22
Wounds Upon Wounds
MADEMOISELLE DE LA VALLIÈRE—for it was indeed
she—advanced a few steps towards him. “Yes—Louise,” she
murmured.
But this interval, short as it had been, was quite
sufficient for Raoul to recover himself. “You, mademoiselle?” he
said; and then added, in an indefinable tone, “You here!”
“Yes, Raoul,” the young girl replied, “I have been
waiting for you.”
“I beg your pardon. When I came into the room I was
not aware—”
“I know—but I entreated Olivain not to tell you—”
She hesitated; and as Raoul did not attempt to interrupt her, a
moment’s silence ensued, during which the sound of their throbbing
hearts might have been heard, not in unison with each other, but
the one beating as violently as the other. It was for Louise to
speak, and she made an effort to do so.
“I wished to speak to you,” she said. “It was
absolutely necessary that I should see you—myself—alone. I have not
hesitated adopting a step which must remain secret; for no one,
except yourself, could understand my motive, Monsieur de
Bragelonne.”
“In fact, mademoiselle,” Raoul stammered out,
almost breathless from emotion, “as far as I am concerned, and
despite the good opinion you have of me, I confess—”
“Will you do me the great kindness to sit down and
listen to me?” said Louise, interrupting him with her soft, sweet
voice.
Bragelonne looked at her for a moment; then,
mournfully shaking his head, he sat, or rather fell down on a
chair. “Speak,” he said.
She cast a glance all around her. This look was a
timid entreaty, and implored secrecy far more effectually than her
expressed words had done a few minutes before. Raoul rose and went
to the door, which he opened, “Olivain,” he said, “I am not within
for any one.” And then, turning towards Louise, he added, “Is not
that what you wished?”
Nothing could have produced a greater effect upon
Louise than these few words, which seemed to signify, “You see that
I still understand you.” She passed a handkerchief across her eyes,
in order to remove a rebellious tear which she could not restrain;
and then, having collected herself for a moment, she said, “Raoul,
do not turn your kind, frank look away from me. You are not one of
those men who despise a woman for having given her heart to
another, even though her affection might render him unhappy, or
might wound his pride.”
Raoul did not reply.
“Alas!” continued La Vallière, “it is only too
true, my cause is a bad one, and I cannot tell in what way to
begin. It will be better for me, I think, to relate to you, very
simply, everything that has befallen me. As I shall speak but the
pure and simple truth, I shall always find my path clear before me
in the obscurity, hesitation and obstacles which I have to brave in
order to solace my heart, which is full to overflowing, and wishes
to pour itself out at your feet.”
Raoul continued to preserve the same unbroken
silence. La Vallière looked at him with an air that seemed to say,
“Encourage me; for pity’s sake, but a single word!” But Raoul did
not open his lips; and the young girl was obliged to
continue:—
“Just now,” she said, “M. de Saint-Aignan came to
me by the King’s directions.” She cast down her eyes as she said
this; while Raoul, on his side, turned his away, in order to avoid
looking at her. “M. de Saint-Aignan came to me from the King,” she
repeated, “and told me that you knew all;” and she attempted to
look Raoul in the face, after inflicting this further wound upon
him, in addition to the many others he had already received; but it
was impossible to meet Raoul’s eyes.
“He told me you were incensed with me—and justly
so, I admit.”
This time Raoul looked at the young girl, and a
smile full of disdain passed across his lips.
“Oh!” she continued, “I entreat you, do not say
that you have had any other feeling against me than that of anger
merely. Raoul, wait until I have told you all—wait until I have
said to you all that I had to say—all that I came to say.”
Raoul, by the strength of his own iron will, forced
his features to assume a calmer expression, and the disdainful
smile upon his lip passed away.
“In the first place,” said La Vallière, “in the
first place, with my hands raised in entreaty towards you, with my
forehead bowed to the ground before you, I entreat you, as the most
generous, as the noblest of men, to pardon, to forgive me. If I
have left you in ignorance of what was passing in my own bosom,
never, at least, would I have consented to deceive you. Oh! I
entreat you, Raoul—I implore you on my knees—answer me one word,
even though you wronged me in doing so. Better, far better, an
injurious word from your lips, than a suspicion from your
heart.”
“I admire your subtlety of expression,
mademoiselle,” said Raoul, making an effort to remain calm. “To
leave another in ignorance that you are deceiving him is loyal; but
to deceive him—it seems that that would be very wrong, and that you
would not do it.”
“Monsieur, for a long time I thought that I loved
you better than anything else; and so long as I believed in my
affection for you, I told you that I loved you. I could have sworn
it on the altar; but a day came when I was undeceived.”
“Well, on that day, mademoiselle, knowing that I
still continued to love you, true loyalty of conduct ought to have
obliged you to tell me you had ceased to love me.”
“But on that day, Raoul—on that day, when I read in
the depths of my own heart, when I confessed to myself that you no
longer filled my mind entirely, when I saw another future before me
than that of being your friend, your life-long companion, your
wife—on that day, Raoul, you were not, alas! any more beside
me.”
“But you knew where I was, mademoiselle; you could
have written to me.”
