13. Let Go!

My friend, Caroline, has spent her life managing exotic hotels around the world – island getaways on the Great Barrier Reef, elephant sanctuary resorts in northern Thailand, breathtaking properties on Sydney Harbour and even a hotel-that-used-to-be-a-palace in the Himalayas.

Here’s what fascinates me about Caroline. She has spent her life managing luxurious hotels and yet she has:

• no training in hospitality or hotel management
• never had a CV
• never been out of work.

Caroline recently retired after her fourteenth management position in thirty years, none of which she applied for. It’s not luck.

Why is Caroline such a magnet for opportunity? She has absolutely no fear of being unemployed. She is totally detached. Her experience in the workplace is different from most people’s because her thinking is different from most people’s.

She says, “It’s crazy. I’m not a great manager, but these jobs just happen. I live in blind trust. I know that the right job will always come at the right time.”

Chasing Girlfriends, Chasing Dogs

The Buddhists teach detachment. You know about it. When we chase girlfriends, boyfriends, even dogs, they run away. Why? Because we are chasing them! When we try to trap people in relationships, they can’t wait to escape! When we LET GO, they often come back!

Did you ever spend weeks searching for an apartment but found nothing you liked? After endless frustration you quit looking – and that’s when you found your new home. As soon as you signed the lease, you discovered three more perfect apartments without even looking!

Did you ever want to sell something – a stroller, a laptop, a parachute? Nobody wanted it, and so you gave it away. When you stopped trying to sell it, everyone wanted to buy it.

We talked about lack thoughts in Chapter 8. Desperation and LACK THOUGHTS are part of the same mindset. If we can’t find an apartment, or a job or a plane ticket – and we become desperate – we continue creating the same lack experience.

Once we get the job, the apartment or the boyfriend, our thinking shifts from “I need this” to “I have what I need”. “I have what I need” is a totally different vibration. “I have what I need” is your most powerful state. “I have what I need” is the starting point for a much easier life.

Fred says, “But you don’t get it! I don’t have what I need! When I have what I need, then I’ll be grateful; then I’ll be happy.” Perfectly understandable, Fred, but the results of this approach are always disappointing.

Detachment

Detachment is not disinterest. It is possible to be detached and still be very determined. People who are detached and determined know that effort and excellence are ultimately rewarded. They say: “If I don’t win this time, I’ll win the next time, or the time after that.”

Let’s say you apply for a position at Loony Larry’s Laptops. You are excited about the job and you prepare carefully. You write out your interview speech and you practise it in front of the bathroom mirror. You even get a haircut. You arrive early for the interview and you give it your best shot.

What next? You get on with your life. You enrol in extra study. You plan your next job application. If you get hired by Loony Larry, you’re happy. If not, you are still moving forward.

Disinterested people say: “Who cares, and why bother?”

Desperate people say: “If I don’t get this I’ll die!”

When you are determined and detached, you say: “One way or another, I will get a good job – and I don’t care how long it takes.”

Nature doesn’t understand desperation! Nature seeks balance, and you can’t be desperate and balanced.

Life doesn’t have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. This is not indifference; it’s not forcing things.

Giving

Churches tell us we should give, but they don’t explain why giving is so magical. The secret to life is how we FEEL. Few things make us feel lighter and happier than giving someone a present, a compliment or a helping hand. When we give happily, we feel wonderful.

When we feel wonderful, we become a magnet for good things. So WHEN WE GIVE, WE CREATE A FLOW. It is that simple. No one ever explained this to me!

Here’s a principle which seems to make no sense: whatever it is that you most want, share it. Give freely, wanting nothing in return. If you want money, share some of yours. If you want love, share yours. It’s how you create a flow.

Take Mary who is desperate to be loved. Mary is angry with her husband, Fred. She says, “I do so much for Fred but he doesn’t love me back!” Mary does do a lot for Fred – but she isn’t loving him. She is counting everything she does. And she is keeping score: Mary, 10; Fred, 2.

When you are simply loving people with no strings attached, love comes back. It has to. It always will.

Give Happily

It matters HOW we give. If we give begrudgingly, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we don’t receive abundance. That is why it is powerful to give anonymously.

Here is a fun game: send a friend a birthday card with fifty dollars in it – but don’t sign the card. The game is to never let them know you sent it.

Your friend will be delighted and intrigued that money just came from nowhere. It’s also a joy for you.

And here’s the big benefit: you get to practise giving without needing thanks. You get to practise not caring whether people express appreciation or not. And when you don’t NEED gratitude and appreciation? You get more of it.

Finding Your Life’s Purpose

The Sanskrit word for your purpose in life is “dharma”. According to the Law of Dharma, we each have unique talents that we are here to discover. When we express those talents, we find joy.

According to the law, we are most likely to discover those talents when we ask, “What can I give?” rather than, “What can I get back?”