chapter thirty-three

 

Strong, rough hands.

Rushing breath.

A scream.

My scream.

“Ahhh!” I lurched forward, my forehead smacking into Longinus’ chin.

“Desolation.” He leaned back, running a hand over his head. “I thought perhaps you were afraid to return to battle.” For a moment his hard blue eyes bore into me and I squirmed under his gaze. But then the corner of his lips twitched and his eyes took on a surprising but unmistakable twinkle.

“Wasn’t I dead?”

But Longinus shrugged. I guess when you’ve been coming back to life for centuries, seeing someone come back from the dead is no big thing.

“Oh, Desi,” Cornelius said, hurrying to me. We were in one of Daniel’s cabanas, rain and thunder clamoring around us.

I craned my neck, trying to look above, around, behind—through—Longinus and Cornelius. “Where’s Miri?” I fixed Knowles with my gaze—compelled him to answer me.

He said nothing.

I struggled to my feet with the help of Longinus’ outstretched hand. “I thought I saw you fighting a Shadow—you didn’t let it get her, did you?” I asked Longinus. Then fear crept up my spine and something like foreboding rang in my heart.

“And where is Michael?”

“He . . . Akaros . . .” Cornelius wrung his hands—which didn’t fill me with confidence.

Longinus put his hand on my shoulder. This was more human expression than I’d ever glimpsed in the man before, all packed into the space of less than a minute. His hard blue eyes turned soft with care.

“He is not here.” Longinus looked right at me, and I could see he was determined not to spare my feelings. I nodded for him to continue. “Akaros spoke to him—he claims to have Miri and . . . he said you were dead.”

Dead.

Michael thinks I’m dead. And probably gone to Hell, forever and ever apart from him.

For half a second I stood with my gaze locked with Longinus.

I stepped back from him and looked at these three men who were engaged in the fight against the dark. The battle Odin said I was to be a part of.

Longinus, with his tall, solid frame, his determination and focus on the one thing he’d given endless lifetimes for—the protection of the Spear of Destiny—my spear, my staff. Me.

Cornelius, an ordinary man who dared to stand against demons in his desire to serve the light.

And Knowles. Who preferred his tabernacle of clay to the form of a Fallen Gardian.

They were hardened men, but weary—it seemed they’d aged in the brief time I’d been gone. And each of them looked to me like I could be the one to turn the tide.

I closed my eyes and searched my heart for Michael. If I could feel him, I could find him.

Fire spread through my limbs and reached my heart.

Cold from my father, the king of lies.

Hot for my mother, queen of the Valkyries.

Unrestrained, I let my Halo and Shadow burst forth.

Glorious.

Complete.

The men before me gasped, and when I opened my eyes, I saw them—Longinus, his head bowed, a fist to his heart in a manner of reverence; Cornelius, a smile nearly splitting his face in two, and Knowles, his expression a mix of contradictions—a grim line on his lips while his eyes shone with something like hope.

“Wait,” Cornelius said, reaching into his breast pocket. “I’ve been meaning to give this to you—I’m sorry I forgot before now. Wear it. It was your mothers. And may it protect you as it protected her.” He held out a strip of black leather, a silver pendant reflecting my golden light. When I took it into my hand, I recognized it—the protection rune my mother had worn. The talisman that had allowed her to escape Hell unnoticed.

I tugged it over my head, nodded at each of them, then took to the sky.

Without hesitation I soared for the Peak. And even if I hadn’t felt Michael, been drawn to him like a moth to the flame, I’d have seen the spectacular light show and known that was where he had to be.

As I circled down onto the flat ground at the top of the mountain, I assessed the situation.

Michael, all golden glory, held his flaming sword in his hands and oh, he was beautiful. In front of him, Akaros, a god of darkness, stood with the spear butt resting on the ground beside him. He looked calm, easy. A gentleman engaged in pleasant conversation.

Behind Michael, a small form huddled beneath the onslaught of rain and fear. Michael’s light lit up Miri’s blond hair.

I dropped to the ground between Michael and Akaros.

“Stop,” I said, holding my arms outstretched—dark to Michael, light to Akaros. “This needs to end.”

Akaros laughed. “It’s true, I am boring of this game.”

Michael said nothing.

“Desi!” Miri lurched to her feet and stumbled toward me, but Michael held out a hand to stop her.

