Lucy

‘Shadow,’ I say, and I know from his face that he is. I look at him and the whole night clicks together. The paint on his hands and his clothes and his boots. How he knew where to find the walls. The looks between Leo and Dylan and him. Me saying I’d do it with Shadow and him laughing. Me saying I’d do it with Shadow and him laughing. That last one goes on replay and won’t stop.

‘All those things I told you about Shadow. You must have thought they were pretty funny.’ He tells me he didn’t think that but I remember him laughing at me, at all my ideas about love and romance.

He keeps staring and I try to see him as Shadow, the guy painting in the night. I see him on his own in the dark with all the things he’s thinking appearing around him: painted birds and painted doorways and monster waves. A ghost trapped in a jar.

Jazz is clicking everything together too. She’s been talking to Poet all night. Her real guy was fictional. My fictional guy was real. Taxis pull in and out and they make me think about Dad. About how nothing’s what you think it is. About how love is harder to solve than a sudoku puzzle.

I knew Dylan was hiding something, right from the start, but I didn’t really want to know. I wanted to find Shadow. I wanted to find that thing that’s been missing from my house since Dad moved to the shed. I wanted flowers hanging from the roof. I wanted to do it with Shadow. Oh my God, when I have time I need to put that in a memory bottle and smash it with the biggest hammer I can find. I have reverse zing. It’s like someone’s dipped me in plastic and earthed me. Everything is muffled.

Jazz yells at Leo and looks like she did while she was watching The Notebook that time. I guess she knows the score now and those domino days are falling. Leo doesn’t even stay to explain. He runs. That’s the score. Leo zero. Dylan is zero too, running like a coward after Leo. He forgets Daisy’s birthday, throws eggs at her and lies to have a laugh. Jazz and Daisy run after them.

‘I guess we’re even now,’ I say to Ed when we’re alone. His words stumble from his mouth but they don’t make sense and I’m not sure if it’s him or if I’m not hearing right because of the earthing that went on before.

I stare at him, trying to see him for who he is, not all the bits that have been scattered tonight. He won’t fit, though. Shadow, Ed, robbing the school, with Beth, not with Beth, employed, unemployed. I don’t know the truth of him.

‘I can barely even read,’ he says, and then I do know the truth. Then he clicks together and I see him. His face is kind of lopsided for a second, like he’s trying to keep himself together, keep himself in the shape that he shows to the world but he can’t do it anymore and everything in him is sliding out. I look away because it’s easier to look at the lights than at him.

Leo pulls the van into the taxi rank. ‘If you’re coming, get in. It’s time. It’s way past time.’

‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ Ed asks me. ‘Does it matter?’

I hear everything he’s ever painted in his voice. I hear that person on the beach, looking at the waves. I hear hearts rocked by earthquakes and disappointed seas. I make myself look at him because he needs to be looked at. He needs to be seen. I hate that he’s been on his own for so long, painting graffiti moons and bricked-in birds and keeping quiet about who he really is. ‘It matters,’ I tell him.

He gets in the van and leaves.

‘I didn’t finish,’ I shout after the van. ‘To you! I meant it matters to you!’ I don’t care if you can’t read. I care about the lying and robbing the school. I don’t care about you not having a job.

The pink van disappears down the street like a reversing sunset to match my reversing zing. I watch them go and think about the first time I made something out of glass and it broke because I didn’t treat it right. That’s two times now I’ve really hit Ed in the face. I’m going out on a limb here and saying that a guy might not come back for a third.

I sit on a bench outside the casino, drifting my legs back and forth and waiting for Jazz and Daisy. The bridge lights blink out messages. Go to the school. Get Ed. Give him the all-important missing words and stop him robbing the place. Tell him he’s too good for that. Too smart. Too talented. Take him back to Al’s and show him how glass turns into something different when you heat it right. When you cool it right.

All the time I’m waiting, the urge to run after him is getting stronger. I wish I had my bike. I’d ride straight there but it’s in the back of the van.

Where are you, Jazz and Daisy? Please, please, please let me get there on time. Before Ed gets arrested, let me tell him that I don’t care if he doesn’t have a job. Tell him he’s still smart and funny. Tell him that some of my most beautiful glass pieces have cracks running through them and I like them anyway because of the colours.

Come on, Jazz and Daisy. We need to get there on time. Please, please, please let me get there on time.

