20
ON LEAVING WINSTERMILL
Idlewild, the ~ officially known as the
Placidia Solitus, a gathering of client-cities (colonies) along the
Imperial Highroad of the Conduit Vermis. Each town, village or
fortress is sponsored by a different state of the
Empire—Brandenbrass, Hergoatenbosch, Quimperpund,
Maubergonne,Termagaunt, even Catalain. Established in the late 15th
century HIR, it is the latest great project of what is grandly
termed cicuration—taming by farming; purgation—taming by force; and
bossesation—taming by landscaping, originally proposed by
Clementine itself. The Inner Idlewild or Placidine, from Tumblesloe
Cot to the Wight, was declared “regio scutis”—a fenceland—over a
decade ago. This heralded a brilliant success of the great labor of
pushing back the monsters and the threwd. The marches from the
Wight to Haltmire—otherwise known as the Paucitine (also the
Frugelle)—are still considered ditchland.
IN the clear, bright and oppressively cold
morning Rossamünd watched Winstermill recede as the post-lentum
took him away. Threnody sat opposite him in the cabin, snuggled in
a nest of furs.The first he knew of her joining him was her
appearance on the Grand Mead that morning, baggage and all, as he
waited for the lentum. Originally billeted at Dovecote Bolt, the
girl was not supposed to be here in the carriage, the first to take
freshly promoted prentices out to their new home. Somehow late the
day before, she had succeeded in having her posting changed and was
now with him on the road to Wormstool. Perhaps this was what she
had been so intent on telling him the evening before. “It’s too
dangerous just for one” was all she had said in explanation as they
had waited on the cold Mead earlier that morning. “I’ll keep watch
on your flanks, and you’ll keep watch on mine.”
Rossamünd wondered briefly how the besotted Plod
would feel about her change of destination. She was surely the most
gorgeously accoutred lamplighter along the whole of the Wormway in
her scarlet and gold harness and mass of midnight ringlets. Under
one arm she clutched a day-bag, while a linen package and a
mysterious round box sat on the seat beside. One hand was kept warm
in a fuzzy white snuftkin, the other clutched a duodecimo novel,
which she was reading with pointed concentration. Despite her
infuriating twists of manners and mood, Rossamünd was at first glad
she had come along. But beyond the initial word she had been
ignoring him, for reasons he could not quite comprehend, spoiling
the sweetness of her original gallant gesture.
Has she come with me just to have someone to
still pick on?
Rossamünd had reading matter of his own. Before the
lentum-and-four had departed, he had ventured to the Packet File to
deliver his letter for Sebastipole and had been given another
missive in return. He still clutched it in his hand, forgotten in
the haste of his embarkation. With him in the cabin he had also
brought his restocked salumanticum, his old traveling satchel with
its knife-in-sheath attached holding his peregrinat, and a parcel
of wayfood. On the seat next to him was his precious valise crammed
with smalls and other necessaries for five days’ travel. Anything
over that and he would just have to make do. The rest of what he
owned—most of it issued by the lamplighters when he first
joined—had been stowed in an ox trunk and fixed to the roof of the
lentum along with Threnody’s sizable collection of luggage, their
fodicars and fusils.
In his pocket his buff-leather wallet was bulging
full with traveling papers, reissued after the ruin his old ones
had become on his way to Winstermill. There was also a work docket
already bearing its first remarks: the period of his service as a
prentice and the tasks undertaken, by which was a “CS” for
“Completed to Satisfaction”; under “Conduct” was the comment “Late
for prenticing period” and two small “i’s” for his
impositions—pots-and-pans with the now-vanished Mother Snooks. It
was all signed off by the Master-of-Clerks himself, now the
Marshal-Subrogat.
With these papers was a fair wad of folding notes
and coin—his three months’ wages as a prentice and a large portion
of the money Europe had given to him in High Vesting. As for a hat,
there had been no time to replace it, and so here he was venturing
out with little more than the bandage about his head.
