Ed

While those birds fly I hold Beth’s hand. She stops whispering in my ear because she knows like I do that something’s different. That I came here to say sorry and to say that we’re really over. I can’t be with her if I’m thinking about Lucy.

‘At least I got to say goodbye. You were so awful when you left me.’

‘I thought you’d end up with one of those guys from your school.’

‘I wanted to end up with you.’ She sounds so sad it kills me.

We sit under the tree for a bit longer and talk. Then she says, ‘You have to leave now.’ She lets go of my hand.

Because she is a very cool girl she lends me her bike and gives me two of her dad’s beers. She is very fucking cool, Bert would be saying, and I have a chuckle at the look he’d have on his face while he was saying it.

‘Ed,’ Beth says before I go, ‘don’t do the same thing with her.’

I ride to the corner of her street and I stop to wave. But she’s not standing there anymore.

I pedal down to the docks and find Bert where I left him. I crack open the beers and we have a chat about last night. About places I might be going. ‘You got one more place to go,’ he says, and I know I do. Lucy might not want to be with me but I have to finish things off with her. Try, maybe. No guts, no glory.

I stop off at home on the way to get some paint. Mum’s sitting at the table, scribbling her bleak numbers. I kiss her on the cheek. ‘How was Maria?’

‘A load of rubbish,’ she says, smiling. ‘Where have you been?’

‘Out on the town. Celebrating Leo’s last night of Year 12.’ I take a piece of her toast. ‘You know he’s been studying poetry?’

‘No. But I’m not surprised. My boys are talented.’ She messes up my hair.

‘So how are the numbers adding up?’

She looks at her book and runs her pen down the columns. ‘We can make the rent. The wolf’s away from the door for this month.’

I make her a cup of tea before I take off again. The wolf might be with us now, but he won’t be with us forever. I think of a wall, with wild dogs running, and me chasing them in a McDonald’s uniform. At least it’s not an orange jumpsuit.