Finally, after a lot of pleases, they walk around the corner. ‘We lost them,’ Daisy says. ‘They’ve probably gone to Barry’s since it’s open all night. How bad do you want revenge?’

‘I want a hamburger and chips more,’ Jazz says. ‘So I guess not very bad.’

‘They haven’t gone to Barry’s. They’ve gone to rob the school. Ed told me.’

‘How is it possible that I saw none of this coming?’ Jazz asks. ‘I’ll have to quit my job telling fortunes at the café. I can’t keep taking people’s money.’

‘Some things are hard to see,’ I say.

‘Everything’s hard to see when you’ve got your eyes closed. I’m sorry I got you into this, Luce. I thought my night of action would be less full of, you know, action.’

‘I want to go to the school.’ I look over at the one taxi left in the rank. ‘Do you have any money? I’ve only got fifteen dollars.’

‘I don’t know, Luce. If we get caught on school grounds with them . . .’

‘It’s goodbye uni, hello prison,’ Daisy says. ‘Dylan doesn’t even need money. His parents pay for everything.’ She thinks for a bit. ‘Except our holiday.’ She smiles. ‘He doesn’t want me to date a surfer.’

‘I don’t want Ed to get arrested.’ I look at the people milling around. Any minute that taxi will leave and if we have to wait for another we might not make it in time. ‘You don’t have to come with me.’ Please come with me.

‘Why don’t I try to call Leo?’ Jazz asks.

‘I’ll try Dylan,’ Daisy says.

I watch them dialling. Please, please, please.

‘Leo’s must be switched off or he’s not picking up.’

‘Same,’ Daisy says.

I walk fast to the taxi so I don’t change my mind. I don’t want to think about what Mrs J’s face will look like if I get arrested on suspicion of robbing the school.

Daisy sits in the front of the taxi and gives directions while I sit in the back with Jazz. ‘Luce,’ she says, ‘I don’t want my diary entry tomorrow to be: Stayed out all night. Went to prison. I have this urge to go home and watch TV with my parents and be completely boring.’

‘I have the same urge,’ I tell her. And then, because I need to tell someone I say, ‘Only, I don’t want to watch TV with my parents. I want to go home, hang out with them, and say it’s okay if they get a divorce. I have this feeling that maybe Dad wouldn’t still be living in that old shed if I hadn’t made him feel like he couldn’t leave me.’

‘That’s stupid,’ Jazz says. ‘You’re not in control of your dad. He can do what he wants.’

‘So why don’t they get on with it? It’s weird, isn’t it, my family?’

She hands me a lollipop. ‘It’s a little weird. But my mum worships the moon on Friday nights. Parents are all a little weird if you ask me.’

‘What if we turn out like them?’ I ask.

‘No way I’m worshipping the moon on a Friday night. You should ask your parents to explain, Luce. It might make you feel better.’

‘You got one of those lollipops for me?’ Daisy turns around from the front seat.

‘Does your dad live in the shed?’ Jazz asks.

‘No. He lives in the house. I have to watch him and Mum kiss every morning.’

Jazz fans out the lollipops for Daisy. ‘Pick any flavour you want.’

The driver stops in front of the school and we pay and get out. I give Jazz a hug for being here. ‘Thanks,’ she says. ‘But I’ll need that more when they’re fingerprinting me. I wish it were lighter. What’s the time?’

‘Two forty-five,’ Daisy tells her. ‘It doesn’t get light till at least five. I guess that’s why they’re robbing the place now.’

‘They are so stupid,’ Jazz whispers. ‘Why do I like a guy who’s so stupid?’

‘I ask myself every day,’ Daisy says. ‘Actually, you know, Dylan’s not stupid. He scored higher than me on all his practice exams.’

‘Leo’s not stupid, either, really. He recited me his poetry tonight. You know some journal accepted his work for publication?’

‘No way,’ Daisy says. ‘He really is Poet.’

‘Ed’s smart,’ I say.

‘Ed’s super smart,’ Daisy answers. ‘He set all the sheddies talking when he left school. We figured he and Leo must have done something bad for him not to come back.’

‘Okay,’ Jazz says, straightening her dress. ‘We have to save them. So remember. Stick together and run if you see the cops.’

I’m not a psychic but that goes without saying.