The east wind whistled low on the Harrowmath, the
usual odor of the long grass rank with the rot of sodden
vegetation. Mixing with the flat nonodor of his newly applied
Exstinker, it became an unpleasant half stink in Rossamünd’s
nostrils. He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and sighed
his melancholy. An untimely departure, an uncertain way ahead, and
Numps left in the rough care of the lighters, yet Rossamünd was
glad to be out of Winstermill and on the road once more. He even
entertained the hope he might see Europe on the way through.
He looked down at the letter and opened it, his
hands slightly trembling.
It was dated the nineteenth of Pulvis,
Solemnday—almost a week ago.
Rossamünd,
I have to tell ye of the profound and sorrowful
news that on the night of the 5th of this month, the marine society
was burnt down and that Madam Opera did perish in the fire along
with, to my ever-living grief and shame, many children and Master
Pinsum too, with valuables and papers burnt or maybe stolen.
Verline and we other masters all survived. Perhaps
we should not have lived with so many young kilt. But survive we
have and are seeking now to find berths for all the poor younkers
made wastrel once more.
That wretched utterworst Gosling set the spark, or
so it appears. Barthomæus and I chased at rumors of him a’watching
the building many times afore the fire, but obviously turned up
naught.The splints say he has fled the city. He always was a
yellow-gutted dastard and I should have ended him long ago but for
the restraint of conscience—and Verline, bless her.
With all that has got to be done for the tots it
appears that Craumpalin and I shall be arriving to ye later than
expected, but can’t be knowing when. Expect us maybe in two
months.
With great respect and sorrow etc.
Frans, Mstr, Ex-Gnr.
I am sorry about being so long in scratching this
down and sending it on to ye, but our labors have not let me do so
sooner.Thanks to ye for yer own letter dated 13th of Pulchrys, it
survived the fire and we esteem it like treasure. Hold yer course,
my boy, hold yer course—I know it is hard. Remember I said once
that paths need never stay fixed.
Also Craumpalin sends greeting: he says that he is
most proud and very happy with the usefulness of his bothersalts
and tells ye (as do I) to keep wearing his Exstinker, if ye do not
already.
Miss Verline is safe with her sister and her new
niece and would send ye her best—as ye well know—if she knew of
this letter.
Well-fare-ye!
Rossamünd could not believe what was written. He
read again. “. . . the night of the 5th of this month . . .” That
was the very night the horn-ed nickers had attacked Threnody and
her sisters in their carriage.Yet it was not until his third time
through, slowly and painfully, that the full impact of his old
dormitory master’s terrible news struck home. He turned his face
away from Threnody, hiding in the collar of his pallmain, and wept
as he had not wept in the longest time, letting all the bleakness
sob out. He wept for the dear dead children, for Master Pinsum, and
even for Madam Opera, who may not have been the kindest, but was by
no means the worst; for the grief caused to his beloved carers; for
fury at Gosling’s malice. The fury passed but the grief remained,
and Rossamünd lost himself in sad, wordless reveries, only vaguely
heedful of the progress of the carriage as it followed the
Pettiwiggin along the Harrowmath.
They were passing through the Briarywood when he
roused at last with thoughts of Fransitart’s arrival—and dear
Craumpalin coming too. I must write to let them know I will not
be at Winstermill.
“What’s wrong with you, lamp boy?” Threnody said,
her voice raised only a little over the dull rumble of the
lentum.“Why do you cry?” She looked at Fransitart’s letter. “Who is
the correspondence from?”
Rossamünd became suddenly very aware of the girl:
aware of her proximity; of his unwanted tears. He wiped at them
quickly, sniffing impatiently. “My old dormitory master back in
Boschenberg . . . ,” he answered reluctantly. “He . . . he sends
sad news.”
“Sad news?” Threnody folded the duodecimo in her
lap.
