25

Don’t Try It Again, Sam

In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a blundering, wannabe robber with speech difficulties just couldn’t win for losing. Sam Lincoln entered Bob’s Cafe and, speaking in his thick, backwoods Cajun accent, ordered the waitress to “give me all the money.”

Unfortunately, she couldn’t understand a word he said. To her it sounded like he was ordering “a sieve with all the honey.”

In desperation, Sam turned to a patron and told him to hand over all his money. The diner could have sworn that Sam said to “live a big pile of bunny.”

When the patron couldn’t understand him either, Sam got so frustrated that he pulled out his gun. Now they would hear the unmistakable voice of his thirty-eight.

Sam pulled the trigger.

Click.

The gun wouldn’t fire.

Now Sam grabbed the cash register and began to run. But he didn’t get far—only about three feet. The register was still firmly plugged into the wall, and he quickly ran out of cord.

The register was jerked out of Sam’s hands, and he fell. Humiliated and frustrated, he ran out of Bob’s Cafe empty-handed. Waitresses and patrons breathed a sigh of relief. Someone hefted the register back up to its place on the counter.

But five minutes later, Sam was back. This time, he made sure he unplugged the register before making off with it. Sam was ecstatic—for about three feet. A bystander who had witnessed the whole comedy of errors knocked Sam down and made a citizen’s arrest.

America's Dumbest Criminals
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