Boys

WITHOUT A DOUBT you have already received many confusing messages about what, if anything, you should be doing with boys. Some girls are led to believe that being liked by boys is important above all else. Some girls are told that boys are different, and that girls should adapt themselves to be like the boys they like or take care not to be too threatening—learn about sports if a boy likes sports, or pretend to be stupid about subjects a boy likes to excel in. Some girls are encouraged to think of boys as protectors, or, alternately, as creatures that need protecting. It may seem to some girls that suddenly boys matter a whole lot more than they should; still others wonder what all the fuss is about.

Many things are said of boys: Boys like sports, boys are messy, boys don’t have any feelings, boys like trucks, boys don’t like girly things, boys like to run around and eat gross food. Whatever the specific generalization, the point of these notions about boys is to set them apart from girls as being entirely different.

Similar statements are made about girls: Girls like pink, girls like flowers, girls are neat and clean, girls are frivolous, girls are emotional. Are any of these things true about all girls? Of course not. But it’s easier to think about boys and girls as being entirely different than it is to think about boys and girls as having lots of common ground.

As concerns boys themselves, you have several options. The first, of course, is to ignore them until you (and they) are 19. Or 21. Or 25.

Alternately, you could make a boy your best friend. Boys can be excellent friends. In general, they like to do things, and that makes them rather fun.

Of course a third option is romance. Some girls might be interested in this kind of thing (you will recognize them by their doodles of their name and a boy’s name in a heart on their science homework); other girls might think that would be too icky to even imagine. If you are in the latter group, don’t worry, you have plenty of company.

If you are in the former group, there are two main things to keep in mind. One, if a boy doesn’t like you the way you are, the problem is him, not you. And two, don’t try to make a boy change for you—it’s important to appreciate people for who they are.

Wherever you fall on the spectrum of how you feel about boys, do treat all your friends, boys and girls, with kindness. This has gone out of fashion, and that’s a sad mistake.

Overall, the truth is that there’s no great big mystery about boys. Boys are people, and like all people, they are complicated. And that’s what makes being friends with other people interesting: you get to learn about how other people think and act, and, in the process, learn a little bit more about yourself.