tominaga Noriko’s landlady. And they make their reports about Masaoka Hisae –
‘But there was one other thing,’ says Detective Sanada. ‘Masaoka told us that Kodaira Yoshio always had gifts on him…’
‘You mean like food,’ I ask him. ‘Like kaidashi?’
‘As well as food,’ says Detective Sanada. ‘Proper gifts for ladies like jewellery, watches, umbrellas, you know…?’
‘Thank you, detective,’ I say. ‘Now I want you all back out on the streets today, back round Shiba and back round the park, back with the descriptions of Tominaga Noriko and Kodaira Yoshio…’
Investigation is footwork. Investigation is footwork …
‘What about Ishida here?’ asks Detective Hattori.
‘Leave him to me,’ I say. ‘You just get to work.’
But Hattori doesn’t move. ‘What about Fujita?’
‘Get to work, detective!’ I shout –
But, for just one moment, Hattori still doesn’t move. None of them move; Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, Nishi or Kimura; their eyes full of questions and doubts, full of dissent and hate –
Lead your men! Lead your men! Lead your men!
Now Hattori moves and then they all move –
I am the boss! I am the boss! I am the boss!
‘Detective Nishi, you wait here,’ I say –
Detective Nishi nods. Nishi waits –
‘Detective Takeda! Detective Kimura!’ I shout after them. ‘What time will Tominaga’s landlady be at Keiō Hospital?’
‘I said I’d take her,’ says Takeda. ‘An hour ago.’
I am the boss! I am the boss! I am the boss!
‘What are you standing around here for then?’ I shout at him. ‘You two go and pick her up and meet me up at Keiō with her…’
They are mumbling as they leave, muttering again.
Lead your men! Lead your men! Lead your men!
I turn to Detective Nishi. I take Detective Nishi off to one side. I ask him, ‘Did you hear back from the Kanuma police?’
Detective Nishi nods. Detective Nishi takes a piece of paper from his jacket. Detective Nishi hands it to me –
‘Good work, detective,’ I tell him.
Nishi bows. Nishi thanks me –
Nishi says it was nothing –
I am the boss! The boss!
I shake my head and I thank him. Now I write down a name on a piece of paper for him and tell him, ‘Get me an address for this man and then meet me at Keiō with it as soon as you can…’
Nishi nods again. Nishi bows. Now Nishi leaves –
He leaves me alone with Detective Ishida.
*
My skin is red. Ishida on his knees. My skin is raw. Where is the file? My hand aches. What file? My body sweats. The Miyazaki Mitsuko file. The city stinks of shit. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of shit and dirt and dust. The Miyazaki Mitsuko file. The dirt and the dust that coats my clothes and coats my skin. I’ve never heard of it. That scars my nostrils and burns my throat. Liar! Liar! Liar! With every passing jeep and with every passing truck. No, no, no. I take out my handkerchief. The file Fujita asked you to sign out. I take off my hat. No, no, no. I wipe my face. The file you signed out under Nishi’s name. I wipe my neck. I didn’t. I stare up at the bleached-white sky. The file you were to give to Fujita. The clouds of typhus. No, no, no. The clouds of dust. The Miyazaki Mitsuko file. The clouds of dirt. I don’t know what file you mean. The clouds of shit. The Miyazaki Mitsuko file! My skin is red. I don’t know what you’re talking about. My skin is raw. Tell me where it is! My hand aches. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. My body sweats. I’m sorry, then. The city stinks of shit. But I really don’t know. The city stinks of defeat. Because you’re on your own now. This city on its knees –
And I curse him. I curse Fujita. I curse Adachi. I curse Hattori. I curse Takeda. I curse Sanada. I curse Shimoda. I curse Nishi. I curse Kimura. I curse Kai. I curse Kanehara. I curse Kita. I curse them all but most of all, I curse myself, I curse myself, I curse myself –
‘Get off your knees!’ I shout. ‘Get off your knees!’
*
The air is still thick with screams and sobs. I hate hospitals. I try not to breathe in. I don’t want to remember. The gurneys still lined up against the walls. I hate hospitals. I try not to stare. I don’t want to remember. Through the waiting rooms, down the long corridors to the service elevator. I hate hospitals. I watch the elevator doors close. I don’t want to remember. I ride the dark elevator down. I hate hospitals. I watch the elevator doors open. I don’t want to remember. I watch them open again onto the light. In the half-light. I watch them open onto Dr. Nakadate; blood on his gown, blood on his mask and blood on his gloves. I can’t forget. Nakadate waiting for me. ‘You’ve not spoken to Chief Kita, have you? About Miyazaki Mitsuko?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I tell him. ‘But the file is missing…’
‘So what? You could still go to Chief Kita.’
‘Please give me a few more days…’
‘A few more days? Why?’
Just a few more days …
‘Please doctor, I need to find the file. I need to read it…’
‘Why?’ asks Nakadate. ‘We all know what it must say.’
‘But I wasn’t even the senior officer,’ I say. ‘I need to find the file. I need to read it. And I need to speak to him…’
‘And you think he’d do the same for you?’
‘I really don’t know any more.’
‘A few more days,’ says Nakadate now. ‘But then I’ll go to Chief Kita myself, inspector…’
‘Thank you.’
‘And you really need to get that hand dressed too…’
‘Thank you,’ I say again. ‘I know I do.’
‘Then what are you waiting for?’