“My old home was burned down by an old foe,”
Rossamünd managed. “Madam Opera died in the fire. She was the owner
. . . and a . . . a mother, I suppose—in a strange way. She named
me—marked it in the book . . . ”
“You’re a better soul than me, Rossamünd.”
“How?”
“You weep over the death of some wastrel
proprietress, yet I can only wish my very own mother might perish
in a fire.”
With a frown, Rossamünd returned to the window and
broodily observed the passing scene. He knew she was just trying to
be kind. It did not help that she was not very good at it.
The post-lentum clopped between the twin keeps of
Wellnigh House without hesitation, under the Omphalon, and on
through to the Roughmarch. With a feeling very much like going
through the Axles of Boschenberg, Rossamünd realized with equal
parts dread and expectancy that he had never been farther east than
this point, that he was hurtling into what were, for him, unknown
lands.
A great-lamp at every bend, the Roughmarch Road
twisted serpentlike through a valley clotted with thorny plants of
many kinds—sloe, briar, boxthorn and blackberry, its spiny runners
thickly stickling the verge. As with the wild grasses of the
Harrowmath, fatigue parties were regularly sent out from Wellnigh
House and Tumblesloe Cot to pull and prune these plants, to resist
the threwd and deny monsters a hide from which to ambush.Yet either
side of the way was only partially hacked and cleared, and
Rossamünd could still feel the haunting watchfulness here, strong
but strangely restrained. He stared at the high bald hills, dark
and silent, and pulled up the door sash to keep the threat outside,
glad he did not have to work the lamps on this stretch.
If Threnody noticed the threwd, she did not show
it. Indeed, she started to hum as she read her book and paid
Rossamünd and the rest of the world little heed.
They drove down out of the hills where a creek
bubbled alongside the Wormway, spilling over lichen-covered rocks,
beneath twisted roots of writhen, leafless trees and south under
the road to make a bog at the foot of a short cliff. In as much
time as it took to walk to Wellnigh House from Winstermill, they
were passing the walls of Tumblesloe Cot, not pausing there either.
The cothouse was built away from the highroad, right up against the
cliffs that marched upon the eastern flanks of the hills. Nothing
could be seen of it but the stonework curtain wall and the tops of
a handful of high chimneys. They were in foreign lands now—the
great divide between the Idlewild and the rest of the Empire had
been crossed.
“Welcome to the Placidine,” said Threnody.
“Dovecote Bolt is next, at the junction with another road; if you
left the highroad and took this other pathway north it would lead
you to my old home, Herbroulesse.”
Rossamünd looked at his peregrinat maps and saw the
path she was talking of and her home too, both important enough to
be mentioned. He did not want to be, but he was actually
impressed.While it had stood, Madam Opera’s marine society had
never featured on any map he knew. “What will your mother think of
what you’re doing,” he asked, “going off to dangerous
cothouses?”
“She would lecture at me and I would disagree and
we would start screaming and I would be sent away somewhere with
Dolours till Mother could bear to see me again.”
“But what about the Emperor’s Billion?” Rossamünd
pressed.
“What about it?” Threnody snapped. “My mother has a
larger mandate than that! Our clave’s Imperial Prerogative takes
precedence over simple tokens.”
“Imperial Prerogative?”
She gave him the by-now-familiar
are-you-really-that-stupid? look and said after a sigh, “It
allows us to do and be without the states troubling us. It is
granted by the Emperor himself, and not every clave has
one.” She finished with a proud sniff.
Before them the Conduit Vermis descended into a
broad, shallow valley of scruffy pastures hemmed to the north by a
spur of bald hills and to the south by the rolling, pastured fells
of the Sparrow Downs. It was an unremarkable land. Rossamünd stared
at the distant downs, wondering if an urchin-lord truly was there
watching and sending out its little sparrow-agents from its leafy
courts.