“What are you doing here?” My ferocious voice pierced the night air and Miri cowered.

Akaros leaned forward and in a whisper-that-was-not-a-whisper said, “In truth, she was rather eager to come with me when I suggested she might be able to help you.” His gaze left mine and travelled to Miri. “Strange how you seem to engender such foolish loyalty.”

“Let her go,” I said. “You don’t need her.”

“And what would you know of what I need, Desolation?” Akaros raised the staff and held it in both hands, looking it over with deliberate care. “I should think you’d have it all figured out by now. Though, you’ve always been a bit slow.” He glanced up from the staff and his mouth wore the crooked smile I’d seen on his face many, many times.

I’d always thought it simply indicated his disappointment, but now I saw it was more about his disdain for me.

“I know that staff is mine,” I said, nodding to the rod in his hands.

“Was yours,” he said, a dry chuckle following. “You didn’t take care of it and now it is mine—even little children know not to leave their toys lying around.” He thrust the staff upward—Longinus’ spearhead perched on top—and a beam of hellfire shot from its tip.

My stomach twisted to see the way that glorious weapon had been turned to serve Akaros—to serve the dark.

“You might as well go back to Hell now, tutor.” I glanced at Michael as he stepped up beside me, letting his golden wing brush against my black one. “It’s over.”

Akaros laughed. “Oh, it’s not over, infant. Not quite.” Akaros lunged forward, his eyes and body facing Miri, his arm pulled back as if to launch the spear. I threw myself into its path—

not caring if it ended my life.

Not caring that neither Heaven nor Hell would have me.

But in the final seconds, as the spear crossed Akaros’ shoulder and should have been loosed in a deadly trajectory toward my heart, Akaros spun on his heel and sent the staff a different direction.

Not toward Miri at all.

Not toward me.

Even before the spear hit its mark, Akaros’ face twisted in cruel triumph. Beyond Akaros, Michael’s face burst into an expression of stunned sorrow, screaming his pain and loss even while his voice was utterly quiet.

I rushed to him, and he crumpled to his knees, the spear buried deep in his chest. With Herculean effort he struggled to pull the lance from his body.

He said nothing.

And I had no words.

Only our eyes, locked on each other, refusing to look at anything else, spoke where our voices could not.

The spear slipped beneath my grasp, slick with the blood of my beloved. My tears fell with the rain, drenching Michael, but the flood of emotion continued to rise until my whole body hummed with the pressure. With a final heave, the spear was free and Michael slumped forward, his hands clutched to the hole in his chest. Rain-water streamed from his hair, his face, and obscured the tears falling from his eyes.

Frigid fire burned through my body, razing over my limbs, my mind, my heart, my wings, and I screamed with fury as I turned on Akaros. I held the staff in my hand, bearing the eternal ice and pain as its power seeped under my skin. I lunged forward—I have the staff!

And I had Knowledge.

Everything of who I was, who I had been and who I was destined to be.

I am Desolation.

The bearer of light and dark. The weight at the balance of time—my judgment will decide. And whatever I choose will determine my own destiny—light or dark.

Akaros had the sad misfortune of not understanding what this Knowledge brought me.

“Desi,” Michael whispered behind me, his voice stronger than it had reason to be. I did not spare a glance for him. Instead, I closed my eyes and trusted.

Trusted that he knew I loved him.

Trusted that he understood my choice.

Trusted that I could be myself—not Father’s choice for me. Not Odin’s choice for me. But mine.

When I lunged at Akaros I saw the reflection of my one golden wing in his cold black eyes and I gloried in the beauty of it. Whipping the staff around above my head I brought it down toward Akaros’ neck with a ferocious cry.

He caught the tip of it in his clawed fingers and the dance began.

I’d been fighting Akaros an eternity. In Asgard. In Hell. Earth should be no different.

And yet, it was.

For I had never fought for the one I loved. I had never fought without apology for who I was.

The rain-slick staff flew from my hands to his and back again. Forward, back.

We were more evenly matched than Akaros ever knew. Than I ever knew. I could beat him. I would win.

I hit Akaros in the head with the butt of the staff just as he whipped around and chopped inward against my throat, just below my ear.

And then: no more thought.

Only movement.

Only purpose.

I ignored the pouring rain, the brilliant cracks of lightning and thunderous booms and separated my mind from the battle. And Michael was there, in my mind. I imagined I felt his breath on my cheek, heard his words in my ear. I love you. Always. And I will remember you.