Not you. Not you. Not you …
I bow to the doctor. I thank the doctor. I turn and I walk away. Down the basement corridor. Past the walls of sinks and drains. Past the warnings and the signs. Past Detective Takeda and Detective Kimura now sat waiting in the corridor with Tominaga Noriko’s landlady. Down to the glass doors. Into the autopsy room –
The clothing has already been laid out on one of the autopsy tables, the two white canvas shoes with their red rubber soles placed at its foot, and the ladies’ undergarments found near the scene placed again on one of the smaller separate dissecting tables –
I wipe my face. I wipe my neck. I step back out into the corridor. I ask Tominaga Noriko’s landlady to please step into the autopsy room. Tominaga Noriko’s landlady follows me back inside. Now the landlady glances up at the autopsy table –
She is here. She is here. She is here …
The landlady collapses into tears –
She is here. She is here …
The landlady nods –
She is here …
‘Yes,’ whispers Tominaga Noriko’s landlady and I turn, then I walk and now I run back down the corridor, past the walls of sinks and drains, past the warnings and the signs, into the elevator and into the dark, into the dark then back out into the light, out into the light –
Nishi waiting for me. Nishi with an address.
*
My skin is not red. Nishi can’t wait to ask. My skin is not raw. What happened? My hand does not ache. She identified the clothes. My body does not sweat. The yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress? The city smells of flowers. Yes. Of flowers and blossom and perfume. The white half-sleeved chemise? The blossom and the perfume that coats my clothes and coats my skin. Yes. That tickles my nostrils and that caresses my throat. The dyed-pink socks? With every disappearing jeep and with every disappearing truck. Yes. I take out my handkerchief. The white canvas shoes with red rubber soles? I take off my hat. Yes, yes, yes. I wipe my face. She identified all the clothing as belonging to Tominaga Noriko? I wipe my neck. Yes. I stare up at the hint of blue in the sky. Really? The breeze in the air. Yes. The perfume on the breeze. Then our body has a name? The blossoms on the breeze. Yes. The flowers on the breeze. Our body is Tominaga Noriko? My skin is not red. Yes. My skin is not raw. And her killer is Kodaira Yoshio? My hand does not ache. Yes. My body does not sweat. And you think he will confess? The city smells of flowers. Yes. The city smells of garlands. And then the case is closed? The city smells of victory. Yes. My victory! My victory! My victory!
Not his victory. Not Fujita’s victory. Not Adachi’s victory. Not Kai’s victory. Not Kanehara’s victory. Not Kita’s victory –
‘This is my victory!’ I shout. ‘Mine! Mine! Mine!’
*
Murota Hideki is originally from Yamanashi Prefecture. But after he was fired from the police for his inappropriate behaviour, after he was left without a job, Murota Hideki did not go back to his family’s home in Yamanashi. Murota Hideki stayed on in Tokyo. And so Murota Hideki still lives in an old wooden row house in Kitazawa, not far from the Shimo-Kitazawa station, the same old wooden row house that Detective Nishi found listed as his address in his personal records, the same old wooden row house before us now –
The knock, the bow and the introductions …
Murota Hideki comes to his doorway in his underwear. Murota Hideki is red faced. Murota Hideki looks at my identification. Murota Hideki is sweating heavily. Murota Hideki wipes his thick neck with a grey towel. Murota Hideki looks up into my eyes –
Eyes he has met somewhere before …
Murota Hideki stinks of alcohol. Murota Hideki knows he has no choice. Murota Hideki listens to what I have to say. Then Murota Hideki looks at Nishi and then back at me and now he says, ‘I know I’ve no choice, but only one of you is coming inside.’
The spit and then the curse …
Murota Hideki turns back inside his house. Murota Hideki pads back across his old worn tatami. Murota Hideki sits back down at his low wooden table to wait for me –
In another shabby room …
For me to close the door on Nishi. To follow him inside his house. To pad across his tatami. To sit down at his table. To watch him pour himself another drink from the tall glass jug on the table –
Murota Hideki stirs the pale white mixture with a chopstick. Murota Hideki raises his glass. Murota Hideki takes a long drink. Now Murota Hideki asks, ‘Come on, what do you want this time?’
‘I want to talk to you about Abe Yoshiko,’ I tell him –
‘Not again,’ he groans. ‘What more is there to say?’
‘Only you know that,’ I say. ‘Is there any more?’
‘I fucked her just the once but I did not kill her,’ he says. ‘That’s all I know. I fucked her but I did not kill her…’
‘I know,’ I tell him. ‘We caught her killer.’
Now Murota Hideki looks up. ‘Really?’
‘You heard about the two bodies we found in Shiba Park last week? Well, one of the bodies was identified as a seventeen-year-old girl named Midorikawa Ryuko. Her family told us she was going to meet a man called Kodaira Yoshio on the day she went missing –
‘We pulled this Kodaira in and now he’s coughed…
‘The Midorikawa girl had been raped and strangled and so now we’re looking into any similar unsolved cases…’
‘Abe Yoshiko,’ says Murota Hideki –
‘I fucked her but I did not kill her …’
‘It’s the first case we’ve reopened,’ I tell him. ‘And we’ve already been back through the statements, back to the witnesses and one of Abe’s friends, a girl called Masaoka Hisae, she recognized this Kodaira and told us Abe knew him…’
‘How did she know him?’
In another shabby room …
‘The suspect Kodaira works in the laundry of a Shinchū Gun barracks in Shinagawa. As you know, Abe was part of a fūten group and they did their business with Americans at the same barracks. But not only Yankees; Kodaira would take them to a room he had there where they’d fuck him for food.’
‘As you know …’
‘And this Kodaira has confessed to killing Abe?’ asks Murota.
‘Yes,’ I nod. ‘When he was presented with this girl Masaoka’s statement, Kodaira confessed to killing Abe Yoshiko…’
‘What exactly did he say?’ asks Murota. ‘I want to know everything he said. I want to hear Kodaira’s confession.’
‘Everything he said… everything he said…’
‘Why?’ I ask him. ‘What difference does it make to you?’
‘What difference does it make to me?’ he laughs. ‘I only lost my job because of her, because of him, because he murdered her.’