As the day grew longer, traffic began to pass going
the other way. There were other post-lentums with returning
dispatches; barouques and landaulets, perhaps taking the well-to-do
to High Vesting or Brandenbrass; dyphrs dashing on errands;
crofters commuting in curricles between land and town.They also
began to overtake slow-moving higglers with their trays of
fripperies, stooklings with their enormous bundles of sticks,
laborers with their barrows, vendors with their donkey carts; and
always, whether in their direction or against, the ox drays and
mule crates of the merchants.
Another lamppost flicked past.
It was going to be a long stretch to
Wormstool.
“Ah,” Threnody exclaimed, of a sudden, stirring
Rossamünd from his sorrows, “I am sharp-set—it must be time for
middens.”
The prentice craned a look out the window at the
gun-metal sky. The sun hid behind the even cover of clouds. He
could not tell what hour it was—surely well past midday, yet his
stomach told the time more truly with a noisy poppling
gurgle.
Threnody gave out a peculiar laughing bark. “Your
gizzards think so too, it appears!” She extracted a ditty bag from
among her cushions and wraps, and shared her pong with
dried-and-salted pork and a handful of millet, all washed down with
a brown bottle of small beer.
Sick of the little varying diet of the Emperor’s
Service, Rossamünd took some food and ate perfunctorily. Dull grief
would not let him eat. However, once started, he found his appetite
returned and he supped heartily enough.
At the meal’s end, Threnody took out a vial of
sticky red Friscan’s wead.
Rossamünd stared fixedly out of the window as she
drank, not wanting to invite some petulant overreaction.
With shadows growing long as the bulk of Tumblesloe
Heap brought an early sunset, and their rumps sore from too much
sitting, they passed the lantern-watch of Dovecote Bolt wending
west, fodicars on shoulder, winding out the lonely lamps. The
lampsmen hailed the lenterman, but paid no heed to the
passengers.
Gloaming finally gave up to darkness as they
followed the glittering chain of new-lit lamps and arrived at the
cothouse itself. Dovecote Bolt was a high-house: whitewashed walls
upon exposed stone foundations, with a fortified stairway to the
only door at the very top of the structure, a high wall extending
behind it and a crowd of glowing lanterns at its front. It was
built close by a sludgy ford over the beginnings of a little stream
known as the Mirthlbrook. Just before the ford the post-lentum
turned, went through a heavy gate and halted in the modest coach
yard at the rear of the cothouse.
The splasher boy opened the door, unfolded the step
and said with a parched croak, “First stop. And an overnight stay
till tomorrow’s post.”
As luggage was retrieved, lampsmen appeared from
within bearing bright-limns to light their way and dour expressions
to greet them. The seven-strong garrison of this modest cothouse
seemed very tight, veterans with a long record of service together.
However, they had little cheer for new-promoted lampsmen, looking
especially hard at Threnody as she mounted the stair and entered
the guardroom. It occupied the entirety of that floor, and with
benches and trestles, doubled as a common room for meals. The two
young lamplighters were directed to the cramped office of Dovecote
Bolt’s house-major, found in an attic-space loft of the steep
roof.
Introducing himself as Major-of-House Wombwell, he
spoke to them in a stiff yet welcoming manner.
“Good evening to you, young . . . er—prentices!” he
said, eyeing Threnody with a confounded expression. His eyes became
wider as he saw the small spoor upon her face. “Why have you come
to us from our glorious manse? Wellnigh is the usual range of your
watch, is it not?”
“Ah,” said Rossamünd, “we are on the way to our
billet, sir.”
“To your billet?” The house-major bridled.
“Preposterous! Billeting Day is not for another month.”
“It has been called early by our dear new
Marshal-Subrogat,” Threnody explained with affected
amusement.
“Marshal-Subrogat?” the man quizzed her.
“Aye, sir,” Rossamünd answered, getting a word in
before Threnody for fear of some rash statement from her. “The
Master-of-Clerks has filled the place of the
Lamplighter-Marshal.”
