GUILT AND FEAR

Jordan spent the next two days almost constantly with Aditi. For the first time that he could remember, he put aside his duties and left it to Brandon to deal with the people on the ship while he spent every waking moment with the woman he found to be so delightful, so fascinating.

Fully human, he found himself thinking. I wonder how fully human she really is.

And Aditi seemed to enjoy his company. She showed him every corner of the city, and they took long walks out into the countryside.

He found himself unburdening his soul about Miriam.

“It was all my fault,” he confessed one afternoon, as they sat on the grass beneath a spreading shade tree. “I was burning to stop the fighting in Kashmir.”

“You wanted to prevent more people being killed in the war,” Aditi said, very seriously. “Your motives were noble.”

“My motives were very noble,” Jordan answered bitterly. “I saw visions of the Nobel Peace Prize before my eyes.”

“That wasn’t your real motivation,” she said.

“Wasn’t it?” Jordan shook his head at the memories. “Whatever, I dragged Miriam into that hellhole with me, and it killed her.”

“The monsters who used biological weapons killed her. Not you.”

Leaning his head against the rough bark of the tree, Jordan said, “Yes, perhaps so. But I brought her there. I knew it would be dangerous, but I brought her there anyway. I should have protected her, cared for her. Instead…”

He saw that she was waiting for more, her gentle brown eyes focused on him, patiently waiting for him to finish the story.

“I loved her so much,” Jordan choked out. “And she loved me. That was the wonder of it. She loved me. Loved me so much she let me lead her to her death.”

Aditi leaned toward him and patted his tear-streaked cheek.

“The pain,” he moaned. “Those last days … so terrible. I was so helpless … there was nothing I could do.”

“Jordan,” she whispered, her lips close enough to brush his cheek, “you are a good man. A very lovable man. Please don’t be sad. Don’t dwell on the past. Think of the future. Think of what you can accomplish.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded once again. “We can’t undo the past. But does it ever let go of you?”

“In time it will. In time.”

Jordan’s pocketphone chirped. He flinched at the interruption, thinking that he’d ignore it. Whatever it is, it can wait, he told himself.

Yet he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled the damned phone out and flipped it open.

Brandon’s face appeared on the little screen.

“Time to get back to work, Jordy,” his brother said, a crooked grin on his handsome face. “Hazzard’s bringing the first group down in an hour.”

Time to get back to work, Jordan repeated silently. He looked up at Aditi, who held her hand out to him. Together, they got to their feet and headed back to the city.

*   *   *

Jordan, Brandon, and Adri walked through the cool forest to the glade where Thornberry would set up the expedition’s prime base. To his surprise, Jordan saw that both rocketplanes that had landed there days earlier were gone.

“Hazzard flew them back to the ship,” Brandon explained before Jordan could ask. “Remotely, from the ship. Meek and de Falla rode one of them.”

Brandon’s phone chirped. As he flicked it open, Jordan looked over his brother’s shoulder and saw Thornberry’s heavy-browed face.

“We’re on our way down to you,” said the roboticist, grinning happily. “Hazzard’s flying the bird in person, he is.”

“Great,” said Brandon. “Jordy and I are here at the glade, waiting for you.”

“Be with you shortly,” Thornberry said. Then the phone’s little screen broke into hissing static and went blank.

“Plasma blackout,” Brandon muttered.

Adri, standing on Jordan’s other side, said, “I would like to invite your friends to stay in our city. We have adequate facilities to take care of them all.”

Jordan smiled doubtfully. “I’m sure they’ll appreciate the offer—and reject it.”

“I don’t see why,” Adri said.

“A variety of reasons,” said Jordan. “Adherence to the mission protocol, for one. Our mission plan made no provisions for finding a friendly native city on New Earth.”

“But surely now that you know we are here, your plan can be altered, adapted.”

Jordan shook his head. “Perhaps later, when the others get to know you better, get accustomed to you.”

“Ahh,” Adri said, understanding dawning on his face. “Fear. That is the greatest reason of them all, isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid it motivates almost everything we do,” Jordan admitted. “Almost everything.”