‘Because of him … because of her …’
I put up my hand to stop him. I nod. I take out my notebook. I flick through the pages of coarse paper. The pencil marks. And I say, ‘It’s not verbatim, but Kodaira confessed that on the ninth of June this year, he met Abe Yoshiko who had been coming to the barracks regularly for zanpan. That day, Kodaira felt a strong sexual urge and so he told Abe that if she came with him, he knew where he could get her some bread. Kodaira says he then took her to the scrapyard of the Shiba Transport Company, about two hundred metres from the barracks. Kodaira gave her some bread and then asked her to have sex with him. Abe refused and tried to run away. Kodaira caught her and throttled her. Kodaira then strangled her with her own neckerchief and fled. So far he has denied raping Abe and denied hiding the body under the burnt-out truck where it was found…’
‘I fucked her but I did not kill her … I fucked her …’
Murota Hideki nods. Murota Hideki thanks me. Murota Hideki drains his glass. Murota Hideki pours himself another drink. Murota Hideki begins to stir it and stir it and stir it and stir it –
‘I fucked her … I fucked her … I fucked her …’
‘There were other girls in the fūten group,’ I tell him.
Murota Hideki continues to stir his pale drink –
‘One of them was called Tominaga Noriko…’
Murota Hideki stops stirring his drink –
‘We have reason to believe that she might well be the second unidentified body we found in Shiba Park on the same day that the body of Midorikawa Ryuko was discovered…’
Murota Hideki begins to stir his drink again. ‘And what reason is that, then, detective?’
‘The second body found at Shiba was approximately the same age and height as Tominaga. The autopsy of the second body found at Shiba puts the time of death as sometime between the twentieth and the twenty-seventh of July. Tominaga went missing sometime between the ninth and the fifteenth of July. The second body was clothed in a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress, a white half-sleeved chemise, dyed-pink socks and white canvas shoes with red rubber soles. Earlier this morning, Tominaga Noriko’s former landlady identified these clothes as having belonged to Tominaga –
I think about her all the time, I think about her all the time …
‘Tominaga Noriko knew Abe Yoshiko; Abe Yoshiko was murdered by Kodaira Yoshio; Kodaira Yoshio also murdered Midorikawa Ryuko; according to the autopsy reports on both bodies, Midorikawa Ryuko and the second body found at Shiba Park were both murdered by the same man; that man is Kodaira Yoshio –’
‘Never heard of a Tominaga Noriko, soldier …’
‘I believe the second body is that of Tominaga Noriko and that Kodaira Yoshio was her killer…’
Murota Hideki drains his glass. Murota Hideki claps his hands. ‘So what do you need me for, then?’
‘You knew Abe Yoshiko,’ I tell him. ‘So you might also have known Tominaga Noriko and might then be able to assist us…’
Murota Hideki shakes his head. Murota Hideki says, ‘No.’
‘No, you didn’t know her or no, you won’t assist us?’
Murota Hideki pours himself another drink. ‘Both.’
‘You knew Masaoka, another of Abe’s friends?’
Murota Hideki shakes his head again. ‘No.’
‘You’ve admitted you were fucking Abe,’ I tell him. ‘All I’m asking is if you knew any of the other girls in the same group…’
‘He wasn’t fucking Abe Yoshiko,’ says a woman’s voice from out of the shadows, from out of the shadows behind the shabby curtain, behind the shabby curtain that partitions this shabby room –
Another shabby curtain in another shabby room …
Murota Hideki is on his feet. ‘Shut up! Idiot! Shut up! Idiot!’
‘He was fucking me,’ says the woman, who now steps from out of the shadows and through the shabby curtain, from out of the shadows dressed in a yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress –
In another shabby yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore …
Murota Hideki grabbing hold of her bare thin white arms. Murota Hideki pushing her back through the curtain. Murota Hideki shouting, ‘No! No! Shut up! You don’t know what you’re doing!’
Back through the curtain. Back into the shadows –
He is pleading with her now. He is begging her –
‘Please shut up! Please, please shut up…’
Behind the curtain, in the shadows …
‘But I won’t pretend to be dead,’ she says. ‘I’m not a ghost.’
Murota whispering, ‘But they’ll come for you again…’
I stand up. I walk over to the curtain. ‘Listen to me…’
I can hear Murota groaning, cursing and sobbing –
‘I won’t say anything to anyone,’ I tell them –
Now Murota Hideki pushes the woman out of the shadows, through the curtains and says, ‘Here you are, then, detective. Here –’
He pushes her chin and her face up, up towards the light –
Her chin and her face squeezed between his fingers –
‘This is Tominaga Noriko,’ hisses Murota Hideki. ‘Are you satisfied now, detective? Are you happy now? Are you…?’
I shake my head. I say nothing. I wait for him –
For him to let go of her face and her chin –
For him to sit down. To pull her down –
To pour himself another drink –
For her to look up at me –
Tominaga Noriko …
‘It was never Abe Yoshiko,’ whispers Murota Hideki now. ‘It was always her, always Noriko, but it was always a secret and it always would have been had my luck not run out. But then again, my luck had already begun to run out before I even met Noriko…’
‘It was always a secret … It was always a secret …’
‘I suppose it’s funny, really, in a way, I survived the whole of the war and then, on the very morning of the surrender, the very last day of the whole of the war, my luck finally ran out…’
‘My luck finally ran out… finally ran out…’
‘Towards the end of the war, that very month in fact, I had been transferred to the Shinagawa police station and so that was where I was working when, early that morning of the fifteenth of August last year, some boiler-man comes in saying he’s discovered the naked body of a woman in an air-raid shelter…’
Miyazaki Mitsuko. Miyazaki Mitsuko …
‘And so that was my first piece of bad luck, being at Shinagawa that morning when this man comes in, because now I and an Officer Uchida are sent up there to get the details and to wait for your mob to arrive from Headquarters…’
I have seen this man before …
‘But it turns out the air-raid shelter is on naval property and so the case belongs to the Kempeitai. It’s not your business. Not our business. The Kempeitai take the case…’
Eyes I have met before …
‘Me and Officer Uchida were sent back down to Shinagawa police station to request an ambulance and that was that. Finished. Never heard anything more about it and never expected to. Case closed, as far as I was concerned…’
Now Murota Hideki points at Tominaga Noriko and says, ‘Then I met her this last winter, on my beat. She’s got no one and she’s got nothing. I feel sorry for her and yes, I fancy her. I find her a place in Ōimachi. I give her money and I give her food –
‘I take care of her and yes, I sleep with her…’
Murota Hideki looks over at Tominaga Noriko now and says, ‘We both had nothing and now we have something.’