“So it is true, then: the Lamplighter-Marshal is
called away and that old fox Podious is top of the heap. They even
let lasses serve as lighters now, I see—troublesome times are here
. . .”
The house-major asked them some further questions
on minor details of Winstermill’s running and then they were
dismissed.Threnody, much to the bemusement of the lighters, was
granted access to the kitchens to make her plaudamentum.
“Blighted Cathar’s baskets as lighters—by my
knotted bowels, who’d reckon it?” Rossamünd could hear the
house-major mutter as they left him.
“Would you need help with your treacle, Threnody?”
Rossamünd offered as they were shown down to their cots by the
cot-warden: a surly, scabby-faced lighter—one of the permanent
house-watch, too old now to walk the highroad.
The girl paused, contriving to look bemused, amazed
and annoyed all at once. “No thank you, I will boil my own,” she
huffed, and left him to find the kitchen.
When she returned, they were served mains by the
same surly cot-warden now acting as kitchen hand. Incongruously the
meal of boiled beef, onions and rice from the tiny kitchen tasted
better than anything made by Winstermill’s vast cookery.
Left well alone on their cots by the
lampsmen,Threnody read as Rossamünd contended with a bout of the
blackest sorrow.
When the lamp-watch arrived from Sallowstall, their
thumping and calling reverberating through the boards above,
Threnody made trouble by asking for a privacy screen. Churlishly,
the old cot-warden and two of the lighters answered her demand,
setting a dusty old screen for her with much ungracious puffing and
banging and stomping. Finished, the cot-warden left them, muttering
grumpily, “Anything else yer highness wants doing . . .” Behind the
screen, by golden lantern-light, Threnody did those mysterious
things girls did before going abed. When she was done, she pushed
the screen away and got into her rough cot. She was in a voluminous
white nightdress, her hair gathered and hidden beneath a sacklike,
ribbon-tied crinickle. Rossamünd had never seen her in this way.
She had been careful never to show herself after douse-lanterns
back at Winstermill. The nightclothes and hat made her look
curiously vulnerable. He prepared for sleep more publicly, his
wounded head throbbing as it had not done for some days.
Sleep was hard-won that night. Rossamünd wrestled
with his troubles as he lay in the cold listening to Threnody’s
easy breathing.
Fed a hasty breakfast the next morning, they were
allowed barely enough time for brewing Threnody’s treacle. A slap
of reins and a shout, and the lentum went on, the weird song of
unseen birds echoing across the foggy valley their only farewell.
Feeling empty and exhausted, Rossamünd bid the Bolt a silent
good-bye. Threnody slid over to Rossamünd’s side of the carriage
and, pulling back the drape, stared at the low northward hills
where Herbroulesse was hidden, still dark despite the morning glow.
“Till anon, Mother,” she murmured, and kept her vigil till they
were well past the cothouse and the lesser road too.
The day’s journey took them past dousing lampsmen
returning to Sallowstall and on to that place itself, the quality
of the road improving from hard-packed clay and soil to flagstones.
With a blare of the horn, the post-lentum stopped at Sallowstall, a
well-tended cot-rent with broad grounds and thick walls.
The mail was passed over and horses changed. Over
the ford, scattering half-tame ducks, and out of the thicket of
trees, the lentum resumed the journey.
As the afternoon wore on, the pastures on either
side of the Wormway became neater, their boundaries clearer, their
furrows straighter, less weedy. Much of the land was a dark,
fertile brown. This was a very different land from the grayer soils
of the crofts Rossamünd had known about Boschenberg. Nearing
Cothallow they saw peoneers levering at the road with iron-crows
while a grim-looking guard of haubardiers stood watch.
“Thrice-blighted baskets have taken to tearing up
the highroad,” Rossamünd heard someone call to their driver as the
post-lentum cautiously passed along. Flagstones had been torn up
and thrown aside, and a great-lamp bent over like a wind-broken
sapling, its glass smashed, the precious bloom torn into shreds and
yellowing.
