MINGUS DYNGUS

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11:55 am – Special Interest News Piece

“We’re back, and now we join our Kraków correspondent Augustyna Dobrowolski, who reports on a bizarre Easter phenomenon in the Stare Miasto. Augustyna, can you tell us what’s happening?”

“Thanks, Piotr. As our viewers well know, Easter Monday is a day for raincoats, but not because of the weather. To celebrate Prince Mieszko’s baptism on this day in 966, men splash women with water across the country, and almost everyone gets in on the fun.”

“A time-honoured tradition.”

“Yes, Piotr, and according to the legend, women who are splashed will marry within the year. Some of them, as we know, go looking for modern-day Prince Charmings armed with water pistols.”

“And some run away from them, ha, ha. Augustyna, what’s different about mingus Dyngus this year?”

“Well, witnesses earlier told me about two individuals armed with super-soaker guns—I want our viewers to picture what are almost mini-cannons that can hold litres of water—and surprisingly, they’re spraying the men.”

“Do you have any details on the shooters?”

“Yes, one of them is a woman and the other, if you believe it, is a man dressed as a woman, in a blonde wig, dress, and high heels.”

“Oh, that’s not surprising, Augustyna, considering what is scheduled to take place in downtown Kraków next Sunday. Gay protestors are planning a so-called March of Tolerance, despite not having a permit to do so. Police are concerned that these agitators may incite violence.”

“Piotr, I’m told that residents and shopkeepers in the area are quite concerned for their safety.”

“Yes, indeed. Now, Augustyna, I understand there’s a twist to this story of the cross-dressing bandits. Can you tell our viewers what this is?”

“It’s such a bizarre story. We have reports that after squirting unsuspecting men with water, these Easter vigilantes have been jumping over objects, not running, but literally leapfrogging over anything that gets in their way.”

“Yes, Augustyna, this is known as parkour, a vicious extreme sport born in the suburbs of France and now running rampant across Poland. By all accounts, these homosexuals are quite athletic, but parkour is evidently not made for high heels.”

“Ha, ha. Have a happy mingus Dyngus, Piotr, but please stay inside. You wouldn’t want to get wet.”

“We’ll see you all tomorrow night.”

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