She haunts me here. She haunts me now …
Now Murota Hideki shakes his head. Murota Hideki sighs, ‘But then two months ago, when this friend of hers, this Abe Yoshiko, was murdered, and in a similar manner and in a similar place to that body in Shinagawa last year, that was when I made my first mistake and that was when my luck finally ran out for good…’
‘My luck finally ran out for good … finally…’
‘I tried to be a policeman. I tried to help. I was at the Mita police station by then but I went across to Takanawa, where the Abe team was based, and I asked to see the officer in charge…’
‘Who is unfortunately no longer with us …’
‘I met this officer, man called Chief Inspector Mori, and I told him about the body in the air-raid shelter at Shinagawa. Chief Inspector Mori thanked me and, again, I thought that was that. I’d done what I could. I’d tried to help. Finished. And I never expected to hear anything more about it. Case closed again for me…’
Case closed … case closed … case closed …
‘But then, the very next day, this Chief Inspector Mori is down at the Mita police station, to question me …’
I don’t want to remember …
‘Can I remember any further details? Can I remember who was working with me at Shinagawa on that day? Can I remember the two detectives who were sent out from Headquarters? Can I remember the names of the officers from the Kempeitai? The witnesses? And so on and so on and so on…’
But in the half-light …
‘All I can tell him though is what I told him the day before, same as I just told you, but that’s when I should have known, that’s when I should have guessed…’
I can’t forget…
‘Because no sooner is Mori gone than some other Metro detective is down at Mita to see me, hauling me back up to HQ, telling me I’ve been a bad cop, that he’s heard all about me, screwing pan-pan girls on my beat, like I’m the only cop in the city who’s ever had a whore on his beat, like he hasn’t got better things to do than chase after me, but he’s relentless, this detective, he never gives up, asking me to confess to this, to confess to that, asking me for the name of my girl, for Noriko’s name, and now I get the picture –
‘He is here to punish me. He is here to warn me –
‘And I don’t know why I ever thought it would work, or why I ever thought it was a good idea, but there’s no way I’m ever going to give him Noriko’s name, so I tell him I was seeing Abe, that I fucked her but I never killed her, and guess what… ?
‘He bought it, believed it was Abe –
‘For conduct unbecoming a police officer, but I didn’t care because they didn’t know about Noriko and that meant she was safe. Safe. Ten days later, I read that this Chief Inspector Mori has been purged by the SCAP and gone insane. Mad. Then I knew I’d made the right decision, knew I’d made the right choice…’
The Matsuzawa Hospital for the Insane …
‘Until today. Until you turned up…’
‘My luck finally ran out…’
‘I knew we should have run, we should have gone as far away as we could from here …,’ and now Murota Hideki’s words trail off, trail off back into the shadows, back into the shadows behind the shabby curtain, behind the shabby curtain that partitions this shabby room, the shadows from the light and the light from the shadows –
The voices from the echoes and the truth from the lies …
This shabby curtain, this shabby country –
‘Are you satisfied now, detective?’ asks Murota Hideki. ‘Are you happy now? Have you heard and seen enough now? Heard enough about me and seen enough of her, have you now, officer?’
‘No,’ I tell him. ‘I want the name of the detective.’
‘Why do you want that?’ he laughs. ‘What for?’
‘Tell me his name,’ I say. ‘And then I’m gone.’
Murota spits, ‘Said his name was Adachi…’
‘Are you satisfied now, detective?’
‘For what that’s worth,’ laughs Murota now. ‘Because no one is ever who they say they are…’
Here in the half-light …
‘Not these days…’
I have nothing more to ask them. My skin is red. Nothing more to say to them. My skin is raw. I pick up my hat. My hand aches. I get up from their low table in their shabby room. My body sweats. In this shabby house, in this shabby city, in this shabby country –
In this place of defeat. In this place of capitulation …
‘You be careful out there, detective,’ Murota Hideki tells me. ‘And you remember my face and remember what happened to me. And remember the name of Chief Inspector Mori and you remember what happened to him. You remember us both now, detective…’
This place of surrender. This place of occupation …
‘I’ll remember you,’ I say. I turn to Tominaga –
In this place of ghosts, this place of ghosts …
I turn to Tominaga Noriko and I say, ‘Thank you, miss.’
And she thanks me back and then she bows her head –
In her yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress …
‘And you remember this as well then,’ says Murota Hideki. ‘If you ever tell anyone about her, you ever tell anyone where she is, that she’s here with me, then I will find you and I will kill you…’
In this place of death. In this place of silence …
I turn back to Murota. I bow to him –
In this place of no resistance.
*
My skin is red. Nishi can’t wait. My skin is raw. Nishi wants to know what happened. My hand aches. I say nothing. My body sweats. What did Murota say? The city stinks of shit. I say nothing. Of shit and dirt and dust. Did he know Tominaga Noriko? The dirt and the dust that coats my clothes and coats my skin. I say nothing. That scratches my nostrils and burns my throat. Did he remember her? With every passing jeep and with every passing truck. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I take out my handkerchief. It isn’t her, is it? I take off my hat. No. I wipe my face. The body in the park? I wipe my neck. I’m sorry. I stare up at the bleached-white sky. It isn’t Tominaga Noriko, is it? The clouds of typhus. I’m sorry. The clouds of dust. The case isn’t closed, is it? The clouds of dirt. I’m sorry. The clouds of shit. This isn’t victory, is it? My skin is red. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. My skin is raw. This is defeat again. My hand aches. Yes. My body sweats. We haven’t won. The city stinks of shit. No. The city stinks of defeat. We have lost again. This city on its knees. Yes. Nishi on his knees. We always lose. Always, always lose …
‘No! No! No!’ I shout. ‘Get off your knees!’