Nestled in a wooded valley, Cothallow was long and
low, its thick granite façade perforated with solid arches from the
midst of which slit windows stared, closely barred and ready to be
employed as loopholes.Their stay was not much more than a shouted
“Hallo!,” an exchange of mail and a hurried change of horses. The
lenterman was clearly keen, with the advance of day, to be at the
next destination.
A sparrow alighted suddenly on the lowered door
sash and, ruffling its wings, inspected first Threnody then
Rossamünd with keen deliberation. Threnody peered at the
impertinent little bird over the top of her duodecimo. It trilled
at Rossamünd once and loudly, and then shot off with a hum of
speedy wings as the post-lentum jerked forward to resume its
travels.
“I’ve never known such birds to be so persistent,”
Threnody exclaimed. “He looks just the same as that one watching
while we talked in the greens-garden by the manse.”
Rossamünd leaned forward. “Perhaps the Duke of
Sparrows is watching us?” he whispered.
“I can’t think why he would watch after us
particularly,” the girl answered with a frown.
“Maybe he’s making sure you don’t go witting the
wrong bogle,” Rossamünd muttered with a weak grin, feeling anything
but funny.
“Is there such a thing?” Threnody said seriously,
looking at him sharply.
Rossamünd very much wanted to say “yes” but held
his tongue.
The crowns of the hills about were thick with
trees, but their flanks were broad with deep green pastures, thin
breaks of lithely myrtles. Here cattle lowed and chewed and drank
from the runnels that wore creases down the hillsides. Crows cawed
to each other across the valley.
Their day’s-end destination was the community of
Makepeace, built amid sparse, elegant, evergreen myrtles, right on
the banks of the Mirthlbrook. It was the first significant
settlement upon the Conduit Vermis, a village sequestered behind a
massive, foreboding wall. Rossamünd could see the top bristling
with sharp iron studs and shards of broken crockery, which seemed
to make a lie of the Makepeace’s friendly name. Crowds of chimneys
stretched well above the beetling fortifications, each one
drizzling steamy smoke into the still, damp air, showing a promise
of a warm hearth and even warmer food. Rossamünd imagined every
home filled with humble families—father, mother, son,
daughter—living quietly useful lives.
Upon either side of the gate were two doughty
bastion-towers, both showing the muzzle of a great-gun through
enlarged loopholes. Situated immediately by the northern tower, the
cothouse of Makepeace Stile merged its foundations with those of
the wall. A high fastness much like Dovecote Bolt yet greatly
enlarged—maybe five or six stories—the Stile was near as tall as
the chimney stacks of Makepeace and must have dominated the view of
the west from within the village.
The post-lentum eased into a siding between the
cothouse and the highroad, its arrival coincident with the
departure of the lamp-watch.
Alighting from the carriage, Rossamünd heard a cry
sound from down the gloomy road. “The hedgeman comes! Be a-ready
to make your orders, the hedgeman comes!” It was uttered by a
portly figure pulling his test-barrow and strolling toward the town
from the same direction the lentum had just come, as if there was
no threat from monsters.
A hedgeman! Rossamünd’s attention pricked.
These were wandering folk, part skold, dispensurist and ossatomist
who cured chills and set bones (for a fee) where other habilists
would not venture. He had not noticed them passing the fellow
earlier, though they must have.
“The hedgeman is here! Come a-make your orders, the
hedgeman is here!” came the cry again, and this time Rossamünd
recognized the crier.
Mister Critchitichiello! Mister
Critchitichiello, who made his living hawking his skills to all and
any along the Wormway. When he had first arrived at Winstermill,
Rossamünd found it much easier to ask the kindly hedgeman to make
Craumpalin’s Exstinker than go to Messrs. Volitus or Obbolute, the
manse’s own script-grinders. Now, with the current batch near its
end, and more required to last him at his new billeting, Rossamünd
hurried over to the man through traffic and the rain.
