10. The World Is Your Mirror

Have you noticed that when you leave the office feeling irate, people abuse you in the subway? The reverse is also true. How different the world looks when we fall in love!

The world is a mirror; what you feel inside, you get on the outside. This is why YOU CAN’T FIX LIFE BY WORKING ON THE OUTSIDE. If people on the street are unfriendly, changing streets doesn’t help. If nobody at work gives you any respect, changing jobs won’t fix it.

Most of us learned things inside out! We learned, “If you don’t like your job, change it. If you don’t like your wife, change her.” Sometimes it’s appropriate to change your job or your partner. But if you don’t change your thinking, you are setting yourself up for more of the same.

EXAMPLE: Carol’s husband Bob gives her no help. They both work nine to five, but Bob gives her no help with the kids and no help around the house. Weeknights he goes drinking; weekends he goes golfing. She feels like a servant and she resents him.

But it’s not about Bob. It’s about her. As long as she feels like a servant, she will be treated like a servant. For life to change, Carol has to value Carol. The minute she feels worthwhile, deserving and loveable, she will find support – either from Bob or from somebody else.

It’s always about ourselves.

EXAMPLE: Friends and family are always imposing on you. Whenever somebody wants to shift house, they ask you to pack and carry boxes. When people need a ride to the airport at 4 am, they call you. You ask yourself, “Why don’t they value MY time?”

Because you don’t value your time! When you change, they change.

It’s Not about THEM

Many people never get it. They spend a lifetime blaming other people – but it’s not about OTHER PEOPLE.

• If you feel that you deserve to be paid nothing, you will find a boss who pays you nothing.
• If you ignore your feelings, you will get a job where people ignore your feelings. Maybe you’ll join the army where people shout at you! It’s not about THEM; it’s about your relationship with YOU.
• If you hate your big backside, you will find a boyfriend who laughs at your big butt. When you accept your backside you will likely a) change boyfriends or b) discover that your old boyfriend has a new attitude. It was never about your boyfriend. It was always about your attitude toward you.
• If your boss demands better results, if your wife wants more from you, it is usually because in your heart, you want more from you.
• Even racial prejudice and religious prejudice isn’t about THEM. When you accept you, people accept you.

If you love yourself, people will love you.

The Perfect Evening

Life is always reflecting back to us how we feel.

EXAMPLE: You have friends in town. You decide to treat them to a great evening at your favourite restaurant, Coco’s.

You call the restaurant to book a table. The maître d’ says, “Sorry, we’re full.”

“What do you mean, you’re full?”

“We’re booked out.”

“But I’m a regular! Fit me in somewhere!”

‘I’m sorry.”

You slam down the phone. “Damn it! This should have been a great evening.” You’re angry.

You choose another restaurant. The food is greasy, the oysters stink, you argue with your wife all the way home and you wake up with food poisoning.

OR …

The maître d’ at Coco’s says, “We’re full.”

You say, “Great. We’ve eaten there twenty times anyway. We should try something else.” You call your ex-boss who knows all the best restaurants. He recommends a new place that is even closer.

The food is unforgettable. You chat with the couple at the next table and discover that they are your neighbours. You make some new friends, and next week you all go to Coco’s.

Isn’t this how life works?

If you believe that life is against you, it is. There is another way to live: believe that the Universe is plotting to make you happy.

We Attract What We Fear

For my tenth birthday my Grandpa gave me a watch. In the 1960s watches weren’t cheap! I was so proud and a little nervous. I thought, “I had better not break this!”

When I showered that night I placed my brand new Timex carefully on the sink beside my pyjamas. I washed and dried myself – and as I picked up my pyjamas, the sleeve knocked my beautiful birthday present face-down onto the tile floor. It shattered. I was shattered.

My first watch: given to me at 6.30, smashed by 8.15. I cried and cried. How could life be so cruel?

How often do we buy something new and damage it within hours? When is our fear strongest? When something is brand new.

Last month my tennis buddy, Aldo, bought a brand new Mazda SUV, and within forty-eight hours some vandal scratched the entire left side with a key. That same week my friend, Frank, bought a Honda. Within twenty-four hours a lady remodelled his back bumper in the mall car park.

How often have you found yourself in precisely the situation that you didn’t want? You said to yourself, “If there is one thing I don’t want to happen ... if there is one question I don’t want to be asked ... if there is one mistake that I don’t want to repeat ...” and guess what you got?

We attract what we fear.

Hell on the Highway

Have you had this experience? You drive to work every day for five years without incident. Then one morning you carelessly pull in front of a bus and almost cause an accident. You are in shock. Breathing hard, feeling vulnerable and stupid, you say to yourself, “This road is dangerous!” You keep driving.

Within five minutes a truck swerves into your lane. You avoid it, but only just. Now you are in a cold sweat. Ten minutes later a kid on a bike almost collects your front fender. You have had no near-accidents in five years – and then three near-misses in twenty minutes!

Everything you experience comes about because you are feeling confident, nervous, vulnerable, inadequate, excited, loved; you are creating your reality.

We don’t have accidents; we construct them, thought by thought – “I’m a victim”, “I hate this”, “This is dangerous” – and then one day, “Whammo”.

Does this sound cruel, blunt, scary? It is physics, and it is great news. Would you rather believe that, regardless of anything you think and feel, you have no protection from disease and no defence against accidents?

You are more than a physical body with a brain. You are a magnet, a transmitter. When you are joyful, happy and grateful, you somehow connect with other people and experiences that match your energy. It’s the same when you are feeling vulnerable or scared.

See Yourself Protected

Many people like to imagine themselves as divinely protected. They make it a habit. When they are walking through a rough neighbourhood or driving on the highway, they will visualise themselves as surrounded by a protective white light.

When I first heard about this, I wondered, “How would that help against a mugger or a runaway truck?” Now I understand. The value in visualising the protective white light is that it changes how you feel. When you feel calm and protected, you are protected.

The Bible says, “Resist not evil.”²³ It means don’t focus on bad stuff. It means don’t spend your life thinking about illness and car crashes. Rather, fill your mind with thoughts of health and happiness.

Some preachers tell you to fear God. That has to be a recipe for disaster!