*
I walk up the stairs to Police Arcade. To the smells and the stains. Chief Inspector Adachi is standing in the corridor. There is no escape. Chief Inspector Adachi is looking for me. We should turn him over to Chief Inspector Adachi. Chief Inspector Adachi is waiting for me. The Chief Inspector was here looking for him. Chief Inspector Adachi walks me to the end of the corridor. Looking for Ishida, asking about Detective Fujita. Chief Inspector Adachi pulls me into the bathroom. Said his name was Adachi. Chief Inspector Adachi pushes me into a cubicle. No escape from the smells and the stains …
Chief Inspector Adachi puts me up against the wall –
The smells of ammonia and the stains of shit …
Chief Inspector Adachi stares into my face and then he says, ‘You haven’t been to see Senju yet, have you, detective?’
The smells of amnesia, the stains of blood …
‘You’ve been following me, sir?’
The stains on his hands …
‘I’m not the only one.’
The stains on mine …
‘Then you’ll know I’ve been busy,’ I tell him. ‘Busy searching for the Miyazaki Mitsuko file, chief inspector, sir.’
Now he takes his hands off me. Now he steps back. Now he asks, ‘And which Miyazaki Mitsuko file would that be?’
‘The Tokyo MPD file on the murder of Miyazaki Mitsuko. The file that was signed out just four days ago –’
‘Signed out by whom?’ asks Adachi –
‘Detective Nishi,’ I say. ‘But he denies it and I believe him.’
‘So who do you believe signed it out, detective?’
‘I think Fujita got Ishida to sign it out under Nishi’s name.’
‘Why?’ asks Adachi, but Adachi already knows –
‘Insurance,’ I say. ‘Extortion. Blackmail…’
‘Blackmail?’ he asks, but he knows –
‘You.’
‘And what about you, corporal? Mine won’t be the only name in that file, will it?’
‘I don’t know,’ I tell him. ‘I haven’t read it, have I?’
‘But I wasn’t even the senior officer,’ I say. ‘I need to find the file. I need to read it. And I need to speak to him…’
‘Then go to Senju and go soon,’ hisses Adachi. ‘Ask him where Fujita is. If Senju says he doesn’t know, you tell him about Fujita and Nodera Tomiji. You tell him about the plot.’
‘And you think he’d do the same for you?’
‘But then Senju will rip Tokyo apart looking for Fujita,’ I say. ‘He’ll find him and he’ll kill him before we…’
‘I really don’t know any more.’
‘Exactly,’ smiles Adachi.
Adachi and Kanehara are sat on his right, Kai and I on his left, the chief telling us, ‘As you all know, we had a quick success yesterday in attaining Kodaira Yoshio’s confession to the murder of Abe Yoshiko. And I think we should all thank Chief Inspector Kanehara for his legwork and Chief Inspector Adachi for his interrogation…’
Inspector Kai and I nodding our heads –
‘As we said, there are similarities with other cases and, after this early success with the Abe case, I feel there is every reason to go ahead and wash these other cases, manpower permitting. And so Inspector Kai, I believe you have the next one…’
Inspector Kai stands up now. Kai nods. ‘Shinokawa Tatsue; seventeen years old; raped and strangled…
‘Her body was found on the sixteenth of January this year in the basement of the annex of the former Toyoko Department Store at 20 Namiki-chō, Shibuya Ward, next to Shibuya station This basement formerly housed the employee canteen of the Toyoko Department Store but, since it was badly damaged during the air raids, it is now used only for storage…
‘On the sixteenth of January this year, a guard checking the storage area in the basement, removed some shelves and found the body of Shinokawa…
‘The body was in a state of some decay and the autopsy, which was conducted by Dr. Nakadate at the Keiō University Hospital, concluded that Shinokawa had probably died between the last week of October and the first week of November last year. However, the autopsy also revealed that Shinokawa Tatsue had most probably been raped before being strangled to death…’
‘Probably?’ asks Chief Inspector Adachi. ‘Why probably?’
Kai says, ‘Presumably because of the state of the body.’
‘Where was the investigation headquarters?’
Kai says, ‘The Shibuya precinct station.’
‘And who was in charge?’
Kai says, ‘Mori.’
‘Chief Inspector Mori,’ says Chief Kita. ‘Former Chief Inspector Mori was in charge.’
Kai blushes now. Kai bows. ‘Former Chief Inspector Mori.’
‘But that’s strange, don’t you think?’ asks Adachi. ‘I’ve read the entirety of the Abe Yoshiko case file, every single scrap of paperwork, and former Chief Inspector Mori never once mentions the Shinokawa case in his notes on the Abe case, never once…’
Inspector Kai shakes his head. Kai says, ‘No.’
‘And yet, both victims were of a similar age,’ continues Adachi. ‘Both had been raped and strangled. Both were his cases…’
‘But let us not forget the particular and peculiar circumstances of our times, Chief Inspector Adachi,’ interrupts Chief Kita. ‘Former Chief Inspector Mori was a very competent and a very diligent police officer but, and as you are well aware, there has been a marked rise in crimes and lawlessness in Tokyo over the past year and, equally, there has been a marked fall in the number of police officers and the resources and equipment available to us –
‘Now Chief Inspector Mori and I discussed this particular case at length and we both felt that, because of the state of the body, because of the shortage of manpower, the shortage of resources, our efforts were better directed towards other cases…
‘And so, ultimately, it was my decision to roll the banner back up again and close this case.’