In the manse the hedgeman was a popular fellow.
Rossamünd had to wait his turn while the small crowd of
brother-lighters ordered eagerly. Mostly they came for love-pomades
made to secure the affections of Jane Public and the other
dolly-mops—the maids and professional girls living in the towns
about—or find a cure for the various aches and grumbles your
average lampsman seemed always to possess. Out here, however, two
days east of Winstermill, Rossamünd was the only customer.
“Well ’ello there, young a-fellow.”
Critchitichiello greeted Rossamünd in his strange Sevillian accent,
grinning at him from beneath the wide brim of his round hat. “I
a-remember you from the fortress.Yes? Back then you wore a hat and
not a bandage.”
The prentice nodded cheerily.
“Hallo, Mister Critchitichiello. Triple the
quantity of my Exstinker, please. I have the list for it if you
need to remember its parts.”
Critchitichiello smiled. “No—no, I remember. Old
Critchitichiello never forgets such clever mixings.” He tapped his
pock-scarred brow knowingly. “I’ll have it ready for you in a puff,
Rossamündo. You see! I even remember your name though we meet but
once.”
Rossamünd followed the hedgeman as he set his
test-barrow down under the eave of a small stall built against the
eastern wall. A remarkable little black-iron chimney poked out and
up from the back, puffing clean little puffs of smoke.
Critchitichiello unlatched and unfolded his barrow, the lid
swinging up to provide a roof from the rain.
Master Craumpalin would want to see this!
Rossamünd thought sadly of the charcoal ruin that Master
Craumpalin’s own marvelous test had become. He gripped the list of
parts made by the dispensurist’s own hand as if it were a precious
jewel. He had read the recipe many times and knew it well:
mabrigond, wine-of-Sellry, nihillis, dust-of-carum, benthamyn. As
he observed the testing—as making a script is called—Rossamünd
habitually ran through the steps in his mind. Start with five
parts—no! Fifteen parts wine-of-Sellry in a porcelain beaker over
gentle heat.
CRITCHITICHIELLO
A familiar savory smell wafted, like fine vegetable
soup, as the liquid began to simmer.
Add one—ah, three parts nihillis and . .
.
Pumping at an ingenious little foot bellows
connected to the test-barrow, the hedgeman looked up from his work,
and with a frown of friendly concern said, “You know, Rossamündo, I
have a-made many nullodors along these many roads, but with this
a-one here I cannot figure how it might a-do its job.”
Critchitichiello shrugged, thick-gloved hands raised
palms-to-the-sky.
Rossamünd blinked. The hedgeman was such a kindly
fellow he did not want to gainsay him.Yet he knew Master Craumpalin
would never give him something that was crank. To question his old
dispensurist’s scripts was unthinkable.
“It has done what I suppose it was meant to do,” he
offered guardedly. “I have no complaint.” Add the
benthamyn.
“And good that is!” Critchitichiello kept smiling.
“Yet I tell you. Up till a-now its parts are all just as they
ought—a simple base for a nullodor, but put a-this in”—and in went
the tiny benthamyn pellets, six parts, just in time—“and suddenly
it’s like a-no nullodor I’ve ever heard made. It might foil some
noses, but not a nicker’s sniffing.”
Rossamünd nodded patiently. He had no answer for
the hedgeman. Instead he watched in silence as the mabrigond and
dust-of-carum were added in right and timely proportion.
“Don’t a-mind me, Rossamündo, my fine a-fellow,”
the hedgeman said perceptively. “Just a curious old noddy am I . .
. I’m-a sure this no-stinker answers for what you are a-wanting it
for.”
Rossamünd certainly hoped it was so.
Critchitichiello poured the deep blue liquid into a
fine new bottle and Rossamünd reached for his wallet.
Taking payment, the hedgeman looked beyond him with
twinkling eye. “That sweet lass has been a-watching you for a
little while,” he said mildly. “Is she your sweetheart?”