That sounded too much like a goodbye, and I had no intention of saying goodbye when I’d only just found him. When I’d only just Remembered.

“Desi!” I looked back. Saw what Michael saw—a giant hole opening in the ground at his feet, dividing the earth between us.

I stumbled back, directly into Akaros’ arms.

His hands clasped around my neck, squeezing the air, the life, out of me.

Frigid wind washed over me as my father—Lucifer—emerged from the earth. He came as a god—glorious and deadly.

You are not worthy of him, Akaros’ words slithered into my mind, pushing out any sense of Michael. Father stood taller than any of us, his ram’s horns curling away from his skull and shining like pitch in Michael’s light. He tipped his head back, closing his ruby-red eyes and revealing needle-sharp teeth. Lightning fell all around us, searing the air with the smell of ozone.

Akaros tightened his grip on my throat, on my mind.

Look at him. He is a god, and you are nothing but a half-breed creature worth less than the skin you occupy.

My fingers clawed at Akaros’ hands, trying unsuccessfully to peel them away from my throat. Darkness encroached my vision, bringing silence and emptiness.

Perhaps it’s better this way. Perhaps I should just let go. The thought was my own, and I welcomed it.

Yes, let go. Rid the worlds of the abomination of your birth. Akaros’ words, cruel and bold, made sense to my weakening mind.

I dropped my hands and let my body relax. I would let go. It would be over.

At least for me.

Desi. Michael’s voice, slipping into my mind, between Akaros’ continuing diatribe of my unworthiness, curled around my soul like an embrace. Use your light, my love. Embrace the secret you’ve kept for so long.

The spark.

I hadn’t realized until that moment that I still hid it from Akaros, still protected my secret from his prying presence.

Could I do it now? Was it too late for me?

It’s never too late to choose, my love.

It wasn’t too late.

With a roar, I blasted the walls I’d built around the spark in my soul. I screamed the release of the heritage I’d gained from my mother. I embraced the golden spark and let it consume me, let it swallow up every piece of the darkness that still clung to me.

With a howl of pain, frustration and shock, Akaros leaped back, clutching his hands to his head.

I swung around, focusing all my anger and fear and heart into pure motion—and kicked Akaros square in the chest. The blow hit him hard enough that he lifted off the ground and flew backward several feet with a loud whoosh.

Miri screamed. For a moment I paused, torn between finishing off Akaros and protecting Miri from whatever danger threatened her. The chasm yawned between us, earth crumbling into the bottomless pit that threatened to engulf us. Michael and Miri were now beyond my reach—without taking to the air.

Michael lurched forward, one hand pressed to his chest. With the other, he pulled Miri to him, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. He curled one wing protectively around her. Oh, how I loved him.

“Desi!” Fear and rage thundered through Michael’s voice and I turned.

And there was Akaros, bristling with rage. He whirled, using his wing as a weapon.

I ducked, but his wing glanced against my face, its razor edge slicing through my cheek and upward into my brow.

He spun away as I pursued him.

I had never felt such fury, such fierce anger course through me. I became like another creature, spinning and whirling, as I slashed, cut, jabbed, kicked with my arms, legs, wings.

I pursued Akaros with a desperate need to punish. To eradicate.

Akaros began to weaken. I could sense the self-doubt in his mind. Feel his weakness. His fear.

I pressed him with ever more fury, only growing stronger as he weakened. His fear of the spear tip caused him to fight with great care, even while my love for Michael spurred me on to ever-increasing abandon.

The rain flicked from the staff as I swung, creating arcs of water in the air that sketched the angles of my attack, drawing the outline of Akaros’ destruction. I brought the spear down with every ounce of my strength, slashing, crushing bone and flaying body.

Finally Akaros knelt at my feet. Bloody and broken, his black blood flowed in great rivulets, making pools of ink on the rain-soaked ground. I touched his forehead with the staff, pushing him onto his back with a touch as light as a child’s.

Akaros lay at my feet, one Doc-booted foot pressed to his bicep. I saw the scene as if from outside my own body. I felt nothing. No sorrow. No regret.

Only necessity.

Only now.

His mouth opened wide in a disbelieving cry, his razor-sharp teeth gleaming in my light. But he made no sound.

In a shower of sparks, both light and dark, I killed Akaros.