Chief Inspector Adachi has his head bowed. Inspector Adachi does not look up. Adachi says, ‘I am sorry. Please excuse my rudeness and my presumption. I am sorry. It was not my intention to cast aspersions or make insinuations about the competence of Chief Inspector Mori. We all worked with him and we all learned from him. We all valued him and we all miss him…’
‘Thank you, chief inspector,’ says Chief Kita. ‘Inspector Kai, is there anything else you would like to add about the case?’
Inspector Kai closes his mouth. Kai nods. He says, ‘Her umbrella and twenty yen in cash were also reported missing.’
‘Kodaira Yoshio always had gifts on him … Proper gifts for ladies like jewellery, watches, umbrellas, you know …?’
‘Thank you, inspector,’ says the chief. ‘Right, as you all know, at the time of Shinokawa’s murder, Kodaira was living in Wakagi-chō in Shibuya Ward. And, as Chief Inspector Adachi stated, the age of the victim and the cause of death are the same as both those of Midorikawa Ryuko and Abe Yoshiko. So I want Inspector Kai and his Room to reopen this case, to reinterview the original witnesses from the original investigation as well as Kodaira’s wife and his immediate family living here in Tokyo…
‘Unfortunately, we will also have to make use of the Shibuya police station again as Inspector Kai will need officers from the Shibuya precinct to question local residents about Kodaira and Shinokawa. Hopefully a lead or a witness will quickly turn up that will again prompt Kodaira Yoshio to make another confession…’
More legwork. More questions. More reports …
‘Finally,’ says the chief. ‘Inspector Minami…’
There are things to say. Things not to say …
I wipe my neck. I stand up. I tell them about Kodaira Yoshio’s mistress, Okayama Hisayo. I tell them about the rumours of a murder in Kanuma in Tochigi Prefecture –
There are things to say …
‘Baba Hiroko, aged nineteen, found raped and strangled with her own scarf on the third of January this year, in Nishi Katamura, Tochigi. This fell in the jurisdiction of the Kanuma police, Tochigi. As you all know, Kodaira is originally from Nikkō in Tochigi Prefecture. His mistress, the widow Okayama Hisayo, has told us that Kodaira accompanied her on a visit to her mother’s house which is located one mountain away from Kanuma station. Okayama also told us that Kodaira has been back to the area on numerous occasions ostensibly for kaidashi and supplies and so on…
‘I think there is a strong possibility, given the age of the victim, the cause and circumstances of her death, the proximity to Kodaira Yoshio’s known haunts and the timeframe, that Kodaira should be questioned about this murder…’
There’s no applause here either …
I do not tell them about Tominaga Noriko’s landlady and the clothing. I do not tell them about visiting Murota Hideki. I do not tell them about seeing Tominaga Noriko –
Things not to say …
But Adachi is waiting for me. Adachi is always waiting –
‘But are you any nearer identifying the second Shiba body? What about this missing friend of Abe Yoshiko? What about the statement by her landlady? You said there was a possibility that the body might be this missing girl? This friend of Abe?’
But I told you nothing. I told you nothing…
‘I am very sorry,’ I tell him now. ‘But we no longer believe that to be the case, Chief Inspector Adachi, sir.’
‘Is that right?’ asks Adachi. ‘And yet only yesterday you seemed so very, very sure…’
‘And I’m very, very sorry,’ I tell him again. ‘And we are equally disappointed, sir.’
‘So are you now saying this friend of Abe is alive?’ he asks. ‘You’ve actually found her? Eliminated her?’
Tell him nothing …
‘No, sir,’ I lie. ‘I just mean that her landlady failed to identify the clothing as hers…’
Nothing …
‘So she is still missing, then? This friend of Abe Yoshiko?’
I nod. I say, ‘She may be missing, but she’s not our body.’
But Adachi doesn’t give up. Adachi never gives up …
‘And what about all the other girls?’ he asks me –
I shake my head. I ask, ‘What other girls?’
‘All the other girls aged fifteen to twenty years old reported missing in the past two months. These other girls that you have had your own men combing the streets of Tokyo for…’
I curse him. I curse him. I curse him …
‘The enquiries are still ongoing, sir.’
I curse him and I curse myself…
‘So are you then any nearer actually identifying the body?’
I meet his eyes now. I stare back at him. I say, ‘No.’
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no …
‘That’s enough,’ says Chief Kita –
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no …
Now the chief stands up –
It’s finished. It’s over …
And we all stand up and all bow and now all start to leave –
‘Chief Inspector Adachi,’ says the chief. ‘Please wait.’
Chief Inspector Adachi bows and sits back down.
‘And Inspector Minami, please wait outside.’
I bow my head. Then I step outside.
*
Thirty minutes later Chief Inspector Adachi steps out of Chief Kita’s office into the corridor. Chief Inspector Adachi stands in front of me and says, ‘The chief would like to see you now, Inspector Minami.’
I nod and I thank him. But I sit and I wait until he is gone –
Now I open the door. I step back inside the chief’s office –
The blood-flecked scroll on the wall behind his desk –
‘It is time to reveal the true essence of the nation …’
‘Please sit down,’ he says. ‘You look tired…’
I bow. I apologize. I thank him. I sit down –
Then he asks, ‘What happened at Keiō ?’
‘The landlady believes that the clothes found on the body in Shiba Park are not the same as those worn by Tominaga Noriko.’
‘So you said,’ says the chief. ‘And so?’
I shake my head. ‘And that’s it.’
‘But you were convinced that this missing girl could be the body at Shiba Park,’ says the chief. ‘You know the landlady could be mistaken about the clothes. You must have found out more?’
I shake my head again. I say, ‘I’m sorry. No.’
‘You’ve nothing else to say, then?’
I say again, ‘I’m sorry. No.’
Things not to say …
‘So why were you down at Mita police station last night?’