Sweetheart? Rossamünd looked around and saw
Threnody standing beneath a lantern already lit against the dim
afternoon. She was leaning against it and looking his way very,
very intently. “Oh, that—er . . . She isn’t my sweetheart, Mister
Critchitichiello,” he said emphatically.
“Ah.Too a-bad for thee.Though . . . ,”
Critchitichiello said with a flourish of a bow, a conspiratorial
whisper and a glance at Threnody, “. . . if you’s a-needing an
amorpoti—a lover’s brew—just remember your a-friend,
Critchitichiello.”
With a blush and a garbled farewell Rossamünd quit
the awkward scene.
Threnody pulled a cryptic face as he approached.
“What have you had that ledgermain making?”
“Mister Critchitichiello is no ledgermain,”
Rossamünd came back, still tetchy. “He’s the genuine article, a
true dispenser.”
“Ledgermains. Imperial fumomath. However you like
it, lamp boy,” she insisted. “That does not answer my question,
does it? What did the man make you?”
“It’s a . . . a nullodor. For my
salumanticum.”
Threnody stroked at her lips. “A nullodor! A waste
of good parts. What do you need a nullodor for?”
What has everyone got against them? First
Critchitichiello, now Threnody. Rossamünd did not care to
quibble. Craumpalin had given it to him and told him to wear it,
and that was good enough.
In silence they entered Makepeace Stile
together.
As douse-lanterns approached and while Threnody
polished her teeth with expensive dentifrices, Rossamünd decided it
was time to write his own letter back to Fransitart.
Dormitory Master Fransitart
by the care of Lady Praeline
Versierdholte
Halt-by-Wall
Boschenberg City
Hergoatenbosch
4th of Heimio, HIR 1601
by the care of Lady Praeline
Versierdholte
Halt-by-Wall
Boschenberg City
Hergoatenbosch
4th of Heimio, HIR 1601
Dearest Master Fransitart,
I have got your letter and read its most terrible
and sad news. I wept for you all, especially the little ones and
Master P and the poor Madam, but am so glad to know that you and
Miss Verline and Master Craumpalin (his poor dispensury!) still
live. Though you might feel that you should not have survived the
fire, it is too sweet a consolation for me that you survived to
share your regret. And though you have all taught me to return evil
with good, I cannot help but wish foul ends for that dastard
Gosling. I can hear you scolding me in my head even as I write
this. What is to become of you all now?
The other reason I write to you is to tell you that
I have been sent early to my first billet, a place called
Wormstool, far east along His Most Serene Highness’ Highroad, the
Conduit Vermis—almost the last place before the blighted Ichormeer.
Can you believe it that I shall be so close to such a terrible
place? Though it is a long way out from Winstermill, I shall
probably be already established there by the time you get this.
When you do travel, please come to me there—I am sorry it is so far
away.
I am delighted that Master Craumpalin might be with
you when you see me, though I most solemnly wish it was under
better reasons.
Please give my most loving regards to all I care
for. Tell Miss Verline I am safe. Tell Master Craumpalin I still
wear his Exstinker. A hedgeman made me some more today, and he was
baffled as to how it worked. He seemed good at his trade but
perhaps not as good as our own dispensurist.
It is wonderful to hear that your health has
improved with Master Craumpalin’s help—may you stay in fine fettle
always, from your old charge, and with love,
Rossamünd Bookchild,
Lampsman 3rd Class
Makepeace Stile
Makepeace
The Idlewild
Lampsman 3rd Class
Makepeace Stile
Makepeace
The Idlewild
I do not wish to alarm you, but some nights ago I
fought with a rever-man in the cellars of Winstermill Manse. This
is the second I have ever met and they are broken and disgusting
things that only need to be destroyed. I worry for a friend I left
behind. His name is Mister Numps, a retired seltzerman. Please look
in on him if you pass through the manse.
Tell Miss Verline that I love her and her new niece
very much.
Of Discipline and Limb!