“Raoul, I did not dare to do so. Raoul, I have been
weak and cowardly. I knew you so thoroughly. I knew how devotedly
you loved me, that I trembled at the bare idea of the grief I was
going to cause you; and that is so true, Raoul, that at this very
moment I am now speaking to you, bending thus before you, my heart
crushed in my bosom, my voice full of sighs, my eyes full of tears,
it is so perfectly true, that I have no other defence than my
frankness, I have no other sorrow greater than that which I read in
your eyes.” Raoul attempted to smile.
“No!” said the young girl, with a profound
conviction, “no, no; you will not do me so foul a wrong as to
disguise your feelings before me now! You loved me; you were sure
of your affection for me; you did not deceive yourself; you did not
lie to your own heart—whilst I—I—” And pale as death, her arms
thrown despairingly above her head, she fell upon her knees.
“Whilst you,” said Raoul, “you told me you loved
me, and yet you loved another.”
“Alas! yes!” cried the poor girl; “alas, yes! I do
love another; and that other—oh! for Heaven’s sake let me say it,
Raoul, for it is my only excuse—that other I love better than my
own life, better than my own soul even. Forgive my fault, or punish
my treason, Raoul, I came here in no way to defend myself, but
merely to say to you: ‘You know what it is to love!’—in that case I
love! I love to that degree, that I would give my life, my very
soul, to the man I love. If he should ever cease to love me, I
shall die of grief and despair, unless Heaven come not to my
assistance, unless Heaven does not show pity upon me. Raoul, I came
here to submit myself to your will, whatever it might be—to die, if
it were your wish I should die. Kill me, then, Raoul! if in your
heart you believe I deserve death.”
“Take care, mademoiselle!” said Raoul; “the woman
who invites death is one who has nothing but her heart’s blood to
offer to her deceived and betrayed lover.”
“You are right,” she said.
Raoul uttered a deep sigh, as he exclaimed, “And
you love without being able to forget!”
“I love without a wish to forget; without a wish
ever to love any one else,” replied La Vallière.
“Very well,” said Raoul. “You have said to me, in
fact, all you had to say; all I could possibly wish to know. And
now, mademoiselle, it is I who ask your forgiveness, for it is I
who have almost been an obstacle in your life; I, too, who have
been wrong, for, in deceiving myself, I helped to deceive
you.”
“Oh!” said La Vallière, “I do not ask you so much
as that, Raoul.”
“I only am to blame, mademoiselle,” continued
Raoul; “better informed than yourself of the difficulties of this
life, I should have enlightened you. I ought not to have relied
upon uncertainty; I ought to have extracted an answer from your
heart, whilst I hardly even sought an acknowledgement from your
lips. Once more, mademoiselle, it is I who ask your
forgiveness.”
“Impossible, impossible!” she cried, “you are
mocking me.”
“How, impossible!”
“Yes, it is impossible to be good, and excellent,
and perfect to such a degree as that.”
“Take care!” said Raoul, with a bitter smile, “for
presently you may say, perhaps, that I did not love you.”
“Oh! you love me like an affectionate brother; let
me hope that, Raoul.”
“As a brother! undeceive yourself, Louise. I loved
you as a lover, as a husband, with the deepest, the truest, the
fondest affection.”
“Raoul, Raoul!”
“As a brother! Oh, Louise, I loved you so deeply
that I would have shed my blood for you, drop by drop; I would, oh!
how willingly, have suffered myself to be torn in pieces for your
sake, have sacrificed my very future for you. I loved you so
deeply, Louise, that my heart feels crushed and dead within
me,—that my faith in human nature is gone,—that my eyes seem to
have lost their light; I loved you so deeply, that I now no longer
see, think of, care for, anything, either in this world or in the
next.”
“Raoul—dear Raoul! spare me, I implore you!” cried
La Vallière. “Oh! if I had but known.”
“It is too late, Louise, you love, you are happy in
your affection; I read your happiness through your tears—behind the
tears which the loyalty of your nature makes you shed; I feel the
sighs which your affection breathes forth. Louise, Louise, you have
made me the most abjectly wretched man living; leave me, I entreat
you. Adieu! adieu!”
“Forgive me! oh, forgive me, Raoul, for what I have
done!”
“Have I not done more? Have I not told you that I
loved you still?” She buried her face in her hands.
“And to tell you that—do you hear me, Louise?—to
tell you that, at such a moment as this, to tell you that, as I
have told you, is to pronounce my own sentence of death.
Adieu!” La Vallière wished to hold out her hands to
him.
“We ought not to see each other again in this
world,” he said; and as she was on the point of calling out in
bitter agony at this remark, he placed his hand on her mouth to
stifle the exclamation. She pressed her lips upon it, and fell
fainting to the ground. “Olivain,” said Raoul, “take this young
lady and bear her to the carriage which is waiting for her at the
door.” As Olivain lifted her up, Raoul made a movement as if to
dart towards La Vallière, in order to give her a first and last
kiss, but, stopping abruptly, he said, “No! she is not mine. I am
not a thief like the King of France.” And he returned to his room,
whilst the lackey carried La Vallière, still fainting, to the
carriage.