I have no answer. I say nothing. There is nothing to say.
‘You went there to try to find the name of the officer who was dismissed over Abe, didn’t you, detective? Didn’t you?’
I bow my head now. I say, ‘I am sorry, sir.’
‘You went there even after I told you now was not the time, didn’t you, detective? You still went there, directly disobeying me.’
My head still bowed, I say again, ‘I’m sorry, sir.’
‘Did they tell you his name?’ asks the chief.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘They told me his name.’
‘Did they tell you his address?’
‘No, they did not.’
‘But you still found it out, didn’t you?’ asks the chief. ‘You still went to see Murota, didn’t you?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘I…’
‘Did you ever stop to think why I said now was not the time to be asking about Murota? Did you, detective?’ the chief asks me –
My head still low, I apologize. I apologize and I apologize –
‘Did you ever stop to think I might have had a reason?’
I apologize and I apologize and again, I apologize –
‘Did you ever think of anyone but yourself in this?’
I apologize and I apologize again, over and over –
‘Do you ever think of anyone but yourself…?’
I say, ‘I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry…’
The chief leans forward now. The chief whispers, ‘You are being watched. You are being followed. Everywhere you go –
‘Did you know that? Did you even suspect that?’
My head still bowed, I say, ‘I had no idea…’
‘The Public Safety Division has been sniffing around again, seeking to draw up fresh lists of the guilty. There are rumours of a second Purge Directive, this time against lower ranking officers…
‘They are trying to match histories to names…
‘And yours is one of the names…’
I curse him and I curse myself…
I want to know what he knows. I curse him! I want to know what he has heard. I curse myself! I want to know how he knows what he knows. I curse him! I want to know who told him what he knows. I curse myself! But I don’t ask anything or say anything –
I just curse him and I curse myself…
Because there’s nothing to say –
No point. No point. No point –
Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku …
No point. No point –
Chiku-taku …
I am out of time –
‘I don’t know if these are just shots in the dark,’ the chief is saying now. ‘Or if they have some actual information, some witnesses or statements but, either way, it is best you get lost…’
‘Best I get lost?’ I repeat. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I want you to go up to Tochigi,’ he says.
‘Tochigi Prefecture? When?’
‘Tomorrow,’ he says –
Now the chief picks up a file and passes it across his desk. ‘Yesterday we actually had a call from the Utsunomiya Chihō Kensatsu-chō, the Utsunomiya District Public Prosecutor’s Office, about two unsolved murders in their jurisdiction that they wanted to pass on to the Kodaira investigation team. One of the murders was your Baba Hiroko and the other was a Numao Shizue, aged sixteen, who was found stabbed on the thirtieth of December last year, in the jurisdiction of the Nikkō police. Baba Hiroko, as you know, was found strangled with her own scarf on the third of January in Nishi Katamura, in the jurisdiction of the Kanuma Police…
‘But Baba Hiroko was actually living here in Kyōbashi Ward so, before you go up to Tochigi tomorrow, I think it would be a good idea to first speak to her family in Tokyo…’
I say, ‘I want to take Nishi…’
‘No,’ says the chief.
‘Am I to go alone?’
‘Chief Inspector Adachi has recommended young Ishida…’
‘Excuse me,’ I say. ‘I don’t think he’s a suitable officer –’
‘This is not a debate,’ says the chief. ‘This is an order.’
I bow my head again. I apologize again, and again –
And then I ask, ‘How long should I stay away?’
‘Only for a couple of days,’ says the chief –
Now I ask, ‘And then what happens?’
The chief clears his throat. The chief stands behind his desk. Now the chief says, ‘Inspector Minami, as of midnight tonight, I am forced to relieve you of your command of Room #2…’
I am on my knees. I am on my knees …
‘There have been complaints about you…’
I am on my knees in his office …
‘Complaints from your own men…’
On my knees, on his floor …
‘Complaints about your lack of leadership,’ says the chief. ‘Your lack of organization. Complaints about your inability to command. Your inability to delegate. Complaints about the continued absence of Detective Fujita and about your own absences…’
On his floor. In his office. On my knees …
‘But you tell me to lead my men and then you send me away and you demote me. Who will lead my men now …? Who will take charge of this case …? Please give me a second chance…’
Begging him, pleading with him …
‘In the continued absence of Detective Fujita, I’m promoting Detective Hattori under the supervision of Chief Inspector Adachi.’
‘And what happens to me when I get back…?’
Pleading for a second chance …
‘Until this situation is clarified, you will be assigned to a local police station upon your return from Tochigi…’
‘And so what about my transfer…?’
Begging for a second chance …
‘There will be no transfer…’
No second chance.
*
There is no route back to Atago today. In the half-light. I walk down the stairs into the bar. They are following me. There are only two other customers at the counter; the same middle-aged woman, now dressed in brown, smelling of local perfume and smoking Golden Bat cigarettes; the same old man in his dark suit, taking out his pocket watch and winding it up and putting it away again, then taking it out and winding it up and putting it away again, then –
Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku …
The woman opens her purse. The woman places chocolates on the bar. The woman says, ‘Please help yourself…’
But they taste bitter. They taste of ash –
The bakudan explodes in my belly –
The man shows me the watch –
It still says twelve o’clock –
But in the half-light –
His watch has no hands and we both have no feet.
*
Through the doors of the borrowed police station. I have a shaved head. Up the stairs of the borrowed police station. I have a bandaged hand. To the borrowed second-floor room. I have a pair of bloody knees. Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, Nishi, Kimura and Ishida. I have a broken heart. They are all here and they already know –
I am not the head of the room. I am not their boss …
Now they all look away. They all hide their eyes –
Their eyes full of questions. Eyes full of doubts …
Eyes full of whispers, rumours and complaints …
I have nothing to say to any one of them –
I hate them. I hate them. I hate them all…
I walk over to Takeda’s borrowed desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help. I walk over to Sanada’s borrowed desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help. I walk over to Shimoda’s desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work, for all his help –
I hate them all. I hate them all…
I stand before Nishi’s desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help and I wish him luck. I turn to Kimura and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help and I wish him luck. Then I bow and I thank Ishida for all his hard work and I wish him luck –
I will see him again …
I walk over to Detective Hattori’s desk and I bow low and I congratulate him on his promotion and I wish him luck in his promotion and with the investigation and I thank him for all his hard work and all his help –
I hate him…
Finally, I stand before them all and I bow deeply and I apologize to them for my lack of leadership, my lack of organization, my inability to command, my inability to delegate and my absences –
‘I am sorry,’ I say. ‘And I hope to earn your forgiveness.’
*
It is night now. They are following me. It is hot still. They are following me. I have places to visit, people to see before we leave for Tochigi tomorrow afternoon. They are following me. The sound of a balladeer and his guitar trails me up the hill as I walk away from Shibuya station. They are following me. I don’t recognize the words of the song, I don’t recognize the music. They are following me. I stop at the mouth of the dark alley. They are following me. I glance back down the hill. They are following me. I sit down on a broken wall. They are following me. I take off my hat and I fan myself –
They are following me. They are still following me …
I put on my hat and I stand back up. I walk down the alley and I knock on the door. I slide it open and I make my apologies –
‘But I have some good news,’ I tell her –
Tominaga Noriko’s landlady looks up from another shabby low table in another shabby little room in another shabby little house in another shabby neighbourhood –
‘Noriko’s not dead.’
There are questions and doubts in her red eyes now, questions and doubts among the tears, the tears she has wept since she glanced up at the clothing lain out on that autopsy table –
‘The clothes were not hers,’ I tell her –
Hope among the questions now, hope among the doubts, hope that cries, ‘Really? So Noriko is still alive?’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I saw her today.’
Hope that asks, ‘Is she coming back, then? Back here?’
‘I don’t know,’ I tell her. ‘But I don’t think so…’
No more questions, no more doubts and no more hope now, only rage and only grief that shouts and screams out –
‘Then she’s still dead to me, detective!’
*
The Shimbashi New Life Market is back in business. But among the kettles and the pans, the crockery and the utensils, among the clothes and the shoes, the cooking oil and the soy sauce, among the fruit and the vegetables, the sardines and the second-hand suits, the coffee and the silk, in their patterned shirts and their American sunglasses, Senju’s men are still licking their wounds, still counting their dead –
Sharpening old blades and swearing new oaths –
Exchanging sake cups with any old soldier –
‘Let’s all sing the Apple Song’
These are desperate times…
But defiant times –
‘Let them come in their hundreds,’ Senju Akira is telling me. ‘Let them come in their thousands. For I am assembling the largest organization of patriotic Japanese men this country has seen since the end of the war. Then let the Chinese, the Koreans and the Formosans try to take away what has been left us, the little that has been left us by the many that sacrificed themselves before us –
‘For I tell you this, in the centuries to come, generations of Japanese, generations who will be living only because of our stand, these generations will hear tales of the things we did to protect our fellow countrymen and save the Japanese nation and they will shed tears for us under the cherry blossoms and raise their glasses under the full moon and pray for our souls at Yasukuni, honouring us as the true keepers of the Japanese spirit…’
Chiku-taku …
I bow lower on the tatami. I say, ‘I am very sorry to trouble you at a time like this…’
‘I am always happy to see an old friend,’ says Senju now. ‘And I was worried about you, detective. I’d begun to think you might be avoiding me. I’d even begun to think that maybe we weren’t really friends, that maybe you only came to see me when you wanted something from me, when you wanted money or wanted drugs…’
‘I do need money,’ I tell him. ‘And I do need Calmotin.’
‘That’s very honest of you, detective,’ says Senju. ‘And also very refreshing in such duplicitous and deceitful times as these –
‘I admire your honesty, Inspector Minami…’
I bow. I thank him. I start to speak but –
‘But did you just come with a shopping list, detective?’
I bow again. I apologize again. I tell him, ‘It isn’t easy for me. There’s an investigation into the murder of Hayashi…’
‘You sound surprised?’ laughs Senju. ‘It’s your job, isn’t it?’
‘But it’s not my case,’ I tell him. ‘And there’s a problem…’
‘A problem for who?’ asks Senju. ‘For you or for me?’
‘For both of us,’ I tell him. ‘Fujita is missing…’
‘And why is this a problem for either of us?’
‘Do you know where he is?’ I ask him.
‘No,’ says Senju. ‘But I’ll ask you again, why would a missing Detective Fujita be my problem?’
‘He’s wanted for questioning about the death of Hayashi Jo,’ I say, and then I pause, I swallow, and now I say, ‘He’s wanted for questioning because Hayashi Jo left behind a letter, a last testament, in which he claims to have information putting Fujita in the New Oasis with Nodera Tomiji on the night of the hit on Matsuda…’
Senju has stopped listening. Senju is stood up now –
Senju showering me with money and with pills –
‘This is not a problem,’ Senju is shouting –
‘This is going to be a pleasure!’
*
It will be hours before I lie again here upon the old tatami mats of her dim and lamp-lit room. It will be hours before I stare again at her peeling screens with their ivy-leaf designs. Hours before I watch her draw again her figures with their fox-faces upon these screens –
I cannot stay tonight. I cannot take the Calmotin –
I do not want to close my eyes tonight –
For I have one last place still to go.
‘I wish it would rain,’ she says –
‘I cannot stay tonight,’ I tell her. ‘I won’t be here tomorrow. But, as soon as I return to Tokyo, I’ll come straight here…’
Now Yuki puts down her pencils and reaches for a piece of tissue paper. Now she covers both her eyebrows with the paper and stares at me in the panels of her mirror –
‘Does this become me?’
I leave her money –
I leave her pills.